Page 26 of The Hookup (Firsts and Forever #13)

Hal

The closer I got to the end of the school year, the more I started to panic and doubt myself. I ended up sewing my Japanese-modern collection, completely tearing apart, and remaking it, twice. It still didn’t seem good enough, so I kept trying to come up with a more original collection.

The problem was that creativity couldn’t be turned on at will, like a water faucet. It showed up or it didn’t, and the more pressure I was under, the less it flowed.

On a random Tuesday in mid-May, I felt like I was hanging on by a thread. It had been an epically shitty day, and I was mentally and physically exhausted.

Vee and Kit were sipping cocktails in the living room when I got home. Kit had become friends with all of our housemates over the last few weeks, which was good because I was never around to keep him company.

“Hey, there he is,” Vee called, as he raised a glass. “Come join us, Hal. We’ve just invented the Cosmo-colada, and we firmly believe it’s going to sweep the nation.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I’m wiped out and need to go to bed. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” I was fully aware that it was only eight p.m., but I needed this day to end.

After changing into my most comfortable pajamas, I climbed under the covers and used my laptop to place a video call to Ryder. We’d gotten in the habit of falling asleep together and leaving the call connected all night. It was comforting, and a way to feel close despite the distance.

He answered with, “Hi, baby. You’re early tonight.”

“I know. I really needed to see you.”

“Are you okay?”

I started to reach for my standard reply and tell him everything was fine, but I couldn’t make myself say it. Instead, I shocked both of us by bursting into tears. He sounded alarmed when he asked, “What’s wrong, Hal?”

I choked out, “Nothing. I’m sorry.” Then I began sobbing.

“It’s okay, baby. Let it out.”

He was so patient, speaking to me quietly and reassuringly while I curled up in a ball and cried. It was several minutes before I finally got it under control. When I sat up and wiped my face with some tissues, he said, “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I had such a horrible day. It was a bunch of little things, and one big thing, and I guess I finally reached my breaking point.”

“What happened?”

I sniffed and hugged my knees to my chest. “First, I went and picked up the letter of recommendation from my internship. The designer didn’t have it ready on my last day, but whatever.

So, I made a special trip across town to get it, and then it turned out to be completely worthless.

It was just a couple of sentences, along the lines of ‘Hal did fine. I didn’t really get to know him, but he seemed adequate.

’ That’s it, after six months of being treated like his unpaid personal assistant, running errands, and doing grunt work because he refused to trust me with anything design related. ”

“That sucks.”

“It does, but it wasn’t even the worst thing that happened today. I got fired from my job at the boutique.”

“Why the hell would they fire you?”

“I saw this horrible little rich girl stuff a scarf in her bag, and when I confronted her, she created a huge scene. She called me a liar and acted totally offended, and my boss took her side over mine. All he had to do was ask to check her bag. He would have seen the stolen scarf, but because this girl comes from a wealthy family, god forbid he’d insult her.

Instead, he fired me on the spot, and this girl looked so smug.

Oh, and obviously she was shoplifting for the thrill of it, since she could have bought out the entire shop with her daddy’s platinum card. ”

“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“It was humiliating, and it made me feel worthless. I’d worked there almost a year, but that didn’t matter. I didn’t matter. He treated me like I was disposable, and this little brat got a good laugh out of it.”

Ryder was outraged. “Fuck the guy at the internship and everyone at the boutique! They don’t deserve you.”

“Thanks for saying that, but I feel like such a failure. Not just because of those things, either. I went to my studio on campus after I left the boutique. I thought maybe I could channel my hurt and anger into something productive and come up with some ideas for a new collection. Instead, I just sat there staring at a blank page in my sketchbook for a few hours, before finally giving up and heading home.”

I sighed and added, “As the cherry on top of this shit sundae, some guy grabbed my ass on the bus. He mistook me for a girl. When I turned around and he saw I was a guy, he acted all offended. Like I was the one who’d done something wrong, not him.”

“What a fucking asshole.” Ryder’s voice was practically a growl.

I curled up in a ball again as the tears started back up. “It was too much for one day. I was already feeling worthless and talentless, and like I’m totally failing. Then all of that happened.” I took a shaky breath and muttered, “I hate the fact that I’m crying. Why can’t I stop?”

