Page 35 of The Scrum-Half (Lincoln Knights #3)

Matty

“Do you want strawberries or blueberries with your pancakes this morning? Or both?” Harper asked as he took the tubs of fruit out of the fridge, looking over at Jack, who was stood on his stool next to me, watching intently as I spooned batter into the frying pan.

It was Sunday morning, the day after my last regular away game of the season, and we’d decided the time was right to tell Jack about us.

We’d also decided, since the weather was nice, to do a bit of a surprise family day out with a trip to a local National Trust property that had long woodland walks, beautiful gardens, and, most importantly, a kids’ play area.

We purposely hadn’t booked the tickets in advance, though, in case Jack didn’t take it well and we needed to have a quiet day at home.

Everything with Hannah had been easier than I’d expected, and I kept waiting for someone to pull the rug out from underneath me. Which could very well happen today.

It’d been a little awkward to get things sorted with the agency, but we’d managed to smooth things over with a combination of Hannah’s charm and utter ruthlessness.

We were still in the process of getting things moved across to Hannah, but she’d promised to keep us posted.

She was now working in London, so there was the potential for us to see her more often, although she’d already mentioned a project coming up in Singapore, so I didn’t know how long she’d actually be around for.

“Strawbies, please,” Jack said, barely taking his eyes off the pancakes.

They were banana and chocolate chip, a special treat just because.

When I’d suggested them, Jack had practically exploded with excitement, and he’d loved helping me mash the bananas before throwing handfuls of chocolate chips in with wild abandon.

Luckily, he hadn’t been fussed about helping with the eggs.

“Strawberries it is. Matty?”

“Both, please,” I said as I flipped the pancakes, pleased with how well they were turning out.

“Sounds good.” Harper put the fruit down on the counter before washing and slicing the strawberries, his nails a matching red with little rabbits stamped on them.

He smiled at me every time he looked over, and something caught in my chest. I hadn’t used the word love, not directly, because I was worried it was too soon.

I’d told him I loved his smile and the way he laughed.

That I loved how thoughtful he was, how kind and caring.

How cute he looked with his hair pulled up and his glasses on the end of his nose as he painted his nails.

How gorgeous he looked dancing around the kitchen and running around the garden with Jack.

That I adored how much he loved my son and dealt with everything—good, bad, and screaming—with grace and a smile, even if he didn’t feel that way inside.

But I hadn’t actually said I loved him .

That would have to change soon, though, because I didn’t think I’d be able to keep it in for much longer.

“Daddy,” Jack said as I put the cooked pancakes onto a plate on my other side, away from inquisitive toddler hands, and began scooping more batter into the pan.

“Yes, pumpkin.”

“How do I get a brother? Or a sister? I don’t mind which.”

I glanced over at Harper, who looked as bemused as I felt, and then back at my son, who was trying to fish chocolate chips out of the bowl of batter, his fingers and face already covered. “Er, why do you want one?”

“Addison and Cillian are getting one. They told me yesterday.”

“Oh?” I asked, mentally cataloguing this to ask Frankie if it was true because if so, he’d kept that very quiet.

I’d have to pull him aside during the week and have a quiet word to make sure he was okay.

It didn’t quite explain why Jack wanted a sibling, but kids often wanted things they didn’t have, so I wasn’t reading too much into it.

“Yeah. They want a brother but their mummy said it’ll be a surprise.” He frowned as he shoved a sticky paw into his mouth and sucked it for a second, making me think distinctly of Winnie the Pooh and a pot of honey. “I don’t think I like surprises.”

“Some surprises are nice,” Harper said. “Like your birthday cake—that was a surprise.”

“Hmm, I ’pose.” Jack was still deep in thought, his hand going for the bowl of batter again, which I deftly moved away while pretending to spoon more into the pan. “Harper,” Jack continued. “Do you think stars like it when we sing about them?”

“Like ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’?” Harper asked, not missing a beat as he began to get plates out.

“Yeah.”

“Maybe. I think I’d like it if I was a star.”

“You’re a star to me,” I said without thinking.

“Don’t be silly Daddy, he’s not a star he’s Harper. An’ stars live in the sky not the house.”

“It’s just a nice name,” I said as I scraped the last of the pancake batter into the pan. There were more pancakes than I’d imagined, but I didn’t think any would go to waste since I was starving after yesterday. “I think you’re a star too. It means I think you’re all beautiful and sparkly.”

Jack sighed dramatically. “But I’m not sparkly, Daddy. I don’t have any glitter.” He shot me a scornful look, as if being denied glitter was a crime against humanity. “I’m glad Harper isn’t a star ’cos he wouldn’t live here, he’d live with the moon an’ thas too far. I don’t have a rocket ship!”

He shook his head, silently judging me for providing him with a distinct lack of rockets and glitter. Truly, my son had a terrible life.

“I’m glad Harper lives here too.” I looked over at Harper again, who was now stood on the other side of the kitchen island and starting to plate breakfast up.

I didn’t know if this was the best time to bring things up to Jack, but there was no time like the present.

And it was better to do it now before my courage fled.

“Jack, how would you feel if Harper stayed here for a long time?”

