Page 25 of The Breaking Pointe

not my problem

NOELLE

With the leaves on the ground and the nights arriving quicker than the mornings, each day feels like the holidays are approach- ing faster than I can prepare for. I remember hating this time of year last year, and the year prior as well.

By good fortune, this year feels like a complete one-eighty. I’m blaming good fortune for the off chance that maybe this year wasn’t the best, but I did get my good karma. It comes in the form of tall, dark, and handsome with an unapologetic and virile attitude. As virile as the man may be, he’s so much more. He’s more of a man in hiding. Behind his pragmatic sensibilities and gritty accent lies a younger man who longs for his own redemption. If I know anything, it’s that when one door closes, another one opens.

In other words, the worst has yet to come. Only then will his eyes be opened. He hasn’t hit the absolute bottom yet.

Dare I say that I believe it’ll be losing his mom? Or that I’m

worried about what will happen when that happens. By no means do I think I can save him, or anything strangely related, but I’m familiar with what it’s like for someone to lose a parent. Lauren had her moment, nearly two years ago. Fast forward to today, she’s still struggling to find peace with the situation. It’s some people’s longest journey to come to terms with.

I’m not settled when I think about someone as kind and selfless as Colton having to go through all of these changes by himself. He’s made it clear that talking isn’t what he’s good at, but as pitiful as it may sound, I’m okay with waiting. I have a hopefulness within me that he might change his mind when he sees that I come bearing care and a listening ear. Because I want what he wants. I want someone to see me, deeper than the outside shell of who I am.

He brought me a kale salad. The same salad I’ve been obsess- ing over for weeks now. He didn’t tell me he was going to, and he didn’t warn me, he just did it. He listened, he remembered, and he went out of his way. For me. That’s why the closet was necessary. I had already been aching for us to hook up again, but he sealed the deal by doing that.

To me, little things matter most, and when I look at Colton, I see someone who values the same. He looks beyond fame and wealth and wants morality to prevail in the end, but most of all, true happiness. Whatever potion he exudes is rubbing off on me in ways I can’t fathom.

When we discussed assigning his mom a nurse, I could tell he wanted to blow up several times. One day we visited a home he’d read about while he was considering putting her into a facility, which he already had expressed discernment for. I recommended he stick with his original plan: keeping her at home. He felt more comfortable with that, and it was obvious.

Still, he needed to see every option, and as a result, he threw up ten minutes into the tour of the hospice campus. He made the excuse of feeling sick from lunch, but the truth was written all over his face: losing his mom is tearing away at him and so is thinking about anything revolving around a future without both of his parents.

By day, he smiles as if things are normal and these are everyday occurrences. At night, he spends hours in his art room and sometimes doesn’t even sleep, unless he is dissociating with a boxing glove on. Someone in his past stripped him of his ability to cry and openly feel, and that person seems to be the man who raised him. He won’t say it, but his determination to beat around every topic involving him, the amount of disgust that fills his face when compared to him, and low effort to ever give him credit in his upbringing is all the information I need to know. Now that his mom is settled, for the time being, things have been calm.

I started attending Cole’s freelance fights since we’ve been seeing each other. He’s interesting to me, and watching him is even better, but recently the fights have been more aggressive than past ones. Often after they’re over, he and Trey argue about his behavior or violence in the ring. The violence never leaves the ring, which is a positive thing, but it’s still debilitating to his career, and moreover says a lot about how he’s using it as an outlet. Despite it not hurting his winning streak, it’s frowned upon to not listen to the referee’s calls. One of these matches, he won’t be so lucky.

All the while, I’m still thinking about the studio and maintain- ing my somewhat fabricated lifestyle. Only now, the resources are there and Colton is constantly offering a hand, but I decline every time. He finds ways to butter me up in other ways, which

I guess deserves credit.

It’s hard to think about the downsides to having the studio when the little ones make it easy to ignore them. Each day I come in to work with them, they give new meaning to what I do, reminding me that what I do is worth every single speck of time. They’re never not excited to learn and grow when it comes to dancing. It’s exactly the same drive that I had when I was little. Eating, sleeping, and breathing different dance moves every day until I had the guts to create my own routines.

