Page 37 of The Breaking Pointe

the nutcracker

COLTON

Sitting in the velvet auditorium seat, the soft glow of the lights washes over the theater, casting a warm aura around Noelle as she prepares to take her place among the dozen little girls. I can feel the anticipation rushing through me as if it’s me who’s on stage. The music begins, a familiar melody that stirs something deep within me. My eyes never leave the stage, filling with reverence as she starts to glide into motion. Her movements encapsulate grace, like water flowing over the smoothest stones. Each pirouette, each leap she takes feels like an expression of whatever pure, raw emotion she’s been keeping from me. A story woven through the art of dance. It’s not her story, but she’s telling it like it is. Her body speaks in a language I yearn to understand fully—one that conveys strength, beauty, and an undeniable passion. I can see the concentration etched on her face, the way her brows furrow and her eyes close as she loses herself in it all.

Her spirit is soaring.

The way her perfectly perched tutu flares out as she spins, the elegance of her pointed toes, and the seamless way she transitions from one move to another is more than captivating. I want to freeze the moment in time—this moment. She isn’t just a dancer, and I despise anyone who disagrees. Because right now, she’s an artist, channeling her heart. This is her one, true love, and there’s no other place she would rather be than on that stage with these young girls.

The way she loves the girls. I see the warmth and encour- agement she gives them, even on stage with them, now. Her laughter spills over like the sweetest music, echoing out into the audience as they dance around her. They admire her, and so do I. I admire her dedication, and her commitment to nurturing others while still pouring herself into this world. Watching her now, and in this moment—watching her lead, I realize this for sure:

How I’ve fallen deeply, fervently in love with her.

I get it now, the passion that fuels her, and makes her so damn hopeful. It fills me with more than joy to witness her shine. This is bigger than ballet and a performance—it’s letting me into her universe, and telling me she wants me to be a part of it. I can feel her energy radiating, and I can see other people taking it in, just like me. I have to tell her the very next chance that I get.

I have to tell her that I am utterly, and irrevocably in love with her.

With what I’m feeling, by the time the show ends, I know I have to have Noelle for myself, tonight, the minute I see her backstage. She looks like the spitting image of an angel—draped in all white. I take her to a nice dinner after the show, but I’m fucking aching looking at her across the table. And all these

people around us have no idea. I could give a shit about whatever is on my dinner plate when she’s sitting in my atmosphere, looking like she does. A white dress, to match her theme for the night.

God, I love themes so much now. If it means she gets to play dress up, then I’ll never say no.

“I’m pretty full. You’re not eating,”

she says, taking the last bite of her salad.

I zone back in, bringing my eyes from the low dip of her dress”

Sorry. Just—distracted,”

I say, resuming eating my meal of

steak, potatoes, and Brussel sprouts.

“You don’t say.”

She gives a little smile behind her napkin cloth, covering her mouth”

You’ve been quiet since we got here.”

“The view is very nice,”

I lament, watching her as I take a bite of food”

Kind of hard to focus on my food, if you get what I mean.”

She grazes her foot along my leg and takes a sip of her wine. “I bet.”

My chewing slows down as I feel her foot rise higher on my leg, slowly setting my fork down and swallowing it. I direct my eyes to her, glaring lustfully.

“Yes?” she asks.

“You’re messing with me, right?”

I ask, sitting back in my seat.

“I’m not doing anything.”

She smiles.

My cheeks raise as I smile back in amusement, scoffing”

You got something you wanna say?”

She folds her arms over the table, keeping her smile present.

“You don’t want all these people to hear that, sweet girl,”

I say sincerely, shaking my head.

She runs some fingers down the column of her neck. It’s on full display, as her hair is still in the tight bun from the show, except a few curls had fallen out from her dancing. Meaning I can see every part of her delicate, freckled neck.

“Well, I wanna know,” she says.

“I bet you do,”

I say, running my tongue along my teeth”

You like it. Making me so riled up.”

She nods, accepting that I’ve caught onto her”

I’m afraid so.”

The waiter walks over to us, starting to fill our glasses more. I glance at him, then look back at Noelle.

“Can we have the check, please?”

I adjust my shirt and belt”

Sure thing,”

he says, stopping his pour and heading back to the kitchen.

“The check? Someone’s impatient,”

Noelle says, trying to hide her smile.

“Can you tell?”

I ask, taking out my wallet. I fish out a good bit of bills, estimating how much I’ll need to cover, and set it on the table.

“Just a little bit,”

she says, pinching two fingers closely together.

