Page 35

Cody

The early morning light filtered through the dusty window, casting a warm glow over the room. Rafael’s arm still wrapped around my body, locking me in place.

I turned to face him, wriggling closer to nuzzle into the spot where his neck met his shoulder. He hummed his approval and pulled me in tighter.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” I said.

One eye crept open as he said, “Sure, you didn’t.” He smirked and said, “I was already awake. It’s hard to sleep with that perfect ass of yours grinding into my cock.”

I planted little kisses along his neck, slowly making my way up to his mouth.

We kissed and he said, “I have sleep-breath.”

“I don’t care,” I responded. I’m sure mine wasn’t much better. It didn’t matter to me. Rafael’s scent was like an aphrodisiac. The muskier he was, the more aroused I became.

“Rafael,” I whined between kisses along his neck and over his pecs.

“You bad boy,” he moaned out as I tugged the pebble of his nipple with my teeth.

It’d been such a long time since we were playful. I missed hearing him call me a good boy. I missed calling him, sir. I missed us.

“I am a bad boy.” My lips continued their descent, licking his rippling abs, moving closer and closer to my target area. I wanted that thick, veiny cock deep in my throat. My body ached for the salty, bitter taste of his cum “I think I might need a punishment,” I sang out.

Rafael chuckled. “Hold up.” He sat up and grabbed me by the shoulders, pulling me closer and bringing us face-to-face. “I want to fuck you the way we like to fuck. But not right now.”

My hackles raised as the memory of his last rejection came crashing into my consciousness. That burning sensation in my stomach made its way up to my chest and started filling me with raw, painful humiliation.

Words were a thing of the past, apparently because all I could do was stutter until Rafael put his finger to my lips and said, “This morning I want to make love to you. Can I do that?”

…Oh!

The searing heat of humiliation soon turned into a warm blanket that cascaded down my body and settled into my tummy. It pooled there like warm honey before transforming into a thousand butterflies taking flight at once.

Shock settled in at the shift in the man before me, and the only response I could blurt out to his question was a very ineloquent, “S-sure…”

Sure? He asked if he could make love to me and I fucking said, “ Sure.”

“Y-yes. Yes, I…Rafael, I don’t know what to say. That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.” I started laughing. Hysterically laughing. The kind of laughing that causes concern. “I’m sorry. I’m just so happy.” The laughter subsided, and I finally had the good sense to say something normal. “Yes, please make love to me, Rafael.”

I’ll never forget the look on his face. The pride in his eyes at rendering me a mess was not lost on me. He looked down and released a hearty laugh. When his eyes found mine again, he said, “I love you, Cody.”

And if I wasn’t a puddle on the ground before, I certainly was then. “Rafael, I love you so much. So, so much. Please don’t ever forget that.”

“I won’t, angel.”

He slanted his lips with mine as he laid me on the bed and draped his body on top of me. Rafael’s olive skin had a glorious mixture of softness and a unique texture that I always wanted to rub against. Our chests pressed against one another’s, sealing us together as the kisses became more passionate. My legs wrapped around him, my calves resting on top of his firm buttocks. I wanted to latch my hands onto his butt, but they were too busy exploring the muscles of his back.

Rafael’s hips thrust into me, and I could feel his cock growing with each push against my opening.

His lips didn’t stop kissing me as he reached a hand to the nightstand and found the lube.

“Poppers?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I want to feel you as much as possible.”

He grinned as his hands made quick work untwisting the top and lathering his cock with the lube. Then he took a leg in each hand and folded me, putting my ass on full display. His face dove into the heart of me, and I cried out at how good his warm, slick tongue felt on my hole. It trailed along my crease and over my taint and balls before he swallowed my cock to the base. Rafael’s head pumped with fervor as he sucked my dick. He slicked up a finger with the lube and slid it into my ass while still pleasuring my cock with his mouth.

“Oh, fuck,” I yelled.

Rafael slid another finger inside, using both to scissor me open as he continued to choke on my dick. I didn’t want to come too soon, so I stopped his amazing mouth and forced him to look at me. “I’m ready.”

That was all he needed. He lined his cock to my entrance and, very slowly, pushed through the first ring of muscle. His cock head slid in, relieving some of the pressure on my opening as I adjusted to having his enormous dick inside me.

Rafael’s eyes stared down at me as he pushed in deeper. Our gazes locked as he reached the back of my ass, hitting my second hole.

My eyes rolled in the back of my head as I babbled, “So full…so thick…fuck, Rafael…”

He smirked, the little shit, and started pumping my ass with his perfect cock.

Then it took a turn. Once I’d fully adjusted to his length and he was sliding in and out of me with ease, he slowed down. He slid one hand under the back of my head, cradling it. His eyes looked into mine. His other hand slid beneath my back.

His head cocked to the side as he said, “My beautiful angel. You’re just so fucking pretty, Cody.”

My arms wrapped around him, my fingers once again exploring the grooves of his muscles.

Rafael was making love to me, and it felt electric. The emotional tether that had always existed between us simultaneously fortified and ignited like a flame in that moment. The fierce, raging, hot love I felt for this man was almost too much. It overwhelmed me. My desire for him had the strength to consume rational thought and turn me needy and desperate for his touch.

I pulled him closer as I gasped, the emotions running so deep and so hot. His face glistened with sweat as he loved me—really loved me—filling me with him in that hot room where nobody could judge us. Nobody could take this moment away. It was terrifying and liberating. Giving your heart to someone is the most terrifying thing you can do, and I was giving mine to Rafael.

Rafael’s eyes softened, absorbing the enormity of what was happening between us. Our foreheads connected, and he whispered, “This. I want this forever, Cody.”

