Page 52 of The Life Experiment

The Life Experiment: Daily Questionnaire

Property of OPM Discoveries

What are two things you are grateful for today?

Stop calling, stop texting and definitely stop sending these stupid surveys. I am not part of this experiment. I wish I never had been.

What are you struggling with today?

Your audacity

Do you have any additional notes on what you would like to discuss in your upcoming counselling session?

There won’t be one

Twisting her body this way and that, Layla studied her reflection in her bedroom mirror. Her mouth scrunched. This was the sixth outfit she’d tried on, but it still wasn’t right.

What the hell do you wear to tell the man you love that you made a mistake? Layla wondered, but deep down she knew that what she wore didn’t matter. What mattered was what she said. And, after messaging Angus, Layla knew he would be expecting her to make some kind of statement.

Hey Angus – I hope this isn’t too out of the blue, but I keep thinking about that day in the park and all the things I could have done differently. If you’d like to meet, there is something I’d like to tell you. I’d like to hear all the things I never gave you the chance to say too x

Only a couple of minutes passed before Angus’s reply came through.

Yes. I absolutely want to meet up. Just tell me

when and where. xx

The response made Layla smile. There were no games, no pretence, no playing hard to get. Just two people ready to lay everything on the table.

Layla just had to figure out exactly what she wanted to say.

Anxiety had crippled Layla all day. Pacing her flat, Layla had been so flustered that she knocked over a glass of orange juice.

As the syrupy liquid seeped into Rhi’s favourite rug, an ill-timed call from her dad came through.

Even though Layla had promised David they’d catch up this week, she let the call ring out.

She was too busy panic-cleaning to chat.

Besides, Layla could hardly make coherent conversation when all she could think about was what to say to Angus.

What did someone say to win over the person they loved?

I’m sorry was the first thing that came to mind. I’m sorry for shouting, for walking away, for never letting you get too close.

Angus needs to apologise too! an indignant part of her brain protested. Layla knew the voice had a point.

She also knew the voice was trying to conceal her fear.

It was easy to be angry at Angus. Blaming him for their downfall felt better than blaming herself, but the dust on their argument had settled.

Now, whenever Layla thought of that day in the park, she didn’t see Angus as spiteful or deceitful.

She saw him as someone who was lost. Scared.

Someone who knew so little about themselves, they hid behind someone else because they thought a falsehood was safer than reality.

Layla knew she hadn’t imagined the bits about Angus that she loved.

His easy-going laugh, his staunch belief in her, the vulnerability he showed when talking about his brother…

So what if Angus had hidden his wealth? Layla had hidden her death date.

They had both entered the relationship on shaky ground.

But today, Layla was going to ask if they could draw a line under it all. She was going to walk into a wine bar in Soho that Sinead insisted was the best in London, extend her hand and hope that Angus would accept it.

She just needed to find an outfit first.

‘The nunnery called. It wants its jumper back,’ Maya commented from the doorway.

‘Very funny,’ Layla replied, pulling the jumper over her head before eying Maya’s outfit. Pyjamas, despite it being four in the afternoon. ‘Shouldn’t you be dressed? You’ve a train to catch.’

‘I’m not going home today,’ Maya said, throwing herself on Layla’s bed. ‘I changed my train to tomorrow. Mum and Dad said they’re okay to look after Jayden for another night.’

‘I didn’t realise you wanted to stay longer,’ Layla said, perching on the end of the bed.

Maya shrugged. ‘Neither of us know how tonight’s going to go with Angus. I thought you might want someone to come home to if things don’t work out. Rhi’s not exactly warm and fuzzy, and I didn’t want you to be alone.’

Layla smiled . ‘You’re staying for me?’

‘Of course. What are sisters for? But for the record, I don’t think it’s going to go badly. In fact, I’m expecting it to go so well that you don’t come home at all. Don’t worry, I won’t tell Mum and Dad about your adult sleepover.’

‘Maya!’ Layla protested, but there was no fighting her giggles.

