Page 14

“ W ait, is that Mav riding?” Bellamy asks, using her hand as a shade from the bright sun to look off into the distance from where we sit in the top of the barn loft.

My stomach drops when my eyes trail to where she’s looking.

I know exactly where he’s coming from.

“Looks like it.” I nod.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen him out of the arena with Roman,” she says, surprise in her tone.

“Yeah, he only does that on occasion these days.”

She looks at her phone, then back up at me. “We have a little time before we need to head to Gigi’s. Should we join him?”

I shake my head. “Nah, Bobcat. He doesn’t want company right now.”

Bellamy traces her eyes along my features and places her hand over where mine rests on her thigh. “What is it, Cash?”

My gaze shifts down, watching her legs gently swing where we sit with our feet out of the open loft doors.

Maybe if I would’ve gotten there a little sooner, my whole family wouldn’t be hurting this way.

Finally, I pick my head up, looking out in the field again as Mav turns toward Gigi and Papaw’s, likely to hang with Pa and clear his mind. That’s his go-to person.

I let out an exhale. “The only place he really rides anymore is to the crash site.”

Her eyes widen, breath catching. “Oh no,” she whispers, concern for my twin obvious in her pinched brow.

“In his own way, that’s what provides him comfort. He says he can feel her there.” A chill runs over my body at the thought. “For me… I want to go and see if I feel that too, but my mind stops me every time.”

Bellamy shifts her body to face me. “Everyone deals with grief differently. Only you know what is best for you.”

But I want to feel close to Jules, like the first time I felt her presence in the barn when she forced my hand with Bellamy riding Mia. I need that again.

She squeezes my fingers, now intertwined with hers. “You’ve been my security blanket so many times this summer… If you ever decide you'd like to go and want some company, I would love to go with you.” Smiling softly, she nudges me. “I’d even be quiet for a little while.”

I smirk, shaking my cowboy hat-clad head. “Nah, I like the sound of your voice these days.”

“Oh, so you admit you didn’t when we first met?”

My stomach dips as I think back to the first time I heard her speak. “I think it was more like I was scared of your voice and the way it made me feel.”

A light flush spreads across her freckled cheeks.

“What’d you think of me that first day?” I raise my eyebrow.

“Hmmm…” She stands up, looking at the stacks of hay below the window. “I mean, grumpy was prob the first adjective,” Bellamy says from over her shoulder, still looking down. “But I also thought, damn, at least mom moved me to another state with a set of hot twins and horses on the property.”

Shaking her ass, she looks back at me, a playful glint in her eyes.

I huff a laugh at her sass. “So you think my brother is hot? Also, can you come away from the ledge standing like that.”

This time, she looks at me incredulously, but doesn’t move an inch.

“Well, duh, you two are twins.”

I growl. She has a point, but I don’t have to like the words coming off her lips.

But before I can even respond, she’s jumping down into the pile of hay.

“Bellamy, what the fuck?” I yell, leaning out the window, where I find her in a fit of laughter.

“You should see your face,” she says through more giggles.

“I mean, ya could have warned me,” I reprimand, trying not laugh at how tickled with herself she is.

“Come on, the hay’s nice.”

Clever.

I shake my head. We used to do this when we were kids, but I haven’t done it in years.

“Come on, Stud. It’s barely one flight of stairs.”

I continue to shake my head, but slowly, a smile takes over my face. And like a fool, I take the jump. Anything to make her this happy.

Thud.

“Yay. See, wasn’t that fun?” she asks, smacking me on the thigh from where she stands above me now.

“I’m pretty sure my ass went straight through the haystacks to the ground,” I grumble as I stand up beside her, rubbing my backside.

She rolls those pretty green eyes at me. “And you say I’m the dramatic one.”

“Okay, wild child, let’s go get my type of adrenaline rush,” I say, grabbing her pinky in mine and pulling her toward the barn.

Bellamy is still giggling as we walk into the barn, but her demeanor changes when we get in front of Mia. “Maybe I should ride June today.”

My brow furrows, wondering where that’s coming from. She’s been riding Mia outside of the arena for weeks now.

Mia whinnies, and Bellamy rubs her favorite spot behind her right ear. “Just thinking of Mav. Seems like he may have already had a triggering day if he went to the site.”

She may be full of spunk, but I don’t think there’s a person on this earth with a more thoughtful heart.

I nod. “Maybe you’re right, but I have a better idea than June.”

