Page 33 of The Wish

I t’s time to leave.

Jesse feels strangely nervous, which is silly because she’s been through this many times before.

Maybe it’s because it feels more final this time.

It is final. It makes her feel slightly nostalgic for this place, where she’s been through so much, but where she’s also met such good friends.

Amy, Ryan and Luke. Friends for life. Her life, at least.

As they approach the nurses’ station, Ryan steps in front of them and clears his throat formally. Jesse struggles pulling herself out from the wheelchair to stand before him.

‘I’m getting out of here next week; can I come and see you at home?’ he asks.

‘Of course you can, Ryan, anytime.’ Mandy’s voice is warm. ‘You have your mother ring me and we’ll make it happen, OK?’

Ryan simply nods. He looks at Jesse, reaches out and punches her oh so gently on the arm. Jesse kisses him on the cheek. Ryan turns very quickly and walks away.

Luke slowly walks towards Jesse and stops directly in front of her.

His voice quivering, he asks if he can have a hug, the kind she gives Amy.

Before he can move, Jesse wraps her arms around him, holding him as his body shakes with sobs.

Eventually, a nurse gently pulls Luke from the embrace and hands him over to a colleague.

Dropping back into the wheelchair, Jesse quietly, says ‘bye’, as much to the ward as to anyone in particular. Her voice shakes, she tries to keep the tears in. Her mum places one hand on her shoulder as she wheels her away. ‘Time to leave, my darling girl,’ she says softly. ‘Time to go home.’

In the car, Jesse turns off the radio, preferring to stare out the window in quiet contemplation, seeing the scenery go past as if for the first time. All those colours, all that life. On the coastal road, she sits up straighter. There, in the distance, a balloon floats high over the world.

‘Thinking about your balloon trip?’ Mandy says.

‘It was amazing,’ Jesse says, breaking into a big grin. ‘Flying above everything like that. I could see the track, I saw dolphins . . . I think I even saw our house!’

Mandy laughs. ‘That’s great, darling. I’m so glad you had a good time.’

‘It was the best.’ Jesse smiles but then looks over to Mandy. ‘Thanks for letting me go, Mum.’

‘Well, Alex rang me asking if there was anything you liked to do; a place you liked to go, somewhere that he could take you as a surprise. I told him you were a beach bunny, but he knows we live on the beach and you can go there any time, so he asked what else you liked.’

‘What made you say I liked hot air balloons? It’s not something we’ve ever talked about.’

‘The day I brought you back to the hospital, you were watching one fly over the bay. At the time I guessed you were wishing you could fly away from here, from your life, from the hospital, and it broke my heart.’

Mandy can’t control her voice or the tears that escape and flow down her cheeks.

‘Oh, Mum, I don’t want to fly away from my life, from you. Yeah, OK, maybe from going back to hospital.’

Jesse leans towards her mum and wipes away her tears with her fingers so she can see to drive, loving the choking giggle Mandy can’t control.

‘I wasn’t sure what to tell you about my time with Alex, because I didn’t want to upset you by telling you I had an amazing experience which you, Dad and Sam weren’t part of.’

‘You won’t upset me! Quite the opposite, I am so happy that Alex was able to do something for you, give you something that we couldn’t.’

‘And there is no way Dad would have let me go,’ Jesse says quietly.

Mandy reaches over and squeezes Jesse’s hand. ‘He’s trying, darling. He really is.’

‘I know, Mum.’ They sit in silence for a while, the hot air balloon hanging in the sky ahead of them. ‘Do you want to hear about it?’ Jesse finally says.

The look of love on Mandy’s face is all Jesse needs to see before she starts sharing with her mother her flight in a hot air balloon.

Jesse is still telling the story when they arrive home and the two stay in the car until Jesse has finished. They hug each other over the middle console.

‘We better get inside; Sam can’t wait to see you and I’m sure he’s driven Judith crazy with questions about when you’re coming.’

The front door is barely open before Sam throws himself at Jesse.

‘You have to let us come in, Sammy,’ Jesse says as she propels the two of them, arms entwined, away from the front door so Mandy can come in. Their neighbour Judith appears and she and Mandy hug.

‘Where’s Dean?’ Judith whispers.

‘He stayed behind to pack up Jesse’s things, he’ll be here shortly. How was Sam, no trouble?’

‘Sam, trouble? No, we chatted, and I watched him drawing.

