Page 91 of The Aster Valley Collection, Vol. 2

Erin tilted her head. “You’re smiling. Does that mean we’re okay? Because I was thinking… maybe we could get married here. Arrive back home with it already behind us. Mom and Dad would be relieved, and that way, we don’t have to go through the whole wedding weekend thing again.”

I picked up her hands and kissed the back of them before squeezing them and setting them back on the table.

“I love you, so very much. But we’re not meant to be together like that.

I know that now. And I think you do, too, but you’re scared.

You’re scared of the unknown and of being alone.

But you’re not alone. You still have me.

You still have your parents, who love you, and all of our friends who think the world of you. ”

A tiny crinkle appeared above her eyebrows. “No. Don’t say that. You’re the one for me. You always have been. Even when I’ve fallen for other guys, it’s always been you.”

I shook my head and gave her a soft smile.

“You wouldn’t have fallen for those other guys if it was meant to be me.

You wouldn’t have kept looking for something better.

And right now, you’re looking for safety and comfort.

I get it, believe me, I do. But you can have the safety and comfort of our friendship without us marrying. ”

She pulled her hands away from mine. “You’re mad at me.”

“Not one single bit. I’m grateful to you.

Canceling the wedding was brave, braver than I could have ever been.

But it was one of the best things that could have happened to me because it made me realize something important.

All this time, I already had a life partner. I just didn’t see it for what it was.”

I took a breath and continued, not wanting to upset her but needing her to understand why the two of us wouldn’t end up together. “But I see it now. And I want it. Erin… I’m in love with Julian.”

She blinked at me uncomprehendingly for a beat before her forehead crinkled even more. “Julian?”

The server delivered my drinks, and I took a long slug of the cocktail before offering it to Erin. She shook her head. “I don’t understand. You and Julian? Like… dating?”

That word was very small for something so big, so incredibly monumental and life-changing.

But it was accurate. I nodded. “Yes. And I don’t want to cause you any pain, but loving him has helped me to see that what you and I had wasn’t enough.

For either of us. You have a big love out there somewhere, Erin.

Someone who’s going to take your breath away, and you’ll wonder how you ever thought this—” I gestured between us.

“—could be love. It never was, which is why we kept breaking up and trying again.”

“But Jules… is a guy. And you’re…” She seemed to realize what she was saying. “Are you attracted to him? Like that?”

I nodded, trying not to look like a bobblehead. “Very much so. And I have been attracted to him like that in the past, too. I just pushed it aside because I was scared to mess up the friendship we had. I kept going back to the status quo whenever things started to get too real.”

She hesitated. It was clear she was trying to come to terms with it and was having a hard time. I didn’t blame her. “How could you go from marrying me to dating Jules in less than a week?”

“Okay, first, I know you’re upset, but you don’t get to say his name like that,” I warned her.

“Julian loves the hell out of you. He punched me when he thought I’d been the one to break up with you on our wedding day.

” I pointed to the mostly faded bruise on my jaw.

“And I’m pretty sure he’s jealous as fuck right now, but he encouraged me to fly down here and save you because he wanted me to do the right thing. ”

Erin toyed with her fingers, eyes on the table, and said in a small voice, “I love him, too. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah, I figured. But to answer your question… when you left me the way you did, hours before the ceremony, at that fancy hotel, with all our guests waiting?—”

She groaned quietly, clearly embarrassed.

“—it was a huge shock. Like, not even a surprise, although it was that, too, at first. I mean, it shocked my system like a lightning bolt. It woke me up. I decided that no matter how much I loved you, you and I were really, truly done for good after that, which meant I had to take a long, hard look at my life and what I really wanted from it. The truth is, I was a little sad when I read your note. And I was a little scared. But I was also relieved.” I gave her a half-smile.

“Which I’m guessing is probably how you felt when you wrote it. ”

“I… I was wrong then, though,” she repeated, like she was trying to make herself believe it.

“You weren’t. We were wrong when we decided to get married.

I thought by marrying you, I was getting to have my cake and eat it, too.

I’d have Julian as my best friend and you as my wife.