The waiter comes walking back, bill in hand, and when he approaches us, I hold up the money.

“If that’s enough, keep the change,” I say.

He quickly looks through it, counting, then looks at me”

You’re sure you don’t want change?”

I shake my head”

We kinda have to dash,”

I say, then look at Noelle, standing up.

“No to go box?”

he clarifies.

I clear my throat, walking over to Noelle as she grabs her purse”

No thanks, buddy. I’ll be just fine,”

I say, holding a hand out for her, grasping her waist as she stands up.

He watches us as I follow her to the front exit, and push the door open above her head for us to get out.

* * *

My vision clouded by her inner thighs brushing against my cheeks, my hands stay tightly locked against hers as I stuff my mouth with her soft, wet, pink clit. Sucking on it, I thrust my tongue from the bottom up, trying to get every bit of her that I can.

“Oh my God!”

she screams, struggling not to buckle her legs above me.

Holding myself up on one knee, I drape one of her legs over my shoulders. Running my tongue over her nub once more, I drag it into her entrance, slurping up everything that is dripping out”

Fuck you,”

she growls, throwing a hand on my head and tugging my hair as she looks down to watch me.

Pulling away, briefly, I pant, “Fuck me? That’s not nice.”

I watch her, arching her back against the kitchen counter with sparkles of sweat sliding down her breasts and rib cage.

Her dress is hanging on by her waist now, and only her waist— falling in my way and over my head as I hide myself in between her legs.

“Keep going!”

she moans, pulling me in with her other leg, shoving me back into her sweet pussy.

Moaning, I close my eyes, letting her hand go and gripping each leg so she can’t escape. Flicking my tongue, I throw around her juices, sucking them off her hardened clit. She moves her hips forward, her legs getting weaker. Pushing herself away, she begins trembling at the feel—whining as she does.

“Stop…running…”

I gurgle between her legs, pushing her back

against the counter gently with my hand.

“Please! I’m gonna cum…”

She tightens her grasp on my hair. I pull my face away again and rush to insert my fingers between each fold, wiggling them into her entrance. I look up at her, licking my lips and tasting what she left behind for me in my beard and around my mouth.

“You’re threatening me with a good time.”

I chuckle mania- cally.

She gripping the counter with one hand and the collar of my shirt with the other, pulling it to bring me to a full stand. She then yanks my belt buckle, forcefully undoing it as she glares up at me.

“Just take me away from the best part, why don’t you?”

I shake my head, watching her hands move around my hips, loosening the belt and unbuttoning my pants.

“The best part is you being inside me,”

she argues, throwing an arm around my neck and kissing me, unzipping my pants with the other.

Closing my eyes, I lean into her advances, seizing her hips and holding them against me as I feel my pants sliding down with my boxers, exposing my bottom half enough for her to feel me, clutching my dick like she owns it.

Who am I kidding, she does own it.

She brings my face down to reclaim my lips, hers tasting so succulent and sweet. This time raspberries are the peak of flavor. I just can’t pinpoint if it’s from her lipstick or from the lingering taste between her legs, now plastered around my mouth.

Our lips part and she takes a couple of deep breaths. Letting her catch herself, I kiss her neck, whispering sweet nothings to her.

“Mmm, you smell so good.”

I inhale the air around her neck,

reaching for her leg and lifting it around me as she holds me at her entrance”

And you looked even better…”

I whisper, holding my lips against her skin”

Absolutely perfect…divine…celestial.”

I thrust my hips forward, teasing her entrance.

I boost her leg up more, and take her other one into my hand, lifting her like a feather further onto the counter—successfully making my way inside her and moaning harshly as I delve in as far as I can make it.

“Damn…”

I say under my breath”

I didn’t know how badly I needed you.”

She trails some fingers over my lips, running them to the back of my neck”

You got me,”

she responds, playfully grinning.

Keeping her body pressed against mine, I shove my lips onto her upturned ones, capturing another passionate kiss, deepen- ing our connection—leaving only the intoxicating warmth of her skin touching mine to take me over.

Breaking the kiss, I whisper, “I wanna get in bed,”

hoping to urge her to move with me.

“Okay,”

she mumbles, continuing the kiss.

With a gentle nudge, I guide her off the counter, her fingers digging into my shirt as she holds onto me while we make our way to the bedroom, all while still being buried deep in her pussy. Each step makes me slightly thrust into her, making her moan into my neck. The room around us fades into a soft blur as we do, becoming nonexistent once we burst through the bedroom door. Each step feels like electric, anticipation thrumming through me as I lead her to the cozy sanctuary where I know we can completely lose ourselves in each other’s essence.

