Page 27 of Ties of Starlight (Tethered Hearts #2)

O nce he’d caught his breath, Nyrunn let go of Idonea and stepped back, still holding her arms. Idonea reached forward and brushed her fingers over the lines on his arm and with her other hand, she touched the lily crown, and his breath caught in his throat as the bond flared.

Nyrunn’s magic responded instinctively and he could feel it grow stronger like it had during the Heava Dance.

Nyrunn blinked. “Is that it?”

Idonea looked up. “It’ll increase as we go down, like Agnarr and Gytha’s did.”

Nyrunn looked over his shoulder. “In the interest of both of our safety, what’s the best way to do this?”

She pulled back and said, “In the past, it’s usually just been slinging me over his shoulder.”

“That sounds like a horrible idea. Do you think you can hold onto me while I climb?”

Idonea stared at him before blinking and nodding. “Yes. I can… I’ve never been given an option before.”

Oh, when Nyrunn got his hands on that cad …

“Well, you are today. Hop on,” Nyrunn said, turning and kneeling on the ground so she could climb onto his back. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her legs up to his waist where she wrapped them around tightly, securing herself. He stood back up and looked up at her from the corner of his eye. “Are you ready?”

“This ritual is my least favorite,” Idonea muttered. “I know Agnarr and Gytha’s magic requires us to, but that doesn’t make it any less ridiculous we have to follow in their literal footsteps.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. But between us, it’s my least favorite too.”

With that, Nyrunn brought them up to the edge and began the perilous descent back down. Thankfully the climb up had been straightforward with a clear path of handholds and footholds, so now the trick was navigating that path backwards with the added weight of a full-grown person.

Idonea clung tightly to him, but even though her life was entirely in his hands, he could feel her steady heartbeat and a strange serenity from her side of the bond. He was the one entirely anxious about the whole thing.

He was constantly looking down at the ground and crowd below, trying to find his handholds and footholds. But despite his gripping, he could tell it was working. The magic swelled with each foot he climbed.

He was halfway down, panting once more and he muttered, “Why didn’t Agnarr just walk down with Gytha?”

“It would have been too easy,” Idonea replied, and he had to pause to laugh, clutching the rock wall.

Was she not terrified he’d slip and kill them both? Or did she not care if he did?

No. He wouldn’t go down that road again. She’d made herself clear after she’d been stabbed that hadn’t been her desire. She wanted to finish the rituals for their people just as much, if not more, than he did.

Could it really be she trusted him that much?

Maybe it was time he trusted her back.

“The last time I climbed anything like this was when I was a captain.” Nyrunn found another grip, testing their weight before committing to it. “Since my father passed and I became king, my days have been full of meetings and reports and signing documents and orders. Actually, come to think of it, this might be the first time I’ve left Novum since my father’s death.”

“Do you miss it? Being a captain?”

“Sometimes, absolutely, other times not so much. Things… Things were very different when my father was alive.”

“Do you miss him?”

“Honestly?” Nyrunn whispered, pausing to look over his shoulder. “Probably not as much as I should.”

Idonea’s grip shifted. “He had quite a reputation already in my last life, even more so in this one. Was it… true?”

Nyrunn kept climbing down, heart pounding louder. He never spoke about his family with anyone, especially not his father.

“Parts of it, yes. It was… Complex is an understatement. It’s hard to know for certain, but in some ways, I believe he was worse about his expectations while also still being lenient with me because I was his only heir. He didn’t have a choice. However, he had other leverage.”

Nyrunn bit his tongue, holding back that one of his greatest fears had been his father discovering his affection for Idonea and using her against him, or worse, eliminating her entirely. She wasn’t ready to hear it, and he wasn’t doing this just to earn points with her.

“I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate that. It wasn’t always so bad. Sometimes he’d be proud of me. Although, I don’t know if that was better or worse because his approval always made it messier than if he was consistent in never being pleased with me. Some days I’m not really even sure I know what I’m doing. For all his personal flaws, at least he knew how to run a kingdom. Two years and I still don’t feel like I know if any of my choices are right.”

Idonea brushed her palm over his heart. “If the only thing I can offer you is this, hear me now. I’ve seen many kings. I’ve woken up to the consequences of many of your ancestors’ choices. Of all the kings I’ve seen, you are the one I have the most faith in. Being here right now proves that.”

