Page 47 of The Road Back Home

I meet his eyes, so gray and clear and full of our future. “Probably half past never.”

“I can live with that,” he says before ducking down to kiss me.

As soon as the other men are gone, Luci lets out a loud squeal, rounding the counter. I get very little warning before my friend approaches, wraps me in a tight hug. Luci sways wildly; her voice is a nonstop torrent of sound, and my eyes warm with unshed tears. Her approval means everything.

“You two are okay again? Please tell me you’re okay and moving back to Tennessee because I’ll miss you, but I just want you to be happy, oh, my God, DeeDee!”

“What has Kenny told you about sampling the products, especially in vast quantities?” I laugh as I pulls away. “But yes, we’re going back to Tennessee.”

“Thank fuck. I love seeing your face, but I love seeing your face full of happiness through a video chat more. So what’cha getting today?”

Once she has our orders and has passed over the pastries requested, Holden places his hand on my lower back and steers me toward a table. “I’ll wait for the drinks while you sit with Ash.”

“Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I thought maybe you’d wanna spend some more time with him.”

“It’s okay. I promise,” he tacks on when I open my mouth to argue. He pauses and cocks his head. “Hey, Luci, can you turn the music up?”

My lips turn down in the corners, but Holden ignores me.

The music comes through the speakers slightly louder, and he listens for a moment.

Then he grins at the country singer singing of a Texas tornado blowing into his life and making him her fool.

Holden pulls his phone from his pocket and deftly unlocks the screen.

“What are you doing?” I ask, stretching to see that he’s editing my contact information—adding a tornado emoji to the “Dee” and heart that’s already there. Rolling my eyes, I smile and stroke a finger along his forearm. “I love you, you weirdo.”

After the coffeeshop visit, we go back to the apartment.

Holden sets Ashton down on the living room floor, tousling the toddler’s hair, then stands upright.

I stare unabashedly as my boyfriend stretches; his shirt rides up and exposes a strip of skin above the waistband of his bootcut jeans.

My heart quickens in my chest. He catches me ogling him and laughs.

“I feel like you’re objectifying me,” he teases as he makes his way to my side.

“Of course I’m not. How dare you think that?”

“Sure, sweetheart, you keep telling yourself that.”

“I absolutely will.” I wrap my arms around his neck, tugging him closer, kissing away his chuckle. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

My head tilts to the left at his grimace. “What? What’s wrong?”

“We have to drive back, don’t we?”

I can’t help it. I lose the battle against my giggles at the petulance in his voice, the pout on his face.

Holden pokes my nose, but his lips twitch and betray his amusement.

I lace my fingers with his and lead him to the couch.

Ashton ignores us, too busy making his dinosaur toys stomp across the floor.

I watch him for a moment to remind myself that he’s fine.

He’s happy. Understanding and promises live in Holden’s eyes when I turn back to him.

“He’s okay,” he says softly.

“I know. I just… I’m worried this last week has been harder on him than I could ever actually comprehend.”

“It may have been hard on him, but I doubt it’s something that’ll stick with him. At worst, if he remembers, he grows up thinking it was a vacation.”

I snort. “Yeah, a vacation full of sad songs and his aunt crying all the time.”

“Well, we’re fixing that, right? You and me, in this together for the long run?”

I nod before he even finishes speaking. I have renewed hopes this relationship will last. That it will grow stronger with time, that we can make this work.

Whatever was wrong before won’t happen again.

I clear my throat and head back to the kitchen for a drink.

Holden follows, a shadow I don’t mind having.

He waits until I’ve filled a glass with water before he speaks.

“So. Driving back.”

“Yes. Driving. I like your car, and so do you. I don’t wanna leave it here.”

“And I don’t really wanna drive that much.”

“Then you can fly while Ash and I drive back.”

“I am not letting you out of my sight for a very, very long time.”

I stare at him with my glass raised halfway to my lips. There is no amusement on his face, and his lips are pressed into a thin line. I have no doubts he’s not joking or making light of the promise. I graciously decide not to remind him of the tour he has planned that’s rapidly approaching.

“Then we’re driving together,” I say with a grin, holding up outstretched arms.

Holden steps into my space and crowds me against the counter. “I guess I can handle that if you’re by my side.”

“For what it’s worth, it certainly can’t be more annoying than living with me. But there will be eating in the car, and you, mister, are not allowed to say one single, solitary word about it.”

“It’s my car, I can say what I want,” he protests with a laugh. “But fine, we can eat in it.”