As her back hits the bed, I land over top of her, trapping her beneath me, feeling her shrink around my shaft and tighten against me. As my hands explore her small curves, something

washes over me.

It’s the same wave of fear I felt a long time ago with Hannah. My heart is now racing, Noelle’s laughter mingles with soft gasps as she continues getting acclimated to the feeling of me— narrowing the sound of our world down to just this moment in time. It’s overwhelming. It doesn’t feel like simple physicality, but something much more profound and moving. I can feel it down to my bones, that what we have has now transcended the surface mechanics of intimacy, dating, and being together. More than her playing hard-to-get, and more than me melting into her games because I’m infatuated.

Her smile starts to fade as she watches me succumb to the swirling thoughts in my mind”

Cole, breathe,” she says.

Letting out a deep breath, I come back to the present, delving into her eyes with mine.

“What’s going on?”

she asks, soft spoken”

You were all stirred up, a minute ago…”

she continues, wandering a few fingers along my face.

The sparkle in her eye vanishes, along with the confidence she was exuding, draining into a more apprehensive visage.

“Is it me…?”

she asks, her voice slightly cracking. My heart cracks further.

“No…why would you think that?”

I ask faintly.

“You’re here…but your mind isn’t. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this, and I know what I said was overwhelming for you…”

she says, then continues under her breath, “but I hate that things feel different, lately…”

“It’s overwhelming. Just not for the reasons that you think.”

I kiss her head, lingering there and closing my eyes as I brace myself, then pull away”

If you only knew how much I do love you, too,”

I breathlessly continue, glossing a thumb over her

cheekbone”

I should’ve said it, then—but you’ve been my blessing in disguise this entire time,”

I murmur, earnestly, warped into the changing of green in her eyes”

I love you, Noelle.”

The weight of my confessions hangs heavily in the air, inten- sifying the energy between us. The thought of being so open is knowing that I’m baring more than just my body—but my soul.

I’m so ready to.

“Can you show me?”

She licks her lips, pressing her hand against my stomach, underneath my shirt”

How much you love me?”

Keeping silent, I bow my head in obedience, sealing my lips against the plump, cranberry colored ones in front of me, fishing my hand around to find hers and grabbing onto them when I do.

More than a fleeting encounter, our history is nothing shy of beautiful.

She’s the angel of my dreams.

* * *

My head swivels back and forth as I drive, listening to Noelle clunk around in her purse and pick different makeup tools to do herself up in the mirror. I glance at my phone, propped on the holder that is sticking to the windshield—waiting to see if Steven returns any of my seven calls. I know it’s exam time, but I asked him about Chicago days ago—to which he said yes, but now all I’m getting is the silent treatment. I probably could have done it in person, but I haven’t exactly been able to, due to my recent behavior. I finally have things under more control after Trey informed Dr. Lydia and she upped the dosage on my anxiety medication. The times when I take it has changed, too. I’ll be

honest, after unloading all of the bullshit and talking to Noelle, I feel better than I have in an ungodly long time. It’s giving me goosebumps, though. I’ll even admit that it’s slightly pissing me off. But, I know I haven’t been as present with Steven as I should, and not hearing from him after losing his mother is alarming. With us leaving in the morning, it makes it more urgent. I can’t get on that plane without my baby brother”

We’re almost there, Cole. If he doesn’t call, you can say what you want in person. I know you don’t want to leave him, and I’m sure that your face will make it all better,”

Noelle says, applying a red tinted product to her cheeks with a small applicator.

“I know you’re right. But why do I feel like he’ll still be angry?”

I ask, more rhetorically than anything.

“Why don’t we just not think about it so hard, okay?”

She turns and looks at me, laughing softly with her suggestion”

If you go berating your brains right now, it’ll never solve anything. You need to be gentle—with yourself, and him.”

“All I want is for him to level with me, Elle. If I’m an ass, he hates me, and if I’m nice, he still hates me. I can’t win.”

I throw a hand up before turning the wheel.

She turns to continue prepping herself, now getting out a lip product”

Steven doesn’t hate you. He’s also going through a lot, and doesn’t know how to get through it. He needs comfort. You might not be his ideal first choice for that, but you’re his older brother, and that means something,”

she says, rubbing her lips together”

If you can be patient with me, then you can be patient with him,”

she adds, tossing the lip product in her bag and looking at me again. Glancing at her, I sigh like a child”

He’s just a kid, Colton,”

she reminds me. I rub my temples,

nodding.

