Page 67 of The Aster Valley Collection, Vol. 2

The man walked away laughing, as if my panic wasn’t important to him at all. I glanced over to the table where my friends were and found all of them staring at me. The look on Julian’s face was terrifying. He was clearly livid.

“What did you just do?” he asked in a low voice that nevertheless carried through the sudden silence.

“What? Nothing. I was talking about someone else.” I quickly slopped beer from the pitcher into a fresh glass and threw back a giant slug, nearly choking myself.

“Someone else who was top of his class in law school and whose hair you’ve touched,” he said flatly.

Someone at the table added, “You do have lovely hair, Julian. I’d touch it.”

“You don’t know whose hair I’ve touched,” I said with a sniff. “It’s none of your business anyway.”

“Were you trying to get me laid ?” he hissed. “You found some random dude at the bar and tried convincing him to give me a shot?”

“What? No! It was the opposite.”

Fuck.

I knew when Julian’s eyes narrowed that much, trouble was coming.

“Explain.” Jules had a certain tone he used sometimes with me that was bossy and demanding. It made me shudder.

“I just… well, he… you see,” I began. “It started when I thought he was interested in Finn.”

“Fucking Christ,” the sheriff muttered, draping a possessive arm over Finn’s shoulders that belied his easy tone. “You should have told him he could have him. The man doesn’t know how to take out the trash or wash a dish.”

“Hey!” Finn scoffed. “It’s not my fault I’ve had housekeepers all these years.”

“Ignore them,” Julian said. “And tell me what happened.”

“The guy was interested in you, and I said the wrong thing by accident. Then I tried to correct myself, but it was too late. And I feel bad because he seemed nice.”

Tiller looked like he was enjoying this way too much. “What was the ‘wrong thing’ you said to turn the guy away?”

There wasn’t a chance in hell I was going to admit to this table full of men that I’d accidentally given the guy the impression that I, of all people, was dating Julian. They’d never let me live it down.

I scrambled to think of an alternative, but in the meantime, I was pretty sure I looked like I was trying to concoct a bold-faced lie. I wasn’t. I simply needed a meek-faced one.

My mouth opened and closed on a whole lot of nothing while Julian’s eyes bored into me.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed, reaching out to run fingers through his hair. It really did feel amazing to the touch. Nothing stressed me out more than Julian Thick being upset, and if he was upset at me ? Worst thing ever.

“What did you say to him?” he asked.

“Okay, fine, but I really did just misspeak. I may have accidentally implied you were mine , when really—and you’re gonna find this hilarious, just wait—I was trying to tell him you were my best man . Ha.”

Tiller frowned. “Why’d you tell a random stranger Julian was your best man?”

I turned to him with a glare. “Can you please stop trying to ‘help’?”

Mikey shoved back from the table where he’d been sitting quietly next to Tiller. He put a hand on my shoulder and leaned in to speak softly close to my ear. “Come outside. I need to talk to you.”

I glanced up at him. I’d only known Mikey for a few years, but that had been long enough to convince me of his genuine care of others. Maybe he would have some advice on how to smooth things over with Julian.

I tried to ignore the fact that Julian still hadn’t said a word and followed Mikey outside into the frigid night air. “What’s up?”

He leaned back against the brick building and crossed his arms. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out. This is at least the third time I’ve seen you cockblock your best friend in public.”

I stared at him. “Are you kidding?”

He looked serious. “Not one bit. And here’s the thing. I truly don’t think you realize you’re doing it.”

“I’m not! I don’t. Why would I?” Mikey wasn’t as smart as I’d originally thought, which was a shame because Tiller was one of my closest friends, and he deserved a smart partner. “When have I ever cockblocked him?” Except tonight , I didn’t add.

“When Tiller and I met you guys in Vegas for the bachelor thing and we ran into my friend Joey. I pointed Joey into the chair next to Julian, but you saw me do it and snaked the spot before Joey could sit in it.”

“I needed a place to sit. I was the groom, for god’s sake.”

He eyed me. “Yes, and as the groom, you already had a spot at the head of the table, which you’d already been sitting in all night .”

I swallowed. “I didn’t like that seat. It was too close to a speaker.”

“And then there was the time you guys came here to see our new place and I tried introducing Julian to Truman.”

