Page 135 of The German Mother

‘She did that? Wow…so she finally got off the sidelines.’

‘Oh yes, she got off the sidelines all right. In fact, she’s shown amazing courage.’

‘She was an incredible woman,’ said Peter thoughtfully.

‘Sheisincredible…and she loved you very much, Peter – you must know that. Minki was devastated when you left.’

‘I don’t think I really understood what she felt, until it was too late.’

‘Well, you were engaged to someone else, so I suppose it was inevitable that you’d break up with Minki.’

‘The crazy thing is that when I got back to the US, I couldn’t get Minki out of my mind. Mary and I split up. I never married.’

‘Oh, Peter! Why didn’t you write to Minki? She was broken-hearted. I always felt she only married Max on the rebound.’

Peter sighed. ‘Oh no, that makes me feel even more guilty.’

‘Peter, you can’t blame yourself. I didn’t tell you about Max and Clara to make you feel guilty. I was just explaining what had happened. But it was a shame…you were so good for her. Her life would have been quite different if you and she…’ Leila paused, suddenly recalling her own wedding day, and how Minki had lost Peter’s baby. She wondered if she should mention it, but decided against it. What use would it be? And besides, it wasn’t her secret to tell.

‘I understand what you’re trying to say,’ said Peter. ‘I guess at the time, I wasn’t sure of her – do you understand? I always felt nothing really mattered to Minki…as if she lived life on the surface.’

‘I think that was true of her when she was young. Her beauty and her brilliance made her thoughtless at times, and she sometimes treated people very badly – men in particular. But she changed. Even before she lost Clara, she began to realise that she couldn’t stand on the sidelines forever. Her husband working for Goebbels created a lot of problems. She had so many fights with him about the terrible things the regime was doing. In the end, she made an enemy of Goebbels. I often suspect he had something to do with Clara’s kidnapping.’

‘Leila…I’d love to see Minki again. Do you think she’d meet me?’

‘I don’t know, Peter. From her letters, she seems utterly absorbed in her family these days. I’m not sure she’d want to be reminded of the past – but I might be wrong.’

‘I understand. But, perhaps you could ask her if she’d see me? There are things I ought to say, things I meant to say at the time.’

Leila was slightly taken aback by Peter’s earnestness. ‘Yes, Peter. Of course I’ll ask her if she’ll see you.’

The pair sat for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally Peter clinked his glass with Leila’s. ‘Well, I think we should drink up, don’t you, and go and see what all the fuss is about at Buckingham Palace.’

‘I suppose we should. As good journalists, we really should not miss the spectacle.’

Peter took her arm, and guided her out onto the Strand, joining the crowds surging towards the palace.

42

AIRBORNE OVER EUROPE

September 1945

Leila felt queasy. The waistband of her new American army uniform pencil skirt – made of scratchy olive drab – was pressing uncomfortably against her stomach. Sitting in the bucket seat of a military transport plane, which rocked and bounced as it headed for Frankfurt, she began to have second thoughts about her new venture. She could be at home now, in the cosy sitting room of her Hampstead cottage, with her parents and children. Instead, she was nauseous and uncomfortable in a draughty, rattling military plane, sitting next to an American army colonel who had ignored her ever since she sat down.

She eased her fingers beneath the waistband, and put the other hand over her mouth; she swallowed hard, praying she would not throw up.

‘You OK?’ asked the colonel, glancing over in her direction.

‘I think so,’ she replied uncertainly.

‘You look a little green, that’s all.’ He had a southern drawl, which reminded her of Rhett Butler inGone With The Wind.

‘I’ll be fine, thank you, sir.’

The plane settled a little and she looked out of the window onto the patchwork of green below.

‘If you were reincarnated,’ asked the colonel suddenly, ‘what would you rather come back as – a man or a woman?’