Page 19 of The Breaking Pointe

use somebody

NOELLE

Pulling the strings of my apron tighter, I listen to an older gentleman tell me his very specific coffee and Danish order. Half of my mind is picking up on everything he is listing, and the other half is replaying Daniel and mine’s debacle from the other day, over and over again like a broken record.

I can’t think of a way to rid myself of him completely. He always finds his way back and fits himself into where he pleases. If I had been honest about Colton, his rage would have been a lot more terrifying than it was. Then again, I’m hesitant to involve Colton in something he has no reason to be a part of. He has enough to worry about in his life, I’m sure. Having a damsel in distress won’t make anyone’s life any easier. But for the first time in a long time, I feel truly seen, and not in a provocative way. I don’t want to push that feeling away because someone else doesn’t want me to have it.

It’s not hard to believe that someone might think I’m good

enough.

I deserve to be happy, too.

I’m beginning to feel safer the longer I don’t see Daniel pop up again, but the shooting pain lingering in my back and arms is telling me to once again be weary of men completely. I don’t view Colton in the same way that I view Daniel, by any means, but it’s like Daniel’s managed to reverse all of my emotional progress when it comes to trusting that Colton doesn’t have an ill conscience. And while I contemplate those feelings, I’m also contemplating hiding because Colton will be here any minute to have coffee and see me. It’s why my focus is teetering on staring out the windows or taking orders. I hate that I have to pretend that nothing is what it seems. It’ll all just be sitting at the tip of my tongue, urging my lips to tell him everything in great detail. The French roast smell fills my nose as the spout makes raucous noises while it reaches the end of its brew. Carefully, I take the handle of the cup into my fingers and add whipped foam at the top. I then set the cup on a small saucer and walk over to a nearby table with a teenage girl. I set it down, gently

wiping my hands on my apron.

“French with whip. Enjoy,”

I say in a calm voice, turning around to a tall figure, wearing gym shorts and a zip-up hoodie. Stopping myself in just enough time, my body jolts at the sight, wavering my eyes from his chest to his face. I know the color has left mine, and if he can’t see that, then he can definitely see my hands shaking.

“Don’t be so thrilled to see me,”

Colton says, snickering with a cheeky half smile.

“Colton…”

I breathe”

You scared me,”

I say as I gather myself, looking around for a moment.

His smile mellows out into a more invested expression. “I

didn’t mean to,”

he says, leaning over to get a full view of my face.

Granting his wishes, I play it off and look at him finally, flashing a smile. “I know.”

His previous expression returns once he can finally look me in the eyes.

“You look very nice in this little apron.”

He licks his lips, pinching and tugging at the bottom of it as he steps closer to me”

And your skirt…and these stockings, too,”

he adds as his eyes wander down my legs, then reverse back to my face”

You pull off just about anything, huh?”

Maneuvering a piece of hair behind my ear, I grab his hand, twirling around to lead him to the bar, then sit him at the end and step behind the counter.

“How about I pull off making you a nice, hot cup of coffee?”

I ask, grabbing a cup from below as I wait for him to respond.

He rests his arms along the counter and nods”

Yes please. Just black, no sugar,”

he requests, sounding grossed out by the thought of anything sweet.

Accepting his order, I nod and turn around to start his coffee. Annie walks over to me, pressing against me as she reaches me, giggling as she does. She whispers in a private tone, right in my ear.

“Is that him?” she asks”

Yes—so be cool, please?” I beg.

“I’m cool, Elle. Just curious.”

She pats my shoulder softly before grabbing the ingredients she needs and walking back to her station.

Turning around with his bland, dark cup of coffee, I set it down in front of him.

“It’s hot,”

I warn him.

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

He lays his hand over mine, squeez- ing it softly and letting go to replace it with the coffee cup.

He takes a sip, ignoring my warning, but overpowering the heat from the drink and downing a few sips as if it were ice cold. Eyeing his actions, I stand there in silence, connecting both my hands to fumble with my fingers.

His mug lowers from his face, landing on the counter again”

You seem a little more perplexed by my presence than usual. Did I do something?”

he asks me.

“No, it’s not you—it’s uh…nothing.”

I force my lips to curl up into a smile.

He doesn’t look amused or convinced in the slightest.

