Page 20 of Ties of Starlight (Tethered Hearts #2)

I donea didn’t want to wake up. The aching pain pervading through her side and shoulder combined with the warmth surrounding her made her want to just stay under the blankets until the pain went away. She started to roll onto her side to burrow deeper into the bed, but the arm around her waist tightened and stopped her.

Idonea’s eyes flew open as it all came rushing back to her. Nyrunn discovering her journal. The Moon Elves’ attack. The dagger in her ribs.

She jerked, but the arm around her kept her where she was even as her breathing turned shallow and frantic.

“You’re alright. Everything is alright.”

Nyrunn’s voice murmured in her ear, and that was when she realized she wasn’t lying on the bed, but on him . It was his arm around her waist pinning her down.

“Nyrunn?” Idonea turned her head to see him opening his eyes as he pulled his other arm out from under his head.

He had a lazy smile on his lips. “If you’re not careful, I’ll get used to hearing you actually use my name.”

The last thing she remembered was being in Nyrunn’s arms as they rode away from the fight. Her mind was slow and sluggish. She’d said something to him, certain she was dying. Had he said something afterwards?

“How do you feel?” Nyrunn ran a hand over her uninjured arm.

“Sore.” Idonea tried shifting again, but one of her arms was in a sling, so she didn’t get far. “Thirsty.”

Alive.

She was alive.

That was… good. It meant she could still complete the ritual.

It also meant she wasn’t getting her next chance to fix her mistakes and achieve her perfect ending anytime soon.

Nyrunn helped her sit up, pulling his arm from her waist as he climbed out from under her. As the blankets shifted, he quickly adjusted them so they stayed with her before he laid her back down. He brushed his palm over her forehead, shifting her loose hair out of her face. “I’ll go get you something to drink. The healers said you need to lie on your back, so no rolling over to your side while I’m gone and can’t stop you.”

That’s what he’d been doing?

He was gone without a chance for her to say anything more. Her mouth was too dry to anyway and her head still sluggish as she sank back into the cot. She used her good hand to pull at the blanket, and when it fell, she discovered the bandages around her shoulder and her ribs were the only things covering her torso. She spotted the scraps of the blouse they must have cut off her thrown aside to the ground.

Heat flooded her cheeks.

The healers couldn’t have put her in something before letting Nyrunn back in to see her? Of course not. He was her husband, in this life anyway .

She just pulled the blanket back up; at least it had done its job during the night in covering her.

She couldn’t say she’d survived more mortifying situations, but she had experienced them. On the scale of embarrassing, humiliating, or outright agonizing things she had firsthand experience with, this was low.

And yet she still felt more exposed and vulnerable than she had ever before.

Why would Nyrunn, who surely was exhausted and had plenty of other things to deal with following a Moon Elf attack, be so concerned with whether she rolled over or not he would physically hold her down to prevent it? Especially when he knew who she was and what she’d done in her last life? Or if he believed she was a madwoman?

She stared up at the dawn breaking in the sky above, the tent having been opened up, she imagined, for the healers. It was harder for them to use starlight to heal her given her biological makeup and the fact that it meant the starlight magic running through her veins was weaker than a normal elf’s, so the more starlight the better.

She reached over and brushed her fingertips over the top of her bad shoulder. She was definitely in pain and it wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, but it also wasn’t as much as it should be.

Why wasn’t she in worse shape?

When the tent shifted again, Idonea only lifted her head slightly to be able to see it was Nyrunn, returning with a pitcher of water and one of the healers.

Idonea expected Nyrunn would pour her a glass of water and leave as the healer approached, but once she had a glass in her hand, he took a seat in the chair beside her bed, eyes focused on the healer. She reluctantly let the healer examine her bandages, keeping one eye on Nyrunn, who never once let his gaze drift over to her. He stayed absorbed in what the healer said, confirming there was no infection, but healing wouldn’t be as fast as it would for a full elf.

Idonea didn’t care. She just wanted him and Nyrunn to leave.

Finally, he stepped back and said he’d have the servants have a bath prepared for her to clean up and then put on fresh bandages. Idonea murmured an agreement as she clutched the blanket to her neck again, but the healer was really talking to Nyrunn, and had been the whole time about her care.

