Page 53 of The Road Back Home

As soon as the omelette is done, I transfer it from pan to plate, cursing quietly when I burn my finger on the edge of the cast-iron skillet.

I look back over my shoulder and narrow my eyes at Ashton who sits in his seat.

He stares back, and my heart melts at the innocence on his face. I shake my hand slightly as I speak.

“Don’t repeat that, mister.”

Ashton’s head cocks to the side, and I choke on nothing when he says, “No say fuck.”

“And that’s literally the opposite of what I said, you little monster. I said—never mind. You’re two. Ready to take Holden his breakfast?”

“Hap birfday?”

“Yeah, baby, we want him to have a very happy birthday.”

I quickly release him from his seat then crouch to his level.

My finger presses against my lips, a soft ‘Shh’ escaping, and he nods enthusiastically even though he doesn’t fall quiet.

I expected nothing less of a child who isn’t even three yet.

So I rise to my feet, gather the tray, and balance it on one flat palm.

My other hand reaches for the mug of coffee I’d prepared.

Ashton leads the way up the stairs, his steps confident yet unsteady. I stay close behind in case he falls. It’s unnecessary—he makes it to the top without a single issue. I praise him for his efforts and success, and he beams as he runs down the short hall to the bedroom.

Holden is already awake, lounging against the pillows as he gazes at his phone screen. He glances up when Ashton screeches his name. Within the second, his phone clatters to the nightstand, and he sits up fully. He catches the toddler with ease, swings him up onto the bed.

“Well, good morning, bud,” he says before pressing a kiss to Ashton’s forehead.

“Beffist!”

“You made me breakfast? That’s awesome! Did Auntie Dealla help?”

Ashton shakes his head. “Nope!”

My jaw drops at the blatant lie, but then I’m laughing.

I wait until Ashton is settled in next to Holden, then I over the tray.

Holden accepts it—and the following kiss—with enthusiasm.

I climb onto the mattress, taking care not to spill from the mug I still hold, and take a sip before handing it to Holden.

“Thank you,” Holden says after his first bite, and I grin.

“You’re welcome. Happy birthday, babe. Sorry I left your present downstairs.”

Holden frowns, but only for a second. It disappears quickly, and he shakes his head with a chuckle.

He’d told me no gifts, he only wanted to spend the day with Ashton and me before he had to leave again.

I couldn’t accept it, though. Who doesn’t want some materialistic evidence that someone was thinking about them?

When Holden speaks, it isn’t to chide me for the gifts. Instead, it’s: “My mom wants to try for a video-chat today.”

“Gonna let her meet Ash?”

“If you’re alright with it.”

I catch Ashton as he launches himself at me.

Though it’s unexpected, I can’t find it in me to stand in the way of this meeting.

I had talked to Lisa and Joseph only three days ago, our first ever conversation despite how long I’ve been dating their son, and it went smoothly.

I was anxious at first, but Lisa quickly put me at ease.

The phone call had also made me feel much more permanent in Holden’s life.

The doubts all but blipped into nothingness.

It had taken a year, but I finally ‘met’ his parents. I hope it’s in person soon.

“Meet me?” Ashton bounces on his hands and knees with his head tilter, a small frown out of place on his angelic face. “Who meet me? An’ Dee, who meet me?”

Holden is the one who answer as he scoops Ashton onto his lap. He waits until he has the toddler’s attention then says, “Okay. I have a very important question for you, bud. You ready?” At Ashton’s vehement nod, Holden bites back a grin. “Do you wanna talk to my mama later?”

“You not have mommy,” Ashton retorts with a giggle, fingers coming up to pick at Holden’s bottom lip.

“What? Yes, I do.”

“Nooo, daddies no have mommy.”

Ashton’s words reverberate damningly in the sudden silence.

I freeze, my heart in my throat, and my breathing grows shallow as I stare at the child.

Cold washes over me, pricking hundreds of goosebumps into existence in its wake.

Ashton smiles up at Holden as if he hasn’t completely turned our worlds upside-down at eight in the morning.

When I meet Holden’s eye, it’s to see he’s just as stunned as I am.

His eyes are wide, jaw dropped. If this were anything but real life, his head would be shaking violently with the screeching of an early-00s modem dialing up.

There’s a question painted on his face. It’s easy enough to read, but I have no answer.

I swallow thickly and give him a helpless shrug.

Only he can make this next choice.