“If it’s not me, is it somebody else?”

He runs his fingers along the ring of his mug.

It’s somebody we both don’t want to deal with, that’s for sure”

I’m tired. I fell while I was practicing at the studio a few days ago, and I’m still feeling a little weak. I’m fine, though, and

Lauren helped me,” I lie.

“What happened, did you go to the hospital?”

His eyes darken as he somberly looks into mine and waits for my excuse.

“No, it’s a little fall, Cole.”

My smile becomes genuine”

My back does hurt a little bit still and I bruised my arms, but it happens when you’re a dancer. Falls happen, I mean.”

It’s nice to know he genuinely cares about my well-being, at least.

“You’re walking around the city so extensively, Noelle, you have to heal.”

“I am healing. But money is scarce. I have to show up for every shift, right now.”

I wouldn’t imagine he has to struggle like I am, at this moment in life. But I know he once knew what it felt like. So he knows

that it doesn’t matter the circumstances—I have to make sure I’m working at all times.

“Sure, I understand.”

He nods, taking a deep breath before he continues”

Let me help you? At least let me drive you around when you need—”

“I can’t use you like that,”

I cut him off. He pauses, stunned for a moment.

“I don’t want to be a liability to anybody else in this life. I like what we have, and—I like you. I don’t want to ruin that by taking advantage of you,”

I explain, pressing my palms down on the counter between us.

“If you like what we have, and you like me so much, then can I ask you to please let me show you how devoted I am to you?”

he asks, resting his hands over mine as he leans his face in.

Whatever anxiety I was feeling seconds ago is now replaced with longing—for his lips, to be exact. He has no idea how good it feels that someone isn’t forcing me into anything but rather asking for my permission to be included in my lifestyle, like it’s some privilege.

“Sure, if that’s what you want,”

I whisper.

“That’s what I want, Noelle,”

he assures me, nodding and swooping his head around to press his soft lips against my cheek, his beard rubbing against my skin as he lingers.

Frozen in time, I observe him as he pulls away and gets back to drinking his coffee. I bounce my attention to a nearby clock then back at him, noticing the time.

“I’m actually gonna be ending my shift in thirty minutes. I’m gonna take the train,”

I say, still stumped in place.

“No train. I’ll wait for you. I have to stop at this Italian joint nearby, but if you’re down for the ride, I’ll get you home,”

he insists.

“Are you sure? Do you have to be somewhere?”

I inquire”

Well to be frank, I have to be at my mother’s dinner table by

six-thirty or I’m in for a good talking to. But I’ll make it.”

He chuckles.

Humming and smiling, I stare at his dark, curly locks. Some more corkscrewed than others.

“What are you guys having?” I ask.

“She wants risotto and cutlets from her favorite market. That’s where we’re gonna stop before I take you home…”

he says, sounding unsure now.

“What is it?”

I question him.

“What if you come with me?”

he suggests”

If you want—no pressure,”

he says quickly.

“Like…to meet your mom?”

My voice wavers as a nervousness rushes upon me.

“Think of it as only dinner. Not a serious meeting. She loves people,”

he says, buttering the offer up.

It doesn’t have to be serious, I know. But, I also know that nobody is bringing home just anyone to meet their mom or dad. That’s personal. I have no practice to refer to. Daniel never granted me access to his family that way. I would be going into this pretending like I’ve done it a million times, hoping for the best. Deep down, I’m going to be worrying about her absolutely hating me, and maybe even embarrassing him at the same time”

I didn’t bring anything else to wear, Cole. I smell like coffee and dishes,”

I counter his idea.

“No you don’t.”

He laughs at a soft volume”

You’ll be as lovely as the day is new, in her eyes. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“You’ve only known me for over a month and some weeks,”

I challenge him, smirking”

I could secretly be the most

unbearable, repulsive thing on Earth deep down. I could be a walking, talking nightmare.”

He raises one eyebrow”

I seriously doubt it. You’re far from intimidating, you’re tranquil.”

He shakes his head”

And it’s actually been two months and a week.”

My brows raise at his precision in our time spent together”

I can be intimidating and crazy, you know. I have layers, just

like you, Mr. Mysterious,”

I say adamantly and proudly”

I am not mysterious,”

he says, amused.