Once the healer was gone, however, Nyrunn was still in his seat, running a hand through his hair.

“Idonea…” Nyrunn sighed, looking up. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

Idonea contemplated just pulling the blanket over her head and hoping he got the hint.

“Just… tell me one thing. Idonea, look at me.” The clear command in his tone had her reluctantly doing so. “Why did you sacrifice yourself to save me?”

She blinked at him. That’s what he was thinking about?

“You’re the king.”

“You’re Gytha’s chosen.”

“Yes. And in this lifetime, you’re Agnarr’s. Either way, the ritual would have been ruined, but if it was me, at least Adastra would still have a king to stand against the Moon Elves, and I’d come back in two hundred and fifty years. It was the only logical choice.”

“Did you want to die?”

“Of course not!” Idonea sat up straighter, still keeping the blanket wrapped around her with her good arm. “The last thing I want is to fail again!”

Nyrunn’s gaze darkened. “That’s not what I asked you.”

But before she could respond, the tent was opening again and Lady Asa came in, directing several servants with a tub on where to set up. Lady Asa’s arms were full of clean clothes from Idonea’s things. “Pardon, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You’re not,” Idonea said, mostly so Nyrunn couldn’t delay her chance to be clean and clothed any longer.

Nyrunn took a deep breath. “She’s right. Thank you, Lady Asa. I have to go, but will you sit with my wife and ensure she’s comfortable for the day?”

Idonea glared at him. “That’s really not necessary. I—”

“Of course, Your Majesty,” Lady Asa said with a grin as she held the tent flap open for the servants traveling back and forth to fill the tub. “I’d much rather have Idonea as my charge than Lord Frode. He won’t stop fretting about this delay and the attack. You’re doing me a favor.”

Nyrunn let out a chuckle and Idonea’s knuckles turned white from how tightly she was fisting the blanket. She didn’t like the pang that went through her chest at the sound and the fact that it was Lady Asa who had earned it.

“I can’t say I’m happy to, but I know I can’t hide from him forever or keep using my wife as a shield. Thank you, Lady Asa.”

Finally, Nyrunn was gone. Worse, Idonea was now stuck with Lady Asa.

Once the tub was full and Lady Asa closed the flap, leaving just her and one maid, she turned to Idonea and gestured. “Come on, up you go. Don’t worry, I’ve consulted the healers and they told me everything I needed to know. I’m sure you don’t want to keep lying there with the rest of you still filthy.”

Idonea groaned but with Asa and the maid’s help, she got out of bed and they helped her shed what was left of her skirt before getting her into the warm water.

Asa reached for the clasp on Idonea’s necklace, and she jerked away. She stumbled as she reached up and pressed the cool metal into her skin, glaring at Asa. She snapped, “The necklace stays on.”

“Sorry. I didn’t know,” Asa said, voice trembling.

Idonea took a deep breath, focusing on the stars beneath her fingertips. “It’s fine. Just… it’s an important necklace to me. I can’t bear the thought of losing it.”

“Was it a gift? From…” Asa ducked her head, trailing off.

“It was a gift. But not from Olaug. A cousin of mine, when I was much younger. It’s very dear to me,” Idonea said, as close to the truth as she could get.

She could hardly say that when she remembered who she was that she’d snuck into the Constella’s home and taken it and her journals from the trunk filled with the belongings of the past Cometa Brides. Once she started remembering, she hadn’t wanted to wait until she was actually selected to be the bride when she was desperately hungry to know her past. Besides, there was so much junk saved, the Constella had never noticed the necklace or journals going missing. Or maybe it was part of the magic bringing her back. Idonea herself didn’t know all the details or fully understand it.

All she knew was they always made it to her next life, and she always found them.

Asa nodded. “Of course.”

And she didn’t pry any further. One commonality in all of Idonea’s lives were her parents, slightly different each time, dying when she was young. When she became Gytha’s chosen, her life always became common knowledge as well, especially her lack of family and connections.