I’ve been teaching them new routines for their Nutcracker performance. Starting early is crucial since their tiny attention spans only allow them to retain a certain amount of information at a time. Information aside, they’ve been proving me wrong and nailing everything I’ve gone over so far, which instills a lot of hope in me. The better they do, the more of a chance they have at someone seeing their potential at a young age. Something I wanted but wasn’t that privileged to find. But in New York, the possibilities are endless—so they say.

“Okay, munchkins, enough dancing today. Let’s take a break and get ready for pick up.”

I clap my hands, getting all of their attention.

Listening to my directions, they all sit down, some grabbing their water bottles and others their backpacks in search for snacks. I get a head start on cleaning up, picking up some toys from the floor and listening to pieces of the girls’ conversations as I hear the door open. Lifting my head from the toys in my arms, I look up to see familiar, dark features holding a tray of cookies.

Boosting myself from ground level, I walk over to him”

You’re much earlier than we planned,” I say.

“I had this thought in my head—with Halloween around

the corner and all—and my conscience told me to treat you hard-working ladies to some fresh-baked cookies from a bakery nearby,”

Colton says, making his voice loud enough for the girls to hear.

“Cookies are perfect,”

I say calmly, holding back an intense smile.

“Great.”

He smiles, setting them on a small art table beside us.

“Girls, we’re gonna have a snack. Let’s form a line while I grab napkins!”

I alert them all, walking to my office and hurrying to return to find them already lined up.

As the line progresses, Colton’s shyness becomes more ap- parent in his body language. His arms cross, and he starts to force a nervous smile, stepping to the side as over a dozen little girls whisper about him while waiting for me. Beyond his facial hair, his cheeks become cherry colored. All of which remains stagnant while watching me serve each girl. After a few minutes of being frozen in that position, he finds a different distraction while I send each girl home and collect the rest of the toys and items, staying relatively silent during it all.

Silence and all, he shows legitimate interest. And it makes me feel safer now that I know Daniel is confident enough to waltz in here any time he wants to. All the while, I still can’t tell if Colton has a motive, or if he’s serious about anything between us. This could be a sweet gesture or a bribe. I so badly want it to be the first option. Curse him for how soft he’s making me.

“There you are. I got lost in the bathrooms. This place is bigger than I thought,” he says.

“It’s expensive, too.” I giggle”

Are you gonna have a cookie?”

I ask, waving it around as I look at him from across the room.

“No cookie for me. But the girls seemed to like them,” he says.

“Yeah, I noticed. You wanna tell me why you’re popping up on my littles with cookies now? Cause you’re gonna make them like you more,”

I taunt him with my last sentence, watching him walk over to me.

“I don’t think I have the power to do that, sweetheart. Have you seen those little faces? They look at you like you’re their everything. The prize is you, and well, those little ladies are serving some stiff competition for me,”

he suggests, shaking his head above me as he steps in front of me.

“You? Competing with a bunch of little girls in tutus?”

I raise an eyebrow, poking a finger into his chest.

“When you put it like that, it sounds like I really have no chance.”

He chuckles, offering me his first unrestrained smile since he walked in.

My hand falls flat on his chest, rubbing it as I hide my own smile. His hand covers mine, pressing our bodies against each other.

“I came early because I needed to talk to you, actually. I have a question,”

he says, his mood slowly altering.

“Ask away, then.”

I look at his chest then his face. His thumb rubs against the top of my hand as he licks his lips.

He sits on the desk, pulling me between his legs by the hips”

There’s a dinner the weekend after the Queens fight in a couple weeks.”

He pauses.

“And?”

I ask, taking a hold of his biceps and giving them a squeeze.

“And it’s being held to commemorate the new pros on their contracts. I got invited, and my first endorsement is to represent a cereal brand. So I have to show my face—but I have a plus one. I don’t wanna go alone,”

he finishes his proposition, slipping his bottom lip into his teeth.

I take a finger and move a few strands of hair from his face”

That would mean your contract is finally finalized, right?”

