Page 38 of The Breaking Pointe

i’ll be home for christmas

COLTON

The temperatures in Chicago are around the same as New York, but feel threateningly different. The wind is fierce, and the air is spine-chilling. Not even the coldest day in New York could ready me for any weather that Chicago has to offer, but as for Noelle— she exists as though it’s a hot day in the middle of summer. Which, let’s be clear, is how she’s behaved since the beginning of the cold front in New York. She’s freakishly immune to cold, and I’m constantly shaking like a damn Yorkie puppy.

From the moment we were able to exit the plane, I could feel my toes going numb and my nose practically growing icicles— not to mention the hairs on my chest trying to develop a frost. So now, not only am I battling the severe fear I have of meeting Noelle’s parents, but my ass cheeks feels like two cubes of ice, and both of those thoughts are a bit stifling not to think about. I can’t even rehearse my words with a clear conscious, but even if I could, it wouldn’t be possible because I haven’t thought of

anything relatively good to say. The more I think it over—this must’ve been how Noelle felt when she met my mom for the first time. Except she had a lot less time to decide whether or not it was a good idea.

She’s much braver than I. Makes me love her that much more”

It’s this house—here,”

Noelle says loudly to the taxi driver, prompting him to slow down”

You can pull into the driveway,”

she directs him, pointing.

The town resembles something of a suburban town, I suppose. If you take away the snow and add leaves to the trees, I bet there would be more character. Not just a blanket of white fluff on top of everything.

Her parents spill out of the front door with excitement plas- tered on their faces. Behind them stands a decently sized, blue house that is vibrant in color, with white lining the banisters and pillars. It’s your average movie-like house. Perfect. It’s no wonder Noelle misses it like she does.

“Here we are.”

She cuts a look at me, beaming as she crawls over my lap and shoves the door open to escape.

“Well? Go, doofus.”

Steven chuckles, pushing my arm to get me to follow her lead.

“I am, I am,”

I drag out, starting to scoot out of the car then stepping out to see Noelle hugging her father while her mother watches them like her treasured possessions.

“Mom—Dad, finally, I’d like to introduce you to two wonder- ful people,”

she squeals.

Her dad is sporting thick, rockabilly styled glasses, and a Chicago Bears sweatshirt. His hair is almost silver, but so is her mother’s. Explains a lot about his wisdom in those tapes, honestly, as it comes with knowledge and age.

My arm extends out immediately, preparing for a handshake

as her dad approaches me. His eye contact is strong as his hand clashes with mine, firmly shaking it. I grasp on tight, matching his firmness and meeting his stare.

“Quite some arm,”

he says, laughing and patting my opposite shoulder as he holds our hands in place.

I smile nervously.

“Uh—yeah,”

I drag out some laughter, quietly”

I’m Colton. This is my brother, Steven.”

I gesture to Steven, standing behind me”

Thank you so much for letting us stay with ya, Mr. Mayberry,”

I express with all the sincerity I can.

Steven waves in greeting, and her dad’s hands both rest on his hips as he continues to smile, now looking at both my brother and I.

“And one hell of a Staten twang. Surprised you didn’t play football instead. I hear that’s a big deal over there. You a Giants fan?”

he questions me, shooting right for conversation.

At least it’s something I know. I can answer questions about sports all day.

“Boy, am I.”

I smile more genuinely now”

I favor the Bears, too,”

I add, pointing to his shirt”

I know that’s more your style, here, sir.”

He wags a finger and nods”

Ah. A man of taste. It’s about time. I like it.”

My body eats the compliment, seemingly calming down after I quickly digest it as such. As long as I keep whatever thing I’ve got going, I should be just fine.

“Alright, Reggie, I wanna meet them, too.”

Noelle’s mom inserts herself, stepping around him to get to me.

“Now, I can finally meet the man my child is constantly boasting about,”

she says, standing about as tall as Noelle.

Pursing my lips into a smile, I try to mask my blush. “I would

assume so, Mrs. Mayberry.”

“Call me Robin, okay?”

She grins, nodding”

Okay,”

I respond, even though that feels wrong.