“Truman was dating Sam!”

Mikey’s lips curved in a smile. “Wrong. This was before Sam and Truman got together. You told Truman that Julian didn’t like spicy food.”

“He doesn’t,” I said, feeling smug. “That’s the truth. Even one red pepper flake makes him sweat.”

Mikey straightened up from the wall and stepped closer.

I didn’t like the knowing glint in his eye.

“Let me tell you how the conversation went, Parker. I said, ‘Julian, I’ve been looking forward to introducing you to Truman. The two of you have a lot in common. Truman owns a spice shop and—’ That’s when you interrupted to blurt, ‘Jules doesn’t like spicy food. ’”

I felt my face heat despite the cold air outside. “He needed to know,” I said stubbornly. “How could they possibly make a relationship work if?—”

Mikey threw up his hands. “A relationship? Who said anything about a relationship? Jesus, Parker. Let the man get laid for once.”

“I don’t care if Jules gets laid.”

“I think you do. I think you’re jealous, and that’s why you do the things you do.”

“Jealous?” Wow. Yeah, I had definitely pegged Mikey wrong. “I’m concerned. I love him. I want to protect him. He’s the most important person in my life, and he only deserves the very best. I don’t want him to end up falling for someone who’ll use him, or hurt him, or not give him what he needs.”

“And has it occurred to you that that person might be you ?”

“Huh?”

Mikey stepped forward and squeezed my arm. “Parker… you’re giving Julian mixed messages.” His voice was gentle, but his words were harsh.

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

He sighed and dropped his hand. “Never mind. Maybe you’re not ready to hear it.”

“No. Tell me what you mean because I know you don’t mean what I think you mean. Julian isn’t attracted to me like that.”

He met my eyes. “You sure?”

“He’s not.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Are you sure?” he asked more slowly.

I clamped my mouth shut and thought it through, grasping at any evidence to prove my point. “I wanted to share his bed last night like we always do, and he wanted me to sleep on the sofa. I mean, before I snuck in later.”

Mikey’s mouth opened in disbelief. “You’re a fucking idiot,” he said before moving away from me back toward the door to the restaurant.

I hurried after him. “Wait. Do you really think I’ve been sending him mixed signals? If so, I didn’t mean to. We’ve been best friends forever.”

Mikey spun around on his heel. “You touch him all the fucking time. Your face lights up when you see him. You spend half the time trying to make him laugh and the other half hanging on everything he says.”

“Of course I do. He’s my favorite person. We’re best friends.”

“I thought Erin was your favorite person?”

His question stopped me in my tracks. Why the hell would Erin be more important to me than Julian? How could he possibly think that?

“No,” I said with a little laugh. “Not even close.”

The words slithered around in the cold air between us, bringing some enlightenment to those of us who’d been utterly oblivious up till now.

“Oh,” I said stupidly.

Mikey suddenly lurched at me and hugged me tight. His smaller body was lithe but strong as hell. “It’s too bad you can’t date him, isn’t it?” he asked, pulling back and meeting my eyes. “Imagine how incredible that would be?”

For some reason, his words made my throat heavy as my eyes blinked away the dry night air. I didn’t say anything, but it didn’t matter. He’d already escaped back into the restaurant.

I stood there for a minute to calm my breathing. What exactly had just happened? We’d started the conversation with Mikey’s implication Jules had feelings for me, but we’d ended it with the implication I was the one with the feelings.

When I finally made my way back into the warmth of the restaurant, I felt oddly removed from everyone else. The ladies at the bar tried to get my attention, but I only shot them the barest of smiles. Tiller asked me if I was okay, and I waved away his concern with a stupid joke.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about what Mikey had said. It wasn’t the first time I’d thought about Julian and me. In fact, years ago I’d wanted nothing more than to try a relationship with Julian, but kissing Tiller had felt about as hot as kissing my own hand.

But then again…

I thought about the way I’d looked at Julian the night before. His stubbled jaw, his Adam’s apple, his firm lips?—

“Tiller!” I jumped to my feet. “Tiller, can I talk to you outside, please?”

Julian grabbed my hand and tugged me down so he could whisper in my ear, “Are we good?” His warm breath smelled like beer, and his skin smelled faintly like some kind of sexy cologne.