Idonea never remembered who she was before her parents passed. It was probably for the best that way. Her parents were always toward the end of their lives, so all the time they did have with her she was fully theirs, and while Idonea’s memories of each were hazy with how early they would pass, before she reached the age of majority, she treasured what she did remember. It would vary who had the human blood, her mother or her father, and as far as Idonea could tell, the magic bringing her back probably brought her to an aging couple not long for the world. She hoped it was a kindness, an answer to their desires for a child before they passed.

Still, it meant Idonea was alone early in every life.

When she finally got it right, she’d have a warm, loving family and children she could dote on and her loneliness would be a thing of the long forgotten past.

Asa said nothing else and just moved to help Idonea step into the tub.

Idonea hissed when the water hit the wound on her ribs, but the maid was already scrubbing at the dirt on her good arm while Asa gently worked on the bad arm, still tucked against Idonea’s chest.

Idonea didn’t protest. She just let them work, gritting her teeth and trying to focus on anything but the sore aches being aggravated by every motion.

She squeezed her eyes shut when Asa poured water over her head and began washing her hair.

“You know… I still can’t believe you did that,” Asa murmured.

Idonea opened one eye and looked up at her. “Why is it so hard to believe? Nyrunn is our king. We need him more than we need me.”

Asa shook her head and Idonea had to shut her eyes as more water was poured over her head. “Not that. When you came back to help me.”

Idonea used her good hand to wipe the water away from her eyes. “What?”

Asa gestured for her to get up, helping her as she did so. The maid wrapped a towel around Idonea as she began shivering, her hair plastered to her skin. “You shouldn’t have, by the way.”

Idonea raised an eyebrow, still shivering. “If I hadn’t, you would be dead.”

“And you wouldn’t have nearly died.”

“And Nyrunn would probably be dead too if I hadn’t been there to take that dagger.”

The maid started toweling dry her hair, blocking Idonea’s sight once more.

“I’m doing this all wrong, aren’t I?” Asa whispered.

When Idonea could see once again, Asa was unfolding a sleeveless nightgown. Idonea let her help her into it, keeping her arm tucked to her chest as ordered by the healer not to disturb the healing muscles in her shoulder. Asa did up the buttons while the maid changed the sheets on the cot. Once the maid was finished, Asa helped Idonea hobble back to the cot. Each step sent a fresh, burning wave through her ribs until she was laid back down.

Asa took Nyrunn’s seat beside her, fussing with the water Nyrunn had brought and a tray of food one of the maids from before had brought in. Asa whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Idonea rolled her eyes. “Me getting stabbed had nothing to do with you.”

“No—I mean, yes, I am sorry for being part of the circumstances, but that’s not what I’m apologizing for. I’m sorry for not speaking up, for not standing up for you when Katla would run her mouth. You don’t have to worry about her anymore; His Majesty had her sent back like he’d threatened to anyone who disrespected you. But that doesn’t make up for it. I’m sorry for my silence. You didn’t deserve any of the things she said about you.”

Idonea stared at Asa, her still wet hair dampening the shoulders of her nightgown. “You’re trying to apologize to me for Katla’s actions?”

“No. For my inaction. And… Idonea, you could have left me there under that horse to die. Frankly, you should have because you are far more important to Adastra. But for some reason you didn’t and I can’t ever repay that debt.”

Thanking a murderer for saving her life? If only Asa knew…

Idonea sighed. “Consider us even.”

“How?” Asa leaned forward. “I’ve certainly never saved your life.”

Idonea huffed, unable to stop her laugh. “Not for that. You don’t need to apologize to me for anything. If anything, I should be apologizing to you, for being married to Nyrunn.”

Asa’s eyes widened. “What? No!”

Idonea raised an eyebrow and Asa ducked her head. If she had any human blood, she probably would have been blushing a vibrant red; instead, it was just a faint pink to her cheeks. “I mean… Did I hope His Majesty might take notice of me? There wasn’t an elf maiden in the castle who didn’t also hope for that. Except for you, I suppose, since you were infatuated with… Anyway, all I mean to say is, it was just a passing fancy. If he really wanted to propose to me, he could have long before he stepped in to marry you.”

Why hadn’t he?

“Still, it would be easy to blame me for taking what was supposed to be your place,” Idonea said.

“This whole thing… it wasn’t your fault,” Asa said. “We all… We all know that, despite what Katla was saying.”

