Page 31 of The Life Experiment

The Life Experiment: Daily Questionnaire

Property of OPM Discoveries

What are two things you are grateful for today?

Living in London. I’ve never given myself time to appreciate all there is to do here, but now I’m hanging out with Angus, I see how amazing it is. We could do three activities every day and never run out of things to do. How incredible is that?

Dad’s texts. His photos are always blurry and he’s so slow at replying I almost forget we’re chatting, but I love the insights into his day

What are you struggling with today?

Going to work and acting like everything hasn’t changed. I need to figure out what to do about that, but how? All ideas welcome, Saira

Do you have any additional notes on what you would like to discuss in your upcoming counselling session?

Lifestyle changes that could help with my stress level. I’m debating a gym membership (I know, it’s a shock to me too!)

Glaring sunlight sliced through the office, not that anyone but Layla seemed to notice. They were too busy focusing on the screens in front of them as if they were the most important things in the world.

You’d have been like that a few weeks ago, Layla thought.

How Layla had changed.

On cue, a message from one of the reasons for that change pinged onto Layla’s phone. Opening it, a picture of a takeaway coffee with ‘Anus’ written on the cup filled her screen. The caption made her giggle.

I don’t know if the barista can’t spell or if they’re trying to insult me x

‘Stop,’ Rashida said as Layla typed a response. ‘You laughing in the office is making me uncomfortable.’ Rashida grinned to show she was joking, but Layla couldn’t laugh along.

Don’t let this place steal your happiness! she wanted to shout. Mayweather & Halliwell might charge clients exorbitant fees for your time, but they have no respect for it!

After sending her reply, Layla looked to Rashida. ‘Surely we shouldn’t be miserable at work? I know it can’t always be perfect, but we shouldn’t be so downtrodden we can’t find the energy to smile.’

‘Did you forget what this place was like while you were away? A defeated workforce is how leadership likes it. You’re less likely to rebel when you’re too tired to protest.’ Rashida chuckled, but Layla wondered if she heard the sadness in her words.

‘Surely we shouldn’t only feel good on payday?’

‘Layla, I have a son in day care and a mortgage. There’s no payday happiness for me.’

Another grim truth that tore through Layla. ‘Well, I still think management should work harder to support their staff.’

Dubiously, Rashida studied her colleague. ‘Maybe I need to take a trip up north. You’ve returned a new woman.’

Layla might have rolled her eyes, but even she could admit that there was an undeniable truth to Rashida’s observation.

It was the strangest thing. Since finding out her death date – and with the help of a few nudges from Saira – Layla had stepped out from the shadow of her desk.

The result had been transformative. Life in all its complex, amazing glory invited her to feel, enjoy and take part.

Sometimes the mix of conflicting emotions gave Layla a headache.

The joy of Jayden’s laughter coupled with the sadness of knowing she didn’t have long to hear it.

The rush of love she felt when sitting with her parents, knowing that their newfound closeness would bring them more pain when she was gone.

The perfection of her friendship with Angus, knowing she could never allow it to become more.

The constant dance of the brilliant and the brutal was so overwhelming it often made tears spill down Layla’s cheeks, but the intensity proved one thing – she was alive. For now, at least.

‘Seriously, what’s gotten into you?’ Rashida pushed. ‘First you disappear, then you come back like… well, I don’t even know. Did you have a lobotomy or something?’

‘Smiling means I’ve been lobotomised?’

‘It does in this office.’

Layla looked around and realised how deep a line had been drawn between her and everyone else. The experiment started it, but it couldn’t take credit for everything that came after. It hadn’t instructed her to read Jayden bedtime stories in silly voices or spend time with Angus – she had done that.

But is this fair on Angus? her brain nagged. It was a voice Layla had been doing her best to shut out. The problem was, the more she came to accept her limited lifespan, the louder the question shouted.

As her heart cracked, Layla busied herself with her laptop.

Skimming over her inbox, she calculated which emails were most important and ranked them in a to-do list. Some she would respond to today.

Others, she would push to tomorrow. Some things could wait, Layla had come to realise.

Some things weren’t that important, and spending all your time obsessing over them meant there was a danger of overlooking the things that were.

Watching Layla calmly work through her to-do list, Rashida shook her head. ‘That’s it,’ she said. ‘You’ve been lobotomised. It’s the only explanation.’

