Page 24 of Ties of Starlight (Tethered Hearts #2)

I donea wasn't used to the journey to the Constellation Pool being more than just monotonous silence. At least on her end. She usually was able to at least listen to Olaug fill the air talking with his friends amongst the guards or the court.

Being spoken to was novel for Idonea.

Someone caring about what she had to say wasn't normal.

But... that didn't mean she wanted it to stop.

If this was her life, meaning Nyrunn didn't change his mind about keeping her as his wife after they finished the ceremony, then she might as well dedicate herself to it. There was no sense putting it off.

Over the next few days of travel, as they tried to make up for lost time, Nyrunn was almost always on one side of her and Frode or Asa on the other. If Asa was still feeling guilt about her silence before, she was more than making up for it now in her efforts to befriend Idonea.

It was bizarre .

Idonea had, in other lives, befriended other women here or there, ones who weren’t as bothered by her human blood as most elves were, but it was rare. After her third life, it started to seem more effort than it was worth. Especially when she’d caught one so-called friend with her hands under Idonea’s husband’s shirt. When Idonea had everything else right, she could concern herself with friendships then. If she even wanted them. If her life was perfect, what use did she have for them?

Idonea, however, couldn’t just say any of that to Lady Asa. The other girl was determined that Idonea helping her in the fight meant they now had to be friends. Or maybe she was just missing Katla now that she’d been kicked out, and Idonea was being brought in to take her place.

So, when Nyrunn wasn’t talking to her about politics and history, Lady Asa was bringing up all manner of subjects. From asking about her time in the library to trying to find out if Idonea had any hobbies, other than history and books, to talking about the court, as if it was her job now to educate Idonea on the complicated inner dynamics of it without overtly letting Idonea know she was being educated.

She suspected Nyrunn might have a hand in it, given how often her conversations with either of them centered on topics that would be extremely relevant the second this was over and Idonea returned as Nyrunn’s queen. All it did was prove Idonea’s point that she wasn’t the best woman for the role and Asa was, but she wasn’t going to have that fight again.

Within a few days, Idonea’s arm was freed from her sling, which meant she no longer had to ask Nyrunn for help with any two-handed tasks. When the healer told her—and him because he accompanied her to see the healer whenever he could—she beamed at him while he stayed silent, arms crossed, almost pouting if it wouldn’t be completely unbecoming of him to do so.

The first day she had her arm back fully, she couldn’t help but stretch it out and use it constantly even as they rode, earning a dramatic eyeroll from Nyrunn and laughs from Frode and Asa who stuck to them like burrs. Idonea wasn’t sure if they did so because in the event of another attack, they knew Idonea and Nyrunn wouldn’t abandon them, or if it was because they knew the guards would prioritize Nyrunn and Idonea’s safety and they’d be caught up with them.

Now that she no longer needed to fear rolling onto her side—that side at least; her other was still sore and taking longer to heal—Nyrunn no longer had to hold her in place all night, though she also doubted that had really been a necessary measure in the first place. But she didn’t send him back to the ground or the chair. He slept beside her, and the next morning she woke up to his arm draped across her waist and his front against her back as she’d rolled onto her side. With the number of times she’d woken up in his arms only increasing, she just accepted her fate.

Who knew just how… cuddly the king was in sleep?

It was… not what Idonea was used to in her past with Olaug.

He’d always claimed she moved too much and was too hot to the touch to be so close for the whole night. She knew he also meant her nightmares would wake him up if he was too close. She managed to endure them quietly and since he wasn’t holding her, he’d never even known she had them. She’d never begrudged him that, always wanting to ensure he got plenty of rest instead of satisfying her desire to be close to him.

Nyrunn, however, always woke when she did from a nightmare. And now that he knew the truth, she could tell him what it actually had been about, and he always held her, whispering that she was safe with him.

Idonea clung to him, the words on the tip of her tongue, but never quite coming out.

But was he safe with her?

Olaug certainly hadn’t been, and he was her soulmate.

In the early mornings, before Nyrunn awoke—or maybe he was awake, just refusing to face the day quite yet—Idonea was struck by the contrast. She couldn’t help it, even though she was certain if Nyrunn knew she was thinking about Olaug he’d get angry with her like he always did when he came up.

