Page 30 of The Missus

‘Youaremature,’ she said quickly. And then, before Alanna had a chance to react to that, Keira looked down at her phone and said, ‘Oh. Here we go. Jane. “Here for a good time, not a long time.”

Alanna was warmed by Keira’s compliment, but clearly, it was the end of the discussion. She looked at Jane. She had a dog filter on her pic, ears and a snout. Alanna didn’t think much of her. ‘That’s her bio? Here for a good time, not a long time? That’s so cheesy.’

‘It means she’s casual, though. A good time? That can only mean one thing.’ Keira swiped right.

‘What if it translates differently than you think it does?’ Alanna asked.

‘How areyoureading it?’ Keira asked, interested.

‘Well, it’s just as likely to mean that she’s gonna squeeze as much life into a short amount of time as possible. For her, that could mean falling in love at lightning speed.’

Keira’s eyes widened. ‘I never saw it like that. Oh shit. That tracks. I met this one girl with that same bio, and she told me she loved me right after. And I do mean rightafter.’

Alanna laughed. ‘Wow. How many girls have fallen in love with you, do you think?’

Keira tutted, annoyed. ‘If you ask me, none. A lot of themthinkthey do, but...’

‘Fine, how many girls havesaidit?’

‘I couldn’t count that number.’

‘What is this magic spell you weave over women?’ Alanna asked, genuinely wanting to know.

And then Keira said something that Alanna would later attribute all her woes to. Everything began with that one casual yet life-wrecking sentence. ‘I guess I’m just very good in bed,’ Keira laughed.

Alanna, not thinking very much about it right then, laughed right along with her. ‘Wow. It’s just that?’

Keira shrugged. ‘What the hell else could it be?’

‘Your personality?’

‘I’ll tell you right now, none of these women ever really get to know me. Most of them just want to talk about themselves all night.’

‘Could be that,’ Alanna said.

‘What?’

‘If you’re all mysterious and inscrutable, they get to project whatever they want onto you. They can make you the perfect woman.’

‘That’s their idiocy, then,’ Keira said with slight darkness in her tone.

Alanna regarded Keira. ‘Maybe.’

There was a bing. ‘Match,’ Keira muttered, brightening.

‘That was fast.’

‘Welcome to app dating.’ Keira clicked on her match and tapped out a meeting.How’s it going? I’m usually busy but have time to meet tonight if you can do it?

Alanna was amused. ‘You’re just jumping right in like—’

A reply popped up.Great. Seven thirty? At Liquid?

‘What the hell?’ Alanna exclaimed.

‘I gave her a limited time offer. She took it,’ Keira shrugged.

Alanna shook her head in wonderment at Keira as she stood. ‘You should do a TED Talk.’