Idonea stayed silent, the weight of her last life trying to suffocate her current one.

Asa opened her mouth again, forcing Idonea to respond before she could say any more .

“It’s very kind of you, Lady Asa, but you don’t have to do that. Nyrunn sending Katla back to Novum doesn’t change what everyone was already thinking.” Idonea looked over at her as she finally finished fiddling with the tray and instead brought it over to Idonea so she could eat.

Idonea ate and Asa sat in the chair, perfect posture, not even a hair out of place after having helped Idonea bathe. As Idonea watched her, she couldn’t shake the certain fact that everyone had known for a long time. The reason why everyone had expected Nyrunn to choose Asa. She was perfect. She would be the perfect queen.

Instead, now they were getting a half-elf whose mind was unravelling at the seams from all the lives she’d lived and the lives she’d ended.

“I’m sure they’ll think differently now that they all saw how much you were willing to sacrifice to save Nyrunn.”

Idonea took another sip of the water, the bread she’d just swallowed turning sour in her stomach. “They shouldn’t. Any one of them would have done the same. He’s the king.”

“I promise you, they wouldn’t have. Don’t tell me that’s what you’re telling yourself too.”

“Telling myself?”

“He’s not just the king. He’s your husband.”

Something deep in Idonea still resisted even though it was true and she couldn’t run from it. He was her husband in this life. That was a different thing entirely.

“Him being king was the only thought going through my mind at that moment. I don’t know what more you want from me.”

“You’re not going to hurt my feelings, Idonea.” Asa smiled, not too small and not too wide. “I told you, I don’t have any for Nyrunn. Thankfully, or else I’d be crushed, especially after all of this. ”

“What are you talking about?”

“His feelings for you, obviously!” Asa laughed, gesturing toward her. “You should have seen him as we were racing away from the fight. I heard him when we reached camp. I heard the healers talking about it. He didn’t leave your side. He held you while they worked so you wouldn’t move.”

“I’m the other half of the Cometa Couple. After him, my survival is quite important, and as king, he feels responsible for my well-being,” Idonea said, but she couldn’t look Asa in the eyes. She stared down at the plate, almost empty in front of her.

“Be serious. I know you said all those things the night before your wedding because you couldn’t have known you’d actually end up marrying His Majesty, but don’t tell me you still actually believe all of that?”

What did it matter to Asa? Couples were married all the time that didn’t love each other.

“It’s not relevant.” Idonea narrowed her eyes, but Asa was undeterred.

“He’s your husband,” Asa said, like that somehow changed everything. “You haven’t found him to be at least a little bit charming? In the way he defended you from Katla? How he rushed you away after the Heava Dance to calm you down? How he’s been at your side after you took a dagger for him?”

Asa would not let this go. Idonea ducked her head low, her hair hiding her blush as she still felt the ghost of his arms around her. “He has his moments. He’s not… He’s a good husband.”

“He’s certainly a handsome one, isn’t he?” Asa’s tone lilted up and Idonea’s neck nearly snapped as she looked up, cheeks a burning red.

She gritted her teeth. “I’m not blind. ”

“So that would be a yes.” Asa giggled. “Come on, don’t glare at me like that. I’m not asking for any details, just seeing if you’ve changed your mind about him and come around to him being your husband now. It certainly can’t be a hardship to be his wife and wake up next to him in the mornings.”

“It’s not that simple, and it really isn’t your business.” How Idonea wished she could get up and physically escape the infuriating woman.

Asa held up a hand placatingly. “I’m not trying to offend. And I’m sure you’re thinking ahead to all the complications that will come with you being queen after this. I’m just saying this is the fun part, before all of that catches up to you.”

Just hearing the word had Idonea’s stomach rolling. She pushed the tray at Asa, unable to eat anymore.

“You’re going to make an excellent queen, I’m sure of it,” Asa said as she took the tray and set it to the side.

“Thank you for your confidence,” Idonea murmured, the only polite thing she could come up with as she lay back, closing her eyes. Her ribs ached and her shoulder throbbed. Her arm, trapped in a sling, sat heavy on her chest.

Considering she still had no idea what was going through Nyrunn’s head about the revelation of her past lives, she didn’t know if she’d even make it that long.