She hadn’t read his letter to her again since the night of the Heava Dance, and she was torn on whether she should try to find a moment to pull it out and sneak away to read it again. Maybe she’d missed something the first time.

Where was he? Was he safe? Had the Moon Elves that attacked them come across him first? Would she see him again in this life before the next?

She had no delusions about her current life. However it had come to pass, she was Nyrunn’s wife in this one, and she would be faithful to that even if it wasn’t her choice. She wouldn’t dishonor him in any way. She wouldn’t wish the agony and shame she felt every time she’d come across Olaug’s faithlessness on anyone, especially not someone who had been as patient and good to her as Nyrunn had been.

But she couldn’t deny her heart still ached when he crossed her mind and she was plagued with worry for his life.

“Did you have a nightmare? Or a memory rather? You’re thinking too hard, little lily,” Nyrunn murmured one morning, his sigh brushing her neck as he shifted .

“No. No nightmare.”

“Then what worries keep plaguing you?”

Idonea looked over her shoulder. “All the usual ones.”

Thankfully he didn’t push too hard and she was able to shove aside the guilt before it swelled enough for him to sense it. Every day she debated putting up another wall, but at night, when Nyrunn slid his hand over hers and eased the lingering ache in her side, she decided against it.

Although, a week after the attack, when the healers removed the bandages and said she was in the clear for both wounds, she didn’t know what her excuse was then.

During the day, Idonea tried to focus on Nyrunn, Asa, and Frode, but her thoughts continued to wander to questions she had no way to answer. It did her no good to keep thinking about Olaug, she knew that, but she couldn’t stop. He was written into her bones as she came back time and time again.

Yet, that still hadn’t stopped him from abandoning her.

It hadn’t stopped her from killing him.

That night, they camped by a stream, and Idonea went walking with Lady Asa, hoping to distract herself with her while Nyrunn disappeared, saying he had something to take care of and would find her later. Frode was pulled away by one of the other lords like usual. His job at night had become handling the court’s questions about their route and security and to assuage all the fears that had arisen after the attack so Nyrunn wasn’t pestered with them.

As soon as Frode was gone—with a parting quip to Asa—Asa immediately launched into a tangent about how unprofessional and annoying Frode was. Idonea was certain if Asa had any human blood in her that her cheeks would be flushed pink.

“I mean, honestly, who does he think he is? Really, of all the noble families, his is one of the least consequential. I have cousins who never come to court who ought to have more influence by birth than he does.”

Idonea kept her mouth shut. It was an easy question and assumption to make based on his family name. Frode’s father hadn’t been the important one, but his mother had been. In Idonea’s last life as a maid, his mother’s room in the castle had been part of her responsibilities. She’d been an invaluable aide to King Hrorr, so it wasn’t much of a surprise to Idonea to see Frode had followed in her footsteps even after she had married down. Frode had also gotten her dry, sarcastic wit that had nearly cost her her position several times in Idonea’s past life. If Lady Asa didn’t know that, then it wasn’t common knowledge, which meant Idonea couldn’t know it either.

Asa continued as they made their third loop through the camp, “I never understood how he managed to worm his way into being King Nyrunn's righthand man.”

“He's like a burr. He gets to you without you realizing and by the time you do, it's too much of a hassle to remove, so you leave it.”

Idonea and Asa jumped, turning to see Nyrunn approaching, a bowl in his hand. He nodded at Asa and said, “May I steal my wife, Lady Asa?”

She immediately dropped Idonea's arm and curtsied, flashing Idonea a pointed look and grin before saying, “She is all yours, Your Majesty.”

Idonea glared at Asa as she scurried away as Nyrunn came to a stop in front of her. He reached into the bowl and took out an asterberry, popping it in his mouth before holding it out to her.

She reached in and took one herself, asking, “Is there something you want from me? Are these a bribe?”

He rolled his eyes and gestured with his head for her to follow. “I'm not sure I'd call them a bribe, per se, but encouragement? Basically, as long as I'm carrying them, you'll at least trail after me in the hopes of getting more and you’ll pay less attention to where we're going.”

