Page 27 of The Scrum-Half (Lincoln Knights #3)

Harper

The morning of Jack’s birthday dawned bright and warm, but I’d already been awake for two hours by the time the sun rose because Jack had decided that three AM was a perfectly acceptable wake-up time and had refused to acknowledge that it was far too early to get up.

I’d taken him downstairs to do some yoga and a few Pilates stretches in the playroom, hoping it might burn out some of his energy and excitement by getting him to focus.

Then I’d read him some of his favourite books, and eventually he’d crashed out again in my lap, snoring like a jet engine.

I half wondered if his dad did the same, but we hadn’t shared a bed yet, so I had no way of knowing.

Matty had come down at five and found us on the playroom sofa, his smile so rumpled and beautiful I thought my heart would melt.

He’d scooped Jack up and taken him back upstairs, carrying him towards Matty’s room. He’d shot me a look that said I could come too. That we could all relax in his room and the two of us could talk while Jack slept. But we both knew it was impossible, which was why he hadn’t said it.

Instead, I went back to my room and lay in bed, staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell I’d gotten myself into. My feelings for Matty were far too real to ignore now but today was not the day to deal with them.

By the time my bedside clock hit seven, I gave up pretending I was going to get any more sleep, so I showered and went back downstairs to start decorating and prepping breakfast. Technically, it was my day off but I wasn’t going to miss being here for a second of Jack’s birthday.

Not only because I’d organised most of it but because I adored him and I wanted to spend the day celebrating with him.

Besides, I’d pretty much always gone to my children’s parties in the past, so it wasn’t that unusual for me to be here. Nobody at the party would think it was strange, and I was going to use that to my advantage. Then I could pretend… something. That Matty and I were together?

That we were a family?

“Get it together. You’re being ridiculous,” I muttered to myself as I grabbed the helium balloons we’d stashed away in the utility room and put them out along with a big banner I’d ordered off Etsy that said Happy Birthday, Jack.

It was orange, black, and purple in keeping with the half Halloween theme and had dinosaur skeletons on in keeping with the other half.

Above me, I could hear Matty and Jack moving around, Jack’s laughter audible through the floor. The sound was so bright and sweet I wanted to hear it every day. I wanted to be here to see what sort of person he became, to be a part of his life through all the good days as well as the hard ones.

As ridiculous as my dreams were, I couldn’t bring myself to part with them.

I wanted to live in them for just a little bit longer. Another day, another week, maybe even a month. Until reality popped our bubble and brought us back down to Earth with a bump.

“Harper! It’s my birthday!” Jack yelled, interrupting my melancholy musings as he came tearing into the kitchen wearing his favourite orange T-shirt.

He must have had another sudden growth spurt because it was starting to look too small on him.

He really was getting big. Luckily, we’d bought him a new T-shirt for the party later as a surprise.

“It is,” I said, bending down to give him a hug and a kiss. “Happy birthday!”

“Did you know I get a birthday every year?” he asked in a delighted whisper, like this was some secret he’d only just discovered.

“I did.”

“Do you get one too?”

“I do, and so does Daddy.”

“Daddy gets a birthday? But he’s so old.”

“Hey! I heard that,” Matty said, walking into the kitchen and ruffling Jack’s hair fondly.

“Daddy, did you know Harper gets a birthday too?”

“I did,” Matty said with a smile that felt like someone had injected a shot of espresso straight into my exhausted veins.

“Maybe when it’s his birthday, we can do something fun for him.

But first… I think you should go and look over there.

” He gestured towards the far end of the kitchen, which led into an open plan dining room we hardly used.

It was where I’d put out the decorations and where Matty had put a few small presents for Jack to open.

There was one from me too—a marble run, because I knew it would make Jack laugh as he watched the marbles go running through the tunnels and towers he’d built for them. I still had very fond memories of the one I’d had as a kid.

Although hopefully Jack would not try launching the marbles off the stairs and nearly break his dad’s leg in the process.

The climbing frame, which Matty and Hannah had purchased between them, was being delivered and assembled on Tuesday while Jack was at nursery. We’d already bought a large bow to stick onto it since it wasn’t exactly something we could wrap.

“Did you manage to get any more sleep?” Matty asked as Jack zoomed off. His nap had clearly recharged his batteries and I doubted he’d sleep at all now until after the party.

“A little.”

Matty hummed and looked at me with pursed lips. “Not sure I believe that.”

“Did you?”

“No,” Matty said. “Too busy thinking about this afternoon.”

“It’s going to be absolutely fine,” I said, putting my hand on his arm. It was the closest I could get to holding his hand. “And what does it matter if it’s not perfect? As long as Jack has fun, that’s all that matters.”

“Thanks, sunshine.” He smiled again, then quickly brushed his lips across my cheek. “I don’t think I could get through this without you.”

I wanted to tell him he’d be fine. That he didn’t need me as much as he thought.

But I couldn’t find the words to say any of that.

Because, selfishly, I wanted him to need me.

“Hey, you must be Harper! It’s so good to meet you.”

“Hey, nice to see you!”

“Are we taking our shoes off?”

“I hope it’s okay—we brought presents.”

I stared at the group of enormous men walking in through the front door, all carrying a variety of presents in bright wrapping paper, some of which were almost as large as they were.

I vaguely recognised them from the rugby pitch and seeing them at a distance in the Knights family lounge, but I didn’t know any of their names.

Apparently, they all knew who I was, though, which was a little disconcerting.

But they were all smiles, clapping me on the shoulder with a force that nearly made my knees buckle.

“Hey,” I said, snapping into host mode and pointing towards the kitchen.

“Yes, just through there. We’re all out in the garden, so you can leave your shoes on.

And you can take the presents with you. Matty’s put a table out.