Nyrunn’s throat tightened, and he fell silent, unable to speak without choking up. Considering they were still climbing down a cliff face, he couldn’t risk a single tear slipping and putting their lives in danger.

It was as grueling a climb down as it had been up, and he had a few heart-dropping moments when his foot or hand didn’t quite get a good enough grip, but Idonea never panicked. If anything, her calm, steady demeanor as a woman who had done this several times before kept him steady as well. He would not drop her. She had faith he wouldn’t, and that was enough.

When his feet touched solid ground, the crowd began applauding and cheering behind them. Idonea slid off his back, but he wasn’t ready to let go just yet. He whipped around and grabbed her, lifting her up and spinning her around with a relieved, almost hysterical laugh.

He didn’t know if it was pure relief or the magic in the bond making him this giddy, but it didn’t matter .

She let out a shocked squeal, reaching up to grab the crown of lilies and hold it in place as he did so. The crowd watching cheered even louder, but he could see his court’s faces shifting into more shocked expressions at such a display. He didn’t care what they thought. He’d made it through the Rescue, which meant there was only one ritual left.

He released Idonea as Frode, Asa, and the guards finished the hike back down, Asa heading straight for Idonea.

Nyrunn was ready to pull Idonea away and bask in the glow of their achievement, but that was when the Constella caught Nyrunn's gaze and gestured for him to follow him.

Nyrunn did so, leaving Idonea with Asa and Frode. He ducked to the edge of the camp with the Constella. The elf said, “During the Rescue, I heard back from my acolytes.”

Nyrunn’s heart seized in his chest. When the Constella didn’t immediately continue, he snapped, “And?”

The Constella pulled out a letter and glanced down at it. “There were rumors of Ottar’s infidelity even before they reached the Constellation Pool. The witch queen had become close with Idunn, and by all accounts she was the one who convinced Idunn to stay and ensured the two still finished the ceremony. A year later, the witch queen returned for a visit and Ottar was discovered, poisoned in another woman's bed. Idunn passed an exact year later, allegedly from grief.”

Well, that explained a few things.

If anyone could be responsible for this magic, it would be a powerful human witch.

Maybe Idonea had some memories of that life that would be useful and she just didn’t know it.

“Thank you, Constella.”

“Anytime, Your Majesty. ”

Nyrunn found Idonea by the fire, rolling her eyes with Lady Asa as Frode was deep in some tangent that Nyrunn didn't care to listen to long enough to decipher. Instead, he made sure to grab their dinner rations as an excuse, carrying the bowls with one hand and wrapping the other hand around her arm and tugging. She slid her hand into his and followed him, both slipping away toward the other end of camp. There were quite a few boulders, and he took a seat on one, pulling her up after him.

“You know, I don't have rock-related trauma to solve,” Idonea said as she pulled her legs up, leaning on her hand as they sat on the large boulder.

“Did you think this was for you?” Nyrunn asked, handing her one of the bowls. “I’m trying to conquer my freshly inflicted rock trauma.”

Idonea laughed and if he could bottle the sound to listen to it again and again, he would in a heartbeat.

“Asa always insists you were charming, or at least you used to be. I’m starting to see what she meant.”

Nyrunn pushed back the dumb grin that threatened to overtake his face. He was about to ruin this, but he couldn’t stop himself from replying, “Really? What else are you starting to see?”

But instead of rolling her eyes and taking his ego down a peg, she stared at him, not touching her food. “You. I think, since this all started, I’ve finally started seeing you.”

He set his bowl to the side. “Instead of my uncle, you mean?”

Idonea nodded, took a long breath and said, “Yes. I don’t… I don’t really know what you know. You haven’t asked, and I haven’t told you much about my previous lives. I suppose I didn't think it mattered much. My memories, they're scattered. Some things I don't remember and only know because they're recorded in the historical record. ”

Nyrunn had to force himself to breathe. She was telling him of her own accord?

He spoke slowly, “What do you remember?”

“The more recent the life, the more I remember.” She brushed her hand over her birthmark. “For better or for worse.”

He nodded at it. “What do you mean?”

“My most recent life is not separate from yours. Not truly. Your uncle. Your father...” Her hand fell. “Are you sure you want to know?”

“I am aware that it was my uncle’s hand that killed you in your last life. As I said before, my relationship with my father was complex, but rest assured I have no affection for my father that you telling the truth could damage. My uncle... he was not any better, not really.”

