Page 51 of The Wish

Alex slows his pace as he nears the café he and Kelly had previously visited. He sees her sitting outside, playing with a glass of water. Stopping, he considers turning around and running, then realises she’s seen him. Approaching the table, Alex stands holding on to the top of the chair opposite where she sits. A waiter approaches them.

‘A flat white, please,’ Kelly says to the waiter, smiling at him. He turns to Alex.

‘Same. Thanks.’

‘Please sit down,’ Kelly says to him softly.

Pulling the chair out Alex sits, making no attempt to pull the chair closer to the table. He notices the second glass of water and takes a sip.

‘Thanks for coming. How are you feeling?’ Kelly asks.

Alex looks at her, shocked by her question. ‘What?’

‘After last night. How are you?’

Bluntly Alex answers, keeping his eyes fixed on the table. ‘Fine. And you?’

If he was expecting an answer to how Kelly was, he doesn’t get one.

‘Are you sure? That had to be tough on you, hearing about Jesse’s condition deteriorating.’

Before Alex can respond the waiter reappears and places two coffees on the table. ‘Can I get you anything else?’ he asks.

They both shake their heads no. Picking up their cups they drink, looking down at the table, each avoiding eye contact. It’s a busy day out on the street, but the silence between them feels deafening.

‘She doesn’t deserve this!’ Alex blurts out.

Kelly keeps her eyes lowered, uncertain how to answer.

‘She deserves to be a typical teenager, be a pain in the neck to her parents; fight with her little brother, experience her first kiss if she hasn’t already.’

He pauses, still not meeting Kelly’s eye. ‘She deserves to live,’ he says finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

Kelly turns to look at him. She reaches out and touches his arm, causing him to look at her.

‘We all deserve that, Alex,’ she says. Despite himself, Alex feels the warmth and power of her compassion and empathy for him. He allows himself to raise his eyes and gaze into her lovely face.

‘So why not Jesse? Why doesn’t she get to live?’

‘I don’t have an answer to that,’ Kelly tells him, and Alex hears the pain in her voice, senses her feeling of profound helplessness. He slumps his shoulders. This is just as hard for her – worse even. But he struggles to comprehend how she maintains her outward calm.

Alex empties his coffee cup. ‘Doesn’t she get to you?’ he asks.

‘Of course she does. They all do. But right now, I’m also worried about you . . .’

‘This is not about me,’ Alex snaps. ‘Do you get that? This is about Jesse – or is this just an everyday thing for you? You’ll shortly be moving on to the next unfortunate child who comes onto the ward?’

Alex’s words hit Kelly hard, she struggles to respond, to stay professional. She’s angry now and hurt. How could he think that about her?

‘No, it’s not. I can’t begin to tell you how devastated I am that there is nothing more we can do for Jesse . . .’

‘You wouldn’t know it, sitting here having coffee, your world going on . . .’

‘How dare you! You don’t know me or how I feel about Jesse, and what I do is not just a job to me,’ Kelly angrily replies. She flushes and her blue eyes fill with tears.

Realising he’s gone too far Alex looks at her, his shoulders dropping, his voice quivering, not wanting to say the words hefeels he must. His anger is gone and now all he feels is shame at having hurt the woman sitting opposite him, and despair.

‘She’s dying.’