Page 36 of The Breaking Pointe

what is love?

NOELLE

My fingers runs along the counter as I stare out the window, watching the snowy rain hit the streets. It looks cold and dirty, as opposed to the warmth and cleanliness inside the coffee shop. The rain is fitting. I feel like shit, and so does the Earth. So it’s crying. That’s what I want to do. I want to be dramatic and scream at the top of my lungs.

Instead, I’m serving coffee to nobody on a cold, rainy day, for seven hours. I wanna pull my hair out one by one, by each individual strand.

“Hey, taste this,”

Annie says, elbowing me as she holds a mug”

What is it?”

I ask, sitting up and taking it.

“Caramel and pistachio machiatto.”

She smiles.

I nod once, taking a sip, feeling the warm heat run down my inside.

“Good,”

I say, holding it out for her again.

Her smile drops and she rolls her eyes”

Okay, if caramel and

pistachio can’t make you smile, and none of my horrible jokes can, either—I’m out of options, Mayberry. Talk to me.”

She’s just like my mom. It’s why I love her.

“I’m just letting my thoughts run a muck. As all of us women do,”

I give in.

“It’s making you look out the window like the main character in a bad indie movie. So it must be pretty intense,”

she suggests, leaning on the counter.

I laugh softly.

“Ha! I did it!”

She claps.

“You did.”

I nod, drinking more of the macchiato”

So,”

she draws out the word, “tell me what it is.”

I set the mug down”

Right,”

I say, “tell me how dumb I sound?”

I glare at her.

“It isn’t dumb if it makes you upset,”

she reassures me, nodding slowly.

I half smile”

I told Colton that I love him.”

“And? I’m confused as to why that’s a bad thing, Noelle. Did you scare him away or something?”

She lightly jokes.

I purse my lips, ignoring her attempted humor”

It’s bad because he didn’t say anything. I told him that I wasn’t upset if he had nothing to say, but what if I really am?”

I ask myself, more than I’m asking her”

Not to mention, he was probably still in a state of mass confusion when I said it. I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore.”

Annie resorts back to a serious state”

So then tell him it hurt your feelings. Clearly it did. Tell him that you expected more. Colton is an understanding man, from what I see.”

How do I make him tell me he loves me back so I don’t have to cry of embarrassment?

“He does understand. I know he does. The issue is, I don’t

understand him sometimes. And right now, I can’t pry,”

I say, staring into the macchiato”

It’s like he’s been hiding this entire world from me—and everything in that world has made him close off any and every chance at emotional connection. He finally opened up to me, and I refuse to ruin it by forcing him to say something he doesn’t one hundred percent feel.”

Annie looks down, taking in my words, then looks at me again”

What if you ask his brother? Steven? Or his dad?”

I quickly shake my head”

I don’t think Steven would know that much. As for his dad…he passed away. With recent events, I’ve been wondering if it’s more about commitment. We just recently became official. What if it’s me, Annie?”

“Okay, okay, enough. You think too much, Noelle. That man is obsessed with you—and not like Daniel’s weird ass. I was iffy, at first, but after seeing you and him at Friendsgiving…he proved me wrong. It’s more than like. More than infatuation,”

she confidently proclaims.

I sigh, flipping some hair out of my face”

I asked him to come with me to Chicago,”

I mention.

Her face lights up”

Yeah—what’d he say?”

“Yes.”

I smile back weakly.

“See?”

She giggles”

He wouldn’t have said yes if he didn’t at least feel close to the same. Men won’t do all that for no reason.”

She shrugs, picking up the mug and taking a sip.

My lips curl to the side, fearing the worst”

I hope you’re right,” I mumble.

* * *

I wrap the cream colored ribbon around my ankle as I tie my pointe shoes—making sure they’re identical. When I finish, I

stand up straight and take my hand to the heavy, red curtain, pulling it to the side to see the auditorium seats filling up with familiar parents and other people I’ve never seen before. I put fliers on nearly every corner, hoping that I could at least round up enough donations to send the girls away with something to keep them going after all of this is over.

The fliers were posted in busy areas of the city. That means one thing:

Daniel could be here in this room.

I’m still so scared to face him. Everyone has probably for- gotten about him, but not me. He’s always watching, and I can unfortunately feel his gaze, secretly prowling for me from the shadows. He’s been too quiet recently. I want that, but after everything that’s happened, I know his plan. He does this before he does something extreme to get my attention. Unless Cole said something to magically make him stay away, I doubt he’ll be hiding for long.

I close the curtain, feeling a tug at my skirt, and look down to see one of my students neatly put together in a tiny snowflake outfit.

“Miss Elle?”

Her tiny voice flows up to me.

“Kait, what are you doing, honey? You should be with the other girls. It isn’t safe to walk around alone, remember?”

I look down at her, smoothing her hair back softly.

“I’m scared,”

she says, as if it’s a secret”

There’s too many people.”

I press my lips together and kneel to her level”

I’ll be out there with you. You’ve done this a lot of times, now.”

“But those times were only with you…now there’s everyone else.”

She looks down, holding her hands behind her back.

“Hm.”

I nod, agreeing”

You’re right. But y’know what—

everybody gets scared sometimes. Even me,”

I out myself, lifting her chin with one finger.

“But you always dance in front of people,” she says.