I carefully extend my arm out to try the same tactic with her as I did with Noelle’s father, but she confidently pushes my arm aside. Mushing herself into me, her arms whip around my frame, squeezing me into a warm, soulful hug. For a moment, I’m unsure where to place my arms, unsure if I should even reciprocate.

But the energy radiating from her absorbs me, similar to someone very specific.

Giving in, I reach my arms around her to hug her back, closing my eyes as my chin rests over her shoulder—pretending, for as long as I can, that it’s my mother I’m holding onto.

“You’re allowed to feel at home, here, okay?”

she whispers, holding onto me with that same, safe grasp my mother once used to give me.

“Okay,” I mumble.

“Guys,”

Noelle, says shyly”

I don’t wanna ruin the moment, but it’s really cold, and the taxi driver needs us to unload the car.”

My eyes shoot open to see her father already beginning to empty the SUV, prompting both her mother and I let go of each other.

“I can help,”

Noelle adds as I start to walk over to the car”

You wanna help?”

I ask, smiling at her.

“Yeah, of course.”

She nods, giggling.

I reach in the car, and grab a small bag, filled with her makeup and hair items, pulling it out and holding it out for her.

“Be a doll, will ya?”

I wink at her.

“Cole,”

she groans”

I can carry heavier stuff.”

“I’m not doubting that, baby. But it doesn’t mean you need to.”

I kiss her head, handing her the bag.

She lets out an accepting sigh”

Fine. I’ll be impatiently waiting inside. Only because you told me to.”

She lifts her chin to the sky, prancing off to prove her point, leaving me to do my job.

* * *

I’m heavily relying on my knowledge of sports to get me by for this first evening with Noelle’s dad. I have reason to assume that her dad would admire my smarts, but it’s not the typical things dads are interested in. Though, to my speculation, he seems unpredictable when it comes to his personality. He holds four different degrees, and he leans on the sophisticated side. Yet, the sophistication walked out the door since he turned the Bears game on. Just goes to show that us men will always resort to being men when all is said and done.

All morals are nonexistent when our favorite teams are losing, and that’s just the God given truth.

Noelle’s father and I spent a consecutive three to four hours grumbling and complaining about scores, stats, and flags on different plays while she, her mother, and Steven spent time in the kitchen, cooking up what might be one of the best Christmas dinners I’ll have had yet. I can’t officially confirm that, but I can for sure confirm that every food test that Noelle has come in the room to give me has been nothing short of splendid in every way. The smell alone is enough to make my appetite return with full force. After spending weeks in a hole with no will to eat a proper meal, I’m shocked that I’m not ravishing like a caveman. At first I’m hesitant to involve myself with her family so soon,

so suddenly. It feels discourteous and ill-mannered to do so, and I’m not at my best. I fear for making her family question my credibility and truthfulness, based on my personal upkeep and attitude—hence me rushing myself to get groomed and primped like it’s integral. Because it is integral to me. Every first impression sets the tone for the rest of an encounter, and possible relationship with anyone. I’m sure Daniel gave them each plenty of reasons to question who I am. Which isn’t my fault—but it makes this matter all the more pertinent.

Mr. Mayberry waltzes around the couch, planting himself beside me with two new beers. He cracks one open, causally making it his third. I myself am hanging onto the last sips of my first, yearning for more, but knowing that more is a bad decision. As much as I’d like to celebrate by drinking, I’m too nervous to. I can usually trust myself with three or four, but with my luck, I’ll say the most insensitive thing known to man, and ruin the entire trip before it’s begun.

“Here, son. Have another. Looks like the game is making you tense.”

He blends laughter with his words, holding out the unopened can for me to take.

“Uh, I don’t know. I don’t wanna drink all your beer—”

I mosey up an excuse, only to get shot down.

“Son, take the beer. It’s what I got them for,”

he insists, placing it in my hand, which forces me to take it.

With hesitance, I pull the tab with a finger, listening to the aluminum tear as it opens. At the same time, the palm of his hand collides with my shoulder, patting it and giving it a firm squeeze.

“You don’t have to be uptight or uncomfortable. Our house is a safe place, alright?”

he says, dispelling my fears from brewing up into something more.

“Thank you,”

I respond, noticing his hand, then looking at his face and raising a corner of my mouth to give him a half smile. He nods once, dropping his hand and forwarding his attention to the television for a mere second before locking in his attention to me again.