Idonea looked up at the setting sun. This was certainly not their normal routine. What was he up to?

“Should I be concerned about where we're going?” Idonea asked. However, she did quickly catch up to him, so she wasn't that concerned.

“Of course not. I’ve had this whole area swept through by the guards and cleared. There’s not a Moon Elf for a mile around us,” he said, holding the bowl out to her and she took another berry. “But considering how often you surprise me, I thought a little encouragement would help. Especially if you wanted to be difficult. Which is more often than not.”

Idonea hurriedly swallowed her bite and caught up to him. “I am not difficult!”

“Need I remind you of the Shelf Fall of the Northwest corner from five years ago? All because you insisted you didn't need my or anyone's help reshelving ten books on a ladder that desperately needed to be replaced.” He pointed at her with his free hand and said, “Difficult.”

He remembered that?

Idonea quickly recovered, huffing. “I'm not convinced you didn't have someone swap the ladders. I used that ladder every day and it just so happens to be the day you harass me that it breaks and gives you the satisfaction of being right? Far too suspicious if you ask me.”

Nyrunn raised an eyebrow. “You know you could have broken your neck using that decrepit old thing any day? And still you insist it was all fine.”

“Well, it wasn't that big of a deal. First of all because we were scheduled to get new ladders with our budget in a few months after that anyway. And second of all, my neck has been broken, and I can tell you it takes more than a tumble off a ladder for that.”

He shot her a pointed look. “First of all, not funny, and second, you weren't scheduled to get new ladders. You certainly didn't have the budget for it. I gave the head librarian the money to replace them all after that ladder broke because I didn't want you to break your neck on the others.”

Idonea hadn't realized she'd stopped walking and was just staring at him until he disappeared around a tree at the bend of the stream. She picked up her pace and hurried after him, calling out, “You did?”

He came to a stop by a tree next to the bank of the stream, its large roots rippling out, big enough to sit on. He nodded. “It wasn't easy doing it under my father's nose, but Frode helped me find a few valuable enough pieces around the castle whose disappearances wouldn't be noticed by my father for us to sell to dredge up the funds.”

She came to a stop at the first root, an arm's length of distance between them. “Why?”

She’d been asking that a lot lately, and she still never seemed to understand his answer.

Nyrunn’s gaze was out on the water, and something flickered on the other side of their bond but he was speaking before she could identify it. “The death of a worker because the crown was too tight with the purse strings for things like decent, safe ladders would reflect very poorly on a monarch.”

Did he really think she was that gullible?

“No one would have blamed you. Everyone knows King Hrorr was unyielding and stingy. And no one would have cared if anything happened to me, especially your father.” Idonea tried to catch his gaze. “Half-human, remember? ”

“I would have cared, now come here,” Nyrunn said, breezing past his statement as he took a seat on the root that was tall enough to be above the water on one end, but curved down and dipped below it.

He was just saying that, right? But why lie? If he hadn’t actually been the one to give her boss the money, she could check the truth when they returned to Novum, so it would only cause more problems in the long run.

She followed him, eyeing the water warily. “You know I have a complicated relationship with water.”

Her nightmares about drowning had eased some after the Heava Dance, but they hadn’t truly gone away.

Nyrunn held his hand out. “I'm not pushing you in. Besides, it's part of the ceremony.”

She didn’t take it. “Doesn't mean I enjoy being near it if I don't have to be.”

“That's why we're here.” He gestured for her to come closer. “I know I can't erase everything that's happened to you in your past lives, but I'd like to make this one more bearable. Therefore, let's do what we can so you have fewer nightmares about drowning.”

He passed her the bowl and took his shoes off, rolling his trousers up and dipping his feet in.

She kept her feet out of the water as she sat next to him on the root, popping more berries in her mouth.

“I don't see how sitting next to water will help.”

“Well…” Nyrunn tilted his head, his annoyingly pretty dark purple and blue hair catching the moonlight. “That's not the only reason we're out here.”

Idonea looked up from the bowl she was unabashedly hogging. “What's the other?”

“How about just enjoying the beautiful view?” Nyrunn said, looking right at her .

She narrowed her eyes. “You are up to something. And I'm going to figure it out.”

