Page 26 of The Breaking Pointe

playbook

COLTON

I need to do something about my outbursts—this I know. However, nobody would believe me if I told them I couldn’t control them. I mean that seriously.

Lately, I find myself in the same position in every match. I start coming in hot, but when I do, it’s as if I’m no longer seeing said opponent, and instead, all I can see is the face of my father when I look at them. At that point, something possesses me to end them in every way possible, until I come back to reality. It’s similar to a nightmare but feels more like a night terror. I can feel everyone watching me when it’s over, as if it’s a humiliation ritual.

“You keep dancing in circles. It’s annoying. Hit me!”

my current advisory taunts, following my every move as we circle each other in the ring.

This fight feels no different than the past few. I had a bad feeling before it started.

“Follow the playbook, Cole, let’s go!”

Trey yells, clapping in the background.

My eyes jump to view him, in my corner, then back at the husky man in front of me, a smile smeared across his face.

“Yeah, Cole! Follow the playbook!”

he yells, mocking Trey as he fakes me out with a few swings”

Or are you too much of a bitch?!”

he laughs.

My head jerks back at his movements, continuing my circling to stall for time. Now my eyes jump to Noelle, who is standing with crossed arms, looking like a nervous wreck.

“Eyes up here, bitch boy! Or did your daddy not teach you that?! He made you a punk, didn’t he?!”

He laughs more.

Just as he stops yapping, I jolt my fist to the middle of his face then send my other fist right behind it—and repeat, shoving myself into him so he hits the floor of the ring. Even looking at his body and watching it ricochet against the hard elastic below us, I cease to feel mercy. My arms continue to shoot at him, envisioning this as the alternate ending to what ensued between my father and me on that day.

When I think of him, it’s he who shall not be named. I’m not sure I can say his name again out loud. When I do, it makes the room feel small. The same way I feel when I’m not winning. The pressure is on. I wanna test all levels of physics in order to make the outcomes bend to my advances. All because he’s made me feel like I would never be able to. It seems that even when I give my all, he finds a way to remind me that it’s healing that I need, and my wounds have nothing to do with losing.

Two hands latch onto each of my arms, lifting me from my non-stop punch streak.

“Foul play, Colton, what happened to the playbook?!”

Trey yells from behind me, raising my awareness of how badly I’ve

trapped my competitor.

I push back my arms, making Trey release his hold on me, looking around the small venue. Turning in a few circles, it takes less than a second for me to see all eyes on me, listening to the referee call out all of my incidents. My heartbeat grows loud inside my head, along with his yelling and the chanting of the crowd. I grab the closest ropes around the ring and hop over them, jumping down to the normal floor level and escaping back to the dressing rooms. I swing the door closed behind me, backing myself up against it.

There’s no way I can try to make sense of any of that.

“I need to get in—he’ll let me in, just move!”

I hear an iron- willed voice on the other side of the door then a knock right after”

Colton, it’s Noelle, can I come in?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before turning around and carefully opening the door. She has a quiet expression, big, worried eyes, and her hair looks like she ran just as fast as I did.

“Are you okay?”

She pokes her head out slightly.

I nod, stepping aside for her, then shutting the door instantly”

I felt overwhelmed at the end, there,”

I say, walking to the couch and sitting down”

I didn’t mean to do…that.”

She sits beside me, facing my direction”

He’ll be fine, I think… ”

she responds, beginning to take one of my gloves off”

Are you calm now?” she asks.

“Not sure.”

I watch her hands.

She sighs, looking at me as she pulls the glove off”

You technically won, if it means anything? You know, minus the foul play and playbook thing,”

she says, starting on the other glove”

But you probably already know that.”

“I’d be one narcissistic fuck if I played by those rules. I lost, fair and square,”

I groan softly, stretching my hand before

raking my fingers through some of her curls, studying how they fall on my bare chest as she prods at the second glove.

Everything about her is so quintessential. How is she not sick of me yet? Or any of my heavy-ass luggage?

“I get the rules, but that guy was an ass.”

She looks at me with disdain in her eyes, pulling the glove off and setting them both on the other side of her.

Breathing through my nose, I turn to face her more, leaning an arm on the back of the couch”

Noelle, I don’t understand.”