“I know you’re a boxer. I’ve seen plenty of your fights now— but from what Noelle says, you’re much more of an intellect than most fighters,” he says.

“If she says so,”

I try not to contend, helplessly smiling, “I went to school for architecture, but when I finished, I was well into boxing by then, and decided I preferred it better. I’m lucky enough for it to work out in my favor, but I like art. A lot. I had an entire studio, but I uh…”

I add, suddenly realizing where my words are going, and stopping myself, “I had an accident and I have to reinvent the studio.”

His eyebrows bunch up as he listens to me, seeming sorry for my hardships.

“That’s okay, if you did it once, you can do it again. That’s one of many of my mottos,”

he responds proudly.

If you can do anything once, you can do it again.

It’s like he knew my mother. But based on his many encour- aging tapes, it shows that he’s good at this. He knows what to say, and how it should be implied, as a father should.

“My mother used to say that,”

I faintly comment.

“That would explain why you’re with my daughter. She must’ve been a very kindred spirit,”

he responds.

I nod my head, nothing to say. That was it. She was a kindred spirit. A beautiful one, at that.

“So, let’s get this right. You’re a fighter. Plus, you could potentially be an architect, if you decided that boxing wasn’t for you anymore, and you’re humbly fulfilled. By all of it. That’s

pretty threatening to the game,”

he summarizes.

My hand reaches the back of my neck, rubbing my bare, chilled skin”

Humbly, yes. But I’d say I’m hardly a threat,”

I downsize myself and his compliments, though I appreciate them.

I still feel undeserving of an observance such as his—where I can do almost no wrong, and face no backlash.

“Hardly?”

he scoffs”

Listen, son, if you’re searching for the truth, it’s this,”

he says, adjusting his eyeglasses”

You’re an improvement from the last young man that stepped foot in this house. It’s not hard to see that. I rejoiced when she left Daniel behind.”

Even hearing his name bothers me.

“Right. Daniel. He’s…something,” I say.

His gaze swats to the area behind us, scoping out the scene before he looks at me again.

“I worried about her going to New York, and even though she’s been there for a while now, I still worry. To me, it’s much too far. But she’s my baby girl. If that city makes her happy, I have to accept that.”

He sighs, painfully explaining his feelings”

I knew from the day we adopted her, it was the beginning of my integrity changing. We can be different skin colors, races, species—what have you—but sometimes I can swear that my wife gave birth to this ginger-haired, green-eyed angel, and it’s us who created her.”

He’s passionate about her. Not in the way that I am. His boastful demeanor, though dignified, is exactly what every child deserves, no matter how old you are. It’s no wonder she misses them so much, and why she’s so patient with children. It’s because her parents are patient with her.

“With all due respect, Mr. Mayberry, even though you let her follow her dreams, she’s still your baby. I don’t think distance

changes that. She’s a good person because of you two,”

I assure him with an honest tone.

The skin of his forehead forms a few lines as his expression changes to a positive one. Then a warm, calm smile appears.

“It also matters who you surround yourself with,”

he states, pointing to me”

She’s the happiest I’ve seen her, in all of her days spent in New York. With you. So what does that say about you?”

He begins to chuckle, amusing himself.

“It says that I’m unsure if I’ll ever fully feel deserving of someone as special as her. She’s changed me in ways I’m unable to comprehend yet, but for the good,”

I say, cracking a smirk”

She’s kind of way out of my league, as well.”

His chuckles bends into a bud of laughter as he shakes his head.

“You’re perfect for each other. You’re both very humble in many ways, it seems. I think that’s better than nothing—being one in the same with someone. That’s how I view my wife and I. Modest, but exuberant in other ways. Most importantly, we’re exuberant together.”

He speaks with conviction.

I clear my throat softly, then take a big swig of my gifted beer, hoping it’ll give me confidence for my next move.

“About Noelle. I think it goes without saying in great detail that I’m pretty attached to her now. The feeling that being around her brings me feels like she’s done the impossible,”

I explain, hinting towards my recent development of adornment and love for her.

“And?”

he pries me for more information.