The birthday boy should be out there too.

He’s in a bright green dinosaur T-shirt. You can’t miss him.”

“Perfect, thank you!” They all trooped through and I followed them, frowning because one or two of them I didn’t recognise from rugby but they still seemed familiar.

One of them in particular, who had a shaved head and a neon pink T-shirt, made me think of a drag artist I’d seen at The Court.

But Matty hadn’t mentioned knowing anyone there.

He caught me looking and grinned. “Hey, I’m Ryan—Mason’s boyfriend.”

“Hey, I’m Harper. Jack’s nanny,” I said. “I’m sorry, you look really familiar. This is going to sound weird, but you don’t happen to go to The Court, do you?”

“Yeah! I do. I’m Legs Luthor.” He looked at me for a long second. “Wait, did you come to the variety night last month? I could have sworn I saw you on the dance floor. You had a yellow top on.”

I stared, trying not to totally flub my words and look like a total creep. I was absolutely going to be having words with Matty later because he had to have known his teammate’s boyfriend was a drag artist! “I did, and you were amazing! Truly incredible.”

“Aww, thank you! Oh, you’ll have seen Sparkles too,” Ryan said, turning to look at the group of men heading for the back door. “Sparkles, come here.”

“What’s up?” asked another beautiful young man with brown hair, wearing flared jeans and a vintage-style Nightmare Before Christmas T-shirt.

“This is Harper, Jack’s nanny. He—sorry, are you he/him? I’m he/they, if that helps.”

“Yes, he/him.”

“Perfect. Harper was at the variety show last month! Harper, this is Rory, also known as the fabulous Bubblegum Galaxy.” Ryan grinned. “I have to say, Sparkles, you’re seriously lacking in the glitter department today.”

“West says Matty hates glitter, so I avoided it and got this to match the theme,” Rory said, gesturing at his T-shirt.

“And seriously? You were there! Oh my God, did Matty know? He should have said! We’d have taken such good care of you.

This is an absolute injustice that needs correcting. Where is Matthew?”

I laughed, trying to wrap my head around what was going on. “Outside. You can corner him there.”

“Oh, we will,” Rory said. “Add me on Insta and next time you come down we’ll introduce you to everyone. You’re part of the family now, sorry. We’re adopting you.”

“Sparkles, don’t scare him,” Ryan said, looping their arm through Rory’s. “But also, I’m going to agree. We’re adopting you. Do you come to the rugby? Oh, I assume you bring Jack. Sparkles, next time we’re sitting in the family lounge.”

“Good plan.”

“Oh lord,” Matty said as he stepped through the back door, looking between the three of us with an expression of pure horror. “Please don’t scare my nanny off.”

“We’d never do that,” Rory said with a serene smile. “We were just saying next time Harper comes to The Court, we’ll have to introduce him to everyone. Since we didn’t know he was coming last time.”

“How did you—”

“We know everything,” Ryan said with a wink. “It’s a skill. And now I’m going to go and see the birthday boy.”

“Oh, and we’re starting a summer series of drag story hours from the start of May,” Rory said as Ryan pulled him away. “You should both bring Jack again. He’d love it! The dates are on Instagram.”

“Sounds great,” I said, hoping I’d remember it after the chaos of the party.

The two of them went out into the back garden and I took a moment to breathe while Matty grabbed a platter of cupcakes, each decorated with chocolate bones and dinosaur skulls, off the counter.

I was so glad he’d agreed to order all the food rather than try and do it ourselves because I did not have the skill or patience to cater for the fifty or so people that were here.

“How’re you doing?” Matty asked. “Surviving okay?”

“Doing well,” I said with a nod. “Is Jack having fun? I think getting Sally was a great decision. She’s amazing!”

“It was. He’s practically hanging on her every word. I think he’ll be gutted when it’s time for her to leave.”

“I’m sure she’ll have a fun way to say she needs to go home, and we’ll do the cake just before that. Oh, your friends all brought presents, so I told them to take them outside.”

“Yeah, I saw. I got them to put them on the table and Jack can open them later or over the next few days,” Matty said. “I have no idea what they’ve got him, but I’m sure we’ll find out.”

There was an edge of concern to his tone, like he wasn’t sure whether he trusted them or not. I didn’t know any of them well enough to judge, but as long as none of them had brought glitter, then we’d be fine. Anything with glitter would be swiftly and quietly disposed of while Jack wasn’t looking.

Unless the giftee was willing to come round and clean the house afterwards.

“It was nice of them to come, though. They seem very excited,” I said, moving closer to Matty so I could follow him out into the garden. But instead of moving, he put his hand on my waist and kissed me softly.

“Sorry,” he said quietly. “I just had to do that. It’s been too long since I got to kiss you.”

I swallowed, everything I wanted to say getting stuck in my throat. “What if someone sees?”

He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. But how could he be so casual about it? If anyone saw, they’d likely blame me for seducing him and my reputation would be ruined in seconds, not to mention my career. I hadn’t truly realised how much that worried me until now.

My fear warred with my desire to be loved, to have the relationship and family I longed for. And while I knew which side I wanted to win, I didn’t know if it would.

Matty pressed the tray of cupcakes into my hands and smiled at me, clearly not realising anything was wrong. “You take these out. I’m going to get the other vegetable platter out the fridge.”

“Okay,” I said, trying to shake the cloud of doubts settling over me. “I’ll see you in a second.”

I walked through into the utility room and out into the sunshine, nearly crashing straight into Hannah, who was coming the other way. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed her.

“Sorry,” I said with a half smile as I ducked around her. “Matty’s in the kitchen if you’re looking for him.”

I didn’t stop to listen to her response.

I was just thankful she hadn’t walked in ten seconds earlier.