“So, I don’t have to tell Tara whether I’m coming back or not until tomorrow. What do you say I show you ’round my town?”

“I’d love that.”

I dip my chin then push gently on his abdomen.

Holden steps back, chuckling, and I lead him to the living room.

There is no need for my suggestions—Holden automatically scoops Ashton into his arms and, with a smacking kiss to the toddler’s cheek, carries him to the entryway where his shoes sit against the wall.

I make sure the diaper bag is fully stocked before following.

As I slip a pair of sandals onto my feet, I let myself ruminate over the last few months.

The silences between us had been oppressive, screaming in my ear that I was alone again. The reality of it all seeped into my bones and weighted down my heart. Now, the quiet is peaceful, comfortable, as easy as when I first made Holden’s house my home.

Home .

I had never considered that there might be another place I call ‘home’.

I’d moved from a small town to Austin at nineteen, all in the name of higher education.

I had never gone outside the Texas borders; it’s where I grew up, where I knew I would die.

I never would have dreamed that another state would feel more like home than Texas.

Or maybe it’s not the state that’s home.

Home is wherever Holden and Ashton are.

The park is busier than I anticipated, but I don’t mind.

Not when Ashton looks so happy to be able to play with kids his age, not with Holden so near, not with the heat and sunshine and everything that feels so right.

I lead Holden to a bench in the shade of a large tree, and we watch Ashton chasing after the other children.

Holden eventually leaves me by myself, choosing to push Ashton in the swing. I swallow past the lump in my throat and watch Holden’s quick smiles light up his face, listen to Ashton’s squeals of delight. A woman at a nearby bench clears her throat and grins when I meet her gaze.

“You’ve got a good one,” she remarks with a jerk of her chin in Holden’s direction. “What an attentive dad he is.”

I glance back at my little family and can’t stop my own smile. “Yeah. Yeah, he is. Thanks.”

Thankfully, Ashton doesn’t fight it when I say it’s time to leave an hour later.

As much as I love watching him and Holden having fun together, I don’t want to spend my entire day at the park.

So I take Ashton by one hand and Holden by the other, and we traipse across the playground to the surrounding trails.

Ashton hops along, giggling at the squirrels that scurry across the pavement.

The trail opens up to the bridge that spans over the river.

The water stretches toward the horizon on either side, glittering with sunlight and dotted with kayakers.

The heat of the day has beckoned for citizens to emerge from their homes.

I make sure Ashton doesn’t stick his hands or legs through the gaps between the balusters but allow him to expend his energy.

I draw in a deep breath and turn my face to the sun.

Earth and water, food trucks and restaurants that line the streets of downtown… I’ve missed this.

“An’ Dee! Boats!”

“Yeah, baby. People like water.”

“We go?”

“Nah, Auntie Dealla doesn’t do large bodies of water.”

“You don’t?” Holden asks, staring at me with brows drawn together.

I shake my head vehemently and call for Ashton to slow down. “No. I, uh, I have a phobia of, well, not so much drowning, really. I just don’t go in any body of water past where I can see the bottom.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Now you do.” I smile and nudge him with my shoulder. “I missed you. A lot.”

Holden lets out a soft laugh, loops his arm over my shoulders, and kisses my temple. “I’m just glad we’re both fighting for us.”

“So am I.”

Day fades, and the sun sets on one of the most relaxing days I have ever experienced.

We’d eaten lunch at Tristan’s and dinner at a waterfront diner, and spent the hours between meals at a children’s museum and the waterpark.

Now, Ashton sleeps peacefully in his bed while Holden has followed suit at my side.

I smile and card my fingers through his soft hair before turning my attention to my phone.

well even after almost 2 weeks of not seeing her around in tenn, looks like our favorite country boy didn’t learn his lesson and run far away.

he was spotted in austin with her and her kid, and who else is disappointed that he didn’t come to his senses?

??? guess it’s true. even your faves let you down.

I snort as I reread the post. I have to admit, the attached photos show a much happier portrait of our little family.

After a moment of staring at the reality I’ve strived for, I close out of my browser and set my phone aside.

Holden snorts quietly as I slide farther down between the sheets, but he doesn’t wake.

This must be what forever feels like , I think as I watch Holden sleep.

I idly wonder, for a split second, what I would have done if Holden had never chased after me—would I have gone back to Tennessee of my own volition?

Would I have given in to my need to be loved by him?

Or would our story have ended with my unspoken goodbye?

I brush it aside. Doubts and questions are what got me into this mess in the first place. They have no home here. I’ll be damned if I let them control my life again.