Page 30 of The Hookup (Firsts and Forever #13)

Hal

After Ryder ended the call, I stared at the phone in my hand for a long moment. Then I tried calling him back, but it went to voicemail.

I went upstairs and knocked on Vee’s bedroom door. When he yelled for me to come in, I stepped inside and said, “You still have the number for some of Ryder’s teammates, right? I have Tank’s, but he’s out of the country.”

“I do. Why, what’s up?”

“Ryder and I just had the weirdest conversation. He said he wants us to take a break for the next six months, but he also told me he loved me, twice. He sounded like he was drunk, or very stoned. If he went out partying with the team after their match, I want to make sure someone’s looking out for him. ”

Vee had been sitting back with his feet on his desk, painting his fingernails black. He sat up and said, “That’s weird. He always struck me as the most responsible one of the group.”

He gingerly picked up his phone, trying not to smudge his wet polish. It took all of a minute for him to message one of the rugby guys and get the whole story. I read the messages over his shoulder and murmured, “Oh, no. I need to pack a bag and get to Texas.”

“You’re going today?”

“Yeah, as long as I can find a last-minute flight.”

Vee asked, “Are you planning to fly back tomorrow?”

“No. I’ll stay as long as Ryder needs me.”

“But the fashion show is Monday. You can’t miss that.”

“Right now, Ryder is my top priority.”

“And are you two finally going to have the talk?”

“What talk is that, exactly?”

Vee shot me an exasperated look. “You know. The one where you finally tell him you’re madly in love with him, and you two figure out how you can be together.”

“I was planning to have that conversation with him when I visited next week. But I’m not sure this will be the right time, since he’s drugged up and in the hospital.”

“Do it anyway, Hal. Then do it again when he’s not hopped up on painkillers, and again if he still doesn’t get the message. He needs to know how you feel about him.”

“Why now?”

“He probably suggested a break because he thinks it’s too much to ask you for help,” Vee said. “But if he knows you love him and you’re in it for the long haul, that might change everything.”

“Oh man, I bet you’re right. The doctor must have told him it would be six months until he’s fully recovered, and he doesn’t want to be a burden.”

“Exactly. On top of that, he’s probably worried about derailing your career. We all know you’ve been working like a man possessed for the last two years to finish your degree and land a killer job, and that your big break’s probably going to happen as a result of that fashion show.”

“But he’s so much more important to me than any job! Doesn’t he know that?”

Vee held my gaze steadily as he drove his point home. “No, because you haven’t told him how you feel.”

Suddenly, that conversation I’d been putting off with Ryder felt incredibly urgent.

I’d always assumed he must know how I felt, because he saw it in my actions.

But maybe he had no idea. Maybe he thought he had to face a long recovery alone, because he didn’t realize what he meant to me. He must be so scared.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and accessed the airline’s app.

“I need to see about moving up the flight that’s booked for later in the week.

I also need to pack a bag, and call the department store to quit my job, and see if any of my friends with cars are available to give me a ride to the airport. ”

Vee got up and said, like the true friend he was, “Tell me how I can help.”

It turned out the earliest flight available was a red eye with two layovers. By the time I got to the hospital on Sunday morning, Ryder was already in surgery. I ended up pacing around the waiting room for a few hours, until a nurse finally told me I could see him.

Ryder was asleep, or possibly still under anesthesia, when I got to his room.

A lump formed in my throat as I stood at his bedside and gently brushed his hair back.

Normally, he was a force of nature, radiating energy and vitality.

Now he looked pale and vulnerable. I wasn’t used to seeing him like that, and it made my heart hurt.

I was stroking his hair a few minutes later when his eyelids fluttered. It took him a while to wake up. Finally, his eyes focused on me, and he whispered, “Hal?”

“I’m right here, sweetheart.”

He murmured, “You’re my favorite dream,” and drifted off again.

Over the next few hours, his teammates came and went. The room filled with floral arrangements and balloons instructing him to get well soon. Nurses made their rounds, checking monitors and replacing IV bags as they drained.

When the doctor came by to check on him and asked who I was, I introduced myself as Ryder’s partner. I didn’t know what the hospital’s rules were regarding boyfriends versus spouses, but I hoped that was intentionally vague enough to allow me to stay with him past visiting hours.

