Page 9 of The Scrum-Half (Lincoln Knights #3)

“I will,” Harper said, putting his daisy chain in his lap.

He looked beautiful like this, with the late afternoon sun shining on his golden hair, his glasses resting on his nose, which had a scattering of freckles across it.

He was just wearing a faded yellow round-neck jumper and jeans with the cuffs rolled up, his feet bare, and I realised he had a daisy chain tattooed around his ankle.

“I like your tattoo,” I said as I watched Jack lower himself onto the grass to do a forward roll, tucking his knees up like a hedgehog rolling itself into a ball.

Christ, he was adorable! Just watching him made my heart grow three sizes until it felt like it was going to force its way out of my ribcage.

“Oh, thank you,” Harper said, a small smile spreading across his face. “My sisters and I all have the same one. A bit cheesy, I know, but what’s life without a little cheese.”

“If you like it, that’s all that matters. Besides, there’s no such thing as guilty pleasures. Or so I’ve been told.”

“That’s very true.”

Jack sprang up out of his attempted roll and the pair of us clapped enthusiastically, making Jack beam and run off to try again on another part of the lawn. “I wish I had his energy. It would make training so much easier,” I said with a soft chuckle.

“Aren’t you supposed to be used to it? I thought all rugby players were meant to be very fit.”

“Most of us are, but the extra energy would make it easier, especially when we have to do running drills. But our head of physical performance is a bit of a sadist, so I don’t think we’ll ever be fit enough for him.”

“Does he basically want you to be able to run a world record hundred metres and a marathon at once?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” I nodded and then clapped again at Jack’s attempted cartwheel, which was a combination of a belly flop, roll, and star jump.

I’d have to look at finding him a baby gymnastics class to enrol in so he could learn to do everything properly.

“I, er, I wanted to say I’m sorry… for being a dick last week when Jack was ill.

I should have said something then, so I’m apologising for that too because it’s taken me far too long to say something, but I shouldn’t have been so overbearing and, well, a prick. ”

Harper was still looking at Jack but his lips twitched, so I knew he was listening to me, so I continued.

“I was wrong for taking my anxieties out on you, and I was wrong for making your life miserable. The fact you’re still here after all that is a bloody miracle, to be honest. But I was wrong and my feelings of inadequacy as a parent aren’t anything to do with you.

So I’m sorry, Harper. And thank you for putting up with my shit.

You shouldn’t have to, but I’m grateful for it. ”

“Thank you, I appreciate your apology and I accept it,” he said quietly, glancing over at me and nearly flooring me with how goddamn gorgeous he looked. I shouldn’t have been focusing on that but it was impossible not to.

“You’re welcome.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” I said, hoping his question would get my brain back on track and stop me from fixating on all the tiny details of his face.

“You said you feel inadequate as a parent… Is that why you lash out at me, and I assume other people, when something happens to Jack?”

That would do it. Jesus, he really didn’t mess around.

“Yeah, probably.” I dug my fingers into the grass, pulling up a few blades as I watched Jack play with a toy fire engine that had somehow made its way outside.

“I’m pretty sure I’m a shit dad most of the time, and then I see you come in and do stuff I’ve never managed or handle things with a grace and calm I didn’t think was possible and…

yeah, I just can’t cope. But you shouldn’t have to deal with that. ”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t,” he said. “But I’m glad you figured it out.”

“Me too, although I had help. Jack’s mum, Hannah, she pretty much told me to get my shit together.

Also, she pointed out I’m fine with her taking Jack for weekends when she’s winging it and has no idea what she’s doing—her words, not mine—and that you’re a million times more qualified than either of us. ”

He smiled and looked up at the sky, watching the clouds slowly drifting above us as the sun began to set.

“True, but that’s the point. This is literally my job!

Don’t get me wrong, I adore all the kids in my care, but at the end of the day this is my profession.

I’m trained to know things like how to deal with tantrums and illnesses and how to get them to eat vegetables, and that’s why you hired me.

So yeah, I might have a better handle on things sometimes but it’s because I’ve trained for it.

Besides, you’re doing this for the first time.

Jack is not my first toddler, and yes, they’re all different but the basics are pretty universal.

And I promise you, you’re doing a great job. ”

“You don’t have to placate me,” I said.

“I’m not saying it to be nice. The fact that you care so much, that you want to be a good parent, means you’re doing the right thing.

Maybe you’re a bit overbearing, but if you know that, you can adjust what you’re doing.

And trust me, no parent knows what they’re doing all the time.

You just have to take it one day at a time, celebrate the wins, and don’t sweat the small stuff.

So maybe bathtime was a mess today. That’s okay, you can try again tomorrow.

” He turned his smile on me, and it was like feeling the sun on my face for the first time after a long, dark winter.

I wasn’t sure I deserved his kindness, but he was giving it to me anyway because he was a good person.

If Jack turned out to be half as sweet as Harper, I’d be a very lucky man indeed.

“Thank you,” I said, nodding to myself as Jack charged over to us and flung himself into my arms, chattering away about what he’d been doing. I kissed the top of his head and looked between the pair of them. There was so much more I wanted to say to Harper but it would have to wait.

“Hey,” I said as Harper picked up his daisy chain to show Jack. “Can I make you dinner later?”

He looked shocked for a second, and then his smile returned. “Sure, I’d really like that.”