She stays in place, not making a sound with her eyes still on me”

You try to take care of me—well you do take care of me. You always happen to be there. Why?”

I question her, curious for her answer.

There can’t be a viable reasoning for putting up with me so willingly. Hannah made that quite clear. I’m unbearable and highly strung. Yet Noelle seems to just breeze right past that. The more we continue this unlabeled entanglement, the more I want it to have a label. She hasn’t run away yet, but if the statements are true about me, it’s a matter of time before that changes. I’m avoiding commitment for her sake at this point. It’s better to save her from yet another toxic male figure.

“I care about you, Cole…”

she utters, her breath hitching”

Yeah, but why?”

I ask again.

Her lips press together, speechless as her eyes wander between us.

“Should…should I not feel compelled to look after you?”

She grasps the pillow beside her”

I thought we were getting closer. It used to be simple rides from work, but now I’m coming to your matches, Colton,”

she rambles.

Her voice wavers as if the words are hard to say. A certain fear and tone of voice she’s never used with me is now ringing in my

ears. She’s quite obviously taking this a lot more seriously than I assumed. She probably thinks that I’m testing her—which is a jerk move. Making her question if she’s good enough doesn’t solve my insecurities. But of course, the word-vomit washes over me at the wrong times.

“I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have said that.”

I scoot closer to her”

I shouldn’t put you on the spot.”

I take her hand.

“It’s hard to understand you. Your signals are mixed, and you never talk. I want nothing more than to be able to comprehend what you’re thinking,”

she whispers.

“I’m trying…”

I whisper back.

“So talk to me.”

She stares into my eyes.

I blink a few times and look down”

I’ve been having intense memories. During the fights. That’s why I keep wigging out.”

I sit back.

“Your mind is full,”

she responds.

“Yeah, and I can’t turn it off,”

I huff, yawning right behind my words.

“Maybe it’s your lack of a good night’s rest, hm? Never sleeping and choosing everything else over sleep can make your brain do a lot of things, Colton.”

She tilts her head to the side.

I look at her, ready to agree, but the door bursts open before I do. Trey storms in, money and supplies in hand with a mug that could scare tourists from miles away.

“ What was that about?” he snaps.

It’s obviously directed toward me. I sigh, turning to face his way now.

“It’s an accident, Trey. I thought I was good—I lost my cool.”

I watch him rummage through a few things, grabbing what he needs.

“You set these fights up! I let you choose what you could handle!”

He turns and points at me.

“When I wasn’t losing my mind, Trey!”

I stand up, combating his anger with my excuse.

He shakes his head, putting some papers and money into his bag”

No more freelance fighting. Not until next season is over.”

“What—but that’s almost four months,”

I bitterly come back

at him.

“You need it.”

He looks at me”

What you did tonight was more than foul play. His face looks like you smashed it with a shovel, Colton.”

Gritting my teeth, I glance at the ground.

“Look, maybe by the time the pros roll around, you’ll be fine. But this time, it’s your job to cover your ass on this one. Fighting isn’t doing you any good right now,”

he expresses.

“I get it.”

My words fall below us.

“I realize things are a whirlwind right now, Cole, but pros don’t care like I do. I can’t tell everyone to pause for you or make them excuse you for senseless behavior. Take these months as a chance to repair yourself. Bounce back.”

He takes the rest of the money, pressing it against my bare stomach.

I slowly take it, lifting my head.

“We’ll talk meetings soon. Don’t hang around here too late,”

he adds, heading for the door”

See you, Noelle.”

Unable to move, I hold the money, thinking about his decision more thoroughly.

“Bye,”

Noelle says sweetly, standing up and stepping in front of me”

You know he’s only trying to help.”

“He’s right, Noelle. I have to clean up my act. I’ve wanted pros for years, and I’m gonna fuck it up if I don’t get it together.”

She pushes herself into me, on her tip toes, kissing my cheeks

softly and speaking into my ear.

“Let it all work out.”

She kisses it once more.

* * *

Keys, wallet, feed Bonnie. Keys, wallet, feed Bonnie.