“Here, have some coffee. It’ll make you less cranky,” she

offers, holding up her cup from the holder for me.

I take it, making a frustrated face as I sip the caramel flavor, savoring it like a hassle—but deeply loving the taste.

“After last night, I thought you would be so much more relaxed.”

She shrugs”

I guess I need to work harder next time,”

she says innocently.

I swallow my sip, scrunching my brows”

Harder? I’d love to see what that means.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Her eyes fall down my body as she twists around a curl from her head and sits back.

How can someone be so sweet and endearing, but also sexy and hellish at the same time?

I ease into a parking spot, right near the entrance of Steven’s dorms, cringing more as I take a good look at it.

“What if I just go alone?”

I ask suddenly, putting the car in park.

Noelle turns to face me again, laying a hand on my thigh”

It’s obvious this is really bugging you out, but don’t take it out on Steven.”

I nod, looking down.

“I’m sorry. The habit of worrying isn’t as easy to overcome as everything else,”

I admit, looking up again. I lean forward and gaze at how tall the building is.

“It’s okay,”

she says kindly”

Go see him, Cole,”

she adds with a smile, smashing a kiss against my cheek”

I’ll be right here.”

“Okay,”

I comply, nodding and opening the car door, boosting myself out.

I trudge to the front door of the building, open it, and go inside. My eyes roam around in search of the nearest elevator to get to his dorm, finding it quickly and using it to send myself to

the seventh floor. It takes seconds, and moves much quicker than the elevator in my condo complex, appeasing my anxiety. Upon walking up to his door, I can already see it cracked open— allowing anyone who chooses to waltz in on him and help themselves to any activity.

That’s a red flag, if I’ve ever seen one.

I push the door open with my hand, looking to my left and seeing a neatly made bed and clean living space. Then I turn to the right, seeing the complete opposite. Clothes all over the floor, take-out containers in scattered places, and homework spread around the work desk, with no care. The topper is realizing there is a body buried under covers in the twin bed that sits amongst it all.

“Steven,”

I say with my chest, closing the door and walking to his bed to give him a gentle shake.

The noise that he releases from his body is demonic. He throws back what seems to be his shoulder, pushing my grip away with disinterest.

Sighing, I speak again”

Steven, don’t make me be an ass. You can’t stay in bed, alright? You got me worried shitless—if you’re gonna do this, just come home.”

A deep grumble into his pillow ensues”

I’m good.”

I shut my eyes, groaning in despair before becoming alert again and taking a nice hold of his comforter, snatching it away like a magician. When I do, a massive waft of his body odor swings in my direction.

“Get up. Right now,”

I demand, watching him curl up as the room air hits his legs and arms”

Pack some clothes—and pick some nice stuff. You said you’d go to Chicago, and you’re not allowed to go back on it now,”

I add, looking around for his suitcase and seeing it poke out of his closet. I pace over to it

and pull it out, setting it on the floor”

And God—please take a shower. I beg of you,”

I exasperate.

“What the hell?!”

His scratchy voice yelps a complaint, shivering as he sits up on the edge of the bed and rubs his eyes”

What the hell?”

I repeat him, remaining calm as we finally look at each other”

What the hell is you ignoring me, and causing me to seriously worry. So here I am.”

I take a few steps closer to him”

It’s just you and me right now, buddy, and I’m not letting you stay trapped in this small room. Especially not during the holidays. So pack a bag.”

He glares at me with exhausted eyelids, red taking over the whites of his eyes”

Since when do you care so much about showing up and being there?”

he asks, not moving an inch.

Listening to him speak, it grows more dull by each word. So does the life in his eyes and expression—all empty.

“We….”

I drag the word, thinking of how to connect with him”

We have to be there for each other. Even if it’s not our strongest element as brothers. You’re important to me, and to Noelle. We couldn’t do this without you. Didn’t you get my calls? Messages?”

“Can you just…go away?”

he states, reaching for the com- forter.

I move it away, retrieving it from his reach”

No—I will not go away,”

I respond”

You don’t have to explain anything to me, Steven. I’m not here to parent you. But I’m not going until I know you’ll be on that plane with us to Chicago.”

He huffs, visibly becoming more agitated by my persistence”

Fine, can I at least be alone to get ready?”

he expresses.

A relieved smile washes over my face.

“Of course, baby bro,”

I say, backing up and turning to open the door, walking out”

Fifteen minutes,”

I call over my

shoulder, “and we’ll be waiting in the car.”