Page 140 of The German Mother

‘You must be careful – at a certain point one must accept that someone is dead, in order to grieve properly. I still dream of Viktor and have the same sensation as you – that he’s alive – but I know in reality that he’s not.’

‘You’re right, of course, Leila. I suppose the truth is that a mother’s love doesn’t end with the physical loss of a person. It lasts forever.’

Minki reached over and took a cigarette from a silver box. She lit it, inhaling deeply.

Leila sipped her wine. ‘Minki…I wasn’t sure if I should mention this, but I met Peter in London.’

‘Peter?’

‘Peter Fischer.’

‘Good Lord. I’ve not thought about him for years. Why was he in London?’

‘He joined the American Army, and was stationed there briefly. In fact, he’s in Germany now…’ Leila paused, wondering whether to continue. ‘Oh Minki, I don’t think he ever really got over you.’

‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous,’ said Minki, pouring them both another glass of wine. ‘All that was over twenty years ago. It was young love – the sort that can never last. He was probably right to go back to America, and almost certainly right to leave me – I was a much more complicated person then. Besides, he got married, didn’t he?’

‘No. He never married.’

Minki’s eyes widened. ‘Really? Why not?’

‘He said it was because he still loved you.’

‘Well, well…Did he actually say that when you met in London?’

‘Yes… and I think he meant it.’

‘That’s quite sad, isn’t it?’ Minki paused, adding wistfully, ‘I really did love him, you know. Will you see him, here in Germany?’

‘Yes. In fact, I’m going to accompany him on some of his work as part of my fact-finding mission.’

‘Well, give him my love, won’t you? Maybe we’ll meet again some day.’

‘I know he’d like that,’ said Leila.

The pair sat for a moment, watching the flickering flames of the fire.

‘Now,’ said Minki, ‘enough of the past…you must tell me more about your work – and what you’re doing here.’

‘Oh that…well, one of my tasks is to start a new women’s magazine. It will attempt to show the women of Germany a different ideology – a different way to live.’ Leila paused, and then leaned forward. ‘There’s a job for you, if you want it?’

‘For me?’

‘Of course, you’d be perfect for it – all those years editing women’s pages, plus your natural instincts as a journalist – I can’t think of anyone better to be my deputy editor.’

‘Me…your deputy? But I’ve not worked for years.’

‘I know that. But it’s like riding a bike – you never forget. Look, Minki, I came to see you today because I love you and you’re my best friend, but also because you’re one of the best journalists I’ve ever met. Promise me you’ll think about it?’

Minki smiled. ‘Well, I’m very flattered, obviously. Where will the magazine be based? I can’t leave the boys, you see.’

‘In Munich, I hope. I’m even exploring using the oldMunich Postprinting presses, if they’re still intact.’

‘Well, I’ll certainly think about it, all right?’

‘Good. I have to go up north tomorrow, but I’ll be back in a month or so. We can talk about it more then.’

As the pair stood on the landing, hugging each other goodnight, Leila wondered if she should have been more open with Minki about her plans for the next few days. For the truth was that, as part of her tour of the country, she intended to travel to Hadamar and try to solve the mystery of Clara’s death. By chance, Peter Fischer was now based at the hospital, and had begun the gruesome task of investigating exactly what had gone on there in the previous decade. Leila hoped he might unearth some vital information that would clarify how Clara had died. Had she really had an epileptic fit, as Minki had been told? Or had she died during a sterilisation operation, or even been murdered – another victim of the Nazis’ ruthless policy of extermination? Until this evening, she had presumed Minki would be unable to handle the truth, but after their conversation she now felt sure that whatever she might discover, knowing how Clara died was the only way Minki could ever lay her child to rest.