Page 8 of The Missus

‘I won’t do this again, seriously!’ Keira called after her as she dashed out. Once she was alone, Keira slumped on the sofa. She was rather surprised at herself. The first time this had happened, it was all Alanna’s idea. She’d just gone along with it. This time, Keira couldn’t claim that. She’d broken her vow to herself to only ever be honest with her conquests. It didn’t feel great.

What did feel good, though? No scene with Serenity. No rejection. No escalation. Serenity would be pissed but not hurt. And she wouldn’t hassle Keira for anything more.

It was quite a good system. Better than honesty, even. Shame it couldn’t work like this all the time. But there was no way Alanna could be asked to do this regularly. Twice was more than enough.

Five

Alanna had been pretty surprised on her doorstep by Keira’s SOS, but it didn’t take long for her to decide how to handle it. She couldn’t leave her hanging, but she didn’t want to make a habit of this, either.

That first time, Alanna was getting her out of a tight spot. But if Keira had a habit of getting herself into those tight spots, that was something she needed to address by herself.

Alanna couldn’t be a part of that. She had other people to help. ‘Sandra, how are you doing?’ she asked her first client of the day.

The woman slumped down in her chair miserably. ‘I stole something from my aunt’s podiatrist,’ she admitted.

That was hitting the ground running, but Alanna’s face remained neutral. Sandra was a kleptomaniac, so it was par for the course. ‘What did you take?’

‘She was having a Hawaiian themed engagement party, the podiatrist, and I tagged along with my aunt. I was standing drinking a Mai Tai next to the mantle, and I just got that urge.’

‘Sandra, what did you take?’ Alanna pressed gently.

‘Her dad.’

Alanna paused. ‘What?’

‘His ashes. He was just sitting there. No one was looking, so I slipped the urn under my dress and crab-walked out with it between my knees.’

‘Sandra, this is… a development. You’ve never taken ashes before.’

‘No.’

‘How do you think your aunt’s podiatrist is going to feel when she realises her father is gone?’

‘She might not notice,’ Sandra said weakly.

‘She’s going to notice,’ Alanna told her.

Sandra sighed. ‘You think I should give him back?’

‘That’s your choice.’

Sandra frowned. ‘I’ll think about it.’

As bad as this was, for Alanna, there was an opportunity to get to the root of Sandra’s issue. ‘What happened just before you stole the urn? Can you tell me how you were feeling?’

Sandra took a long pause and then replied, ‘I was feeling like I wanted to steal the urn.’

‘OK. Maybe you could focus on what happened justbeforeyou had the idea?’ Alanna rephrased patiently.

‘Well, I wasn’t thinking about the fact my ex-husband just got remarried, if that’s what you’re asking,’ Sandra said irritably.

Alanna raised her eyebrows. ‘He has?’

‘Yeah. I saw it on Facebook last week,’ she shrugged.

‘But youweren’tthinking about that. At an engagement party.’

‘I just said I wasn’t!’ Sandra said petulantly.