He nods, keeping quiet. My hand falls from his face, backing up slightly.

“You’re in the pro leagues now?”

He nods again. A smirk appears this time.

“Apparently my face would look great on a children’s cereal box.”

Shrieking, I throw my arms around his neck, squeezing him. I can feel his quiet laughter humming against my chest.

“I am so happy for you, Colton. You did it.”

He pulls me away, looking at me for a few seconds”

Noelle, I have to give credit to you. Some of the worst days of my life have been happening, and you’re responsible for teaching me how to manage commitment better than I have before. This is a big commitment for me.”

He takes a deep breath, seeming relieved”

I love a little bit of commitment,”

I say, letting another wall begin to crumble, giving him access to me”

You’re barking up

the right tree.”

I pat his chest, resting my hand there.

I would take commitment a million times over, if I knew exactly what he was thinking, and that what he was thinking was at least close to what I’m feeling.

The thumping of his heart jumps to a higher speed”

That’s… that’s a lot with someone like me, no?”

he suggests.

“Someone like you who’s great with people, amazing at his job, and is starting to make me fall deeper than I expected?” I offer.

“You make my dark world sunny again. You ignite something in me—but I’m worried…”

He looks down at his hands.

“Talk to me. What is it?”

I encourage him, weary that he’s gonna say something I don’t want to hear.

“It’s nothing,”

he says suddenly”

I was gonna bring up the fact that if you go with me to this dinner, we might run into a certain someone.”

He looks at me again.

Right, I almost forgot he existed”

Daniel…” I murmur.

He sighs”

I totally understand if that makes you wanna back out. Just be honest with me, Elle.”

“No.”

I shake my head quickly”

He doesn’t get to continue to control the way I live,” I affirm.

He nods with a smile.

“Plus, I won’t be alone. Now, I have you.”

I shrug, swaying a little.

“Yeah, you do.”

He pinches my chin gently”

He’s a bigoted little boy, sweets. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

I don’t doubt that one bit. I’m scared for anyone who chooses to confront the man in front of me, but I’d have a ball watching him defend me, under reasonable circumstances, that is.

“He’s not going to be happy one bit when he sees us together,”

I say blithely.

“Which sounds like a problem he’ll have to work through on his own,”

he continues my sentence”

I’m not sure what we’re calling this, but I feel confident enough to say it’s not changing. Labels or not. If he can’t handle that, then we’ll just have to handle it in the ring.”

He grasps my waist, running a hand along my leg and underneath my dance skirt.

Perfect way to make me want him on top of me.

“We don’t have to call this anything right now. We’re having fun, right?”

I bounce my shoulders once.

“I have so much fun with you, Elle,”

he stresses.

“Okay, then that’s all. What I don’t want is you getting into it with him at this dinner, okay?”

I advise him, holding up one finger”

You have a lot going on right now, and—”

He pecks my lips quickly before speaking”

And I’m gonna be just fine. We both will. Nothing’s gonna happen.”

I sigh, rolling my eyes and smiling. He rests a hand behind him but immediately snatches it away and looks back.

“Woah, what’s this?”

he glances at me, picking up the remnants of my music box.

“Nothing.”

I pull my body away from his, walking behind my desk.

He stands up straight, turning to face me”

Doesn’t seem like nothing,”

he says softly.

“It’s an old music box, but it’s broken now.”

I stare at it”

How did it break?”

he asks slowly.

I twist my fingers in my hands, still looking at it, starting to feel the same despair I felt that day that Daniel came in.

“Daniel…” I mumble.

His eyes rest on me for a moment before he toys around with more of the wooden pieces.

“And why did Daniel break your music box?”

His breathing shows hesitance in his words.

“It was a while ago. Around the time that you and I first slept together. He came in and got upset. Threw it on the floor,”

I briefly inform him, bringing my arms close to my stomach”

My parents got it for me when I first started dancing.”

My voice grows weak.

He takes a deep breath, walking around the desk to meet me with a kiss to my head.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it. I got you now,”

he whispers, wrapping an arm around me, then pressing my cheek against his chest as he holds me tightly.