Page 6 of The Scrum-Half (Lincoln Knights #3)

Matty

Harper

I just wanted to let you know I’ve picked Jack up early from nursery today. He’s running a bit of a low-grade fever and has a snotty nose. I’ll give him some Calpol and we’ll spend the rest of the afternoon resting. Are you okay if I put a Disney film on for him?

I stared at Harper’s message, my fork stuck in my pile of beef noodles, as my brain screeched to a halt and all my thoughts turned to static.

Jack was ill.

Jack was ill and I wasn’t there.

And yes, Harper said it was only a fever and a snotty nose but what if it was something else? There were tons of serious things that started out with similar symptoms and got much worse incredibly quickly. Who knew what one of the other kids at nursery had given him.

What were the symptoms of meningitis? Or pneumonia? Did sepsis start with a fever? Could it even be an allergic reaction? I didn’t think Jack had any allergies but he could have developed one. Or we could just have gotten lucky and never encountered his allergen before.

Maybe one of the kids at nursery had brought in a snack from home and given him some. Maybe Harper had accidentally given him something or maybe one of the ingredients had changed in one of our regular cereals.

I dropped my fork, which clanged loudly as it fell out of the bowl onto the canteen table, and began frantically Googling various illnesses to see what I should be most worried about.

“Everything okay?” Kegan asked, his question making me jump because I’d forgotten I was sat at a whole table of people.

“Yeah, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” added Hunter.

I glanced up at the concerned sea of silent faces waiting for an answer. “Er, Jack’s poorly. Got a bit of a fever and a runny nose.”

“Kids! They’re always picking up something.

I love them, but they’re walking plague rats,” Frankie said as he went back to his curry.

He was always so relaxed it sometimes made me wonder if I was too wound up, but then again Frankie had a stay-at-home wife, so maybe these sorts of concerns took up less space in his mind.

“Do you need to go and pick him up?” Bailey asked, toying with his own bowl of noodles. “Hannah’s not back until next week, right?”

Fuck. I’d managed not to tell any of them about Harper so far, but now I’d backed myself into a corner because with Hannah away, there was nobody else to look after Jack unless I begged babysitting services from someone’s wife.

My family were completely off the table in terms of childcare and everyone knew that, even if they didn’t exactly know why.

And that was a mess I wasn’t prepared to unpack with them.

There were some things that were better left unsaid or forgotten.

“No, not today,” I said vaguely as I tapped on a link to the NHS website and grabbed my fork to start shovelling noodles into my mouth so I wouldn’t be able to answer questions.

“Can’t be that bad then if he doesn’t need to be picked up from nursery,” Kegan said with an encouraging smile.

“Exactly,” Hunter said, patting me on the shoulder. “It can’t be that serious then. I’m surprised they let you know.”

“Yeah, me too.” I swallowed and nodded. I was grateful for the out, even though I was lying to them. I didn’t even know why I was lying about Harper’s existence. Hiring another nanny wasn’t that big of a deal, and I could easily tell them all to sod off if they made it into one.

That was the problem, though, really.

The idea of being called on my bad behaviour felt like needles under my skin, and every sentence seemed to come with an unspoken accusation that I was a terrible parent.

I knew I wasn’t perfect, no parent was, but goddammit, I was trying my best. All I wanted was for Jack to be happy and loved and to raise him to be a good person. But in the back of my mind, I wondered if I was capable of that.

And in the depths of the night, when the shadows seemed so much darker, I even wondered if he’d be better off without me.

The others carried on their conversation about our upcoming matches, leaving me to stew in my worries.

My lunch turned to tasteless rubber as I scrolled, mentally writing a list of all the things Jack could be coming down with.

I could feel my worry starting to spiral into full-blown panic but it didn’t stop me from scrolling.

Until another message from Harper flashed across my screen with a picture attached.

My fingers shook as I opened it, half expecting to see Jack in the back of an ambulance. But it was only the two of them on the sofa with Jack and his giraffe tucked under the enormous pumpkin blanket I’d gotten from Asda last October.

Harper

Realised you might not have a chance to respond if you’re training but wanted to let you know we’re watching Robin Hood. Jack also ate a jam sandwich and half a banana, and had some water and a small cup of orange juice.

Matty

Robin Hood is fine and I’m glad he ate something. However a jam sandwich and half a banana isn’t ideal if he’s ill. I’d rather he had something with greater nutritional value. Also what’s his temperature? Has he been sick? Does he have any sort of rash or discolouration? What’s his breathing like?

Matty

Do you know all the symptoms for things like pneumonia, meningitis, sepsis etc? I’m worried this isn’t just a fever and snotty nose.

Matty

Please send me regular updates on his actions including if he sleeps or goes to the loo.

Also if he’s had any medication, please let me know the exact doses and timing of them.

I’ll keep my phone on me all afternoon if you need anything and check in as often as I can.

Please know I’ll also be checking the nanny cameras in the living room, kitchen, playroom, and Jack’s room.

I didn’t care if Harper was upset with me. He was my employee and this was what I required of him. There were certain things I didn’t like about rugby training but I did them anyway because it was part of my job. And if he didn’t like it, that wasn’t my problem.