Again, I take her hand in mine, dragging her along. “Ride with me.”

She tenses slightly. “What will everyone think about that?”

“I don’t really care what everyone thinks,” I snap, but I know Bellamy doesn’t feel the same, so I quickly come up with a solution.

“Behind their house, there’s a small horse stable where they used to keep a couple of horses when my dad was a kid.

If we ride the trail back there, no one will ever know. ”

Bellamy bites her lip, thinking on it for a second, but thankfully, the worry is quickly replaced with a smile. “Okay.”

I can officially admit that when it comes to Bellamy Clark, I’ll do whatever it takes to have her body close. And while she’s perfectly capable of riding any horse at Cane Creek Ranch, I’ll have her straddling mine with her warmth wrapped around me.

Once we’re settled, she places a gentle kiss on my back, and it’s moments like this that scare the shit out of me. Not because of everything it makes me feel, but from the fear of losing her.

Last week, when her mom came to her door, I was happy in that moment for Bellamy, and my dad too, but I was also terrified of her shutting me out. Even though she was quiet that night after Andrea left, everything went back to exactly how it was before the following day.

Bellamy’s voice interrupts my thoughts of her. “I think after our talk last night, I’ve decided what I want to major in.”

“Oh, really?” I ask, recalling how we stayed up late talking about Mountain Ridge University and the different programs they have to offer. The thought of her going there with me next year has excitement zipping through me all over again.

“Yeah, I’m thinking psychology of some sort. I’m interested in digging deeper into my own childhood trauma and helping others do the same as well.”

“I think that’s perfect, Bella. You have the heart for people, and you’ll be able to understand some of what they’re going through on a personal level.”

I can feel her mouth curve into a smile against my back, and even without being able to see her, my chest squeezes.

“Thank you. I think so too.”

“I don’t mean to bring this back up, but while we are on the topic…” Bellamy says, voice suddenly quiet and unsure.

Pushing the unease away, I say, “It’s okay, Bella, tell me.”

“When I went into town yesterday, before I came over to your hockey practice, I bought you and Mav something. I recently read an article about writing memories of loved ones as they come to you in a journal.” She pauses briefly, and my heart beats a little faster.

“I know you both have your own ways of dealing with your grief, but I think it would be really neat for y’all to have your own books to write things that come to mind about Jules.

That way, you can revisit them any time you want to and even share them with your own families one day. ”

My throat clogs at the thoughtful gesture, as well as the thought of my kids never meeting my sister.

Minutes go by, and my silence must worry her because she lifts her head from my back and says softly, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have overstepped. I can just use the journals for school.”

Reaching back, I squeeze her thigh. “No…no. I want to. Thank you.”

We ride for a few more minutes, my mind running wild with memories of Jules as I gently rub Bellamy’s thigh, not wanting her to worry that her suggestion upset me.

As we get Dom settled into the old barn, I pull Bellamy into a hug, kissing the top of her head.

I’d give anything to walk into my grandparents’ house, hand in hand, and introduce her as my girl, but I know we can’t, and she’s not ready for that either.

I just hope she will be one day.

Gigi sets the last dish of food in the center of the table.

“Oh, I meant to tell y’all, Graham is all moved in at Mountain Ridge.

I took him and his roommate some food on Sunday, and this Wednesday, he has an earlier practice, so when he finishes, he'll come out here to see everyone. I’ll cook dinner if you all can come. ”

Maverick sips his sweet tea and nods. “Yep, he texted me and Cash earlier. He’s going to get us and Bellamy some tickets for their first home game, too.”

“Aw, that’s perfect. Bellamy, have you ever been to that campus? It's beautiful.”

“No, ma’am, but I’m interested in touring it.”

Mav and I were telling her all about it, including our cousin, Graham, who’ll be their newest tight end for this upcoming football season.

“The boys toured it their junior year with the hockey coach, but your mom and I could take you, Bellamy,” my dad beams at her, and the way he and Andrea seem even more touchy-feely has anxiety tugging in my stomach, reminding me of Bellamy’s face after her conversation with her mom. The one that had me hiding in a closet.

“I’d love that.” Bellamy smiles at him, and I fight my own, knowing we already have a plan in place to be there together next year. My nervousness from seconds ago eases as I remind myself there will be no parents or anything else keeping us from being with each other at college.

“You thinking of joining us for college, Amy?” Maverick asks her.