“And it’s scary. Every time. But you wanna know what I do when it happens?”

She nods, letting her hands fall to her sides.

“I pretend that the only people watching me are my mommy and daddy. I pretend that it’s just us. Family only. The goal is to make them proud, right?”

I ask her.

She nods, bobbing her head with more enthusiasm.

“So that’s all that matters.”

I smile, dusting her cheek with my finger and making her tilt her head and giggle.

She steps into my chest, hugging me tightly, and I hug her back, holding onto her and picking her up. A man’s voice then comes through the backstage area, taking my attention away from our moment.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for Noelle Mayberry? I need to talk to her before the show starts—I’ll be quick.”

The voice rolls on, becoming familiar as he speaks.

I follow it, turning a corner and seeing Colton speaking to a security guard.

“Hey,”

I say, walking up to them.

He looks at me, and a smile spreads to his cheeks as he walks to me. He’s holding onto a bag and a large tray of deserts.

“What are you doing back here?”

I ask, smiling wide.

“I needed to wish my girl good luck.”

He holds everything up”

You didn’t have to.”

I look at everything, smiling with

gratitude as I rub Kaitlynn’s back.

He glances at her, then my face, barely whispering, “Every- thing okay?”

I nod, mouthing, “She’s scared.”

He looks at her again with a look of contemplation”

Can I help?”

he mouths.

I smile, nodding and patting her back”

Kait, my love, can you say hello to Mr. Kennedy?”

She peeks out at him, but keeps herself hidden enough to feel safe. “Hi.”

“Hey, sweetie.”

He smiles”

Do you happen to like cupcakes?”

She peeks again, nodding as she stays looking at him.

“Well, what if I told you that I brought you and all your friends a whole bunch of them? And that if you eat one now, it’ll make you invisible by the time the show starts?”

She lifts her head from my neck and gives him all of her attention now.

“But then nobody could see me,” she says.

“And then you don’t have to worry about being scared, right?”

he adds onto her words.

She looks at me, searching for confirmation. I nod my head to Colton, queuing him to follow me to the backroom where the rest of the class is. When we get there, they’re all running about—some parents getting their kids ready, still.

“It works, he’s not kidding,”

I tell her, walking to a table nearby.

“You wanna try one?” he asks.

She nods and I set her down, fixing her skirt as he sets the tray and bag down, then opens up the tray and fishes one out for her, handing it to me. I hold it out for her to grab, and like any child, she gobbles it up.

“Uh-oh, Elle, she’s already gone!”

Colton says, faking a discouraged voice.

I slightly cover my mouth, giggling”

It’s just a floating tutu,”

I say, watching her look at us in disbelief”

We’ll never find her

in time.”

“It works!”

she squeals, running off into the chaos of girls, playing and skipping in circles.

I sigh happily”

Thank you, you’re amazing.”

I turn to face him, bringing him in for a hug.

He slides his arms around me, slightly lifting me from the floor as he embraces me.

“Mhm, anything for my girl, c’mon now. You should know by now,”

he says warmly, kissing my tightly slicked back hair.

I pull away, beaming up at him. Freshly shaven face and a haircut. All groomed. Just like I met him.

“You look so clean. So good,” I say.

He licks his lips”

Not in front of the girls, I’ll say something wild.”

He chuckles, picking up the bag. “Open.”

“What?”

I look at it before taking it.

“It’s for you. Just open it,” he says”

Think of it as the first of many Christmas gifts.”

I smile, looking inside, then leaning into him to kiss his jaw before reaching inside and pulling out the pieces of tissue paper. When there’s no more to pull out, my fingers hit wood, making me look inside again. I set the bag down, and use both hands to pull out a small box. It’s stained a perfect cherry red, and glossed over to make it brand new. With a new feature added— my initials.

My music box is restored. Better than it ever has been.

“You did it…”

I stare at it, my eyes burning with salty water- works.

“Is it okay?”

he softly asks, watching me”

I’ve been working on it for a while, until I felt it was perfect. I know you haven’t been in the best spirits lately, and it’s not always about me. I thought it would make you smile.”

He looks at it.

I set it down and throw my arms around his torso, squeezing it.

“It is perfect. You’re perfect.”

I grip his shirt, and push my body up so that my lips can meet his, kissing him softly.

The excitement runs through my body, causing me to pull my lips away and look at him”

It’s perfect, Cole. It is. I’m…”

I start to say the words…

But then I remember.

“You’re…”

he tries to make me continue”

Happy.”

I rub his chest”

I’m happy.”

He kisses my forehead, lingering and then pulling away”

Good luck, okay? I should get seated.”

I nod as we let go of each other and watch him make his way out”

Bye…” I murmur.

I turn around, looking at the girls who had all helped them- selves to Cole’s ‘invisibility cupcakes’, half smiling at their giddiness. Looking at the music box, I pick it up to admire it once more, using two fingers to lift the lid. When it opens, a small ballerina with red hair levitates out of it and begins to twirl in a circle while Swan Lake plays in the series of little chimes and rings.

The jingle comes out clear, without skipping, or audio distur- bances.

I don’t even have to twist a knob to make it do anything anymore. It’s perfect.

It’s not lost on me that the things Daniel destroys, Cole puts it back together and restores it.

His way with the girls is perfect. Being with him is perfect. All I’m waiting for is three words from him.