Idonea reached up and touched her birthmark, fingers lingering on the discolored skin. “This isn't a birthmark. Not a normal one, anyway. I call them deathmarks. They're from my last death.” Her fingers traced the outline. “This one being from where your uncle stabbed me. Like a scar.”

He nodded. “I briefly saw your journal where you wrote your memory of the event, which isn't the same as what my uncle recorded.”

She nodded. “Yes, I don't really understand why he did it in the first place, so I understand why he didn't record it. Everything after he stabbed me, I mean. I understand why he stabbed me, obviously. I’d killed two people and who knows what else I would have done in that state? It was everything else that makes no sense really, why he held me and said all those things.”

Her first life could wait. This was just as, if not more, important.

“Start from the beginning, as much as you remember, anyway. ”

Idonea nodded, keeping her gaze lowered to her lap and her fingers playing with the edge of her layered Venefician skirt.

“I didn't work in the library last life, but I did work in the castle. I always do; some things are pretty consistent life-to-life. Like, I lose my parents early. I was a maid, and I usually cleaned the royal wing or important courtiers’ rooms. It wasn't long before I started running into your uncle. Usually, he'd be coming back as I was finishing up his room, and he always had something to say. I never dusted quite right, and how could I when I was half the height an elf should be? Or there was a spot on the floor I'd missed, thanks to my inferior human blood marring my eyesight, and he'd insist I re-scrub the whole floor again before I could go, and he'd be watching to make sure I didn't slack off. Or if there was even the slightest thing wrong with my clothes, he'd say it was because of my savage, uncivilized human nature.”

Nyrunn's stomach started turning.

He knew where this story was going. It had been Idonea. Of course it had been her. How had he not put it together?

No wonder she’d hated Nyrunn from the moment she’d laid eyes on him.

But he didn’t dare interrupt her. She continued, “He never let an opportunity go by without making it clear how much I disgusted him with my very existence. He would tell me I was beautiful with a sneer on his face, mocking me. He called me a mongrel when my ears would show, just to make his friends laugh. Another time, he came crashing into his room while I was cleaning up and I dropped a vase of Star Lilies and it made such a mess, I had to spend another half hour of my shift cleaning it up while he just sat there and watched. After that he would call me ‘lily,’ to remind me of it.”

Nyrunn bit his tongue so hard he tasted blood. He was going to be sick.

“I think the only reason he tolerated me even touching his room despite my inferiority was so he could torment me and remind me of my place. He got some twisted satisfaction out of it. He hated me.”

Wait… Did Idonea not know? He only caught a glimpse of her memory of her death, but what he saw, if it was accurate, how could she not know how wrong she was?

Idonea pulled her knees up to her chin, her voice heavy. “And it got worse when I was selected to be part of the Cometa Couple. He was even crueler. More demanding. I had blisters that wouldn't go away from how he made me redo tasks again and again. It got a little better eventually. One night, he kept me there, scrubbing his floor until dawn. Since I'd been there all night, there were rumors , which were ridiculous, but that things were of an inappropriate nature. That I was… faithless to Olaug, Olvir in that lifetime. King Hrorr apparently chewed Bror out about it, not for my sake, but because any royal deigning to lower themselves even to a dalliance with a half-elf was abhorrent, not to mention how it could compromise the Cometa Couple which they both needed to go right if they wanted to go avenge their parents by attacking the Moon Elves. Thankfully the rumors went away and Olvir believed me when I told him the truth that nothing untoward had happened. It helped that everyone in the castle knew how much Bror was repulsed by my human blood that the idea was quickly laughed away and my reputation was saved and I was able to continue as Gytha's chosen.”

Nyrunn pushed down the storm that was starting to rise in him. This part he had not known. That his uncle had… The turmoil from Idonea’s side of the bond just recounting the story was already devastating. If he let his emotions run away with him, it would only put her in a worse state and do them no good when the object of his fury was dead.

Idonea rested her chin on her knees as she wrapped her arms around her legs. “He left me alone for the most part after that, with a few snide insults or ridiculous demands here or there, but he mostly just restrained himself to glaring at me. Then I married Olvir and he was on the journey. I think he was mostly furious about the fact my status was being elevated and he wouldn't be able to torment me as a maid any longer after this. He didn't say a word to me until that night of the Heava Dance. And well, you know what happened next. I don't remember it fully, but I do remember Bror finding me, and then he said all those things… I mean, maybe he didn't. Maybe I lost my mind and imagined it because it doesn't make any sense.”

