Page 26 of The Missus

‘It worked, didn’t it? She’s getting dressed in the elevator right now. So watch who you call an amateur.’

Keira shrugged. ‘Fair point.’

‘Why did you pull the trigger, anyway?’ Alanna asked.

‘She wanted to go to breakfast with me.’

‘That beast,’ Alanna replied, hitting the pour button for Keira’s cup.

Keira smiled. ‘I said no, and she wouldn’t drop it. I was beginning to think that if I didn’t eat eggs in front of her, I was gonna get murdered.’

‘She did look a bit intense,’ Alanna conceded.

‘What is it with people? Why can’t they treat sex as a sport?’

‘People are wired to form attachments. It’s evolutionary. You herd up to stay safe from predators,’ Alanna said, handing her the cup.

‘That’swhat it is?’ Keira said, shocked. ‘Cavepeople try not to get eaten by dinosaurs. and now I can’t get laid without girls trying to marry me?’ She took a sip of her drink, wide-eyed.

‘Please assure me that you know those things didn’t exist at the same time,’ Alanna said, pouring her coffee into a to-go cup.

‘You’re saying homo erectus wasn’t battling pterodactyls with an AK-47? I’ve got to stop learning history from Facebook.’

Alanna gave her a dry smile. ‘Well, I’m out.’

‘Enjoy fixing people.’

‘Enjoy making people up,’ Alanna said, letting herself out and heading to work. She was in a good mood. Things had finally turned around for her. She liked the set-up with Keira, and it was only once or twice a week that she had to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes. In exchange, she had peace and very reasonable rent. No one hassling her about keeping things immaculately clean or telling her she should have more ambition. Keira demanded nothing more of her than what Alanna had to come to think of as one-minute plays with an interactive audience element.

A month in, they were in a rhythm that barely taxed her. And no one had reacted like Amazon Kelly, either. They all fled, embarrassed and annoyed but never feeling rejected, never demanding more than they could get from Keira.

***

‘Luke, good morning,’ Alanna greeted the extravagantly moustachioed man that entered her office that morning. It was only his second session.

‘Hi, Alanna.’ He sat.

‘How are you today?’

He grinned excitedly. ‘I’m great. I went to the circus. They were taming lions, and I was picked to put my head into its mouth. Everyone clapped.’

Alanna didn’t react, simply sat there waiting while Luke began to sweat. Eventually, his smile slipped. ‘I mean, no. I didn’t do that. But wouldn’t it be cool if that happened?’

‘Yes, I suppose it would. What really happened today?’

‘I sat in my pants eating beans from a tin.’

‘So why did you tell me a lie?’ Alanna asked gently.

Luke shrugged. ‘Dunno.’

‘Were you hoping I’d believe it? Or that Iwouldn’tbelieve it?’ Alanna pressed.

Luke rolled his eyes, the subtlety of the question lost on him. ‘Peoplealwaysbelieve me. I told a guy on the bus the other day that I conduct orchestras.’

‘And you think he believed you?’

‘Definitely,’ Luke grinned.