“You are. You act nonchalant all the time, like nothing fazes you. Like you’re a living matrix.”

I roll my eyes, watching him finish his coffee.

“Things faze me. I’m just good at…concealing,”

he says with a nervous laugh.

“What are you concealing? Some sort of secret identity? A crazy, peculiar past experience?”

I question him, leaning against the counter as I giggle.

He clears his throat”

Uh, something like that.”

He breaks eye contact, his lips struggling to keep his smile strong.

With that reaction, there’s no way he isn’t hiding something, and I just triggered all of it. Or he finds deep conversation distasteful. Or both, and I have no idea how to read the room. I’m sure it’s nothing large and massively discouraging, but he must find ways to express it that isn’t talking, based on his disturbing painting that I remember seeing—to which I’ve been curious about, ever since. I wonder if that’s what he sees when he feels creative, or if he’s just as disturbed as I am. I wouldn’t label it as a red flag. Everyone has their flaws.

But like my dad says—everyone needs someone who wants to fall in love with all of those flaws individually. Someone to find beauty in them. Whatever you’ve been through makes you into

who you are in the present time. I’m dying to know what Colton’s history is, and why he walks around like he’s carrying a suitcase of secrets. I want to open the suitcase myself, to examine every piece of clothing and accessory to get to know him better.

He makes me curious and interested to know more—like no other man has made me.

I’m making it my personal challenge to break down the walls around his well-built fortress now, since he made it his goal to take me out on a successful date.

Nobody has ever wanted for me like that, and I hate to say it, but it worked like a charm.

Now, he’s made it harder to stay away from him than before. He probably knows that. He might’ve played this game over and over again and I’m just another addition to it. It’s not Daniel’s game, though, and that’s even more of a reason to play.

* * *

His mom’s house is everything I’d expect it to be on the outside.

Flowers everywhere, blooming like they’re at their peak, even though summer is reaching its end. It’s paired with cute furniture on the porch and tiny decorations to match it all. Colton let us in with his spare key he says he keeps just in case, and the very second he opens the door for us, I can smell the scent of cleanliness and incense giving off hints of roses and musk, filling my nose and the entire room.

I tell myself that I will follow his lead and do my best to give his mom the best first impression that I can possibly give, even though I still feel pretty unsure about the entire thing”

Sounds like she’s in the dining room,”

he says as he closes the door behind us”

Come with me,”

he adds, grabbing my hand as he pulls me deeper into the house where there is the sound of plates

colliding with the table as his mom sets it up.

“Ma, I have someone with me, I hope that’s alright,”

he calls out as we enter the room.

Her hair is long and dark-chocolate colored, draped down her back but curly like his, and topped with a crochet hat. She stands at no more than five-feet tall, making her even smaller than me, and petite in body shape. She turns around to face us, already having the warmest and most motherly smile painted along her face.

“Someone? She doesn’t seem like just a someone,”

she says, ogling over the sight of me.

I try to replicate her warmth, smiling back.

“This is my fr—”

Colton starts, then stops himself, just as fast”

This is Noelle,”

he corrects himself.

“Hi, Noelle, who is not Colton’s friend. I’m Janice.”

She laughs, looking at him and then me before she graces my arm with her touch, rubbing it gently.

“Hi, Janice,”

I say, lifting a hand to wiggle my fingers with a wave.

“You’re staying for dinner, I presume?”

she asks as Colton leaves my side, setting everything on the table.

“If that’s okay. Colton offered earlier,”

I say, tripping over my words.

“Of course it’s okay. He never brings anyone over, aside from his manager. I love Trey,”

she glances at Colton before whispering to me, “but it’s nice to see he has a lady friend.”

“I can hear you, and you’re awful at whispering about me,”

Colton says out loud.

My face gets warm, and suddenly the urge to touch my hair comes over me.

“Do you want a drink? I have lots of options.”

She giggles at

his response, placing a hand on my back to lead me to the table”

Water would be wonderful, thank you.”

I nod, pulling out a

chair.

Colton starts to plate the food, then gains hesitation to plate a fourth.

“Where’s Steven?”

He looks at his mom with a noticeable attitude change.

She sighs as she fills a cup with water from a filtered jug”

Somewhere. He mentioned his friend leaving and an important meet up with him. I told him to be back for dinner by this time, but it’s been over an hour at this point. We can always save him some, it’s okay.”