I wanted to let out a maniacal laugh. That was the question, wasn’t it? I had no fucking clue if we were good or not. I felt like my life was a house of cards and someone had suddenly brought in a megaton turbine to blow it all to shit.

“Course we are,” I said in a too-high voice. “Tiller? You coming?”

This time, I was smart enough to grab my coat. As soon as I got Tiller outside, I grabbed his arm and yanked him closer. “Kiss me!”

He reared back comically fast. “What? Did Mikey put you up to this? I’m going to kill him.”

“No, I need… I need to test something. C’mon.”

“That is 100 percent not happening. What the fuck is up with you tonight? Is this about Erin?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Why does everyone think everything is about Erin? No. This has nothing to do with Erin.”

“Oh, I dunno… maybe the jilting on Valentine’s Day thing. That might be it. Silly me.”

Two guys walked up and did a double take when they saw Tiller. One of them stopped to ask for an autograph and selfie, and I almost punched the guy to get him to go away.

I needed fewer famous friends.

“Listen,” I hissed once they were gone. “It’s about Julian. Remember when we kissed a long time ago?”

His shock was apparent. “You kissed Julian? How did I not know about this?”

“No, asshole. You and me. Remember when we kissed so I could see if I was into guys?”

“Oh, god, right.” He let out a laugh before reining it in. “You’re a terrible kisser.”

I buried my face in my hands and yanked at my hair. I hated everyone.

“Fucking focus, okay? The reason I did it was because I was into Julian.”

Tiller’s expression was affectionate when he teased me. “Ouch.”

I waved away his words. “I wanted to see if we could be more, but first, I had to know if I was going to freak out about kissing a guy.”

“Classic gay panic panic. Panicking that you might panic. Continue.”

“But I didn’t feel anything. Nothing. Like… ew. Gross. Nothing at all.”

Tiller looked all around us before focusing back on me.

“Am I being filmed? Because I gotta tell you, this isn’t at all what I was expecting when you asked me to come out here.

And I’m not sure my ego can take many more hits.

Are you sure Mikey didn’t put you up to this?

He’s still a little miffed I broke his favorite serving platter. ”

I ignored him. “My point is, if I’d felt anything for you, I would have tried.

But since I didn’t, I decided not to risk fucking up what we had…

have together. He’s my person, you know?

” My voice cracked a little, but I continued.

“And the thought of upsetting him or of making him think we could have something great just to yank it away from him when it didn’t work for me… ”

“Would be bad,” he finished gently.

“Would be devastating,” I admitted. “I couldn’t live without him, Tiller. You know that.”

Tiller stepped forward and pulled me into his arms for a tight hug. The man was built like a pro wide receiver because that’s exactly what he was. My muscles and bones groaned under the pressure.

When he pulled back, he kept his hands on my shoulders. “Is this the real reason you canceled the wedding?”

I shook my head. “No. Erin really did leave me a Dear Parker letter.”

“Don’t you think maybe what you’re actually upset about is the thing with Erin, and you’re using Julian’s crush on you as an excuse?”

I had already opened my mouth to respond when his words caught up with both of us. “What?” I asked, feeling like I couldn’t get enough breath to properly push the word out. “J-Julian has a…?”

Tiller’s eyes were as big as fried eggs. “Nope! Nope. No, certainly not. And also, no fucking way. That was a mouth malfunction, was what that was. A typo but with my tongue. In fact, heh, I think you heard wrong. I said…”

I lifted an eyebrow, waiting.

Tiller shook his head. “Never mind what I said. Let’s forget this whole thing ever happened, kind of like we did with that kiss.”

“I have feelings for him, too,” I said softly. “I just don’t want to fuck things up between us.”

“You were supposed to get married yesterday. To someone else.” Tiller’s voice carried a stern warning even though I knew it was given with love. “Don’t do something stupid, Parker.”

He was right. Of course he was. Maybe this was all some kind of weird boomerang emotional thing from being jilted.

“Yeah,” I said, forcing a smile. “Yeah, you’re right. I won’t. I promise.”

At the time I said it, I truly meant it. But the feelings only got stronger, like a flock of rabid bats trying to force themselves out of a crowded cave.

I kept the promise for exactly two days before releasing the bats into the wild.