Jack looked between us and frowned, the expression the spitting image of his mother’s. “He’s already here! Why would he go?”

“He wouldn’t,” I said, flipping over the final pancakes. “Okay, so, er… you know that I love you very much. And that Mummy loves you very much. But that Mummy and I are friends and we don’t live together, and we’re not married like Addison and Cillian’s mum and dad?”

“Yes. You love me but not each other.”

I winced. “I do love your mum but as my friend.”

“Okay,” Jack said, clearly unbothered. “Can I have pancakes now?”

“Sure. Would you like me to cut them up for you?” Harper asked.

“I can do it. Thank you,” Jack said as he climbed down from his stool, pausing at the bottom to look at his hands. “Harper, my hands are sticky.”

“That’s okay. We can wash them first,” Harper said, walking around to shepherd Jack over to the sink and brushing my arm with his hand as he passed. You’re doing great , he mouthed.

I didn’t think I was but I didn’t know how to find the words. How did I explain all these big feelings to Jack? How did I make sure he still felt loved and safe but also make it clear how I felt about the beautiful man with golden hair who’d brought sunshine into my life?

Then I realised I had the perfect reference, one we’d read so many times I could almost recite it by heart.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice steady. “Jack, you know in Prince & Knight that the prince is looking for a princess but doesn’t actually want to marry a princess, and then he meets the knight—”

“Who’s fighting the dragon!”

“Yes. And he falls in love with the knight.”

“Yes and they get married.”

“They do,” I said with a nod, the knot in my chest both simultaneously tightening and loosening. “Well, how would you feel if I met someone who was like my knight? If he was kind and brave and smart and very handsome. If he made me feel all warm and happy inside, even when I’m feeling sad.”

Jack pondered while he washed his hands with a small amount of assistance from Harper since he was so deep in thought and getting more water on his clothes than his fingers. “Did he also fight a dragon?”

“Sort of,” I said as I watched Harper trying not to giggle. I was sure he’d describe my initial behaviour as dragon-like, despite my good intentions.

“Would you get married?”

“I don’t know, maybe one day,” I said, still looking at Harper and hoping my words weren’t scaring him.

But he was smiling warmly, the way he always did.

And in that moment I felt an overwhelming rush of love sweep over me.

“But, er, I do love him. And I want him to be my boyfriend and stay here with you and me.”

“And Harper,” Jack said indignantly, gesturing at my sunshine with a wet hand and flinging water across his legs. “You forgot Harper.”

I walked over to the pair of them and bent down so I could take Jack’s hand.

“Actually, my knight is Harper, Jack. I love him and I’d like him to stay here with us.

But I still love you very, very much. That doesn’t change, okay?

” I looked up at Harper, who seemed like he was trying very hard not to cry.

I put my hand out to take his. “I want it to be you and me and Harper, all together in our house. Would that be okay?”

“Yeah, I ’pose,” Jack said with a smile. “But can I have pancakes now peas Daddy? I’m so hungry there’s a bear in my tummy.”

I squeezed his hand and grinned. “Yeah, mate, you can have pancakes now.”

He squealed happily, hopping off his stool and running across the kitchen towards the table.

I stood up and looked at Harper, my hand still in his.

Emotion swirled inside me and all my words seemed insignificant.

“I love you,” I said softly, lifting his hand to kiss his knuckles. “My beautiful sunshine.”

“I love you too,” Harper said, resting his hand on my chest as he gazed into my eyes, a teasing edge to his smile. “Are you my grumpy dragon then?”

“I’m a prince, obviously.”

“Hmm, I’m going with dragon.” He leant in and kissed me, mouth sweet with strawberries. “My gorgeous, grumpy dragon, who I love more than anything.”

“Daddy! Harper! No kissing! It’s time for pancakes!” Jack yelled from his seat at the table, glaring at us with folded arms. “That’s very rude.”

“That’s us told then,” Harper said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, I’m not sure if I should be worried or pleased about the fact he’s more interested in pancakes.”

“Let’s go with pleased, and if he wants to ask questions, he can,” Harper said, letting go of my hand to wash his own quickly. “We know he’s not afraid to do that.”

“True.”

We walked over to the table, collecting various breakfast things on the way past the island.

I couldn’t wait to see what questions Jack came up with, but I’d do my best to answer all of them.

I never wanted to be one of those parents who said, Because I said so or Stop asking questions .

If I didn’t know the answer, I could look it up.

And if I didn’t know how to answer it, then I could probably Google that too.

Jack was almost vibrating with excitement as he helped Harper cut up his pancakes, launching into a long story about how, if he had a farm, he wouldn’t have any cows because he didn’t like them but he would like goats because they wouldn’t be mean to him.

I had no idea where the mistrust of cows had come from, but I smiled and nodded, basking in this moment.

When I looked over at Harper, he was watching Jack with fond amusement, and I knew there’d never be enough time or ways to tell him how much I loved him. He’d brought me back to myself and given me things I didn’t know I’d needed.

Harper was my sunshine, simple as that.

For the first time, my life felt totally complete.

And I hoped that feeling would last for a long, long time.