Page 24 of The Breaking Pointe

the grudge

COLTON

We both sit across from each other, Steven and I, sharing silent glances each time the other isn’t looking. The sound of the wrappers crinkling around our sandwiches doing the majority of the communication while we stiffly inhale the quiet air surrounding us. He’s been crinkling the sandwich paper more than actually eating it, and all I can do is watch—thinking of every possible comforting thing I can bring up.

“Would you rather do something else?”

I gently pry, wiping my hands as I watch him poke at napkins. He shakes his head, deadpanning at the table between us.

“Wanna talk about whatever’s got you so quiet?”

I add another question, taking a chance at a positive response.

“No,”

he mumbles. It was a nice try.

“Did I pick the wrong place to grab a bite?”

I add yet another question, quickly halted by his next response.

“Do you have to keep asking me questions?”

He sighs, giving me a fed-up expression.

I half-smile, happy that I got a response at all.

“I do. It’s the job of the annoying older sibling.”

My shoulders slightly bounce with laughter”

And I’m also curious to whether or not you’re all bothered because of me.”

I quickly add the last part, glancing at him once again.

He stares at me with a dull gaze.

“Yeah. I have a problem with how chipper you always are. It’s fake.”

What a read. He’s obviously learned from the best.

“It’s called masking,”

I say, wiping my mouth with a napkin, “Y’know, like a cover up. Now how about considering that maybe I’m just happy to see my kid brother?”

I smile, trying to soften the tension.

“How do I know you aren’t pretending for the sake of me? That’s stupid.”

He continues to keep a straight face.

My smile crumbles into nothing.

“I’m not pretending for you, Sherlock. I actually care. That’s why we’re both sitting here,”

I say, watching him unwrap his sandwich enough to eat more of it, finally.

He takes a bite as I take a sip of my drink.

“And maybe it’s stupid, but it feels pretty damn good to fake the funk until it becomes real, sometimes. It’s like keeping a positive outlook. Something you should think about, Steven,”

I add, leaning back in my seat.

“Pretending doesn’t make it a reality, Colton. Whoever told you that is full of shit,”

he snorts.

“Mom told me that,”

I say serenely.

His merriment subsides as he looks at me, blankly.

“So, let’s say, in some cases, maybe you’re the one that’s right,

Steve. I’ll give you that. As long as you know this.”

I continue to speak, leaning on the table now”

There always comes a day when you’ll forget about why you were upset to begin with. Even if that feeling lasts for a short while, it’s just enough to enjoy the little things in life.”

He looks down, showing that maybe I’ve reached a vulnerable nerve.

“Steven, I don’t wanna see you miss out on what life has to offer because you’re consumed in Mom being sick and holding these different grudges.”

The guilt is transferring over to me now. Those words could be directed at the both of us, in all honesty.

“Both of my parents are gonna be gone. How am I supposed to be okay with that? How are you okay with that?”

“I never said that I was, kid. Mom is still alive. So, while she is, you should cherish her. I understand how you’re feeling, I’m going through the exact same thing, but dwelling on it changes nothing. Let her see you happy for her last times with you,”

I respond, delivering every word with a dose of sincerity.

He finishes another bite of his sandwich before wiping his hands and sucking his teeth slightly.

“Alright, then what about Dad? Why do you still dwell on him?”

he challenges me.

This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this in the first place. Now the arguing begins. I should’ve listened to my gut. I’m not cut out for these talks, and I probably won’t ever be. There goes being a father.

“I’m sure if he were here, things would be a lot different. I have my reasons, Steven.”

I take a deep breath, beginning to bounce my knee underneath the table.

“Why can’t you admit that you hate him? Just because you act

like nothing happened doesn’t make you a better person,” he snaps.

“I…I don’t hate him.” I sigh”

Steven, it’s complicated. He wasn’t a great guy, alright? He did a lot of things to Mom and me,”

I try to explain.

“Yeah? Well at least you got to experience what life was like with a dad at all, Colton. I can’t even remember. All you do is talk shit about him—I’ve heard you. It’s not fair.”

His voice begins to rise with every sentence, warranting us a decent number of stares in the sandwich shop.

“You don’t have to use my experiences as your own prime examples, man. My experiences are my own, you weren’t there for things. It’s before your time—before you were born,” I argue.

“So then tell me,”

he says sternly”

Is it about him taking pills in the office? Mom told me that. Or how he used to hit her? I know that too, Colton. But neither of you will tell me what really happened in the office that one day.”

He keeps talking, but his words seem to come out faster”

Because I don’t believe he would just shoot himself like that.”

“Steven,”

I say loudly, having heard enough. He stops talking, staying quiet now.

“We’re not talking about this right now. Not here.”

“So when? When are you gonna treat me like I’m eighteen and not like I’m incapable of comprehending anything? I wanna understand you, Cole…”

For whatever reason, those last words were more polarizing than anything he’s ever said to me. For once, I felt he really meant it, and still my body would rather shield itself from digging any deeper for sentiment. The wall around my heart is as solid as a rock.

“I’m sorry, Steven.”

I sigh, looking out the window beside us”

It’s harder for me than it is for you to display certain feelings.”