If you could believe it, my brain is finally fried enough where I’m starting to lose the physical ability to do basic tasks. That’s a new discovery for me—one I made around thirty minutes ago as I viciously stabbed my eye while trying to place a contact lens in it. If that wasn’t enough, it slid straight down the sink drain while I panicked about the burning sensation I gave myself, all because I wanna see the world like everyone else.

The excitement continued when I stupidly decided to have a pregame shot, after spilling the first shot on my shirt, giving it a nice, brown stain. It’s needed after having to find another shirt that I deemed good enough for dinner with a mass amount of people I’m attempting to impress, and the possible public photos that could be taken. It wouldn’t be a normal night without the regular slip ups slithering their way in to boost my anxiety.

The goal was to make it to my mom’s, check on her and Steven, pay the nurse, and get home as fast as possible so I could have time to stress about these exact things. Which feels selfish when I dissect it.

Right now, the answer I need is whether or not Noelle is finished getting ready, and instead of waiting, my next move is to go to her place and pace in her kitchen instead of mine. At least until we can meet with Trey. Sitting here having a stare down with Bonnie, checking the time repeatedly, is torture at its finest.

I’m only impatient when I feel like something might go absurdly wrong or the odds are possibly not in my favor. Tonight, either of those could be an option if a certain encounter happens or I have to suddenly whip up a speech on the spot. I would hope by showing my face that all duties would be fulfilled, leaving me with little effort to put in, but now that I’m tied to a cereal brand, who knows what to expect. I don’t even know anything about it and it’s already being advertised.

Parking in front of her apartment, I look out the passenger window, seeing the lights on before I get out of the car. Adjusting my glasses on my face, I jog up to the door and give it a few firm knocks then wait for a response.

When the door opens, Tony is standing there, holding a beer”

Hey, come in. Noelle should be ready any minute,”

he says, immediately letting me in.

I take a few big steps to get inside, looking around and fixing my hair.

“You look spiffy,”

Lauren says, taking a break from washing dishes to wipe her hands.

“And jittery,” she adds.

“I am jittery. This whole thing is making me want to explode. All these people, watching me and questioning me on things I have no answers to. And the pictures—the damn pictures,”

I say, looking at both of them.

They each stare at me with concerning eyes.

“You want a beer, man? Sounds like you need it,”

Tony suggests.

Lauren backhands his arm and glares at him then looks back at me”

Colton, it’ll be fine. This isn’t a royal ball or something. Just dinner to celebrate your achievements. Take it all in.”

“Yeah, and while you’re at it, teach some of these other

fighters how to have a real backbone, eh?”

Tony chuckles, sipping from his can.

Smiling, Lauren rolls her eyes”

Yeah, that too,”

she says, patting my arm softly as she walks past me.

Taking a deep breath, I turn to face the sound of heels against the wooden floor coming my way.

“You guys would tell me if I looked like the Green Lantern, right?”

Noelle asks, smoothing her dress out with her hands.

The fabric fits perfectly against her figure, and the satin is somehow the perfect shade of green for her eyes. It hangs along her legs, opening on one side, letting me see just enough skin to make my mind run to places it shouldn’t. Her hair tops it off, perfectly pin straight and hanging evenly on each side of her face, draping over her shoulders. No surprise, but she looks more than perfect.

Tony raises his beer, starting to say something, but Noelle snaps her head at him, speaking before he can.

“Not you. You think jean jackets go with everything,”

she says with disgust, walking up to me.

Lauren snickers, covering her mouth to block a possible spit take”

I think you look hot, Elle.”

“Thanks, Lauren,”

she says, then turning her head to look up at me”

The opinion that matters most…?”

Clearing my throat softly, I take one final examination of her. She has me at a loss for words, really. She’s that kind of beautiful. Makes you go mute.

“It’s that bad?”

she asks under her breath, begging me for confirmation with her eyes.

“No—no, no—God no,”

I stutter.

“Well say something, Cole.”

She looks at my glasses, furrow- ing her brows.

“I don’t have words to describe anything. All I know is I can’t take my eyes away,”

I say, exhaling through my nose as I grab her waist”

The green matches my new gloves.”

“Right. Cause it’s your night, remember?”

She smiles, pressing her body into mine, fixing a few of my shirt buttons”

Do you have any other settings aside from a charming man with great compliments?”

