Page 31 of The Hookup (Firsts and Forever #13)

The nurses were nice enough to let me sleep on a cot in Ryder’s room that night. By the next day, he seemed more like his old self. I knew he had to be in pain, even with the meds. He downplayed it though, probably because he didn’t want to worry me.

He’d broken his phone when he dropped it, so he used mine to check in with Dwight, who assured him everything at the ranch was under control.

Dwight had moved his travel trailer onto the property, so he could stay there and keep an eye on things around the clock.

He’d also brought in his cousin to lend a hand, and he’d gotten calls from several of Ryder’s teammates, who were willing to come and help as needed.

“See? You have nothing to worry about,” I said, once he ended the call.

“You’re right, but I’m going to worry anyway.”

His teammates filtered in throughout the day. Ryder borrowed a laptop from one of them, so he and I could watch a live feed of the fashion show. JoJo was in the front row, filming the whole thing for me, and Vee and Kit were backstage, getting everything ready.

Kit was the third student to show his collection. His gorgeous drag queens strutted the runway to RuPaul’s “Sissy That Walk.” It was pure joy, and both the clothes and the models were a big hit.

At the end of every collection, it was customary for the designer to come out and take a bow. Kit looked shy and self-conscious as he rushed onto the stage, bowed quickly, and darted off again.

Six more students showed their stuff, and then it was my turn. The announcer said, “Next up is Hal Nakamura. This collection is entitled ‘Bloom,’ and it’s dedicated to Ryder Woods.”

“If I Had You” by Adam Lambert started to play. I’d selected it both because I loved Adam, and because it had a slamming beat that was great to walk to.

Then the first of my models appeared. I’d taught all of them how to hold their heads high, walk with attitude, and own the runway, and they delivered like seasoned pros.

I felt so many emotions as I took it all in. The girls had decided to walk hand-in-hand, and that was so sweet. Every piece was exactly what I wanted it to be, a juxtaposition of edgy and soft, wild and refined. At one point, JoJo whispered, “Oh Hal, it’s all just so gorgeous.”

Last up was the wedding dress, in all its glory. It was hand-painted silk, miles of tulle, and pure, joyous fantasy. When it appeared, an audible gasp went through the crowd. It looked wild and ethereal and otherworldly, and it was unapologetically beautiful.

The model was a young man who’d spent years as a ballet dancer, and he fucking killed it.

I’d told him he could do whatever he wanted on the runway.

He started off taking a few steps before breaking into a run and leaping into the air in a perfect grand jeté , the dress’s train billowing like a cloud.

The audience gasped again, and I laughed and started crying at the same time, because I was overcome with joy.

After that, as all six models walked the runway in a line, Ryder whispered, “Listen to that, Hal. That’s for you.”

The applause was thunderous. I could hear JoJo cheering as she panned her phone to show me the audience. “It’s a standing ovation, Hal,” she said, as tears streamed down my face. “You killed it, just like I knew you would.”

Ryder squeezed my hand as I whispered, “They like it.”

He shook his head. “No. They absolutely love it .”

I started laughing when Vee and Kit appeared on the stage.

They were carrying a life-size cardboard cutout that had probably started out as Ozzy Osbourne, judging by the hair and the all-black outfit.

They’d printed a picture of my face and stuck it on the cutout, along with letters that spelled out my name across its chest. As a finishing touch, they’d dressed it in one of my long, black cardigans.

I dried my eyes as they left the stage and the next student was announced. JoJo was recording the whole show for me, so I decided to watch the rest later. I set aside the laptop, took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. “That’s it,” I said. “I’m done with school.”

“Way to go out on top. Your collection was the best one by far.”

“You’re biased, so of course you’d say that.”

Ryder smiled at me. “I’m calling it like I see it.”

“I love the response it got. Of course, it helped that my models were amazing, especially my ballet dancer.”

“He was great, but your gown made the audience gasp even before he did that jump.”

“That felt really good.” I gently rubbed his shoulder and asked, “Should I step out for a bit, so you can get some rest? It’s been a busy day.”

“Definitely not.”

“Okay, but you have to promise to tell me if you get tired.”

“I realize falling and breaking my hip makes me seem like I’m a hundred and fifty and completely frail, but I really am okay.”

“You’re not okay, Ry. You had major surgery.”

“Fine. I’m not okay, exactly. My hip is throbbing, I’m on enough drugs to take down a rhino, and I can’t put any weight on my leg for the next six weeks.”

“Six to ten.”

“That’s what they said, but I plan to kick physical therapy’s ass and be back to where I was much quicker than those estimates.”

