Page 8 of The Road Back Home

Eyes still closed, I stumble toward the front door, cursing when my toe hits the wall. I yawn and rub at my eyes, opens them long enough to reach the front door. I pull it inward with more force than necessary only to come up short. Holden smiles apologetically and kisses my forehead as he passes.

“I know it’s ridiculously early, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s... fine? Ash will be waking up soon, anyway.”

“He’s here?”

“Yep. Katie’s on overnights for the next three days. Did you sneak in again?”

“What can I say? I’m a ninja.”

“Or the people in this building trust too easily.”

My prediction comes true not even thirty seconds later: Ashton’s small voice calls out for me before the child in question appears in the doorway to my bedroom.

I open my arms and pull him in against my chest once he’s within reach.

He rests his head on my shoulder and stares at Holden with wide eyes.

I catch myself staring, too, and shake myself free from my distraction.

Clearing my throat, I turn on my heel and set Ashton in his highchair.

“What brings you by?” I ask over my shoulder as I dig through the cupboard for the box of oatmeal packets that I know is hiding from me.

“I, well, I just wanted to see Ashton.”

“Oh, it’s all about him, isn’t it?” I giggle and look at my nephew. “Hear that, little dude? You’re a hot commodity.”

Ashton blinks at me then smacks his tray.

Laughing, I move to the fridge to grab his cup of milk.

He drinks greedily while I prepare a bowl of instant oatmeal and pop it into the microwave.

Holden perches on a stool and watches me move.

I pretend I can’t feel the weight of his gaze on my skin.

If I focus hard enough on peeling and slicing up an apple, I can almost forget there is an undercurrent of want coursing through my blood.

The last couple of weeks have been wonderful.

I’d aced my exams before summer break, even hung out with a few people from my Political Science class.

With new friends and old taking up the time I didn’t spend with Ashton, I’ve been happier than I can remember being for a long time.

All of the peace is compounded by the constant text messages and video calls with Holden.

This is the first time he’s come to visit, busy with recording a new album and preparing for the tour that comes next.

I don’t mind. We’re only friends with benefits, after all.

But... Somehow, whatever we have feels more like a long-distance relationship than something casual.

I want to stop it, want to not be so eager to talk to Holden.

I want to go back and not sleep with him.

I can’t say I regret it.

As soon as Ashton is distracted with food and Holden has promised to keep an eye on him, I disappear into the bathroom.

It takes little time to do my business and wash my hands, but I take extra care with brushing my teeth.

It would be just my luck that Holden would try to kiss me only to turn away because of bad breath or something.

My reflection stares back at me when I lift my head.

My dark eyes are bright, shining above rosy cheekbones.

A smile twitches at my lips. I let out a slow breath then turn to the door.

“Holy shit!” I all but shout when I pull the door open.

Holden smirks, a sharp-edged sword of a smile, and I barely get a breath into my lungs when he pushes forward.

He pins my body between the counter and his, and I close my eyes as he captures my mouth.

He tastes like coffee on my tongue. My arms wrap around his neck without hesitation, pulling him closer.

Pain from the counter digging into my back slithers up my spine, but I don’t care.

I just leap into the heady feeling consuming me.

Holden pulls away much too soon for my liking, and I pout up at him even as I struggle to catch my breath. He grins cheekily, pushes a lock of hair from my face.

“Morning, sweetheart.”

“You are so making this up to me,” I mutter while he walks away.

Thankfully, I regain control of myself quickly.

My breathing steadies, my heartbeat slows.

Even my stride is unwavering as I make my way to the kitchen where Ashton sits so unaware of everything around him.

Holden winks when I stop by the sink. All I can do is stick my tongue out at him while I wet a washcloth.

Ashton holds up his oatmeal-covered hands with a smile, and I hurriedly wipe him clean.

Blowing a raspberry on his cheek brings forth a giggle that I love so much.

Once he’s on his feet, he heads to the toy bin.

I watch him go and wonder, not for the first time, how the hell Katie can not see the amazing blessing she has in her life.

Holden remains on the sofa four hours later while I put Ashton in bed.

I tuck the purple lion under Ashton’s arm, kiss his forehead, and run a hand over his hair.

His eyes flutter closed after less than a minute, and I smile down at his sleeping form before sneaking out of the room.

Stopping in the doorway, I watch the man sitting on my couch.

His thumb taps the screen of his phone, his brows furrowed at whatever he sees.

I’ve found being with him as easy as breathing.

His kisses are intoxicating. The feelings I’ve developed—the ones that should never exist—have only grown stronger; this fact bothers me but not enough for me to change it.

Yet. He’s amazing, he makes me laugh so easily, and—not most importantly but still damn high up there—I want him physically to a depth I haven’t wanted another person for the last two years.

I’ll put a stop to it all soon enough. I just want to enjoy this for the moment.

I stride across the room to plop down beside him, and he lets out a soft laugh before opening his arms for me.

I shift closer and tilt my head up. Holden obliges without hesitation, and I fall headfirst into the dizzying spin of emotions that surge through me with the first touch of his lips to mine.

I wiggle until I can drag my fingers across his abdomen.

He gasps into my mouth when my hand slips below the waistband of his sweats, his briefs, and his hips jerk upward.

I chuckle, swallowing down his moan. His head falls back against the couch with a quiet thump, and I take the chance to watch his face.

His lashes spread like black wings over flushed cheeks, and his jaw tics as he exhales sharply through his nose.

I lean forward to nip at the tendon in his neck as he sucks his bottom lip between his teeth; my hand never stops its ministrations, my thumb finding and smearing the precum beading at the head of his cock. His pulse races under my mouth as I suck a bruise into the skin.

“You’re beautiful like this,” I whisper into his ear, nipping at the lobe.

That’s all it takes. His release spills over my loose fist, and I work him through it. My brain whispers as I watch the flicker of Holden’s expression as he shifts through emotions, but I ignore the voice saying that whatever I’m feeling for him…

It’s too close to the stirrings of love.