He scoffs.

“Fine. Whenever you’re ready to stop being a stone-hearted asshole, let me know. Until then, I guess you’re just as bad as the man who raised you.”

He shakes his head, tossing his napkin on the table as he pushes himself up from it, walking to the bathroom.

I want to not take that personally, but my experiences would never allow it. I’m only grateful it’s me who knows of such things rather than my baby brother. It’s clear he’s yearning to feel close to me. In a way, it’s unfortunate the potential he has to be right. Maybe I’m just as stone-hearted as my father was, and there truly is no hope for me.

* * *

When things don’t go as planned, or maybe not quite as expected, in my opinion, I tend to get the feeling that maybe I have some mental form of OCD. I spend hours hating myself for every stupid thing I may have said or thought about during the situation. I hang on to every piece of it that feels like a mistake or stands out to me as an error in my ways. It’s time consuming when you know that, truthfully, you can’t change the past. You can only change the path ahead of you.

Talking about it feels like I’m unleashing a demon, to put it plainly.

After not seeing Noelle for days, I’ve found myself parched of her presence—once again. It’s happening more often now. I can’t find it in me to stay away or try and make myself resist the urge to do so. I can’t gather any viable reason that I should. She

finds a new way to impress me with her good nature, and I can tell she isn’t trying. She’s really that kind, no facades included. Weeks ago, I was unsure of whether I could be trusted with the responsibility of making sure my mother would be taken care of in her last days. I had no idea where to begin to prepare for such a thing. It was driving me mad having no plans, no thorough ideas, and nowhere to go for brainstorming ideas. As much as the doctors suggest what should be done, they’re lower than the bottom of the barrel when it pertains to helping families with a dying loved one. They can recommend any medication, but if you bring up actual assistance, well you better be ready to give

it up to your nearest search engine to help you.

There’s no way to word it other than saying that I’ve been blessed with someone as educated as Noelle.

Putting a pause on my counterproductive dwelling is easy when Noelle is around. She makes me think of anything else other than what’s wrong and doesn’t force me to lay it all on the table for her. She knows exactly what needs to be said to make me gain clarity. Due to that, I know exactly what needs to be done to keep someone like her around—I’m simply conflicted about whether or not I’m ready for that. Once I jump, I can’t take it back.

After learning what Daniel has physically done to Noelle, I can’t keep leading with intent to do nothing in the end. She has fears and doubts that are obvious and warranted, but I won’t let myself be an addition to those lists. I want to be the opposite. I would prefer to be the person she calls for help. Something she couldn’t do with Daniel, but something she deserves. If it’s not me, it’ll be someone else. And though my jealousy has correlated with my insanity in the past, my jealous rage is different now. I would never control her that way.

But I don’t want her to be with anyone else. I’m feeling greedy and selfish this time. I don’t want to share, and I don’t want to see another man benefiting from what comes with being around someone as bewitching as she is. If I feel undeserving, I know damn well that no other guy is deserving.

Walking into the coffee shop, I immediately make eye contact with Annie wiping tables. The motion of her hand slows down more and more as I get closer until I approach the bar.

“What’s that?”

She points to the round, plastic container in my hand that secures a fresh kale salad.

It’s been well over a month, but I recall Noelle buying this salad from a nearby mini mart twice. Both times she expressed that it’s become a favorite of hers. Since I finally have an evening free, I figure it’s a perfect time to bring her one and give myself an excuse to see her magnetic, green eyes and watch her riveting, long legs serve me some crazy delicious coffee.

“Kale salad for Elle. She around?”

I ask, not yet ready to sit”

She’s in the back. Grabbing cups or something like that.” She

nods, looking at the time”

It’s almost closing time, anyway”

I’m gonna grab her and get stock together.”

She walks to the

back, her voice fading away with her.

I sigh quietly and walk farther into the shop, staying close to the bar. Suddenly, two slim hands slide around me, trapping my torso in their grasp.

“What are you doing here?”

Noelle squeezes me, walking to the front of my body.

“You said you haven’t eaten today. Thought you might want a salad,”

I state, holding it up to her eye level.

She looks at it, then at me, licking her pink, plump lips and taking it from me. She sets it on the bar counter as she looks around.

“Come with me.”

She takes one of my hands, yanking me in the direction of a closet, nearly running into it as she fumbles to get it open.

“What are you doing?”

I ask, looking around in a similar manner to her, nervous now.

“Be quiet and follow my lead. Trust me,”

she says, getting the door open and pushing me in first.

She pulls the door shut behind us and locks it, leaving me to observe the room for a few seconds. It’s a storage closet, not too small, but not the biggest, either. Enough for us and an unholy few centimeters between us.

“Storage closet. Nice.”

I nod to assure her, deeply confused at the same time.

“Yeah, now hush,”

she says, hungrily grabbing my crotch and pressing her lips against my jaw.

“Woah—in the closet?”

I breathlessly ask, holding back a groan of satisfaction.

I fall in line with her actions, running one hand behind her neck and the other along her ass.

“Is that gonna be a problem?”

she mumbles against my skin between kisses, picking one spot and sucking exclusively on that one area.