I already knew he was going to be stubborn and try to do too much too soon, so I’d have to keep reminding him to give his body a chance to heal. For now, I let him change the subject with, “Yesterday, you mentioned doing some soul searching when it came to your career. I’d like to hear about that.”

“A few things started to become clear to me while I was designing that collection. I asked myself what I really want out of my career, and you know what? The answer isn’t a lot of money, prestige, or any of the usual marks of success.

That was always what other people wanted for me, and what I thought I had to achieve to prove myself to my parents, my ex, and every person who ever doubted me or didn’t take me seriously. But fuck that.”

Ryder nodded. “I’m glad you said that. So, what’s the plan?”

“I’m not sure. All I know is, I’m happiest when I let my creativity run wild, and I feel most fulfilled when I’m making prom dresses for LGBTQ kids, or sewing a pretty dress for my beautiful trans housemate, or making something for myself that flips traditional ideas about gender.

Those things make me feel like what I’m doing matters. ”

“I can see why.”

“I guess it’s going to mean starting my own label, so I can make what I want,” I said. “I also want to continue donating prom dresses to young people in our community, but I want to design and custom-make them. I just have to figure out how to pay for that.”

“If you start putting your stuff online, maybe by posting clips from that fashion show, a lot of people will want to buy your clothes. Those sales could help fund the charitable side of your company.”

“Do you really think people would want to buy my stuff?”

“Of course. Your designs are incredible.” He said that like it was an absolute fact.

“I guess I’ll have to learn how to set up a business. I have no idea where to start.”

“Me neither, but between the two of us, I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”

“Definitely. First though, we have to get you back on your feet.”

Ryder’s expression fell. “These next few months are going to suck. You should go home to San Francisco and come back once I’ve healed.”

“If the situation were reversed and I was the one with a long recovery ahead of me, is there any chance at all that you’d leave and make me go through it on my own?”

“Well, no. But?—”

“But nothing. We’re facing this together, because that’s what couples do.”

He looked away and muttered, “I hate asking for help.”

“You need to get over that, Ryder. I know you’re used to being this big, strong guy, the team captain, Mr. Reliable. But it’s okay to need help, and it’s also okay to accept it when it’s offered. That’s not a sign of weakness.”

He still wasn’t looking at me, so I continued, “I know this runs deep with you. It’s pretty obvious that you’ve never wanted to rely on anyone, other than yourself.

It’s why you do most of the work on the ranch, when I’m sure there are people who’d love to volunteer with the horses.

You told me it took you years to hire Dwight, and he’s still just part-time because you’re more comfortable doing everything on your own.

If it’s all on you, no one can let you down, right? ”

When he didn’t say anything, I pressed on with, “I understand that, because I’ve always been the same way.

I figured out early on that the only person I could truly count on was myself.

My parents were never there for me. Not really.

That became obvious when I was a scared, lonely teenager, on my own in New York and other unfamiliar places, put in all sorts of situations I wasn’t ready to handle. ”

I added, as gently as I could, “Your parents weren’t there for you, either. They pawned you off on your grandparents, and while I know your grandma and grandpa adored you, you took care of them , not the other way around.

“That’s a lot for a kid, and it gets in there deep—the idea that the only person we can truly rely on is ourselves.

I was reminded of it later on too, when I trusted my ex enough to move in with him and start planning a future, only to have him break my heart.

You got the same reminder from your ex and your former best friend. ”

His eyes were full of emotion when he met my gaze, and I told him, “All of that is a long way of saying I get it. I really do. We both stopped asking for help, because it gave people the power to let us down and hurt us. But I promise I won’t let you down.

I’ll be right here by your side, not just during your recovery, but from now on. ”

“Even if it means leaving San Francisco and your found family?”

“We’ll still be a family, no matter where I live.”

“I’m not trying to talk you out of this,” he said. “But have you really thought about what living on the ranch would mean for your career?”

“Yeah, I have. Now that I’ve let go of the idea of working for a big label, I can make my clothes anywhere. Austin can be my home base if I want to host public events, and like you said, I can promote my stuff online and sell bespoke pieces to people who want them.”

“I can build you a studio, so you’ll have room to work.”

“That would be wonderful.”

He searched my eyes and asked, “And you’re really, truly sure I’m what you want?”

“I’m absolutely positive. I love you with all my heart, Ryder, and I can’t keep living hundreds of miles away from you.

I need to be able to reach out and touch you, and wake up beside you, and fall asleep with you every night.

I want us to build a life together, and be there for each other in good times and bad. ”

“I adore you, Hal.”

I took his hand and asked, “So, you’ll let me move in, and help you get better, and stay with you forever?”

His face lit up with a beautiful smile, and he said one perfect word.

“Yes.”