But I had it wrong.” I licked my lips and tried to make her understand.

“You and I, we’ve always been there for each other during the hard times, but then during the easy times, we’ve gone our separate ways to pursue other things.

That’s because you and I are about safety and comfort.

About having a soft place to land. But you can’t know how high you’ll go if you keep tying yourself to your safety net. And with Jules, I…”

“You want him during the hard times and the easy times,” she finished for me.

“So much,” I admitted softly. “He’s always been the person I’ve gone to first. I’ve never made a secret about that to you.”

She sighed. “No, I know. And I thought that was great. I loved that you had such a close best friend. And you know I love Jules. But I guess I just thought you had Jules like I had Hazel.”

“Yes, but now I also want to share my life with him.” I didn’t add that I wanted to have lots of sex with him, but I assumed she got the message.

Silent tears escaped her eyes, and I reached out to thumb them away.

“He gives you that romance novel heroine kind of love, huh?” she asked. “The butterfly feeling?”

I smiled softly, thinking of Julian’s face on the pillow beside mine in the night. How just seeing him there made me want to gently stroke his cheek, and bite his lip to mark him, and wake him up to talk to him, and memorize the precise curve of that errant curl, all at the same time.

“Better,” I told her.

Erin pulled herself out of her chair and climbed into my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her face in my collar. Neither of us spoke, but I felt the transition between us like an odd kind of changing of the guards. Things would never be the same between us again.

I held on to her for a long time before she pulled away and met my eyes. “Do you think Julian would be okay if I was your new Jules?”

No one could ever be like Jules to me, but I knew that wasn’t really what she was asking. “I think he’d expect nothing else.”

She smiled. “He’s a good egg.”

I dipped my chin. “The best.”

She sighed and returned to her chair before reaching across and taking a swig of my cocktail.

“Now I need to figure out what I’m going to do with myself, I guess.

My parents were already unhappy with the way I treated you, but they’re going to be livid now.

And so much for my goal of becoming head buyer for the store. My dad won’t trust me after this.”

“Was head buyer really your goal, though?” I wondered. “Or another safety net?”

She frowned, and I shrugged. “You love traveling and adventure, and you’ve never met a stranger. In the right job, those traits would be prized. And if you didn’t feel stuck in your job anymore…”

“Then maybe I wouldn’t blow off my friends and family for a week of revelry?”

“Then maybe you’d be able to find happiness in other places, too,” I corrected. Then I grinned and quoted my own words to her from long ago. “So your talent’s not sewing, babe. You’ll figure it out.”

She laughed out loud—a bright, genuine sound—then sighed. “Maybe you can help me explain it to my parents.”

“You know your parents want you to be happy more than anything,” I began.

A deep, familiar voice responded from behind me. “They certainly do.”

I turned to see Erin’s parents. She flew into her dad’s arms and hugged him tightly. “I thought you were in California at Uncle Dave’s place.”

Lorraine nudged Rod out of the way so she could hug her daughter. “The phones work just as well in California, dear. Or they would have if your father had remembered to plug the charging thingamajig into the wall last night.”

Rod reached out a hand for me to shake. “Thank you for coming. Hazel told us you were on your way here, but I wanted to make sure you didn’t feel obligated to help.”

“You know me better than that,” I said, clasping his hand.

He pulled me in for a hug. I thought about the hundreds if not thousands of times he’d been there for me, encouraging me as a fledgling competitive skier, celebrating my wins through college and beyond, and finally offering me a job doing what I loved.

This man was like a father to me, and I’d do anything to keep from disappointing him.

Anything but deny my relationship with Julian.

“Join us,” I said, moving over so they could get to the other two chairs around the square table. “Would you like a cocktail? The rum punch is good, but I’m sure they have margaritas, too.”

Lorraine gave me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek as she moved past me to take her seat. “Lord, yes. Margarita for me.”

I found the server and ordered drinks as well as a few appetizers for the table. When I returned to my spot, I saw Rod had pulled out some papers.

“I brought a photocopy of your passport, your birth certificate, and anything else I thought we might need to get your passport replaced.”