Page 50 of The Road Back Home

Holden nods slowly, and I blow out a breath, hesitating before moving closer.

Thankfully, he accepts my affection, no sign of annoyance in the way he allows me to cling to him.

I hope he understands my misgivings about marriage has little to do with my trust in him.

That it has everything to do with the fact it isn’t something I ever allowed herself to want.

But as I lie here, pressed comfortably to his side, I decide to finally let myself consider the possibility, the potential.

After all, would it really be so bad to be his wife?

“He wants to get married.”

My mom stops speaking mid-sentence. The silence echoes damningly down the line, and I press my phone more closely to my ear.

I keep my gaze on Ashton as he plays in the evening sun, and a wince crosses my face when I tear the skin of my chapped bottom lip with a fingernail. Then my mother clears her throat.

“He proposed?”

“Not exactly.” I sigh and let my hand fall to her lap. “We had a talk the other night, and he said he wants marriage and stuff.”

“And what do you want?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I’m confused, Mom. I mean, a part of me is saying no, never happening, why can’t he be happy with our relationship as it is.”

“But another part of you is thinking maybe it ain’t so bad?”

“Exactly.”

When she speaks again, her voice is gentle as if she’s afraid she’ll spook me.

“Honey, this is something you gotta decide for yourself. I can sit here and tell you how amazing and terrible my marriage to your father was, and Paige could do the same. So could your daddy. But this is your decision to make, and that can only happen if you’re honest with yourself. What are you so scared of?”

I stare at Ashton as he happily pushes a car across the deck without a care in the world. As much as I wish my mom would tell me what to do, I know she’s right. Swallowing hard, I let out a breath.

“I’m scared if we do get married, it’ll go back to how it was. We’ll get complacent, and things will go to shit again. I can’t keep running to make things better. And I love you, but I don’t wanna end up like you and Daddy.”

“I don’t want that for you, either, honey. But I truly believe you and Holden can make it, and even if things go sour, you’ve proved long ago that you can stand on your own two feet.”

“Yeah, with Daddy frontin’ my lifestyle.” I sigh and slump in my seat. “I… I guess I got some thinking to do.”

“Yes, you do. Now, tell me the plans for Ashton’s birthday this year. I wanna try to come for it.”

I snort quietly and admit I’ve not even begun to plan the party.

My life has been too hectic lately, and it’s only just now started to settle again.

Thankfully, she makes suggestions that I hurry to type into a note on my phone.

The call comes to a natural end only twenty minutes later, and I set my phone on the table and stretch.

Ashton approaches on quick feet, grinning up at me, and I run a hand over his hair warmed by the sun.

An all-consuming burst of pride blossoms beneath my ribs.

The one thing I have never doubted—not even for a second—is that he’s worth everything I have ever gone through.

The sleepless nights and endless days, high fevers and snotty nose…

Ashton is worth all of it. And he’s mine.

When I wake Friday morning, it’s to the sound of a toddler crying and calling my name.

I rush out of bed before Holden can do so much as open his eyes.

Hurrying across the hall to Ashton’s bedroom, I freeze at the door.

Bile creeps up my throat at the sight and smell, but I swallow it down and cross the room to his bedside.

“Hey, baby, it’s okay. Auntie Dee is here.”

“I sick,” he whimpers, holding up filthy hands so I can see.

“I know, honey, I know. And I’m sure it scared you. Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?”

As much as I would rather not, I lift him into my arms and carry him to the bathroom. Ashton sniffles as I strip his soiled clothes off of him, and I press my lips to his warm forehead. I smile as comfortingly as I can, but he doesn’t smile back.

“Bath time for sick little boys.”

All he does is nod and raise a hand to scrub at his eyes.

I tug his fist away, more harshly than I intend, and his lower lip wobbles.

Whispering an apology, I hold him close and reach for the tap.

He sighs heavily, the sour odor of vomit stifling the air between us, and my stomach gives a violent churn.

“What happened?” a voice sounds from the doorway a few minutes later.

I glance up from where I sit in the water-filled tub, Ashton clinging tightly to me. “He threw up,” I tell Holden, “and now he’s doing his best impression of a Vizsla. You know, those big clingy dogs.”

“You’re—”

“Dressed? Yeah, I know. As I said, Vizsla. He wouldn’t let me not hold him.”