He draws in a steadying breath and reaches for my hand. “Well, that’s where you’re wrong, sweet boy. Daddies absolutely have mommies, too. And mine is really excited to meet you today.”

“I’ll be right back,” I choke out before clambering off the bed.

As I lean against the wall outside the door, I struggle to breathe.

I should have expected something like this.

My mama had warned me it would happen—that Ashton would conflate Holden and me into the role of his parents.

After all, Holden is the closest thing to a father figure that Ashton has ever had.

So, really, it makes sense that the child would equate ‘daddy’ with the one who man who has been a steady presence and influence in his life. Even when Holden is gone from the house, he never fails to call home, sometimes multiple times a day. It’s a stability Ashton has never had before.

I cover my face and close my eyes against the tears. As much as my heart sings with the knowledge Ashton trusts Holden so wholly that he’s put Holden on that particular pedestal, I can’t be certain Holden isn’t just going along with it to not hurt the child’s feelings.

The unsteady, standing-on-the-edge-about-to-fall feeling slowly fades as I listen to Ashton and Holden talking and laughing together.

Images flicker into my mind, each more beautiful than the last: Dinner with parents and showing off a gorgeous new ring, black and white and hundreds of flowers and family and friends through a sheet of lace, Ashton’s first partner meeting his mom and dad, his graduation and wedding and children.

All with Holden at my side.

I want all of that. If he does, too.

God, I hope he truly wants it, too.

I regain control of myself and step back into the room.

The softness on Holden’s face, the tender smile and shining eyes…

They tell me he might want it, too. I blink a couple times and move to retake my place on the bed beside him.

He wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulls me close into his side, and I reach for Ashton.

He plops down on my thighs and leans against me with an ear-to-ear smile on his face.

After inhaling as steadily as possible, I look at Holden.

“Happy birthday, babe.”

“Thanks, sweetheart. I’m pretty sure this is the best one I’ve ever had.”

“Then I guess that just means I’ll have to find some way of topping it next year.”

Something passes over his face, there one second but gone in an instant. He smiles and taps my nose with a fingertip. “All I need is you and Ashton, and it’ll be perfect.”

Before either of us can say more, a buzzing noise fills the air. His phone dances across the nightstand. He huffs out a laugh and pulls away to grab the device. I hold Ashton more tightly, breathe in the scent of his baby wash, and smile at my boyfriend.

“Showtime,” I announce.

He’s still chuckling when he answers his mother’s video-call.

Lisa’s face lights up when she gets her first look at Ashton who has shifted to sit on Holden’s lap.

The toddler keeps his head buried against Holden’s neck, and I grab the plastic dinosaur off my nightstand, the one I meant to put in the toy bin last night.

Ashton takes it from me but doesn’t move away from Holden.

“You’re a handsome boy, aren’t you?” Lisa asks. Her smile spreads across her face when all Ashton does is stare. “Oh, what’s that you’ve got?”

As if a switch has flipped, Ashton brightens and immediately launches into babbling about the pink T-rex.

I don’t bother to hide her smile. I brush my lips against his temple then turn to Holden.

He frowns when I ask if he’s finished with the tray, assures me he can take it downstairs later.

I shake my head. He and Ashton deserve privacy to talk to Lisa; they don’t need me interjecting or intruding.

I walk out of the room a moment later with Holden’s quiet laughter following after me. Everything feels right, now. My heart sings with the steadiness Holden brings. The love and attention and respect. The forever I so desperately want.

Ashton’s enthusiastic chatter fifteen minutes later is the first sign I receive that he and Holden are coming down the stairs.

I look up from my phone screen to see the two entering the living room.

Holden focuses intently on Ashton, face serious as he listens.

He responds just as seriously, which Ashton seems to take as encouragement.

I have never been more in love.

Holden sets Ashton on the floor and towers over me, leaning down to press his lips to mine. Small hands press against my cheek, and Ashton squeals.

“No tiss! Ick!”

I giggle as I pull away, and Ashton climbs into my lap as Holden examines the small stack of gift-wrapped boxes on the table.

I gesture for him to sit down then urge him to start with the package wrapped in purple paper.

Holden grabs the specified gift and carefully peels back the paper.

He barks out a laugh at the sight of pink bottles, a strawberry-scented bubble bath kit.

“Tryin’ to say I stink?”

“Ash saw it and demanded I buy it for you.”