He laughed. “Can't you just enjoy the moment?”

“No.”

He scoffed as he looked back out at the water. “I suppose you have already seen all of this a thousand times before.”

She shook her head, looking around, this time actually taking note of the night sky above them and the stars reflecting in the water. She looked at the Star Lilies on the banks, little stars glowing on their petals. “I've never been here before. I don't leave the camp.”

Nyrunn sat up straighter, eyes widening. “You've made this journey seven times now and you never once looked around?”

She shrugged, turning back to him. “Just never interested me.”

“And now?”

His eyes were burning into hers so intently it was both incredibly hard and easy to pull her gaze away. A breeze cut through the trees, rustling the branches and the dark green leaves. Nyrunn’s leg shifted, sending ripples through the water, sending the stars into rolling waves.

Had this really been here this whole time and she’d never once come across it?

She looked back up at the sky, the moon hanging as a few clouds slowly rolled by. “It is beautiful.”

He grinned, sending more ripples through the water as Idonea finished the last asterberry.

“What if instead of giving up on something when it's not perfect, we take it as it is and focus on making it better?”

She reached down, pulling her shoes off before dragging her feet through the water, watching the ripples as her throat tightened. She whispered, “I suppose imperfection doesn't mean inadequate.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Nyrunn took a deep breath and said, “Are you brave enough to go in tonight?”

Idonea threw the bowl at him with no real malice and he easily caught it. “So that was your plan the whole time!”

“I only said I wouldn’t push you in. Right now, I’m asking if you want to come in.” Nyrunn set the bowl to the side and pushed off into the stream. The water only came up to his waist as he waded a few steps farther into it.

“Do you really think me getting into this stream is going to make me forget about being drowned?”

“I didn’t say that. I just…” Nyrunn sighed. “I’m just trying to help. That’s all.”

And then Idonea was in the water. She immediately started shivering as the frigid water came up to her ribs as she waded out towards Nyrunn, who was gaping at her as she did so.

She wrapped her arms around herself as she reached him, looking up when she came to a stop. “What? Did you not think I’d do it?”

Nyrunn wrapped his arms around her and she gasped as he lifted her up, spinning her around before setting her back down, water splashing and rippling through the slow-moving stream. “There you are, surprising me again.”

She laughed as he released her and waded deeper into the water before ducking under, swimming a stride before coming back up again. He called out, “Have you ever gone swimming just for fun ever since that life?”

Idonea followed him until she could walk no more, the water up to her neck. “Obviously not. The only time I go in water other than to bathe is the Constellation Pool.”

“Until now. ”

“Until now.”

He raised an eyebrow.

She took a deep breath and ducked her head underwater, swimming out to meet him. When she came back up for air, he had her in his arms again, pulling her up and crushing her to him as their hair stuck to their skin, water running off their cheeks and back to the stream around them.

Her teeth were chattering as she held onto him. “You know, I’m starting to think this is more traumatizing because of how frigid this water is. Did you have to pick the coldest stream in Adastra to do this in?”

He laughed and didn’t release her, and instead just held her against his chest. “Is the Constellation Pool not this cold?”

She shook her head. “It’s cool, not cold. It’s… I don’t even really know how to describe it. It’s pure magic and starlight and memories.”

“Your memories?” His hand shifted up and down her back.

“Yes. At least, that’s what it’s always been like for me. I don’t know if that’s what it’s like for…” Idonea let his name slip off her tongue as Nyrunn started to tense beneath her, not willing to ruin the moment. “For everyone.”

Nyrunn relaxed, leaning his head against hers. “Well, I guess I’ll find out soon what it’s like for me.”

She didn’t push him away. Mostly because he was warm and the water was cold. She breathed in the scent of him, the soap used on his clothes and the clear water around them, and shut her eyes.

Her necklace sat heavy on her collarbone, the metal even colder than the water, and she was struck with a horrible thought. Horrible because it should never have even entered her head .

In her next life, even if she got it all right, Nyrunn wouldn’t be there, not for long if he managed to live to her next incarnation. That wasn’t the thought, just the fact. No, what was horrible was this: she was going to miss Nyrunn more than she’d ever missed anyone in all her past lives.