Page 105 of The German Mother

Minki stood up and swept out of the room. She retreated to their bedroom, hoping Max would calm down, so they could discuss it calmly over dinner. But within a few minutes she heard the front door slam. Peering out of the bedroom window, she saw Max climbing into his Mercedes, revving the engine hard and screeching out of the drive and out onto the road, heading towards the city centre.

Some time in the middle of the night Minki was woken by the sound of Max falling into bed next to her, reeking of drink.

The next morning, she woke with a renewed sense of determination, and began to make preparations for the move to her father’s. She sent off letters to several schools in Augsburg, and within days received word that one had two places for the boys that autumn term – now just a few weeks away. With no time to lose, the children’s trunks were brought down from the attic and packed with their favourite toys and clothes. Having lived in the city for their whole lives, they had nothing suitable to wear for country life, so Minki drew up a list of items they would need – hiking boots, corduroy trousers and warm jackets.

Max continued to insist that she was overreacting. Over dinner one evening, he pleaded with her to change her mind, but Minki refused to budge.

‘Nothing you say will change my mind, Max. I won’t stay. If you don’t want the family to be split up, come with us. It’s not you I’m leaving, but Berlin. I just want us all to be safe – surely you can understand.’

‘How can I leave Berlin? Joseph depends on me. We have too many projects in the pipeline.’

‘Well, then come to Augsburg at weekends and see us. Or I could come up to you. I’m sure we can make it work.’

‘We have something called petrol rationing, Minki – or haven’t you noticed?’

‘Take the train, then.’

Max threw down his napkin in exasperation and stormed out.

That night, he reached out for her in bed. ‘I’m sorry, Minki…it’s just that I can’t bear the thought of being parted from you.’

‘I understand, Max, but if you love me you’ll want what’s best for me and the children.’

‘I do love you.’ Max nuzzled her neck, running his hand down her back erotically.

When they’d first met, his mere touch would have excited her. But now, even the thought of making love to him left her cold. ‘I’m sorry, Max…I’ve got too much on my mind.’

He sighed, rolled away from her and was soon snoring.

But Minki couldn’t sleep. Lying awake that night, she tried to analyse what had gone wrong in their relationship. When she and Max had first met he had been a brilliant man at the top of his profession. Her pride in his success was the foundation of her love for him. But since he had become part of Goebbels’ propaganda empire, she had lost respect for him. And without respect, love couldn’t survive. Was it possible, she wondered, that her desire to move away and live with her father was about something more than keeping the children safe? It would also put a physical distance between her and Max, effectively severing their relationship. Was that what she wanted? To leave Max behind…perhaps forever?

As August turned to September, there was an autumnal chill in the air. Minki ordered the staff to bring the family’s trunks down to the hall.

‘Are you planning on leaving today?’ asked Max over breakfast. ‘I noticed the trunks…’

‘Tomorrow, I think – first thing. I just need to buy Clara a new winter coat – she’s grown so much. And the boys each need a pair of boots for the winter.’

Max nodded, and sipped his coffee silently. ‘I do see the logic of what you’re doing, darling,’ he said at last, ‘so I won’t try to stop you. In fact, I mentioned it to Joseph yesterday and he agreed it would be better for you all to be out of the city. He also has concerns for his own family’s safety and is thinking about moving them to his country house outside Berlin.’

‘His love nest, do you mean?’ she asked acidly. ‘Why do you have to tell Joseph everything about our lives? He’s nothing but trouble, Max – don’t you understand that?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. I work for him…he’s a friend.’

‘You’re so naive, Max. If you believe that, you’re a fool.’

Max smiled weakly. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ He stood up, and briskly pulled on his jacket. ‘I might be a bit late home tonight. I’ve got a viewing with Joseph this afternoon at the studios, and it might run on. I’ve arranged for a car to pick me up this morning and take me to work, so you can use my car for your shopping.’ He came round the table and kissed her forehead.

‘That’s kind, Max – thank you. I’ll see you later, then.’

At the doorway, Max stopped and turned to look at her. ‘I do love you, Minki…I want you to know that.’

After breakfast Minki went upstairs to get her coat. As she passed the nursery, she could hear Clara speaking clearly to the boys. ‘You’ve got ten minutes to finish those sums.’

Smiling, she opened the door. Clara was standing next to a small blackboard with a piece of chalk in her hand. She had written up some multiplication sums on the board and the boys were sitting at little desks, with notebooks and pencils.

‘Hello, you three,’ said Minki, ‘you look busy.’

The boys looked up at their mother and frowned. ‘Clara’s making us do sums, and they’re too hard.’