I put my phone on the table beside my bowl so I could glance at the screen while I ate. He’d seen my replies, which was good, and while I wanted a faster response than the one I was getting, I did accept that my list of questions was quite long.

Further down the table, Bailey was saying something about birthday parties and it reminded me Jack’s birthday was coming up at the end of April.

Hannah had already mentioned having a party but we hadn’t gotten any further than that.

I needed to start thinking about it, though, or we’d end up doing nothing.

Although if he was only turning three, did it need to be a huge, elaborate affair? Was I wrong for even thinking that? Would I be totally failing as a dad if I didn’t make all his birthday wishes come true?

I was saved, briefly, from further spiralling by messages from Harper, although they didn’t exactly cheer me up.

Harper

I know jam sandwiches aren’t the most nutritional however it was what Jack wanted and any food is better than no food.

His temperature is thirty-eight. No, he hasn’t been sick and he hasn’t got a rash.

Yes, I know all the symptoms of various illnesses and no, I am not currently concerned for Jack’s health.

Harper

I will send updates when things change and when he has more Calpol. You are free to check the cameras if you wish.

He’d answered my questions but the chill emanating from my phone was enough to make me shiver. My asks weren’t unreasonable, though, so why was he upset?

Maybe it would be easier to call him and check in.

“Be back in a minute,” I said vaguely to the other people at the table as I stood, grabbing my empty plate to deposit it on the rack near the kitchen.

The noodles on their own weren’t really enough but if I had time, I’d get something else before we went back to training.

There were always yoghurt bowls and fruit available if I didn’t want more hot food.

Ducking out through the doors of the canteen, I pulled up Harper’s number and hit the call button as I wandered towards the front door of the training centre. Everyone else was still at lunch, so hopefully nobody would be listening.

“Hey,” Harper said. He sounded confused and in the background, I could hear the distant strains of Robin Hood . I tried not to think about how much I’d fancied that fox as a kid. “Everything okay? Did my messages not come through?”

“Yeah, they did. But I wanted to get some more details.”

“Okay… such as?”

“What thermometer are you using for his temperature? Only I think the one in the kitchen first aid kit is a bit dodgy, and I’m not convinced the one I had for Jack as a baby is any good either.”

“I have my own. It’s part of the first aid kit I carry, which I check every six months to make sure is fully stocked and nothing is out of date,” Harper said calmly.

“Oh good,” I said, trying not to sound thrown. But what did he keep in his first aid kit that went out of date? Did plasters have an expiration? I’d have to check the kit in the kitchen when I got home.

“And the Calpol is from a brand-new bottle, which I bought today, and a brand-new spoon, so there’s no risk of cross contamination.”

“When did you get it?”

“When I picked Jack up from nursery,” he said. “We made a quick pit stop at Boots.”

“Was that necessary?”

“Yes,” he said, a note of irritation hardening his normally soft tone. “I couldn’t find anything for Jack to take in the main bathroom or kitchen, and I wasn’t about to go rifling through your bedroom.”

I scowled because he was in the right but I still didn’t like it. I knew where the open bottle of Calpol was too—sitting on the shelves next to the sink in my en-suite because I hadn’t thought to take it back downstairs. It hadn’t crossed my mind that anyone else would need it.

“That… makes sense,” I said through a clenched jaw as irritation bubbled in my chest.

“Thank you. Anything else? Would you like me to put you on speaker?”

“No, I don’t want to upset Jack since I’m not coming home. Unless you need me to? Would it be better if I came home?”

“We’re absolutely fine,” Harper said, the smile reappearing in his voice. I heard Jack say something and Harper hummed in acknowledgement. “Of course, let me ask him… Jack wants to say hello.”

I didn’t really get a moment to think about it because a second later there was a loud sniff and then Jack said, “Daddy.”

“Hey, buddy, how’re you? Harper said you’re feeling poorly.”

“No, I have a banana.”

“You have a banana? Is it nice?” I asked. He didn’t sound too bad, which was a small relief, but that didn’t mean he’d feel this way in an hour.

“Yes.”

“What about an orange?”

“No. I hate oranges.”

I tried not to sigh because it wasn’t worth arguing with a toddler about the fact he’d literally had a clementine last night. If he hated oranges today, he hated oranges. “Oh no,” I said. “Do you like strawberries?”

He sniffed again, then said, “Bye Daddy, I have to go.”

I didn’t know where he was going but all I heard was a thump and crackle, like the phone had been dropped, and then Harper’s muffled voice. “Whoops! Can I have that? Got it, thank you,” Harper said, his words becoming clearer as he rescued his phone from wherever Jack had disposed of it.

“In case you were wondering, he has the rest of his banana at the moment along with some strawberry slices and bits of clementine.”

“He just told me he hated oranges,” I said with bemusement.

“Oh well, he’s eating it right now.”

“Good,” I said. Someone called my name from further down the corridor and I turned to see Devon beckoning me. “I have to get back to training, but I’ll call again in a bit.”

“We’ll be absolutely fine,” Harper said. “And we’ll see you later.”

He hung up, leaving me staring at my phone. His answers had been good, and Jack had sounded better than I’d expected.

But I still opened the app for the nanny cams as I walked back towards the canteen.