Page 19 of The Missus

Keira turned slowly to look at Alanna. But she was half smiling at Benjamin, who was now in tears. ‘I thought you were gonna… We just had a row, right? I’ve been waiting for you to come home and apologise. But you were a lesbian all along,’ he wept. ‘No wonder you didn’t seem interested in bed.’

‘Wait a second, you were waiting for me to apologise and beg to come home?’ Alanna said, livid.

‘Yes. Before I knew you were a secret lesbian,’ Benjamin snuffled.

‘I’m bi, Benjamin,’ Alanna said. ‘I told you that when we met. It’s never been a secret.’

Keira hadn’t known that. Huh.

‘No, you’re a full-on lesbian. That’s the only thing that makes sense,’ Benjamin said with certainty.

‘I’m really not,’ Alanna told him.

‘Then how come you couldn’t orgasm with me?’

‘That was… a different issue,’ Alanna said carefully.

‘No. You’re gay. It all makes sense now. You’re a cheating… lesbo!’ he cried. He seemed to think that was a pretty good exit line because he slammed out of the flat. Keira turned to Alanna. ‘What the hell was that about?’

‘Hey! I’m still here!’ Kelly yelled from the street.

Keira groaned and looked down through the broken glass. She’d had enough. ‘Go home before I call the police and your bosses,’ she called down.

Kelly gave a sassy, ‘Ha!’ but she looked a shade worried. ‘You had it coming.’

‘Whether I did or didn’t, this was criminal damage. Don’t make this harder for yourself. Just go,’ Keira told her evenly.

Kelly went to open her mouth again and thought better of it. She scuttled away down the street and hopped into her van, speeding off too fast.

Keira turned to Alanna. ‘So, I ask again. What the fucking hell wasthat?’

‘Err, I told her I was your partner because it became pretty clear that you’d done your dirty deed—’

‘No, not, err…’ She tried to remember the girl's name, but it didn’t come. ‘Amazon girl.’

‘Kelly,’ Alanna reminded her with a tut.

‘NotKelly. Benjamin!’

‘Oh. That. Yeah, sorry about that,’ Alanna said with a sigh.

‘Sorry about that? That’s all you’ve got?’ Keira asked. ‘He thinks I banged his girlfriend.’

‘So what?’

‘So? I’m trying to have a peaceful life here, Alanna. And what you just told Benjamin isn’t gonna foster good relations with the neighbours, is it? The whole point of this arrangement was to remove drama. And you’ve just added it.’

‘You can’t blame me for Kelly,’ Alanna said defensively.

‘This isn’t about Kelly. But I’ll tell you this, no more Amazon for me. I’ll get my shit off eBay if I have to.’

‘Let’s not get wild,’ Alanna laughed. ‘You’ll be up to your tits in shipping fees from China.’

Keira gaped at Alanna. ‘You’relaughingabout this?’

Alanna’s laugh faded. ‘Look. Benjamin and me… I know we agreed not to get personal with each other, but I guess I’m gonna have to explain this. He’s such a… I came to realise I didn’t love him. Because he made it impossible. And then I was the one that had to leave. He was untouched by our breakup. And now? He’s hurting. And it’s like, I guess I exist after all. That making any sense to you?’

‘Not at all,’ Keira said.