Page 18 of The Scrum-Half (Lincoln Knights #3)

Matty

I was not in the jubilant mood I’d hoped for as I walked up to the family lounge after the match.

We’d started well but everything had fallen apart in the second half, and we’d let them get in our heads and push us around.

The score had been seventeen to eighteen, and losing by such a tiny margin stung painfully.

I wasn’t sure if I was grateful or not that their fly-half had been shit and missed all their try conversions because while they’d have won by more, it wouldn’t have felt like the win had brushed our fingertips and slipped through them at the last second.

“Try not to worry too much,” Charlie said as he walked beside me, nudging me with his elbow. “We get a losing bonus point at least. And it’s not going to knock us down the table.”

“No, but it does allow Worcester to catch up.”

“They’re playing Exeter next. I doubt they’ll win that.”

“Who?” Danny asked, appearing on Charlie’s other side with a bag slung over his shoulder.

I frowned because Danny didn’t usually come up to the lounge since he didn’t have a girlfriend and his family rarely came to watch.

Maybe he was going back to Charlie’s for dinner since the two of them were close.

“Worcester are two points behind us now,” I said. “But they’re playing Exeter next and Charlie doesn’t think they’ll win that.”

“Nah, not a chance. Worcester are good but not that good. They’re mid at best, and their front row is shit,” Danny said as he pushed back his hair, which was still wet from the shower and kept falling into his face.

“See, we’re good.” Charlie clapped me on the shoulder as we reached the lounge door. It was only then that I realised what was about to happen… the team were going to meet Harper.

Christ on a fucking cracker. How had I not thought this through?

It was one thing for him to come with Hannah and meet everyone’s wives and girlfriends, but to meet the rest of the lads?

Some of whom couldn’t keep a fucking sock in it if they tried?

They were going to be all over me on Tuesday, and I wouldn’t have any excuses.

It wasn’t like I was embarrassed. It was just that Harper was special and I didn’t want these wankers scaring him off with whatever stories they could invent or dredge up.

But when I walked through the door and saw Harper sitting near the window with Jack on his lap, chatting happily with Hannah, Tils, and Amanda, my thoughts about everyone else dried up.

It didn’t matter what they thought, only what I did, and seeing Harper sitting there with my son, the golden afternoon light streaming in through the window and lighting him up like an angel in a medieval painting, was like a damn revelation.

If I could have walked over and kissed him, I would.

But we hadn’t talked about what the hell we were doing outside of making out on my sofa at one in the morning, and in the kitchen while cooking a mountain of banana pancakes, and I wasn’t prepared to spring that on him now. Especially not with Jack and Hannah here.

Instead, all I could do was wave and stroll over while pretending I wasn’t thinking about the taste of Harper’s strawberry lip balm.

“There you are,” I said, leaning down to kiss Jack’s temple. “Having fun?”

“Daddy, I had gogagges,” Jack said, smiling up at me, the tiniest blob of dried ketchup next to his mouth.

“Yeah? Were they nice?”

“Yes!”

“Did you watch me play?”

Jack shook his head. “No. I was busy.”

I chuckled and kissed him again. “Thanks, mate.” I glanced up at Harper, who was watching me with a smile. There was a sharp pull in my stomach, like I was being dragged towards him, and all I wanted was to lean in and kiss him. We were so close. It would be so easy.

But it would have to wait.

“How’re you doing?” Harper asked softly. “I thought you played really well.”

“Thanks. And I’m doing okay—disappointed that we couldn’t get it across the line, but it just wasn’t meant to be. We made some mistakes and we let them get to us. It happens.”

“Next time.”

“Absolutely,” I said with a nod.

“I still think you were great,” he said. “Although I don’t know how much my opinion counts because I still have no idea what the rules are.”

“I’ll have to teach you.”

“You’ll be a better teacher than me,” Hannah said, startling me because I’d almost forgotten she was there.

“Yeah, well, you don’t know the rules either.” I grinned at her, hoping she hadn’t noticed me twitch because she’d figure out what was going on in two seconds flat. She was the most observant person I knew, except when it came to herself. Which was how we’d ended up with Jack.

“I’m getting better! I know what a line out is for now.”

“Impressive. It’s only taken you nine years.”

Hannah laughed and then shot me a wicked look. “And what’s tort?”

“Oh… fu—fishcakes,” I said. She had me there. It was something legal, and I was sure Hannah had explained it multiple times, but all I could think about was torte cake.

“Thank you.” She shot me a satisfied smile. “Oh, I meant to ask you. What are we doing about”—she dropped to a mouthed whisper—“Jack’s birthday?”

“Not sure yet. I’ll let you know.” Mostly because I hadn’t even started thinking about it.

I should have, because it was only a few weeks away and I was pushing it to get anything organised.

But with Harper starting and then getting lost in my feelings, plus training and everything else, I hadn’t even thought about it.

A pang of guilt wrenched my stomach because Jack knew what his birthday was this year and I wanted it to be a memorable one.

