Page 26 of The Wish

‘ T hat had to be tough. I’ve got to tell you – having my own kids? I don’t think I could’ve handled that.’

Steve watches him from over the cubicle partition, but Alex keeps his eyes on the screens. The flickering pixels blur together, meaningless shapes and colour. He stares until the movement starts playing tricks on him. None of it feels real.

For years, he’s kept himself safe by staying detached. By choosing not to feel anything deeply – except loyalty to Max. He spends his life in simulated worlds, where outcomes are predictable and reset buttons exist. Reality is messier.

Steve’s still talking. Alex hears the tone, not the words. He nods, hoping that’s enough to make it seem like he’s listening.

‘So . . . what happens now? Have you told Ian?’

The moment Ian’s name hits the air, something sharp snaps Alex into focus. He looks up, jaw tightening.

‘This isn’t about Ian,’ he says, his voice clipped. ‘Never was.’

Steve holds up a hand in surrender. ‘Hey – I get it. This is hard. But good on you, mate, this is the most open I think you’ve ever been with me.

I think I’ll give my kids an extra hug tonight.

’ Steve pats him on the shoulder and adds, with a faint smile, ‘Better get back to work. Someone’s got to pay those dental bills. Ouch.’

Then he’s gone, back behind the divider.

Alex turns to the monitors again, though he still sees nothing.

The day crawls by, and he can’t focus on the project he was working on before Ian told him to visit the hospital.

Images from last night flash through his mind in fragments – Jesse’s bandaged arm, Mandy’s voice breaking, Sam’s quiet drawings.

He stares at the partition wall as if he might find answers there.

His phone rings. He jumps.

The voice on the other end sounds distant, distorted. He pulls the phone away, looks at the screen like it might explain something. Then he ends the call and stands, grabbing his jacket.

He doesn’t hear Ian approaching.

‘Update, Alex,’ his boss demands.

Alex tries to sidestep, but Ian lifts an arm, blocking his path.

‘Going somewhere?’

Alex ducks beneath and walks off.

‘All this bloody time out of the office – you better be nearly done with that pro bono,’ Ian calls after him.

Alex doesn’t stop.

‘Listen, enough’s enough. Bronwyn can’t finish her project without your part. If we lose this contract, the whole company takes a hit. All because you can’t handle one little assignment.’

Still walking, Alex looks over at Bronwyn. She gives him a small nod – she’s got it covered.

‘I’ve scheduled the media for next week, Alex! Next week!’ Ian shouts.

Alex halts. Turns slightly. Takes a step back towards Ian – then stops, thinks better of it, and walks out.

Alex slows his pace as he nears the café he and Kelly had previously visited.

He sees her sitting outside, playing with a glass of water.

Stopping, he considers turning around and running, then realises she’s seen him.

Approaching the table, Alex stands holding on to the top of the chair opposite where she sits. A waiter approaches them.

‘A flat white, please,’ Kelly says to the waiter, smiling at him. He turns to Alex.

‘Same. Thanks.’

‘Please sit down,’ Kelly says to him softly.

Pulling the chair out Alex sits, making no attempt to pull the chair closer to the table. He notices the second glass of water and takes a sip.

‘Thanks for coming. How are you feeling?’ Kelly asks.

Alex looks at her, shocked by her question. ‘What?’

‘After last night. How are you?’

Bluntly Alex answers, keeping his eyes fixed on the table. ‘Fine. And you?’

If he was expecting an answer to how Kelly was, he doesn’t get one.

‘Are you sure? That had to be tough on you, hearing about Jesse’s condition deteriorating.’

Before Alex can respond the waiter reappears and places two coffees on the table. ‘Can I get you anything else?’ he asks.

They both shake their heads no. Picking up their cups they drink, looking down at the table, each avoiding eye contact. It’s a busy day out on the street, but the silence between them feels deafening.

‘She doesn’t deserve this!’ Alex blurts out.

Kelly keeps her eyes lowered, uncertain how to answer.

‘She deserves to be a typical teenager, be a pain in the neck to her parents; fight with her little brother, experience her first kiss if she hasn’t already.’