She brings the glass over to me and sets the jug on the table.

He watches her as anger takes over his emotions. Anger like a pissed-off parent.

“Cole, don’t make those faces. He’s probably distracted or something,”

she says, pulling out a chair for herself, across from mine”

I think he’s not telling me something.”

Colton’s nostrils flare momentarily before he sets her plate down in front of her and mine in front of me.

“That could be anything. Everything is a secret with him,”

Colton adds.

“Not everything. He’s been alluding to some sort of relation- ship. A girlfriend, maybe,”

she says, shrugging slightly”

Maybe you could ask him?”

she then asks.

Colton shakes his head without even processing the question”

He wouldn’t tell me. If he is dating, maybe it’s a good thing. He’s got a distraction. It’s probably better that way. He seems sick of me, anyway,”

he says, his mood clearly altered by the

subject.

The shift in his behavior and tone is so visible.

He chooses a seat next to me, plopping down.

A few minutes in and I’m already discovering the dynamics of his family life. He’s like the man of the family, and even though his mother looks like she has some sort of illness with how slow she moves and being ginger with her mobility, she seems like a joy to be around and grateful, regardless. Based on the pictures on the walls, this Steven is most likely his brother. Younger, it seems, but soon to be following Cole with his facial hair and features. In other pictures, another man is present. Older, and similar looking to Colton—or should I say vice versa.

Colton resembles him, down to every critical detail.

“Have as much as you’d like, dear,”

his mom says, directing her words toward me as she picks up her fork, now gazing at Colton”

She’s so pretty,”

she mouths.

He smiles, matching her actions and picking up his fork. I follow them, doing the same, keeping my head down to hide my flushed face.

“So,”

she sings, “are you two seeing each other?”

She elongates her words in curiosity.

My head pops up from my plate, and Colton nearly chokes on his mouthful of risotto. He covers his mouth, having trouble creating words”

Uh—Mom, that’s a little…”

He pauses, coughing softly”

Well, it’s—”

I can’t watch him painfully try to beat around whatever bush he is trying to avoid. I don’t know what he’s even planning to say, but if I’m gonna prove anything, now’s my time.

“I really like your son, Mrs. Kennedy. He’s kind, and very copacetic. I enjoy being around him,”

I answer her question.

We aren’t dating per se, but I don’t have plans on abandoning whatever it is we are doing.

That’s the best way for me to explain it in respectful terms

instead of detailing her on the many occasions we’ve been seeing each other.

Sounds like dating to me, but I’m wondering what it sounds like to him when neither of us have mentioned establishing a goddamned thing.

“And you never told me about Noelle, because?”

His mom eyeballs him. He wipes his mouth, glancing at us both.

“I haven’t really had the time?”

he asks with an innocent smile.

“Well, I guess I should be grateful that tonight he found the time,”

she teases him, smiling at me before taking a bite of her chicken.

The front door jingles open as hard footsteps enter the house, silencing all three of us. Colton nearly drops his fork and loses his head to peek at who it is, while his mother waits patiently for the person to waltz in the room.

The sound of their footsteps makes it to our location and in enters a tall, teenage boy with a haircut similar to Justin Bieber. His arm holds a skateboard and a hoodie, while his demeanor holds a sense of sadness and anger that you could feel protruding from his very aura.

“Steven,”

Janice says, sounding relieved”

Sit, dear, have a plate of food.”

Her tenderness makes me smile.

“I don’t want whatever he brought,”

Steven snaps back, swinging the refrigerator door open to grab a can of soda.

Taken back by his response, I chew my food slower, readying myself for where this is going.

“Well, honey, you could’ve called me. I would’ve made you something. You’ve been out all day—I know you have to be just a little hungry?”

she asks, keeping calm”

You’ve been so off

lately…”

she adds, “If there’s something you wanted to talk about—or maybe you need advice, if it’s friends,”

she rambles, “Or a relationship…” she slows down, almost whispering out the last part.

“Can you stop bitching for like five minutes?”

he snaps again, targeting his words at Janice, and Janice only.

Colton pushes himself up from his seat, his personality mor- phing into a brand new one and overturning the good vibe completely. It’s all the way tense, now.