Grinning, the sisters shared a moment before Maya reached across the bed for a knitted jumper dress Layla hadn’t tried on. ‘This would look good with those boots I brought with me,’ she commented.

‘You’re willing to lend them to me?’

‘I figure it’s the least I can do to make up for when I inevitably spill pad Thai on your duvet,’ Maya replied.

Laughing, Layla grabbed the dress and threw it on. A quick look in the mirror earned a satisfied nod from both sisters. Next, Layla reached for her cosmetics bag, but Maya shimmied off the bed and stopped her.

‘Let me,’ she offered.

Layla hesitated. While it was appealing to have help when her hands were so shaky, Maya’s idea of glam was the opposite of Layla’s.

A firm fan of red lips and luscious lashes, Maya loved to put on a full face of makeup, but Layla didn’t want to look different to how she usually did.

She and Angus had spent too much time being other people.

Tonight, she wanted to be completely herself.

‘Don’t look so worried,’ Maya said, leading Layla back to the bed. ‘I promise I’ll do your makeup exactly how you like it.’

Taking a seat, Layla closed her eyes and let her sister work her magic. A playlist of pop anthems from the noughties filled the room.

‘There,’ Maya said eventually, stepping back to inspect her handiwork. ‘If he turns you down after seeing you like this, then the man has lost his mind.’

Heading to the mirror, Layla half expected to see a clone of Maya, but her lips parted at the result. Maya’s work was subtle, highlighting Layla’s features but keeping her looking very much like herself. ‘I love it,’ she breathed.

‘I’ll try not to be insulted by how shocked you sound,’ Maya replied, clicking the lid onto a lip gloss and dropping it into Layla’s bag. ‘Now go or you’ll be late.’

Layla’s brain told her legs to move, but they chose to listen to her nerves instead.

Maya’s head tilted to the side. ‘You’re not talking yourself out of this, are you?’

‘No,’ Layla replied, a little too quickly. ‘It’s just… Maya, what if it’s too late? What if I messed up too badly?’

‘Then it’s too late and you messed up too badly,’ Maya replied.

As Layla’s face fell, she shrugged. ‘What do you want me to say, Layla? That it won’t happen?

That things will work out? We don’t know that.

But one thing we do know is that if you don’t tell Angus how you feel, you will spend the rest of your life wishing you had. ’

Flexing her fingers, Layla forced herself to nod. ‘I hate it when you’re right.’

‘I know. Being the smart sister is a blessing and a burden, but I carry it well.’

Maya’s banter was enough to push Layla out of the bedroom and into the living room. Nerves jittered her stomach as she plucked her phone from the coffee table. The screen brightened, displaying messages Layla had missed in her rush to get ready.

On my way. I can’t wait to see you xx

Instinctively, her lips curled into a smile at Angus’s text, but her smile froze at the notification beneath it.

Layla call me back

It’s urgent

Frowning, Layla opened her mother’s message. A queue of notifications loaded before her, the tone growing more and more urgent. But one particular message stopped Layla’s heart altogether.

It’s your dad

Layla’s stomach dropped. Time seemed to slow, warning her that something was coming. Something big. Something she was not prepared for. But before Layla could process the feeling, her phone lit up again, her mother’s photo filling the screen.

With a shaky breath, Layla swiped to answer the call. ‘Mum?’

‘Layla,’ Joanna croaked down the line. ‘Oh, Layla.’

As Joanna descended into a fit of heart-wrenching sobs, Layla’s head swam. She didn’t need to hear more. As soon as she heard Joanna’s voice, Layla knew. She knew, she knew, she knew.

‘He’s gone,’ Joanna cried. ‘Your dad, he… he’s gone.’

With the words ringing in her ears, Layla screamed Maya’s name, her chest heaving in shock. She didn’t stop screaming when Maya ran into the room, nor when she snatched the phone to hear what Joanna was saying.

Layla’s screams didn’t stop, even when Maya dropped to her knees and sobbed.