“’Den, I sick,” Ashton announces, and Holden smiles gently.

“I see that, bud. I know you probably feel really bad right now, but why don’t we let Auntie Dealla go take her own shower, though? She has work.”

“I was gonna call off,” I say quietly.

Holden frowns, a darkness in his gray eyes. “I can take care of him.”

“I—Holden, I know this. I trust that you can. He’s sick, though. I hate being away from him when he feels like this. Tara will understand.”

“If you really want to, go ahead. I can’t stop you.”

Something in Holden’s expression tells me he isn’t quite so reassured by my statement.

My gut lurches sharply, and I swallow down another refusal to go to work.

It’s time I show him the faith I’m claiming to have in him.

Kissing Ashton’s damp hair, I carefully pry the toddler’s arms from around my neck and set him on his feet.

“Be good for Holden, okay? Auntie Dee will be back home as soon as she can.”

He whines but lets Holden take over clean-up duty.

I hesitate for a second, just long enough to watch Ashton trying to climb up Holden’s torso, then I head to the other bathroom for a shower.

Once I’m certain the stench of vomit is off my skin, I dress quickly and brush her hair and teeth.

I kiss my boys goodbye then head to work.

Unfortunately, my plan of rushing home immediately after my shift ends is derailed by a very exuberant Annie.

It takes ten minutes, an encouraging text from Holden, and pleading from the other woman before I agree that maybe a night out with my coworkers won’t be so bad.

Josh tells me he and Annie will swing by to pick me up at seven-thirty sharp, so I better be ready.

Which is why I find myself standing in front of the closet in only my underwear, rifling through my clothes, trying to think of a valid reason to change my mind. Ashton hasn’t thrown up since this morning, according to Holden, which is one less worry on my mind. But…

“I don’t think I should go.”

Holden doesn’t bother stifling his sigh this time, and he sets his laptop aside.

“I’m not entertaining this argument anymore.

You’ve worked with these people for, what, six months?

And you’ve never once hung out with them outside of work.

” His expression softens as he meets my gaze.

“Dee, you deserve to have fun. To let off steam and be a person. You do everything for Ashton. I don’t want you to lose who you are just because you have responsibilities. ”

“You’re right,” I admit after a long minute, nodding succinctly to convince myself he is, indeed, right.

“Of course I am. Now, as much I love the sight before me, you have plans. So go on, get ready.”

I find a dress in the back of the closet, a vibrant color-splattered thing with a scoop neck and an asymmetrical hemline.

I stare at it for a second then tug it off the hanger.

Holden helps zip up the back; his hands are warm, gentle, as he tugs the zipper up its tracks, and his breath ghosts across my shoulders.

He presses his lips to the curve of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.

Now that I’m dressed, my stomach flutters.

I raise a shaking hand to the necklace around her throat, twisting the chain carefully.

The only people I’ve gone out to a bar with have been Luci and Tristan.

Even then, it was after hanging out a handful of times first. And only if I knew Katie was able to watch her own child.

But I don’t let myself change my mind again.

It has taken its toll on me—going between work and home with no socialization outside of my coworkers.

It brought physical aches to my chest to stare at the same walls day after day.

The loneliness then only exacerbated my unhappiness.

Now, though, now I have the chance to be someone other than a young woman raising her nephew.

“I’ll keep my phone turned up,” I promise as I head downstairs, tottering slightly in my heels. “Call if there are any problems.”

Holden’s hands are gentle but firm on my shoulders, and he holds me still to press a kiss to my pink-tinted lips. “Just focus on being a damn gorgeous woman out with her friends and stop worrying about us. Ash and I will be fine.”

“I know. I, uh, I’m not good at this.”

His laughter is quick, not unkind. “I noticed. Just… Have fun, sweetheart. That’s your only goal for tonight.”

With another kiss, he steers me to the front door, hands me the purse hanging on the hook, and pulls open the door.

Annie’s SUV sits out front already, the bass-line of her music thumping in the quiet night.

I smile before assuring Holden I’ll be home before midnight.

He rolls his eyes and pushes me outside without a word.

Annie cheers when I slide into the passenger seat, pulling out of the drive as I buckle my belt, and I watch my boyfriend and home disappear from view.