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I don’t miss the way she looks at me out of the corner of her eye before responding, “Yeah, Rick, I just might.”

“Hell yeah,” Maverick exclaims.

“Maverick, just for that, you’re saying grace today,” Gigi playfully reprimands.

“Sorry, G.” He winces, then sends her a sweet smile she can’t be mad at. “Okay, everybody, bow your heads before Gigi whoops me with a switch for old-time’s sake.”

I shake my head at my brother’s antics, but I’m glad he seems to be in good spirits after visiting the wreck site.

“Dear Lord, bless this food, bless the hockey puck. And bless my Gigi for cooking a mean meal and teaching our girl Bellamy some of those skills, too. Amen.”

“Thank you, Mav,” Gigi says proudly to Maverick before winking at Bellamy.

Andrea turns toward her daughter. “We heard all about your cooking, sweetheart. Maybe you can teach me a thing or two, and we can cook for everyone at our house one night.”

Bellamy smiles at her mom, but it's tense. “Sure, that would be nice.”

My dad’s smile is the complete opposite as he leans over, kissing Andrea on the head gently.

I want my dad to be happy, but can’t I be too?

I know I’m young, but the connection I have with Bellamy is so much deeper than I’ve ever felt before.

Part of me feels like they came to this ranch for a reason, not just for my dad and Andrea, but for me and Bellamy, too.

Would us being together be so bad? Would my dad really care if he knew how I felt about her?

Bellamy and I purposefully hung around Gigi and Papaw’s longer than everyone else so no one would see us walking out back to the horse barn.

Getting Dom some fresh water in one of my Papaw’s buckets, I quietly say, “I’ve been thinking about what you offered earlier, about going with me up to the site.”

I turn around and find Bellamy smiling gently as she waits for me to continue.

“How’s right now?”

Surprise crosses her face. “Really?”

I nod, continuing to convince myself as well. “Yes, I’m worried if I don’t do it now while I’ve semi mustered up the courage with you by my side, I won’t do it at all.”

“I’d love to.”

We ride in silence toward the other side of the ranch.

Several minutes in, I gently pinch her outer leg where my hand rests. “You don’t actually have to be quiet. It’s making me nervous. Tell me what you’re thinking about.”

She laughs lightly. “My mind’s been all over the place, but just now, I was wondering if there’s a lake nearby with a cliff we can jump off into the water.”

I scoff. “What the hell is up with you and your sudden need to jump off things, Bobcat?”

This time, she laughs so hard I feel her body shake against mine.

“Oh my gosh, the hay was barely a jump! One day, I want to go skydiving. Would you do that with me?”

I think about that for a minute. “Yes, only because I wouldn’t want you to do it by yourself. Doesn’t another guy have to hold you?”

I can almost hear her eyes roll, or maybe I just know her well enough to know that’s her favorite expression. “Maybe it’ll be a female tandem instructor.”

A contemplative hum leaves my throat. “Where would you want to go skydiving?”

“Key West,” Bellamy answers without hesitation.

“Well, for now, I can take you down to the rock quarry and we can jump off the big rock there.”

“I’d love that,” she responds, with a little dance in her seat.

“Are you still planning to come watch us practice tomorrow?”

“Yep, you know I love watching you warm up, then get all growly and sweaty. I’m a hockey fanatic now.”

I chuckle. “I’ll talk to Mav, and we can all go to the quarry afterwards. It's not far from the rink.”

My pace slows as we approach the beginning of the trail, and nervous energy passes over me, but immediately, I feel Bellamy’s hand rubbing my back.

“Now I understand why this trail upset you that first day we rode,” she whispers tentatively.

I nod, clearing my throat. “It’s not an easy trail to ride on, but more than that, it holds the memory of the worst day of my life.”

“We don’t have to do this, Cash,” Bellamy reassures, but I tap my heels into Dom, and he continues onto the trail.

I close my eyes briefly and take a deep breath. “With you here, I can do this. Even if this is the only time I ever do it, I need to face it at least this once.”

“Okay.”

Ten minutes later, Dom is standing in front of the big oak tree Jules was slung into when she flew off the 4-wheeler. A huge wooden cross with a horseshoe and her initials is dug into the ground in front of it.

Bellamy immediately goes to it and kneels, placing her hand on Jules’s initials.

“Papaw and Mav made that.”

“It’s beautiful,” she says, looking up at me with those green eyes. Ones I swear can see into my soul.

A sickening feeling turns in my stomach as the memory of that day floods me, and I drop to the ground beside Bellamy, who immediately pulls me into her arms. Without caring who I need to be strong for, or who I don’t want to see me cry, I let go. For maybe the first time since the accident.

Letting myself feel everything, the pain, the sadness, the longing, even the peace that having Bellamy with me brings.

“I would give anything to have been able to save her that day,” I sob, trying to take in a calming breath.

“I know it, and I’m sure she knew that too.” Her hand rubs gentle circles over my back, holding me tight.

“Why her?” I ask out loud, wanting to scream it, but I know I won’t get an answer. I’ve asked it so many times over the past year and a half.

Bellamy doesn’t say anything, just holds me until I pull back, taking slow and steady breaths with me.

After a while of letting me sit in my feelings, Bellamy asks, “Tell me, what’s the first memory you want to write in your journal?”

I think way back as far as I can go, and a smile takes over when I recall one of my first memories of my baby sister.

“When Jules was starting kindergarten and we were in first grade, I’ll never forget Mav and I walking her to class that first morning.

I think we were more nervous than her. She was so proud to tell her teachers and friends that we were her brothers.

Bubs and Mavs. That’s what she always called us.

I even remember being in the same hall as her, and every bathroom break I took for the first week was really me walking down to her classroom to check in on her, but of course, like always, she was thriving. ”

Tears shine in Bellamy’s eyes. “I love that. I always thought it was sweet hearing Mav call you that. You can hear a different sentiment in his voice with that nickname, and now I understand why.”

I nod. My twin may come off as the funny one, but he has a big, tender heart. I’m not sure how I would’ve gotten through the past year and a half without him.

She takes my hand in hers, interlocking our fingers. “Do you think this is a spot where you feel her spirit?”

I shake my head. “No, but I’m glad I came here today, with you. I needed to face this in order to begin healing.”

“And maybe her spirit knows this is too difficult of a spot for you. You’ll probably feel her in other happier places.”

“I felt her in the barn, the first day I offered for you to ride Mia,” I confess, getting choked up again.

“Really?” she breathes out, tears slipping down her cheeks.

Wiping her tears away with my thumb, I chuckle. “Yeah, she all but forced my hand for you to ride Mia.”

“That means so much to me.” She places a gentle kiss to the corner of my mouth, smiling. “Thanks for listening.”

“Thank you, Bella.”

“For what?” Her eyes squint in question as she searches mine.

“For today… Really for every day since I’ve met you,” I whisper, wrapping her up in my arms like she’s meant to be there.

Thank you for bringing me back to life this summer.