Page 28 of The Hookup (Firsts and Forever #13)

“No. I’ll still photograph these pieces and include them in my portfolio. It’s not that I think they’re bad. They’re just not unique enough for this really important show.”

He turned to me and said, “Since you’re sold on making a new collection, can I see what you have so far?”

We sat at my drawing table, and I showed him a few sketches with the disclaimer, “I don’t like any of these. I want something that’s going to excite and inspire me, and these just don’t.”

“What would you do next, if I wasn’t here?”

I turned to an empty page in my sketchbook. “I guess I’d try to start drawing and hope I was struck by inspiration.”

“But that approach hasn’t been working, right?”

“Right.”

“Instead of that, want to go for a walk with me? It might help you get a fresh perspective, especially if you’re with someone who’s seeing the city for the first time.” I quickly agreed, mostly because I didn’t want Ryder to be bored senseless while I stared at a blank page.

After I turned off the lights again and locked the studio, we picked a direction at random and started walking. It was a gorgeous day, with a cloudless sky and a gentle breeze, and being outside definitely felt good.

As we wound our way through the city, I kept pulling out my phone to snap photos of things that made me happy—a mural of Mexican folklorico dancers in their colorful dresses, a huge, hot pink bougainvillea, a bird on a cable. And of course, I took pictures of Ryder, and of the two of us together.

It was wonderful to have him by my side, holding my hand. I felt myself starting to relax and actually living in the moment, instead of worrying about my to-do list, school, graduation, and whatever came next.

At one point, I stopped walking, pulled him to me, and kissed him with everything I had. He was smiling and slightly flushed when we finally broke apart, and he asked, “What brought that on? Not that I’m complaining. Feel free to turn my knees to jelly any time you want.”

“I did it because I could, because you’re right here, and not seventeen hundred miles away.” He drew me into a hug, and I whispered, “I’m so grateful you came to see me, Ryder. If I thanked you a million times, it wouldn’t be enough.”

We walked for hours, eventually ending up back home.

I poured us some iced tea, and when we returned to the backyard, he pulled me onto his lap.

I hadn’t spent much time out here over the last two years.

I was always in too much of a hurry, but this little patch of flowers and trees and sunlight was pretty great.

As we watched a dragonfly with iridescent wings land on a peony, I told him, “I have a brand-new appreciation for nature since I visited you at the ranch. I find myself wanting to be outside all the time, and I’m seeing so much beauty all around me. I wish I could express that in a collection.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Because every time I try to picture what it would look like, it goes to pure fantasy—as in woodland nymphs, fairies, that sort of thing.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I’m supposed to be coming up with high fashion,” I said, “not outfitting the cast of A Midsummer Night’s Dream .”

“I bet you could make something that’s both fantasy and high fashion if you wanted to.”

“Maybe. I’m imagining a gorgeous wedding gown that’s pale pink and sage green, with hand-painted fabric, raw edges, and all these sheer layers…”

Ryder said, “Show me,” so I ran inside for a drawing pad and some colored pencils. When I returned, I quickly sketched out a few rough ideas. Each garment was ethereal and dreamlike, unlike anything I’d ever designed before.

“You have to make these,” he said. “They’re too beautiful not to.”

“It would be so much fun. They could go costumey though, and that’s not what potential employers look for.”

“Do it anyway. Do it for you. This is the right call.”

I met his gaze and asked, “Why do you sound so sure of that?”

“Because I can see the light that came on in your eyes when you started talking about this. This is what you’re meant to make, Hal. I think you know that too, deep down.”

“You know what? You’re right. This is what I should be working on, because it’s making me excited about design again. If it ends up looking like a bunch of fairy costumes from a Halloween shop, that’s fine. I can always fall back on my other collection for the fashion show, but I need to do this.”

It felt like a cloud had lifted—like I finally had a direction, after meandering aimlessly for so long. I kissed Ryder and said, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For believing in me, even when I don’t believe in myself.”

Our time together absolutely flew by. While I began working on my new collection, Ryder helped me in so many ways. He cleaned and organized, ran errands, cooked, and filled my freezer, but most of all, he provided moral support.

He listened while I rambled, talking through ideas until the designs were clear in my mind. He kept me company, made love to me, and held me while we slept. And he made sure I took time each day to relax—to hang out with my friends, to be outside, and just to breathe.

I was in a much better place by the time Logan and I drove Ryder to the airport Saturday morning, accompanied by Owen, who chattered happily in his car seat the whole way there. I felt calmer and more confident, and that made everything seem less daunting.

Logan pulled his SUV to the curb when we reached the terminal, and Ryder and I climbed out and held each other for a long moment. As he stroked my hair, I murmured, “I’m so glad I get to see you in four weeks.”

“I’ll be counting the days.” When he kissed me, it was tender and full of promise. He stepped back and smiled at me as he hung his backpack over his shoulder. Ryder cupped my cheek and said, “See you soon, baby,” before turning and heading into the terminal.

I watched him go, but only for a few seconds, since the SUV was in a loading zone. After I jumped into the passenger seat and fastened my seatbelt, Logan handed me a box of tissues and asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yes and no.” I blotted the tears from my eyes as he pulled away from the curb. “It’s always so hard to say goodbye to him, but this surprise visit was pure joy.”

“That man is madly in love with you, Hal.”

“Do you think so?”

“No question. Hasn’t he told you that yet?”

“No, but I haven’t said it, either.”

Logan asked, “Why not? I know you feel it.”

“I absolutely do, but I guess I want the timing to be right. Or maybe I’m hoping Ryder says it first.”

“I feel like he just did. He wouldn’t drop everything like that and come to help you if he didn’t love you.”

He was right. I still wanted to hear Ryder say the words, though.