“Excuse me?” he says”

Are you missing a few screws? What’s the matter with you? You do not talk to her like that.”

He raises his voice, halting me and Janice in place.

“Oh my God—both of you shut up already!”

Steven yells louder, slamming the fridge shut and storming back down the hallway, stomping hard enough up the stairs that we can all hear his every step.

Colton immediately grips his temples, rubbing them, search- ing for relaxation again.

Slowly, I forward my gaze to Janice again, who is already looking at me with concern.

“Why don’t I get dessert out? I made a pie. Do you like pie?”

she asks, hurrying to save the day with something positive.

I nod quickly, hoping to appease her”

I love pie.”

She eases past Cole, gliding a hand along his arm as she does”

Colton, have more food, honey. It’ll make you feel better. Maybe some pie, too. Just breathe, please. He just needs a moment.”

“The way he talks to you is not okay, Mom. I can’t stand it,”

he grits out.

Reaching up to grab his hand, it makes his head snap to look at me.

“I’m so sorry,”

he says to me.

“No, it’s okay. Like your mom said, maybe he just needs a moment. He’s a kid with a lot of feelings. Maybe he needs to process them?”

I suggest what I think could be Steven’s struggle. If I am correct about their mom being sick, I can imagine he’s probably freaking out on the inside. Not that it justifies his behavior.

Colton forces out a puff of air and shakes his head”

Well…now I need to process mine,”

he mumbles, walking to the side door and stepping out onto the porch, closing it behind him.

I start to say something, but I hold it in, watching his mom set down a beautifully golden apple pie in front of me.

“He feels a lot, all at once. I wouldn’t worry. I just often wonder if his mind is starting to get to him,”

Janice says, sitting beside me where he once sat.

I turn to face her.

“Steven seems to take after him in that way, where they have a lot to say, but have no idea where to start,”

she adds, delving a knife into the pie.

“It sounds like a heavy burden. Were they always like that?”

“Colton has always been secretive about his feelings. He’s good at hiding, but Steven? Well, it’s a new feature for him,”

she says, plating the pie.

“Do you know why?”

I ask, curious if I can get any kind of explanation.

“In Colton’s defense, he used to be a very vocal child. Until things happened with his father. After that, he mastered shutting people out, so I put him through therapy. He still sees her to this day, so I tell myself it was the right thing to do,”

she says, evidently trying to convince herself.

“Did it work?”

I ask, quieter”

Has he opened up?”

“Sometimes he’ll start. Except it always ends in the same way. Once he starts to get to the root of it all, he chokes up and claims that he’s oversharing.”

She shakes her head, sliding a plate of pie to me”

Between you and me, I blame his ex-girlfriend. She practically retrained him into thinking that being himself was a sin, all on its own. The man scurries at commitment, and I know it’s because he fears being turned away,”

she says, sounding pissed at the very thought of this woman.

Sounds a lot like Daniel and his judgmental personality. Maybe they should get together.

“I think I know that feeling all too well, Mrs. Kennedy,” I admit.

“Janice. Just call me Janice.”

She smiles.

“Well, Janice, I think I know where Colton gets his hospitality from.”

I give a small smile, appreciating her.

She hums sweetly, smiling back at me as she scoots closer”

Noelle, I don’t know what he’s told you—and I don’t know how close the both of you are, but I know for a fact that I’m sick to the bone. I won’t recover from this, and maybe this is personal, but I pray that both of my boys find a sense of relief before it’s too late for them to enjoy this life. I don’t think I’ve seen Colton enjoy anything in this life, genuinely. I don’t want him to feel empty forever,”

she confesses to me, somehow giving me butterflies in the process.

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he won’t be alone,”

I say, giving her the best answer that I can.

If I wasn’t solidified in his good intention before, I am now. He’s just as tortured as I am, and that must be why I feel like he gets me. Even if he doesn’t say it. Everyone deserves a sense of relief in this life, especially when they feel there’s no hope.

I can’t begin to imagine a life without my parents, let alone

be forced to find peace within that idea. If he needs someone, I can be that someone. We don’t have to be alone in our struggles forever. Maybe his ex ruined his self-esteem, but she hasn’t ruined my opportunity to reignite it, to help him find his way back to sanity.

He will find his way, especially if it’s up to me.