‘It wasn’t a lobotomy. It was a much-needed reset.’

Rashida raised her eyebrow and readied herself to say more, but something over Layla’s shoulder caught her eye. Immediately, Rashida was silenced.

‘Layla?’

Spinning in her chair, Layla turned to find Michelle Beckett standing behind her. Dressed in a suit that likely cost more than Layla earned in a month, Michelle looked every bit as impressive as her credentials suggested she was.

‘Can I have a word in my office?’

Rashida’s head snapped to Layla, wide-eyed. A word with the boss was either good news or bad. There was no in-between. Given Layla’s recent attendance, there could only be one outcome.

With a nervous nod, Layla rose and followed Michelle.

Walking behind her, Layla couldn’t take her eyes off Michelle’s shoes.

They couldn’t be comfortable when the heel was both impossibly high and alarmingly thin, but Michelle walked in them as if they were a pair of slippers.

Confident, strong, with no hint of a wobble.

A woman who knew what she was about to do.

Yeah, fire you, Layla’s brain snapped.

As Michelle opened the door to her office, Layla bit the inside of her cheek. It was all going to come down to this. Layla and Michelle in a sleek, wooden office, with Mayweather & Halliwell taking the best years of her life and dropping her when she dared to take her foot off the gas.

Everything Layla had worked for, gone.

It was as she walked towards Michelle’s desk that Layla realised that although her relationship with her job had shifted, it still mattered to her.

Being successful was always going to be an important part of who she was.

It was just the way she was built. Besides, Layla’s achievements weren’t void because she only had two years left to live.

If anything, they were more important than ever.

But, as Layla took a seat opposite Michelle, it looked like her achievements were about to come to an end.

‘Layla,’ Michelle began, smoothing the sleeves of her suit. ‘How are you?’

‘I’m good, thank you,’ Layla croaked. ‘Yourself?’

Michelle waved her hand. ‘Oh, constantly on the go and permanently tired, you know how it is.’ Michelle laughed, giving Layla permission to smile weakly.

Then, as quickly as Michelle’s laughter had started, it stopped.

‘I’m guessing you know all about those feelings though.

That’s why you’ve been away so much recently. ’

Fear flooded Layla. This was it – the moment she was going to lose it all. A moment she had spent her entire life trying to avoid.

Something in Layla’s gut kicked. Something that felt similar to the time Joey Marron accused her of cheating in a maths test because she’d beaten his score.

The feeling reminded Layla of all the times others had used their status or power to minimise hers.

Making her feel small, like she should be grateful to have a seat at the table, even though she had worked damned hard to get there.

Squaring her shoulders, Layla sat taller. ‘I know I haven’t been as committed recently as I have in the past, but I don’t think current personal circumstances should override years of hard work. I am an asset to Mayweather & Halliwell. If you look at my stats—’

‘Layla, please,’ Michelle cut in. ‘I know how hard you work. Trust me when I say I’m more than impressed with your output.

In fact, I see a lot of myself in you. That being said, I have noticed a change in your performance.

Specifically in regards to your attitude.

You’re no longer the first one in and the last one out. ’

Layla opened her mouth to explain, but she stopped when she saw that Michelle was smiling. ‘I don’t understand. Are you… are you firing me?’

Michelle’s finely plucked eyebrows lifted. ‘Firing you? No! I really need to work on my tone if you think that.’

Layla’s lips parted to let out a sigh of relief. She didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or run down the corridor cheering.

Michelle watched her reaction with an unreadable expression before leaning back in her chair.

‘You know, it’s not easy to get to a position like this,’ she said, gesturing to her surroundings.

‘A lot of people want it, but not many make it. I was determined to be one of the ones who did. I nearly destroyed myself trying to show people I was worth it. My relationship with my job was the biggest factor in my first divorce. Some nights I even slept under my desk – can you believe it? That’s how much I wanted to prove myself, but that was over twenty years ago.

Things should change in that time. People shouldn’t be losing friends or ending relationships because of their workload, but it’s happening. Day in, day out, it’s happening.’

Instinctively, Layla nodded. Sinead’s ‘sick day’ to try to save her relationship after Kirstie threatened to walk out last night was proof of that.