Page 28 of The Life Experiment

For the second time in five minutes, Angus checked his appearance.

Opting for a lightweight blue shirt, black jeans and distressed leather boots, the outfit was casual but smart enough that Layla would know he’d made an effort.

Sure, his clothes had been tailored to fit him perfectly, but they were high street brands.

Angus hoped that would be enough to make him seem less heir-to-the-estate and more normal-guy-out-with-a-woman-he-couldn’t-stop-thinking-about.

Because Angus had to seem normal. Anything else would be catastrophic.

Smoothing down the front of his shirt, Angus tried to self-soothe. It’s not all been lies , he reminded himself. Layla likes you when you’re being yourself.

Layla liked the way Angus laughed without hesitation. She liked that he asked questions and liked even more that he listened to her answers. She liked the music he liked, the films he watched. She liked all the bits of Angus that were completely and utterly himself.

Himself minus the privilege she knew nothing about, of course.

The thought threatened to drag Angus under, but he knew he couldn’t give in to his worries if he wanted to be on time.

Angus took a taxi to his destination, a boutique but inexpensive restaurant named Bella Vino in Camden that Aleksander had recommended. ‘I go there with Mia for a treat,’ he said. ‘It’s a hidden gem.’

As the taxi stuttered through the bustling streets of London, Angus hoped Aleksander was telling the truth.

He jiggled his leg. Angus didn’t think he was someone who felt nervous around women, but seeing Layla again?

Talking to her in person? Well, Angus finally learned what pre-date jitters felt like.

Not that this was a date, Angus reminded himself. It was a meeting between two friends. Angus just happened to think about this friend twenty-four seven. That was all.

As the well-lit front of Bella Vino appeared ahead, Angus exhaled. The restaurant looked inviting, but not ostentatious. Casual enough that their non-date wasn’t intimidating, but intimate enough that if it veered into date territory, the setting was still perfect.

Hopping out of the car, Angus headed towards the restaurant just as Layla stepped out of a taxi further down the road.

He froze.

Layla looked even more beautiful than Angus remembered. How that was possible, he didn’t know, but she did. A leather jacket hugged her figure and a pair of heeled boots elongated her legs. Her hair was pulled back, exposing her features in all their radiance.

Captivated, Angus could have observed Layla readjust her handbag all night, but then she spotted him. As her face lit up, he felt his world tilt.

Somehow, Angus found the courage to approach her. ‘Would you call it fate, arriving at the same time?’

‘That depends. Were you waiting for me so you could say that and seem smooth?’

‘Not quite,’ Angus replied. ‘Although I do like the idea of you thinking I’m smooth.’

Then, all of a sudden, there were no more steps to take to bridge the distance between them.

‘Hi,’ Angus said, unable to fight a smile.

‘Hi, yourself,’ Layla replied.

That was all it took for Angus to envelop Layla in his arms like he was welcoming her home. She leaned into him, nestling against his chest. Angus’s heart pounded. No doubt Layla would feel it beating against her cheek, but Angus didn’t care. Let her see how much this night meant to him.

When someone walking past whistled, Layla pulled out of the hug, blushing. ‘Let’s go inside. I’m starving.’

The pair headed towards the restaurant, their coat sleeves grazing in the most tantalising way. When they reached the door, Angus opened it. A gust of oregano wafted from inside.

Bella Vino was a hive of activity, all cramped tables, groups of friends and raucous laughter.

The place was more of an assault on the senses than the exclusive, dimly lit establishments Angus was used to.

It took a moment for him to adjust, but as a waitress carried two delicious-smelling pasta dishes past him, Angus found he preferred this vivid environment.

After greeting them, a baby-faced waiter grabbed two menus and steered Angus and Layla to their table. Close to the window, away from the bathrooms, with an elderly couple to one side and a group of three friends to the other, it was a good spot.

Before Angus could get there, the waiter pulled out Layla’s chair. ‘Can I get you some water? Still, sparkling or tap?’ he asked.

Angus opened his mouth to reply ‘sparkling’, but Layla got there first.

‘Tap’s fine, thanks.’ When the waiter slipped away, she turned to Angus. ‘I always say tap, I hope you don’t mind. It’s a waste of money otherwise, isn’t it? Although admittedly London water is vile.’

Angus nodded even though he had never taken the ‘tap’ option.

In fact, most places Angus went to didn’t even offer tap water.

Suddenly, the evening stretched out like a long, pothole-filled road, with the opportunity to fuck up and reveal his true nature in every bump.

As a bead of sweat rolled down the back of his neck, Angus wished more than anything that he’d never told that first lie.

‘I’ll be quiet for a few minutes, I’m afraid. I take ordering far too seriously,’ Layla said, without taking her eyes off the menu. ‘I promise I’ll be sociable soon.’

‘Take your time. Choosing what to eat is the most important decision of the night.’

‘I’m glad to be out with someone who understands that.’

As a grinning Layla debated her options, Angus scanned the restaurant.

His gaze lingered on the glowing candles and generous glasses of wine.

Maybe coming here was a mistake , he thought as he cracked his knuckles.

This wasn’t a date, after all – Layla had been adamant about that – yet dinner came with a host of romantic connotations.

Plus, restaurants carried with them an array of potential disasters.

Bad food, bad service, awkward silences…

And Bella Vino… Angus cursed himself. What was he thinking, bringing Layla somewhere he’d never been before?

Suddenly, the restaurant transformed before Angus’s eyes.

The decor turned from traditional to naff, the waitstaff from busy to disorganised.

Even the layout seemed wrong, the tables so close together that Angus felt like he was on a date with the elderly couple beside them.

It was as if the man’s comments about the garlic mushrooms – ‘Lovely sauce, isn’t it? ’ – were directed at him.