“I’m afraid not, sorry.”

I shake my head, looking down to watch her”

Unfortunately, with you, this is my default setting.”

She shakes her head and takes a finger to my glasses”

No contacts? Going Buddy Holly tonight?”

My cheeks feel steamed and hot.

“Charming, but clumsy. I dropped one of my contact lenses down the sink.”

She frowns dramatically”

Oh, honey. I want to feel bad, but you look so good I can’t bring myself to. You should wear them more often,”

she says, bringing her face closer to mine.

My entire face is steaming now. Here I am, doing my best to never have to wear these things again, and she’d rather see me as Clark Kent. That’s a first, I think.

Dropping my head, I remember what we’re supposed to be doing and change the topic.

“We should get going. Last thing I need to do is be late and piss off Trey even more. I’m already worked up,”

I quietly inform her.

“Don’t be. The world is in your hands, tonight.”

She kisses my cheek softly before turning to walk to the door”

Let’s go.”

It’s so easy for her to believe in me. I bet she’s just as nervous, but I admire her perseverance more than anything.

It’s unmatched.

It’s making me fall for her like quicksand.

I don’t like the feeling of falling, but with her, I don’t mind. When we’re together, nothing feels better than those moments. She’s not scared of whatever is coming next or having nothing at all. I coincide with those morals, but she highlights them in a way that makes the smaller things seem that much bigger.

Having her come with me to the dinner has been one of my better decisions in recent times. I like having someone on my arm that doesn’t make me feel like a monster. Even though I might be to some, she finds a way to justify it all for me. All while also holding me accountable. I wish I could say I didn’t need that, but I do—and not from my mother. Had I made myself accountable for things sooner, I probably wouldn’t be struggling to fix myself now.

Her golden retriever ways make me feel more approachable. While entering the dinner, it’s obvious—I’m scary, and she’s not.

I’m approached with rough, hard handshakes, while she receives delicate hugs and compliments on the way to our table. It honestly saved me. By being distracted by my date, I avoid the sudden questioning of my career and recent breakdowns on stage. Instead, I can’t take my attention away from the eye-sore sitting at the table next to ours. Daniel and his team, full of posers, as I predicted—all dressed as if it’s a casino night. It’s impeccable how he manages to not be embarrassed of himself. By the time we get to our table, he is already sizing up Noelle and grating on me with his deranged, high stare. I wouldn’t be shocked if he was on multiple substances as we speak. He doesn’t seem to care about the whole image thing the way that I do. He doesn’t seem to care much about anything—based on how we’ve been making side eyes at each other, every few

minutes. But it isn’t just me. Noelle is too in a different way.

She’s behaving abnormally, restlessly moving about in her seat. She’s bothered more than I am, if it wasn’t already obvious”

Hey, Noelle. There are a few people that might wanna meet with your boy after this. You got him this tame, so maybe you could make him less of a hermit,”

Trey says to us from across the table, chuckling at his jab at me.

“So I’m a little reserved—sue me. I’m feeling the place out. Feeling out energies,”

I say, gazing in Daniel’s direction briefly. Noelle rubs my arm, dragging her chair closer to mine”

I like hermits,”

she says confidently, quickly subduing her happiness

as she looks in the same direction as me.

Feeling her stare, I turn to face her”

Ignore him,” I state”

It’s hard. I didn’t think being around him would make me

feel this weak. I feel confused,”

she responds, seemingly hiding behind my figure.

I sit up straight, blocking his view of her”

Look at me, Noelle.”

She does so, giving me an unsure expression.

“Nothing, and nobody, can hurt you. I got you. That’s a promise.”

I rest a hand on her leg.

“Okay,”

she whispers.

I take both of our tall, thin glasses and hold hers out for her”

Here. Drink some champagne. It’ll make you feel all loosey goosey.”

I half-smile, wrapping an arm around her as the room fills with clapping, greeting the main speaker on the stage.

She carefully takes it, leaning into my body to get ready to listen.

* * *

The rest of the night continues to prove me wrong. I’m able to find a comfortable middle ground where speaking to others

doesn’t feel like such a chore and taking pictures feels nice, rather than something I need to control.