“And…”

I begin again”

I’m in love with her,”

I quietly say, almost stiffening up to ready myself for his reaction.

“I’m not going to be hostile about that. Are you expecting me to?” he asks.

“Considering the man I’m coming behind doesn’t have a worthy track record at all—yes,”

I blatantly say.

A short hum leaves his body as he shakes his head, looking at the television again”

Well, don’t. Until you give me a reason to, I’m not going to treat you the way I treated him. But I don’t think you’re planning on giving me anything to worry about,”

he tells me.

Letting his words sink into my head, I desperately gulp down more of my beer, now feeling both relieved and borderline freaked out by his relaxation with his speech. Knowing that he knows how I feel about Noelle is one thing, but knowing he might be waiting for me to fuck up is another. He’s quite different from most parents, but some things are universal. Like using fatherly instincts to protect your offspring. I am not excused from the fraction of men who disrespect women, simply because they think they’re a nice person. For that matter, getting my shit together is that much more imperative.

Two hands grasp onto my shoulders, and ginger curls drape over my shoulders. My nose fills with the smell of honey-baked ham and maraschino cherry juice, making me curious to look above me. When I do, Noelle is looking down at me, holding a thin slice of ham.

“Try, please,”

she demands, holding it near my mouth”

Momma needs your opinion.”

“Mine?”

I skittishly ask.

“Yes, Cole—open up,”

she titters.

Watching her, I open my mouth, letting her feed me, eagerly”

Now chew, chew.”

She continues with her sweet, fluttery laughter, carefully fitting her hands around my jaw as I start to chew, caressing my beard.

She stares down at me, waiting as I purposefully take my time

with every chew, mostly so that I can get a good look at her and bask in her existence momentarily.

The ham? It tastes perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing. Neither would I change a thing about this moment, or any other moment I can share with her. It makes me want to re-confess my feelings for her when she does small things such as nurturing me in various ways. I’ve never felt more sure about my feelings, more than how she’s made me. There’s people who pay millions to get this feeling in return—and here, I get it for free.

“You’re done chewing and you haven’t said one thing,”

she says, scratching at my chin to regain my attention.

“It’s amazing,”

I blurt with full consciousness.

Her eyes expand, chased by the corners of her perfect lips curving into an irresistible smile.

“I made that ham. My first time, too,”

she boasts, kissing my forehead and looking at her father”

You have to get Mom to feed you,”

she says, still all smiley.

He eyeballs the both of us before breaking into a chuckle”

Right. Let me get on that.”

He salutes, standing from the couch and going to the kitchen.

Noelle quickly takes his spot, but instead leaves no room between us, falling into me.

“I’m so happy you came.”

She greets my body, hugging my torso tightly.

My arm naturally wraps around her, holding her close to me as I sit us back and take in all of her presence.

“I’m honored you invited us. I can’t imagine I’d be happy at all right now at home, alone. Steven, too. I need to thank you,”

I express, slipping a few fingers over her head, brushing her hair.

“No, don’t thank me.”

She waves a hand.

“Don’t tell me that, let me praise you. That’s all I wanna do.”

I squeeze her side, raising my favorite, glorious sound from her mouth—laughter that could be mistaken for a harp.

“Hey, I wanted to give you something. Come with me.”

She pulls me off of the couch.

“Okay,”

I grunt, gripping my beer tightly as I get up.

She leads the way while I don’t spend any time questioning what is about to happen next. I used to hate surprises, but as my walls break down more and more, I’m finding out how great things are on the other side. I’ve had so much hate in my heart, and spent so much time dwelling and pausing while everyone else has found the guide to this whole life thing and how to navigate it. Or they’ve found someone to help them. Noelle is my partner. And we’re navigating this thing together. I don’t care if we get lost—I just care that I’m safe.

As long as I’m with her, that’s all I’ll be.

She continues to pull me, and takes me on a quick journey upstairs to her bedroom, stopping before she opens the door.

“You said I can’t go in there.”

I nudge her, teasing her in a mocking tone.

“No, I said not yet. You don’t think you’re sleeping in the guest room, do you?”

She squints, shaking her head.

“Noelle, your father is downstairs, which is not that far from us. I’m on his good side, and he suggested the guest room to me when we arrived. If I wanna keep the respect he has for me right now, I’m gonna need to stay down there,”

I tell her, shrugging with my words.