I asked how the surgery had gone, and she told me the surgeon was able to repair the hip with plates and screws, as opposed to needing a total hip replacement. I didn’t know if that was meant to be good news.

“He has a long recovery ahead of him,” she said. “As his partner, he’ll be relying on you heavily, especially these first few weeks.”

I nodded and told her, “I’ll be right by his side throughout all of it.”

She checked his chart and told me she was slightly reducing his pain meds, since he’d been out of it since his surgery. After she left, I curled up in the chair I’d moved right beside his bed and closed my eyes. It had been a long twenty-four hours, and weariness was bearing down on me.

Sometime later, Ryder whispered my name, and my eyes flew open. I jumped up and gently cupped his cheek as I told him, “I’m right here.”

He rasped, “My mouth is really dry.”

I poured some water from a plastic pitcher on the side table and held it to his lips. He raised his head and took a sip, and after he dropped back onto his pillow, he murmured, “I’m having a hard time telling the difference between fantasy and reality.”

“That’s probably because you’re on some powerful painkillers. The doctor was here a few minutes ago and dialed them back a bit. That’ll probably help clear your head, but does your hip hurt?”

“There’s a dull ache, but that’s better than being totally out of it.” He searched my face for a long moment as I stroked his hair. Finally, he asked, “Did I try to break up with you?”

“You actually tried pitching a six-month break, told me you loved me, and passed out.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t tell you what happened?”

“No, but I found out two minutes later, when I asked Vee to message one of your teammates. Then I hopped on the first available flight.”

He seemed confused. “Why did you do that?”

“Because I love you, Ryder, and this is where I belong.”

“I wish I wasn’t so out of it right now,” he muttered. “I’m pretty sure you just told me you love me, but there’s like, a fifty-fifty chance I’m dreaming or possibly hallucinating.”

“All of this is a lot to process right now, but don’t worry. I’ll tell you again when you’re more lucid, then again and again, every day from now on.”

He mumbled, “Is this a pity thing? Did they fuck up the surgery? Am I minutes from bleeding out?”

“No, it all went perfectly. There’s some cool new hardware in your hip, which will probably set off every metal detector you come across from now on. And it’s definitely not a pity thing. It’s something I’ve been wanting to say for a while now.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I was a coward, and I wanted to hear you say it first.”

“Sorry it took being stoned off my ass to finally tell you how I feel.” I leaned in and kissed him, and he muttered, “I’m probably so gross right now. The last time I brushed my teeth was Saturday morning. What day is it?”

“It’s Sunday. Your surgery was this morning.”

“Sunday…” He thought about that for a few moments. When the lightbulb went off, it woke him up a bit and he blurted, “You can’t be here!”

“Why not?”

“Because your fashion show is tomorrow. You need to get back to San Francisco! If you leave now, maybe you can find a flight and make it back in time.”

I sat down and held his hand between both of mine. “I’m not going anywhere, Ryder.”

“But the show?—”

“Isn’t even sort of as important as you are.”

“You have to show your collection. You worked really hard on it, and it’s so good .”

“Don’t worry. I talked to Vee and Kit during one of my layovers, and they offered to stand in for me.

I also emailed my instructor and told him I was called out of town on an emergency.

He’s fine with them showing the collection in my absence.

The clothes are ready, and my models know what to do, because we rehearsed it.

Vee and Kit are perfectly capable of taking it from here.

All the rest of my schoolwork is done too, by the way.

I turned in the last of my assignments on Friday. ”

“But if you’re not at the fashion show in person, you won’t get to talk to the recruiters, or scouts, or whatever they are. If you miss out on a great job offer because of me, I’ll never forgive myself.”

“I won’t miss a thing,” I assured him. “If someone wanted to reach me, they could get my contact information from my friends and schedule a call to interview me. But I already know I wouldn’t want whatever they were offering.”

“Why not?”

“Let’s just say I’ve done a lot of soul searching lately, and I’ve realized what I want from my career.”

“What do you want?”

“I’ll tell you later, when you’re not a few hours out of surgery and probably getting exhausted by all of this.” He still looked concerned, but I left it at, “Please don’t worry, Ryder. It’s all going to work out. I promise.”