The better part of the night was being able to impress each person that Trey wanted me to make small talk with. I’m not that bad at that. It’s public speaking that makes me sick. I’ve never been good at that. But I would never let anyone know. As far as my team knows, I can give a damn good speech if need be. I embellish—which is far from good. I’m banking on the time I have to rehearse for this cereal commercial to make me ready.

The last boxer to represent Punchy Puffs was a lot greater than me. He presented me with an award tonight called The Young Achievers award. According to him, I’m the second youngest to win it—after him—and it’s the main reason I’m considered for the pros. Until now, I had no idea I was breaking any records. Coming from someone who holds twelve belts, was the spokesperson for one of the greatest kids’ cereals, and now mainly serves as a legend in retirement is an honor. Punchy Puffs and numerous other companies remain popular because of him. Even I ate them as a kid. That was when they first became popular, back when my father was still fighting. He hated the cereal.

I know now that his jealousy got in the way of some pretty delicious breakfast food.

He’d probably vomit if he saw me holding this award.

Unbiased with my opinions on it, it’s not Punchy Puffs that had my father bent. It’s the success his opponent had by representing the brand. The fame and love that came with it. Because of a cereal brand, Rodney Wilkow’s entire existence became one of the most loved ones in New York City. That’s not to say I’ll be the same—but Rodney’s desires were pure. Mine are, too. His heart was in the right place. Mine is, too. That’s

why all of the brand’s proceeds go to St. Jude’s, via Rodney’s request. By agreeing to represent them, so does a great deal of my earnings. Had they not mentioned that part, I can’t say it would’ve been as easy to get me to sign the contract. I think kids are amazing. They may not like me, but if I can punch a few assholes out and pay for someone’s chemotherapy, then I’m down for the ride. I have enough money in my pockets, and I’ve always wanted to find a good charity to donate to. I wish I could say that was the motivation for other fighters here, too, but it’s not.

It’s apparent that material has taken over almost every mind at this dinner. Most of the fighters refuse to speak to anyone, and when they do, it’s to brag about themselves.

Noelle is enjoying herself more; I watch her as the night goes on. She had a few drinks and feels buttered up enough to relax. On the other hand, my few glasses of champagne have no effect on my nerves. The tension rushes over me like waves, and my social meter is now reaching empty. The night is close to its end, anyway, but before we go anywhere else, I’m on one last mission.

Bathroom break.

With Noelle and Trey on each side of me, we all head to the exit, stopping by the nearest bathroom first. Stopping at the door, I let go of Noelle’s hand.

“I’ll be quick. I just need to freshen myself up a little bit,”

I say to both of them.

“Take your time. I’ll hold your award,”

Noelle says, taking it from my hands slowly, ogling it then me”

Many more where this came from.”

She shrugs, sure of herself.

I smile, shaking my head, turning to walk into the bathroom. Closing my eyes momentarily at a urinal, I hear a few coughs

from a stall behind me, opening my eyes from the peace I thought I had. The coughing continues, followed by bellicose sniffling and grunting.

The stall door jiggles until it’s open, and a man hesitantly steps out. Finishing up, I dry myself then quickly zip up my pants. Keeping my head down, I walk to the sink, seeing his shoes follow to the sink beside me. Curiosity is getting the best of me, the closer he gets. His presence feels like a warning. I finally look in the mirror as an excuse to see his face.

Low and behold. Just the man I don’t want to see.

“Well. You must be feeling like gold, huh?”

he asks, sniffling once again before turning the sink on.

I take my eyes away from the mirror again, scoffing and continuing to wash my hands, ignoring his advances for con- frontation.

“I’m playing nice. Relax. We’re in a public setting. I’m not that dumb.”

He keeps talking, washing his hands as well.

I turn the water off and rip a few pieces of paper towel from the dispenser, breaking down my pride to look at him.

“So, you’re only a psychopath in private. Good to know.”

I smile abrasively.

He turns his faucet off and grabs some paper towel for himself, turning to face me.

“I’d watch what I say if I were you, rookie. Some beef goes beyond the ring,”

he warns, smirking.

“I don’t have anything to offer you. I’m here on business, just like every other person here. I could do it better though without your shrewd looks all night. I wanna call it even. Alright?”