“It’s okay. You need to let it out.”

“No. I need to be stronger than this.” I felt so weak and broken. I absolutely hated feeling like that.

Ryder’s voice was so soft when he said, “I wish I was there with you.”

“I’d give anything for that,” I whispered. “It would feel so good to be in your arms.”

Even though that was absolutely true, I felt guilty for saying it out loud. I never wanted him to feel bad about the fact that his life was half a continent away.

I pulled my blanket up like a hood and concentrated on calming myself down. After a moment, Ryder asked, “Did you have dinner tonight, baby?” I shook my head, and he asked, “Have you eaten anything today?”

“I had some coffee this morning,” I muttered. “I can’t remember after that.”

“If I have some food delivered to your house, will you eat it?”

“Not tonight. My stomach’s in knots. I just want to go to sleep and put this day out of its misery.”

“What’s on your schedule for tomorrow?”

“Nothing, now. I used to have my internship every Wednesday, followed by the closing shift at the boutique. Since my schedule is suddenly wide open, maybe I’ll stay in my pajamas all day and do schoolwork. I should look at it as a positive. It’s rare to have a whole day to myself.”

“I hope you can get some rest.” Ryder was watching me with worry in his eyes, and after a pause he asked, “Are you going to be okay financially without that job? If not, I’m happy to help you out.”

“That’s so sweet, but I’ll be fine. Tuition was my biggest expense.

I don’t have to worry about that anymore since this is my last semester, and the rest of my expenses are pretty minimal.

With what I have left in savings and my job at the department store, I have enough to live on until I graduate and land a full-time job. ”

“Okay. But if anything changes, my offer still stands.”

I closed my eyes and murmured, “You’re such a wonderful man, Ryder. I’ll never take your money, but you’re so kind to offer.”

I didn’t remember falling asleep, but the video feed was disconnected when I woke up. No wonder, since I’d slept until almost eleven. Ryder would have been up for hours, doing his morning chores.

He’d sent me a text hours earlier, which said: Good morning, baby. I hope you’re feeling better today.

There was also a message from Vee: Hey buddy, I wanted to see how you’re doing. Check in when you can.

I doubted Vee had heard me crying from downstairs, but I must have been a hot mess when I walked in the door last night. I sent replies and told both of them I was fine, but that wasn’t true. I was still out of sorts, and after crying that hard, my head was pounding.

After stopping off in the bathroom and taking a shower, I put my pajamas back on and went downstairs for some coffee. The house was so still that I knew right away no one else was home. That was probably a good thing. I wasn’t feeling very social.

I brewed a fresh pot of coffee and filled my largest insulated mug, grabbed a protein bar from my neglected shelf in the pantry, and went back to bed with my phone.

My plan was to wander around the internet for a while to see if anything might spark an idea for a new collection, or just spark my creativity in general.

Instead, I fell asleep. Some kind of sound woke me sometime later, and I sat up feeling disoriented. The light streaming in through my open curtains was golden, telling me the sun was starting to set. Had I really slept the whole day away?

The sound happened again. This time, my jumbled brain recognized it as a light knock on my door, and I called, “Come in.”

I expected one of my housemates, so when Ryder stepped through the door, I yelled, “Oh my god!” He was carrying a few bags and a backpack, and he dropped them all a second before I tackled him.

I whispered, “Please don’t let this be a dream,” as I wrapped my arms and legs around him, and he held me tightly.

“You’re not dreaming, baby. I’m right here.”

“But how?”

“I booked a nonstop flight and got Dwight and Tank to watch the ranch for a couple of days. Then I messaged Vee, and he, Lark, and Dylan picked me up at the airport. Now here I am.”

I was overcome with emotion. “This is because of last night,” I mumbled, burying my face in his shoulder. “I was such a mess. That’s why you dropped everything and flew to San Francisco. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“There’s no reason to apologize, and it isn’t just because of last night. You seemed really stressed out these past few weeks, and I wanted to help. Besides, I’ve missed you like crazy. I’m here because I need this, and because I think you might need it, too.”

“I really do. I feel guilty, though. That last-minute flight must have been so expensive, and you had to make all those arrangements so your animals would be okay, and?—”