Page 84 of The German Mother

Two stony-faced guards stood at either side of a pair of double doors at one end of the hut. At half past ten precisely, they opened the doors, and Leila could see a gaggle of prisoners gathering behind them, dressed in beige prisoner uniforms. She knew these men were not real criminals, but politicians, writers, clerics, academics, lawyers – brave men who had openly criticised Hitler’s new regime.

Leila found it curious that they did not rush into the room to see their visitors. Instead they appeared tentative, peering nervously from the doorway, as if they were frightened of what was awaiting them – a punishment perhaps? But as each man began to recognise his visitor, the anxiety left his face and he hurried in. Sitting opposite their loved ones, the men instinctively reached out to hold hands, or stroke faces. But the guards slapped whips down on the table between them, shouting, ‘No touching.’

The seats around Leila began to fill up, but there was no sign of Viktor. Finally, she saw him at the doorway. She had to prevent herself from gasping out loud – he was so changed. Standing forlornly in his shapeless beige jacket and trousers, he appeared to have lost a huge amount of weight. As soon as he recognised her, he shuffled towards her. She could see his once-dark hair was white, his face was lined and tanned. He sat down heavily on the chair opposite his wife, gazing in wonder at her, as if she were someone from another world.

Fearful of the guards, but desperate to touch her husband, Leila tentatively reached across the table, her fingertips just connecting with his own. ‘Darling, I’m so sorry I’ve not been before – they refused me until now.’

Viktor nodded.

‘Tell me what it’s like in here.’

He shook his head. ‘You don’t want to know.’

Leila was shocked by how weak his voice sounded. ‘I do…you must tell me.’

He shook his head again.

His hands, resting on the table, were scratched, rough, raw and blistered. From her conversation with Charlotte, she knew exactly why, but she was desperate to make Viktor say something. ‘Do they put you to work here?’

‘Yes…in the gravel pit – that’s where the Jews get sent. Julius and I are together. It’s good to have his company.’

‘His wife, Charlotte, is here – we were chatting before coming in. Look she’s over there with him.’ Leila could see Julius gazing at his wife with the same look of bewilderment as Viktor.

But Viktor didn’t react; it was as if he was unable to hear her.

‘I’m glad you’ve got each other for company,’ Leila said gently.

He looked up. ‘How are the children?’ His voice cracked with emotion.

‘They miss you. Sofia has matured a lot in just a few months. She studies hard – to distract herself, I think. Axel didn’t understand what had happened at first, but he does now…he’s angry – a typical boy, I suppose.’

‘Take them away, Leila. Leave Germany.’

‘No! We can’t leave without you.’

‘Forget about me. I’ll either survive or I won’t. If I survive, I’ll follow you. But in the meantime, take the children and go… please.’

‘No, I’ll wait for you. I want to leave Germany, but we’ll go together. Manfred Adler says you’ll be out by next summer.’

Viktor sighed. ‘We’ll see.’ He touched her fingertips again. ‘You must do what you think is right, darling.’

The guards strode between the tables, shouting, ‘One minute left. Time to say goodbye now.’

Some of the women wailed in protest, but the guards’ stony faces made it clear that there would be no kindness shown that day. Leila felt a rising sense of panic. There was so much she still wanted to say…so much she had planned to say. ‘Oh God.’

Viktor squeezed her fingers. ‘Listen, Leila, I want to say something. Thank you for coming into my life. You have made me so happy for the last ten years – happier than I could ever have imagined.’

Instinctively, Leila took Viktor’s hand and kissed it. ‘Darling, you know I feel the same – you have made me so happy.’

There was a sudden crack as the guard brought his whip down hard, catching the back of Leila’s hand. She yelped, but instantly bit her lip, not wanting to give the guard the satisfaction of seeing her weep.

At that moment, the double doors opened. ‘Prisoners out,’ shouted the guards.

Viktor stood up. ‘Leila, take the children and leave Germany, I beg you…’

He turned and walked away, joining the hunched figures returning to an existence Leila could not imagine. She felt her resolve crumbling, and her whole body began to shake with emotion.

The guards locked the double doors behind the retreating men, and turned back to the room. ‘Everybody out, now…Schnell, schnell.’