It did make sense, a twisted and horrific type of sense.

She was still in denial? Was that how she was protecting herself?

Did he let her stay that way?

Nyrunn took a deep breath. “No, I don't believe you imagined it. My uncle, before he died, he told me a story… about a maid. He didn't get into the details. He didn’t tell me about how he tried to ruin your reputation to stop you from marrying someone else… but it was you. He... He wasn't a good man.”

Nyrunn really didn't want to say any more than that. He had to, he knew that, but how could he get the words out?

Everything made so much more sense now, but he wished it didn’t. He’d rather it all be a mystery than for the answers to be this.

“I don’t understand. ”

“Idonea… I… I think you do.” At her blank stare, he was forced to continue, “He didn’t want you to be part of the Cometa Couple because he wanted you.”

The words were ash on his tongue. He didn’t dare call it love. What Idonea had described was nothing of the sort, at least nothing deserving of that title. He had to fight the urge to throw up at the painful, striking similarities that Idonea didn’t even know.

Idonea's eyes widened. “But... he hated me.”

“Probably because of how little that mattered.”

“No. You just… You’re wrong. You have to be. That makes even less sense. It’s not—That’s not possible.” She shook her head, voice picking up speed with each word. “He made sure I knew just how hideous and repulsive my human blood made me.”

Nyrunn closed his eyes for a moment, gathering up the strength to press on. He said, “Because he was cruel, and he would have preferred to actually believe that, so he settled for making you believe so no one would suspect he didn't think otherwise.”

Idonea let out a sharp laugh, and the bond spiked with her pain and disbelief. “I can't imagine how that's possible. It's insane. Most elves could never find me appealing in any physical fashion, much less a member of the royal family.”

Nyrunn shifted closer on the boulder, voice low. “That's not true.”

Idonea reached up at her eyes, which were starting to well up with water. “Please, I know what I am. You don't have to lie to me.”

“I'm not lying. I've never been lying, and I was never mocking you.”

The words came out in a rush, and Nyrunn had no chance of stopping them.

“What? ”

It was too late to take it back. Nyrunn took a deep breath and pushed back the swirling storm of emotions trying to rise up again. He was only going to get one shot at explaining this without scaring her away.

He reached out, but paused when his hand hovered over hers. She shifted a little closer, her hand brushing his. He took it, holding her hand gently as he leaned in and held her gaze.

“I'm not my demented uncle. When I thought you were beautiful, I told you. I never imagined you would take what I meant as a compliment as an insult. I would never be intentionally cruel, especially to you.”

He was getting too close, but he couldn’t stop himself. Was she ready to hear it? When would he finally be able to say it without fear it would drive her away?

“I… I didn’t realize…” Idonea looked down. “Part of the problem of living so many different times is thinking I have everything figured out from the start. When we first met, I thought you were just like him.”

I would not have rested until I owned you.

That’s what she wrote Bror had said to her.

Was Nyrunn as different from Bror as he wanted to believe?

He just hadn’t acted on his jealousy. Did that really make him that much better? If Olaug had not run away, would that have remained true? Would he have been able to stomach watching in painful silence as she married him? As she danced with him? As she clung to him?

If Idonea knew the depth and length of his feelings for her, would she see it as Nyrunn’s love or just another parallel of Bror’s obsession?

If she realized the real reason he had let her believe he was Olaug until after the ceremony, would she hate him?

“I don't blame you,” Nyrunn whispered .

“It seems like I don't actually know much at all,” Idonea whispered, tears filling her eyes.

Nyrunn could not stop himself from pulling her into his arms. She buried her head into his shoulder and he could not hold her close enough to satisfy his desperate heart.

“In all the lives I've lived, I have never known anyone quite like you.” Idonea took a long breath, but she didn't pull away, her hand just settled, curling into the fabric of his shirt. “Why would you call me beautiful?”

“Because you are. You always have been.”

“You were a prince.”

“So?”

Idonea didn't reply.

His whole heart was crying out for her to look at him. For her to truly see him. To be happy with him. To let him love her the way not even her so-called soulmate ever had.