As Angus dug his nails into his palms, Layla set down her menu. ‘Right, I’ve decided. I’m ordering the ravioli, unless that’s what you’re having? Because we can’t order the same thing.’

Angus grimaced. ‘I was going to pick the ravioli too.’

‘No!’ Layla wailed. ‘That’s my cue to check the menu again.’

As she peeled it from the table, Angus laughed. ‘I’m ordering lamb ragu really. And, even if I wanted ravioli, I’d pick something else so you could have it.’

The corner of Layla’s mouth hooked into a smile. ‘How kind. That almost makes up for your treachery, but not quite.’

As Angus laughed again, his hands unfurled. There was something about Layla that made him feel like he was sinking into a warm bath. He’d bathe in it forever if he could.

‘When did you decide on the lamb, anyway?’ Layla asked. ‘You haven’t checked your menu once.’

‘I looked at it online beforehand.’

‘Angus, no! If I’d known you were a menu-hunter, I wouldn’t have said yes to dinner.’

Grinning, Angus settled into the rhythm of the conversation. ‘I thought lawyers loved planning and preparation?’

‘We do, but as someone whose meals are usually from a vending machine, restaurants are a treat. That’s why I go all-out, surprise menu and all. The spontaneity adds to the fun.’

‘I prefer to think the fun comes from the company, not the food.’

Layla toyed with the stem of her yet-to-be-filled wineglass. ‘But this is our first meeting since the cafe, and I was miserable that day. How do you know the company is up to scratch?’

‘Judging by how much we speak already, I predict we’ll be fine.’

Layla made no attempt to hide her smile. ‘We have spoken a lot, haven’t we?’

‘We have. Surely we’re at the “tell me your darkest secret” or “meet the parents” point by now?’

‘It’s funny you mention parents,’ Layla said, cocking her head. ‘I was thinking on the way over that I don’t know much about yours, even though you know all about mine.’

Angus’s leg twitched to kick himself. How could he be foolish enough to steer the conversation onto this territory?! ‘Oh, they’re like anyone else’s parents,’ he shrugged, trying to catch the eye of a passing waiter so he could distract Layla with ordering.

‘If I know anything in life, it’s that every family is weird and wonderful in their own way. So come on, tell me about your parents.’

With his heart in a vice, Angus racked his brain for something to tell Layla that matched the openness of her anecdotes, but it was hard to know what to say when there were so many parts of himself that Angus was ashamed of.

Could he tell Layla about his mum’s constant redecorating of the house?

How he never knew what he was stepping into, meaning that the concept of somewhere feeling like ‘home’ was lost on him?

How when he was a child, Gilly went through his toys and threw away his favourites because they didn’t go with her new colour scheme?

Or perhaps Angus could admit that knowing he would never match up to his father meant he never tried to? That doing fuck-all was easier than being in Peter’s shadow?

But as Angus heard himself speak, he realised he wasn’t saying any of that. ‘My parents have been together since they were teenagers. They’re childhood sweethearts.’

‘That’s nice. Are they happy? Did they grow together, not apart?’

Angus whistled. ‘What a question.’

‘Thank you, now answer it.’

Angus smiled, then thought of Gilly and Peter.

Two people who would never deconstruct the life they shared, even if they were miserable.

After all, what would people say if they did?

Was there love there, underneath it all?

In their private moments, did they still laugh, still cuddle, still conjure dreams together?

Or, like most things in Angus’s life, were they one big glossy charade?

‘They’re as happy as two people who have been together forever can be,’ Angus replied, thumbing the corner of his menu. ‘I don’t know if that means they’re happy, but it’s what they have, and I don’t think they’ll ever change it. They’re a tight unit. They’ve been that way since my brother died.’

It was hard to say who was more surprised at Angus’s revelation. Layla, at hearing it for the first time, or Angus, at saying it so freely.

The words didn’t come easy. In fact, in the Fairview-Whitley household, the words weren’t allowed at all. But ever since that day at Haven Hospice with Aleksander, Angus hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Hugo.

As Angus’s childhood came flooding back to him, his surroundings faded until all he saw was the brother who was there until suddenly, he wasn’t.

The empty seat at the dinner table. The bedroom at the end of the hallway, locked as if to capture Hugo’s ghost inside.

The person who taught Angus rugby passes, who roamed the gardens with him, who showed him the best hiding places in the house, gone.

As Angus’s vision blurred, Layla reached across the table for his hand. ‘I’m so sorry, Angus. When did he die?’

‘When we were kids. He was thirteen, I was eleven.’

Sadness burned in Layla’s eyes. ‘That’s so young.’

‘I know. He had his whole life ahead of him.’

‘Of course. But I meant you. You were so young to know such pain.’

Pressing his tongue into the back of his lower lip, Angus nodded. There was so much he wanted to say about that time. So much he knew Layla would understand if he shared, but the words would not come out. They were too painful.

Layla’s calm gaze travelled over Angus. ‘Thank you for telling me about your brother. I’d love to hear more about him, if you’d like to share. But I also understand if you need more time.’

‘Maybe not tonight,’ Angus replied, swallowing the knot of grief in his throat as best he could. ‘But I’d like to tell you more sometime.’

Layla squeezed his hand. ‘Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.’

I’ll be here … Angus wasn’t alone anymore.

It was a feeling he hadn’t been able to shake since meeting Layla, sour-faced and furious in a random cafe, the same day Angus found out he was going to live to be an old man.

Thanks to her, life didn’t seem quite so dark.

It had transformed into something to grab, something to chase…

And being with Layla, spending time with her? Well, Angus would grab and chase every opportunity he got, even if that meant lying along the way.