And it wouldn’t be if I couldn’t get my fucking act together.

“I’ll coordinate,” Harper said, looking between the two of us. “Hannah, just let me know if there’s any dates you can’t do. That would be fab. I’m sure you’ve already told Matty, but if you can let me know too, I’d really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Hannah said as she pulled out her phone while I mouthed Thank you at Harper.

We chatted for a couple more minutes while a few people from the team drifted over to say bye and I told them I’d see them on Tuesday when we came back to training.

As I looked around the room, I saw Ezra with someone from the marketing team, the two of them deep in conversation and comparing things on various devices.

Jack was starting to doze off in Harper’s lap, the sausages and general exhaustion of the day finally getting to him. “I think that’s our cue,” Hannah said. “I don’t think either of us will be late to bed tonight.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with another night?” I asked as she picked up her handbag. Even though we always agreed Friday night until Monday morning, when Hannah would drop him off at nursery, I never wanted her to feel pressured. “I can take him now if it’s easier.”

“No, I’m good. But I’ll let you know if anything changes,” she said, shooting me a little smile. She bent slightly and spoke to Jack, who put out his arms, clearly wanting to be carried.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, after nursery,” I said and leaned in to give Jack a little kiss. It always hurt watching him leave with Hannah, even if I was glad they got to spend time together, because there’d been a time when I’d wondered if it would be possible.

“Bye, Jack,” Harper said, giving him a little wave as the pair of us stood and watched them go, giving Hannah a bit of space so Jack didn’t think he was coming with us. I could feel Harper watching me as the crowd began to thin out around us. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I am. It’s just… always weird not having him at home.”

“It has been a lot quieter. And there are fewer Cheerios on the floor.”

I chuckled softly. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“Bit too quiet, though.” Harper smiled softly and it looked like his heart was aching like mine. And that made the pain in my chest double, the feeling exploding through me with such force I had to stop myself from physically grabbing my shirt.

“Yeah,” I said in a strangled voice. “Not really used to it.”

“You probably won’t ever be,” he said. “Sorry, I know that’s not particularly comforting.”

“No, but I wouldn’t trade it if it means Jack gets to spend time with Hannah.

” I wondered if I should say more, but I wasn’t going to spill Hannah’s personal struggles, even if I thought Harper should know.

If she wanted to tell him, she could, and hopefully he’d understand why I’d never said anything.

Harper glanced down at the floor and nodded. “She’s really nice, and it’s obvious she cares about Jack, even if things aren’t always easy.”

She had said something then. I wondered what.

“She does want to know if you want to go halves on a climbing frame set for Jack’s birthday, by the way. She said she’d mentioned it last week?”

“Shit, I forgot to look at it,” I said, rubbing my face. “I’ll do it when we get home. If you’re ready to go?”

“Whenever you are.”

“Cool, let’s go then. Before anyone stops me.

And I’d like your opinion too, because I’m not sure if the climbing frame is a good idea.

I mean he’s only three. Is it too much for him?

Will he hurt himself? Not that he’d be using it unsupervised, but still.

I’m not sure if I’m being too protective, though.

And I think the set Hannah found has swings, a slide, and like a little house?

Kind of like a treehouse without the tree.

It’s not a cheap one either, so I don’t think it’d fall apart, and I assume it’ll have had good safety testing, but still. ”

I was spiralling, that much was obvious, but all Harper did as we walked out the door and down the stairs was put his hand on my arm and squeeze gently.

“It’ll be okay,” he said. “We can look at it together and explore some options. But climbing frames and playhouses can be really good for kids. They help with staying active, improving coordination, giving them a space to use their imagination as they play, and they’re great for socialising too if Jack ever has play dates with other children from nursery or school.

Plus, it would last him a while. He’s not going to grow out of it overnight. ”

“You’re right,” I said, nodding as we walked towards my car.

I’d given Harper a lift earlier to save taking three cars, and it felt so natural for him to slide into the passenger seat alongside me.

I reached out and brushed my fingers across his.

We had one more night with just the two of us, and suddenly I remembered everything I’d been thinking about in bed that morning.

I shouldn’t have been doing this. Shouldn’t have been remembering how it felt to come with Harper’s name on my lips. But would it matter if it was only one night?

One more night.

It wasn’t like we were going to tell anyone. Nobody was going to get hurt, except maybe us. But if we chose this, we couldn’t blame anyone but ourselves. Besides, we weren’t planning on things going wrong. It was just an itch we needed to get out of our systems.

And the road to hell was paved with good intentions.

Harper interlaced his fingers with mine and smiled. “What do you want to do when we get home?”

“I could do with dinner, but apart from that… I was thinking, maybe… since we’ve got the house to ourselves. Would you like to—”

“Pick up where we left off?”

“Yeah.”

“Yes,” he said, the corner of his mouth curling teasingly as his gaze raked over me, sending a shiver across my skin. “I’d like that.”