Forcing air through my nose, I pull her closer, feeling her undo the button on my jeans and pull the zipper down.

“Not at all. I haven’t had a risky fuck in a while,”

I say deeply and somewhat strained, turning her around and pressing her against the closest table. I carefully grab her head, pushing it down with ease as my upper body follows hers, kissing the back of her neck while grabbing for the bottom of her skirt.

She whimpers softly, pushing her lower half against mine”

Hurry up…”

she whispers impatiently.

Tugging at her stockings, I manage to get them low enough for access, then slide my hand between her legs, grabbing at her panties to pull them down, too.

“I’m so wet and ready for you,”

she moans faintly.

Holding my half-hardened shaft, I stroke it a few times before getting it close enough to just brush her entrance. Kissing her neck, I trail my lips up to her ear, kissing it as I push myself into her. She covers her mouth, muffling her tiny breaths before letting out a louder moan.

Closing my eyes, I grab her waist, holding onto her as I feel her legs start to tremble, thrusting my hips at a steady motion”

You miss me?”

I murmur, moving some strands of hair out of her face.

Struggling, she nods with a few high-pitched breaths”

So… much…”

she eventually says.

Pressing some fingers into her scalp and burying my face in her back, I take in every hint of her perfume that I can: the vanilla, the plum, and all the floral tones. I’m getting harder the longer I’m going, and now she’s dripping. She’s somehow even tighter compared to the first time we hooked up. Something about this time is different, though. It feels better than the last, if that’s possible, and I feel like I might lose my cool at any moment.

Slowing down, I deepen myself in her, calming myself as much as I can.

“O-Oh my God…”

she gasps.

“Shhh.”

I press my lips against hers, muting her as much as I can.

I drive my hips harder into her, squeezing her waist before taking two fingers and inching them to the front of her pussy to find her swollen bud, meeting it and pressing them against it.

My fingers are soaked within seconds, sending my mind racing with feral thoughts.

Taking my lips off hers, I let my fingers dance around the wetness of her folds, flicking her clit in the midst of it.

“I can’t hold it in anymore…”

she whines out loud.

“You’re doing so good, baby, you’re almost there.”

I kiss her neck once more”

I got you,”

I utter hoarsely in her ear.

Her expression transforms into complete lust, letting go of everything as she starts to come around me.

“Damn, I didn’t think I could get you off that fast.”

I chuckle, slowly stopping as I sit up, rubbing her back and watching her hold onto the table beneath her.

A few footsteps pass the door, showcasing Annie’s voice on the other side.

“Elle?! You still here?!”

she yells, stomping in another direction.

“O-One moment!”

Noelle yells back, panting after her words escape.

I ever so slowly pull myself out of her, moaning deeply at the feeling of her wrapped around my dick so tightly.

“Fuck…you came so much…”

I groan, looking at all of what she left on me, wanting to stick it right back in.

“Did you?”

she asks innocently, turning around to face me”

Uh…no. Not yet,”

I quietly admit, yearning for the feeling”

Why don’t I help you?”

She looks up at me with starry eyes,

running a hand down my stomach.

She drops lower, coming face to face with the tip of my length, holding eye contact with me. I nod slowly but then start to think it over.

“You don’t have to…”

I say before it’s too late.

“I want to. It’s so big…and so hard. I wanna taste me on you,”

she says, kissing the tip a few times as she wraps her fingers around it”

A man like you deserves it. I bet you’re used to it. I bet you get it all the time.”

She shrugs, beginning to stroke it.

“N-No…I’m not. I don’t.”

I try to catch my breath but I can’t.

Becoming weaker, I back into the wall, grabbing the table for support as I close my eyes.

“You didn’t even come. Now is that really fair?”

she asks, massaging the tip with her thumb.

I shake my head, lightly thrusting my hips forward”

Mm, don’t tease me. Please, baby.”

“I’m a good girl, don’t worry.”

She presses her lips against the tip, fitting it in her mouth and taking in what she can, almost getting it all in. Gripping the rest of my length, she begins to suck on it, gliding her tongue around every part she can.

“Such a good girl…”

I exhale in relief, biting my lip as I open my eyes to watch her.

My words encourage her more, making her move her head in a faster motion. She grabs my hip with her other hand as she moans around my dick.

Sucking harder, she doesn’t stop or give any mercy, keeping me pinned against the wall. The fluttery feeling in my stomach falls lower, and the urge to come starts to hit me harder. Softly laying a hand on her head, I’m forced to close my eyes again, only focusing on my orgasm.

“Wait, wait…”

I weakly beg, my hips jerking back involuntar- ily.

“Mm-mm,”

she hums, grabbing my hand from her head and holding it.

“Keep goin’, I’m gonna—”

My words cut off, accepting that I can’t control it anymore and coming the minute I speak.

I’m waiting for her to let me pull it out, hoping not to make her choke on my load. Instead, she swallows it completely, opening her eyes and looking at me until I finish. Her lips are cherry now, but her eyes say she doesn’t care. She pulls me out of her mouth, coughing softly but licking her lips in fulfillment.

As if she couldn’t make me want her more, now I have this

moment to linger in my head for all time.