She rolls her eyes”

We’ll see about that.”

She grabs my wrist and pushes the door open, taking us into a creme colored, soft pink themed room, decked with old Hollywood posters of stars, movies, and photos of famous dancers and ballerinas.

“Close the door,”

she says, letting go of me and walking to

her bed where a few presents are.

I listen to her, shutting it behind me and watching her. She’s swan-like in everything she does. Every movement she makes. They say when swans find their soulmate, they swim beside each other forever. I know it’s the dancer in her, but she is my swan. My soulmate.

“So, what is it?”

I ask, taking some steps in her direction until she turns around to face me.

“Here,”

she says, holding a box out in between us, her cheeks tightening as her mouth widens into a smile.

“Getting straight to the point, I see,”

I say with stifled laughter, taking it.

She looks at it as I take it, then back at me”

I searched everywhere, until I finally found someone who makes them.”

I furrow my brows, looking back at her as I start to tear the plaid gift wrap from the box. I keep tearing until I can fully see the top of the box, which is black and plain, giving me no hint to what it could be. Noelle watches me, squeezing her hands together as she shows the first signs of being impatient that I’ve ever witnessed. Heading to her needs, I lift the lid to the box and take it off, setting it on the bed while taking a good look at what the big reveal is.

Inside lies something so intricately thought of, that even I wouldn’t have thought it up. It shouldn’t spark me as shocking, but it does—the way she knows me better than I do already. She pays attention when I’m not. A lot of attention that I never knew I needed until now. Not only with my personal losses, but with my every day interests, and now my career. In the box lays a silk robe, stitched with my last name in cursive on the back with shorts to match. Both garments are in a shade of green to match my gloves.

“Noelle…”

I can barely speak as my eyes pan over the fabric, as if it’s not real”

How did you…”

She meets my words with hers.

“I told you. I did my research. Now you’re ready for the new season. Which I think you should start training for. It makes you happy.”

She pauses, inhaling through her nose”

Try it on?”

She warmly smiles.

I swallow my prideful paragraph of whatever excuse I was ready to make, explaining why I’m undeserving of such a gift. The truth is that, in this moment, there isn’t an excuse I can find. This is the love that I’ve been hunting for in random hookups, and longing for in the middle of the night when I’m alone and hating myself. How could I make an excuse up to deny myself of something I’ve wanted for so long, but could never find?

I take the robe and shorts out of the box and set it down with the lid, then neatly set the garments down as well. Quickly, I pull my shirt over my head and unbutton my jeans, pulling them down and off, then replacing them with the shorts. Perfectly, they fit around my waist, the silk slipping against my skin comfortably.

I follow up with the robe, slipping each arm into it and fixing it to hang on my body just right. I run my hands down the material draped over my body before tightening my lips together and clearing my throat as I feel the lump growing in the back of it.

“I couldn’t wait until the morning. I got other things, but this is special. From me to you. I wanted to show that I believe in you, Cole,”

she nervously proceeds”

Is it okay?”

she murmurs, watching me.

That seems to do it for my emotions. It’s more than okay—it’s everything and more. What makes it better is there’s no cloak to be worn around her. I can be the rawest version of myself for

her and not be faced with rejection. I don’t fight the feeling. A convulsion of tears escapes my eyes, and my chin falls against my chest as they run down my cheeks.

“It’s the best gift that I’ve ever gotten,”

I mummer in between tears.

Her arms extend around my bare torso, fishing through the robe as she pulls me in for a hug, allowing me to find a hiding place for my face in her neck.

“This was the last reaction I expected,”

she whispers, kissing my chest”

I wasn’t trying to make you cry. Something you never do.”

She snickers.

Biting my lip into a smile, I kiss her head”

Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you finally get what you’ve been praying for.”

“A new boxing uniform?”

she questions me, raising her head to look me in the eyes.

Wandering mine down to meet hers, I shake my head, sniffling with laughter”

No.”

I fill my hands with her cheeks”

I mean you,”

I whisper.

She takes the robe into her hands, gripping it as she pulls my upper body down into hers, kissing me with all her might.

Loving me with all her might.