He pauses, still not meeting Kelly’s eye. ‘She deserves to live,’ he says finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

Kelly turns to look at him. She reaches out and touches his arm, causing him to look at her.

‘We all deserve that, Alex,’ she says. Despite himself, Alex feels the warmth and power of her compassion and empathy for him. He allows himself to raise his eyes and gaze into her lovely face.

‘So why not Jesse? Why doesn’t she get to live?’

‘I don’t have an answer to that,’ Kelly tells him, and Alex hears the pain in her voice, senses her feeling of profound helplessness. He slumps his shoulders. This is just as hard for her – worse even. But he struggles to comprehend how she maintains her outward calm.

Alex empties his coffee cup. ‘Doesn’t she get to you?’ he asks.

‘Of course she does. They all do. But right now, I’m also worried about you . . .’

‘This is not about me,’ Alex snaps. ‘Do you get that? This is about Jesse – or is this just an everyday thing for you? You’ll shortly be moving on to the next unfortunate child who comes onto the ward?’

Alex’s words hit Kelly hard, she struggles to respond, to stay professional. She’s angry now and hurt. How could he think that about her?

‘No, it’s not. I can’t begin to tell you how devastated I am that there is nothing more we can do for Jesse . . .’

‘You wouldn’t know it, sitting here having coffee, your world going on . . .’

‘How dare you! You don’t know me or how I feel about Jesse, and what I do is not just a job to me,’ Kelly angrily replies. She flushes and her blue eyes fill with tears.

Realising he’s gone too far Alex looks at her, his shoulders dropping, his voice quivering, not wanting to say the words he feels he must. His anger is gone and now all he feels is shame at having hurt the woman sitting opposite him, and despair.

‘She’s dying.’

Kelly sits back in her chair, controlling her breathing, calming herself. Softly she looks Alex in the eyes.

‘It only takes a moment to die, Alex. The rest of the time we’re living. Do you hear me? Do you understand me? We are living. Jesse is still living. Right now. You have to get that.’

The words sink in slowly. Something shifts in his face. She sees it.

‘I should’ve told you sooner,’ she adds. ‘Most of my kids – they get better. They go through hell, but they survive. The few who don’t? I have to be strong for them.’

‘You called them your kids,’ Alex says.

‘You know what I mean,’ Kelly replies softly.

He leans forwards, their faces close now. ‘How can you do this job?’

Kelly closes the distance between them. He sees the freckles on her nose.

‘Because I believe in it. Because these kids – they give more than I ever could. Jesse, her parents, Sam . . . they’re the bravest people you’ll ever meet. And now you’ve met them. So, you must agree with me too.’

Alex sits back, avoiding her gaze. ‘How long does she have?’

‘Not long.’

‘There’s really nothing else? No surgery, no drugs?’

‘She’s had every treatment. The transplant failed. The chemo failed.’

‘What happened with the transplant?’

‘It didn’t work.’

‘I get that. But you’re saying there isn’t a match for her – anywhere?’

‘There isn’t. She’s been on the international bone marrow register for two years. No match. As you know, Jesse’s blood group is rare – a combination of her parents’ antibodies.’

‘What is it?’

‘AB positive.’

He nods. ‘So, the donor needs to be the same, or one of the universal groups?’

‘Exactly.’

‘What’s involved in getting tested?’

‘A cheek swab. And a blood test.’

‘What are they looking for?’

‘It’s called HLA or tissue typing.’

He looks at Kelly for a long moment, her words scramble in his brain – chemo, HLA, marrow, AB – reorganise and register. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out some cash, and sets it on the table.

‘I’ve got an idea. I have to call in a few favours, but I think there’s something I can do.’

Kelly looks like she’s about to say something, but he quickly puts in, ‘Just trust me, OK? I don’t want to make any promises, and I’ll need to check with Mandy first, but leave it with me. I’ll see you later.’

‘OK, see you then,’ Kelly says. She looks shocked by his swift exit.

Alex hurries away. He will explain everything to Kelly later – but there’s no time right now. Right now, he has a lot to do and not much time to do it in.