He just kept asking how much longer you’d be.’

‘I’m sorry, we were as quick as we could be.’

‘Mandy, I’m just next door and there is nothing Greg or I wouldn’t do for your family.’ Judith gives Jesse a kiss and a hug. ‘See you later, Sam, make sure you show Jesse the drawings you did.’

‘Thanks, Mrs Newman,’ Jesse says. Judith looks at Mandy, at Sam then at Jesse. Mandy reads her mind – it’s an expression she’s seen so often since Jesse became ill. There but for the grace of God.

The sound of a car beeping its horn breaks the moment.

‘Dad’s here,’ Sam says with excitement.

Dean, carrying Jesse’s bag, passes Judith as he enters the house. They exchange a genuine quick kiss and hug. This family might be broken right now but no blame is being apportioned.

‘You looking after yourself?’ the older woman asks Dean, twinkling up her eyes as they embrace.

‘Getting there, Judith, getting there.’

‘Well, you just make sure you do,’ she says, before leaving the family.

Sam gives his dad a hug before taking Jesse’s hand. Together, they slowly climb the stairs to Jesse’s bedroom.

Jesse stands inside her room and looks around at her life displayed in front of her.

Memories flash before her as she regards each object, each brimming with meaning: posters of pop stars and athletes; precious mementos on her dressing table; photo frames covered in shells she has collected that mean as much as the photo inside; necklaces hanging from the mirror remind her of the person who gave them to her, or a fun time wearing them.

She smiles as she glimpses the lipstick she bought with her own money against her father’s wishes.

She hears his voice You’re too young to be wearing that , and remembers wearing it smeared on nice and thick to dinner each night for a week, until he finally relented: Can I borrow some?

he had teased. Do you think it’s my colour?

Sam stands silently beside her, watching her go through her returning home ritual.

Climbing onto her bed she hugs one of the soft toys leaning against her pillows as Sam joins her, snuggling up to his big sister. They both turn to the door as they hear the soft knock.

‘Who is it?’ Jesse and Sam chorus.

Dean peers around the door. ‘Is it OK if I come in?’

‘What’s the password?’ Jesse teases him.

Dean rolls his eyes. ‘I’ve got your suitcase. I thought you might like it.’

‘Correct. Thanks, Dad, yeah, I’ll go through it later.’

Dean puts it beside her chest of drawers. He looks big and awkward in this space. He clears his throat. ‘Ah, your mum has asked me if I want to stay for dinner.’

‘Yay!’ says Sam, jumping up and spilling the soft toys from the bed.

Dean and Jesse laugh at Sam’s antics – he’s jumping around the room with a big grin on his face.

‘That’s great, Dad,’ Jesse says.

‘I’ll, um, I’ll just help your mum with dinner,’ he says. ‘I’ll see you down there in a bit.’

With the door closed, Jesse turns to Sam. ‘Can I tell you something, something that happened to me, but you can’t tell Dad?’

‘Why not?’ Sam asks.

‘Because he won’t like it. It’s about Alex.’

‘Then I promise I won’t tell him.’

‘Shall I tell you about the time I floated up in the air?’

Sam gasps and puts both his hands to his mouth. Jesse lets him snuggle into her side and then tells him all about the magical, wonderful balloon ride, how she was whisked away from the hospital to a flying balloon just for her, his eyes widening like saucers.

It’s late, and Jesse’s tired. Happy, but tired.

It was possibly the best night they had had as a family since before she got ill.

No, she thinks, it definitely was the best night, one for the record books.

Mum didn’t worry about the dishes that evening, she’d left them on the kitchen counter, instead making huge ice cream sundaes for everyone for dessert, Sam sneaking all the maraschino cherries from everyone’s dishes and everyone pretending not to notice.

Afterwards, they played board games, Jesse trying to outsmart her father and let Sam win at the same time. Her sides had ached from laughing.

Sam had to be carried up to bed, and Jessie followed not long later, exhausted.

Her bed, her own bed, was soft and comfortable, the sheets cool and fresh and fragranced with the laundry powder her mother liked to use.

She could hear the murmur of her parents’ voices downstairs, a sound she remembered from before she got sick, a sound that made her feel secure and cosy.

She’s just about to fall asleep when she senses her parents are at her door, looking in on her.

Neither parent moves, and Jesse finally falls asleep under their gaze, feeling happy, feeling safe, feeling loved.