Page 6

Rafael

The curtains in my new bedroom did nothing to block the sun. Light bounced off the white walls with a blinding effect. Blackout curtains should be required by law.

True to my word, I didn’t stab Hank in the neck. I was halfway coherent enough to know that I’d minded my p’s and q’s and got through the evening without causing a scene. That would come later. I had a plan, and I wasn’t about to let the picture of Mattie throw me off.

Plus, I made sure to get clear liquor. Smirnoff made me forget. Dark liquor made me nuts. With something dark, like rum or whiskey, I’d be screaming Sweet Caroline like an idiot one minute, then slamming some douchebag through a dining room table the next. Yes, that actually happened. Clear liquor just killed the pain, and that’s all I needed.

Something happened when I saw his picture. I hadn’t seen a picture of Mattie in years because Mom threw them all out one night right after the funeral. I was furious with her when she did it, but I could understand after my reaction to seeing the picture in Hank’s living room. My body froze. It was like the water I’d swallowed trying to stay afloat that day had lingered in the pit of my stomach for years, and seeing Mattie’s picture made it rise to the back of my mouth. My throat burned, and I could taste the salt of the sea. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t make my body work. It just shut down.

Then he touched me. Cody was the first one to come to me. God, why did he have to do that? I didn’t want to feel anything for him except hatred. I hate Cody.

I couldn’t let him throw me off. Fuck those big brown eyes and his stupid face. Was he that muscular at the wedding?

Cody had gotten strong as hell since the last time I saw him. Our tussle in the car ignited something in me I hadn’t expected. He was such a juicy challenge. Cody walked around with this noble air, but his tense body betrayed how wound up he was inside. I wanted to unwind him. Better yet, I wanted to snap his emotional restraints to bits then pummel him into the ground like a fucking Whack-a-Mole game.

One of the reasons I loved hockey so much was that I was absolutely addicted to violence. Hockey combined my two great loves: ice skating and beating the shit out of people. Overpowering someone like that made me feel high. The more challenging, the better. I didn’t expect Cody to stand up to me. He moved fast. If we hadn’t been trapped in a car, I could have had a tough battle on my hands. However, my limbs were longer, and I used the space to my advantage. Fuck, I loved our little skirmish and wanted more of it. Maybe I could challenge him to play street hockey. Pulverizing Cody was definitely going to be a permanent menu item.

I rolled to my side and buried my head under a pillow when Hank entered my room.

“You all right, Rafael? It’s nearly one in the afternoon.”

Jesus Christ, is there no peace in this house? “I’m okay. I didn’t sleep well. New place and all.”

Lies. I slept like the dead: no dreams or anything. I loved a Smirnoff snooze.

Hank ambled over to the bed and sat down. He patted my bare shoulder, utterly unaware of my naked state under the comforter. Gross.

“I know this is hard. It will be an adjustment for all of us, especially you.” He paused for way too long. Was I supposed to say something? It’s awkward because you stopped talking to me, dear Father. He sighed again, an annoying new habit apparently, and said, “I meant what I said in the car. I’m happy you’re here.”

I just nodded. It’s all I could do. I didn’t want to be in that house, and I didn’t like that man’s ass on my bed. More than anything, I really didn’t want to have another failed attempt at a heart-to-heart.

“I was thinking we could go to the rink today. They have open skating from three to five. You know, get the bones moving. It’s where Cody plays, too. I figured you might want to check it out.”

I did want to check it out. I needed to figure out how I would play in New Rochelle. It was definitely on my to-do list, but I needed not to feel like I’d stuck my head in a blender first. Plus, I had better plans. I wanted to fuck with Cody some more today.

“I’m kind of tired,” I said. “This is all really new, really fast. Maybe another time?”

Hank looked visibly disappointed, and damn my heart for wincing just a tad because of it.

“All right. Well, the invitation is there if you ever want to accept.” He sat there for another few moments. When he realized I wasn’t going to respond, he rubbed his neck and stuttered, “I-I’ll let you get some rest.” He rose from the bed and left, closing the door behind him.

Finally. I needed more sleep. Maybe I’d stay in bed for the rest of my life. I watched a documentary once describing how some Victorian women decided to take to their beds and die for thirty years. That sounded awesome.

I wrapped the pillow around my head, desperately trying to block the light. It was useless, and I started wondering what Cody was up to. He was probably running errands for his mommy like the good little boy he was. Mmm…Cody. How I loved fucking with him.

All right. Time to get up and shower.

As much as I wanted to stay in bed for the rest of the day, I had to get up. Cody was somewhere, and I had to let him know who the stronger brother was in this house.

I was still humiliated by how I reacted when I saw Mattie’s picture, and I hated that Cody was there to witness it. If he thought I was weak or some emotional basket case, he had another thing coming. I wouldn’t let him believe that. He’d feel my wrath soon enough. Who the fuck did he think he was coming over and putting his goddamned hands on me like that?

I hated that he thought I needed help. I hated that he crossed the distance between us and caressed me like I was some wimp.

But what I hated the most was how much I liked it.