I ask, holding my hand out.

If I can stay cordial, then I have nothing to worry about.

He looks at my hand, chuckling softly, then his eyes raise to

look in mine”

You have so many jokes, and yet none of them are landing. You started this, and now you’re calling it even as if I give a rat’s ass? I would let it go, but uh, you keep trying to take my shit.”

Fuck cordiality.

“I don’t feel guilty about winning.”

I furrow my brows, thinking it over”

I never will. And I sure as hell don’t feel guilty for treating a woman better than you can. Be up front, Daniel. ‘Cause that’s what this is truly about, right?”

We both glare at each other, the space between us being the only force holding us back. Both of his hands visibly begin jittering and shaking, as if he can’t bear to stand still any longer. Noticing the rapid movement, I confine my amusement to a small smile”

You can’t take your face away from the snow long enough to see the messes you make. Or anything else for that matter.” I shrug.

“If we weren’t here, Kennedy, the circumstances would be a lot different,”

he hisses”

So let me say this once.”

I nod, one good time, smiling more, and watching him boil up because of it.

“You’re on my territory, now. She is my territory—and that’s not changing. You’re getting a little too comfortable for me.”

He takes a step closer, growling his words in my face”

Yeah?”

I ask quietly”

Does she know that?”

He inhales all the air in his proximity, exhaling it through his nose with laughter.

“You mean nothing. Right now, you’re impressive to her, but she’ll eventually see how pathetic you really are. You’re emotionally unstable, Kennedy.”

My amusement begins to fade away, turning into anger”

You’re nothing but a filler in this chapter of her life. So, if

I were you, I’d get out the game while you’re ahead. ‘Cause I like fighting, and I like what’s mine.”

He smirks, smacking my chest before whispering in my ear”

Now that she’s eating again, she’ll be an even better fuck. More to grab. You’ll have her good and ready for me in no time.”

He chuckles, elbowing me before walking to the door.

Twisting on my feet, I begin to go after him, but instead, I run right into Trey, watching Daniel walk out.

“In a rush to get somewhere?” he asks.

Staring at him, I ball my fists up”

Where’s Noelle?”

“She’s out in the hall, with the team,”

he responds”

What just went down in here? I saw Daniel walk out and—”

“I need to go. This was a bad idea. I’ll call you.”

I step past him, storming out of the bathroom and right up to Noelle.

“You okay? You took a while there.”

She holds out my trophy, carrying the same excitement she did when I first went into the bathroom.

“Can we get out of here?”

I beg in a shaky voice.

She nods without asking any questions, allowing me to take her hand and rush us through different people until we get to the outside again. I slow down when we do but keep walking us to the car.

“Colton, what happened?”

She stops walking, holding onto my hand to make me stop”

All of a sudden, you’re acting weird.”

“I had a bad feeling about tonight, and I’m right. Daniel and his fucking mind games got to me, okay? I feel like I need to have my guard up. I don’t like feeling like that, Noelle,”

I say, feeling fired up again by his comment before leaving me in the

bathroom.

“Was he in the bathroom? What did he say to you?”

She grabs my arms, keeping me from pacing in the middle of the parking

lot.

“He was. After I heard him ingesting a bunch of shit in the stall, he came out with his jaw swinging. He’s psychotic. He’s plotting against me, and it’s like he’s waiting for me to go crazy so I can back out of all of this—and back out of us!”

She squeezes my arms, holding my still”

Colton. Take a deep breath and stop.”

I listen to her, looking down at her while she keeps completely calm.

“Are you gonna back out?”

she asks in a hushed tone”

No…Noelle I’m not a quitter. But I don’t play dirty. He’s

making me,”

I exasperate.

“So play dirty.”

She shrugs, dusting my suit off.

“Forget about what anyone thinks about being nice. You have to use his own playbook against him.”

“What?”

My jaw slightly drops, confused at her change of heart.

“Cole, this is the only time I’ll say that nice guys finish last. Don’t make that untrue.”

She pecks my lips”

Let’s go,”

she says, taking my hand again and trading places with me, leading us instead.

And that’s how Noelle Mayberry got a million times sexier in my eyes.