I couldn’t speak. I just mewled into this mouth. It was impossible to get any closer, yet I still wanted to be closer to him. I wanted to be his.

“I love you so much, Rafael,” I said.

“I love you, Cody.” His eyes clenched shut. “I’m close,” he said through heaving breaths.

My moans filled the space. “I need it. I want you in me, Rafael,” I whined

“Oh, fuck!” He came inside me, and the warmth of his release filled me up. I didn’t always feel it like that. Only when Rafael had worked himself into an absolute frenzy did his orgasm come out with the strength of a speeding bullet.

With our foreheads still connected, we breathed in each other’s exhalation.

Rafael looked into my eyes as he gripped my length and stroked me. I held onto his shoulders and let his entire aura envelop me as he brought me to orgasm.

He grabbed a towel tossed on the floor from the night before and cleaned me off.

My arms wrapped tighter around him as I closed my eyes. The past few days—scratch that—life had taught me that everything can change in the blink of an eye, so I savored that moment between us. With him still inside me, my body joined with his; I savored it like it might never happen again.

Rafael

I sat at the tiny table for two while Cody puttered in the kitchen, making pancakes.

It dawned on me that I didn’t have any dreams. I slept so peacefully. I didn’t always have them, but I expected a big one after the boat incident with Cody.

I didn’t know what it meant. Had I conquered something? While my gratitude for Cody’s survival was enormous, the guilt that I couldn’t save Mattie remained.

I sat at the kitchen table, trying to understand how I felt about everything. Cody must have sensed me spiraling.

“Talk to me. What’s happening?” Cody set a stack of delicious-looking pancakes on the table. He’d gone through so much, yet I still made the whole thing about me when I wept on him like a baby. He didn’t need this.

“Nothing. Just…you know…replaying the craziness of it all.”

Cody cocked a brow at me, an incredulous look on his face. “Don’t. Rafael, you can’t hide shit like this. We can’t help each other if we don’t talk to each other.”

Well, look at you being all emotionally mature and shit. Cody’s near-death experience seemed to have brought about some sort of enlightenment or emotional intuitiveness. Why the hell hadn’t I developed any of that?

“It’s-this is hard, Cody.” I didn’t want to say what I was feeling. What if he misinterpreted it? What if he thought I regretted saving him and not Mattie? That wasn’t the case at all. I wasn’t enough that day and didn’t know if I could ever be enough. I protected Cody yesterday, but what about next time?

To say that Cody looked at me with trepidation was quite the understatement. I could see it all over his face. He was bracing himself for some bullshit, no doubt expecting me to try and underplay this morning or push him away. I had established a very unhealthy pattern of pushing Cody away, and I could feel him bristling with emotion as he awaited my following statement. I hadn’t precisely formed some beautiful or poetic way to talk about everything happening inside me, so I bit the bullet and blurted out, “It feels wrong feeling good.”

Cody’s eyes widened. His mouth opened and closed a few times before finally saying, “Tell me more.”

Fuck, really? I hated this. “I feel so good with you. I’m so un-fucking-believably grateful that you’re okay—”

Cody interrupted, “I’m okay because of you. You know that, right?”

I shook my head and dismissed him with a hand, “You can swim. I’m sure you would have been fine.”

“No. Rafael, I blacked out when I hit the boat. I woke up when you pulled me out. It was you pulling me out and the air hitting my face that turned my system back on. You saved me.”

In theory, I knew that, but hearing him say that out loud, knowing that the impact knocked him out like it had Mattie, made the air leave my lungs. I didn’t want to cry in front of him again, but I just couldn’t help it. It was all coming out now, and I couldn’t stop it.

“That’s what I mean.” I could barely speak, the sorrow clogged my throat, and each word I uttered needed my help pushing through all of the emotion. “I-I just wish I could have done it for him, too. That sounds so shitty. I am so grateful that you’re okay, but I couldn’t be there for him and it feels so fucking wrong to feel relieved that you’re okay when he’s dead.” I hated the words spilling out of my mouth. Would Cody never get the version of me he deserved? “I’m an awful fucking person.” I wasn’t good enough. I knew it yesterday, and it was fucking true. He should find someone else. Someone who can give him the love he deserves. Not this broken, fucked up mess that sat before him.

I hadn’t even noticed that he rose from his chair, ran over, and wrapped his arms around me. “Rafael, that’s not awful. That makes a lot of sense.”

My arms wrapped around him and squeezed him tightly, afraid if I let go, he’d run because of what a fuck up I was. “It’s awful. You’re my guy, Cody. I should be so fucking happy, but I feel like shit. It’s just insane because what happened to you was so similar to what happened to him. He smacked his head off the boat because of the turbulent water. We capsized and I couldn’t find his body…”

My voice trailed off as the emotions took over. Fuck, I just couldn’t stop crying. It felt like I’d cried for the last twelve hours.

“Rafael, I can hardly imagine what you’re feeling, but I can assure you that whatever it is, it’s valid. What you’ve endured is traumatic.”

My eyes fluttered against his chest, and my sobs subsided. “I feel grateful and guilty. I feel both good and bad about feeling that way. I’m a mess.”

He kissed my head as he brushed his fingers through my hair. His caresses felt so good. My arms wrapped tighter, and I understood for the first time how much his touch grounded me. He was my everything.

“Rafael, have you ever talked to someone about this?” he asked.

When I took a year off from school, my folks put me on a combination of medications. I’d spoken to psychopharmacologists, and the result was always a new cocktail of drugs. By the time I was sixteen, I’d stopped taking them because I didn’t feel good, and the side effects were too much to handle. “I’ve taken stuff,” I replied. “Nothing ever really helped.”

“That’s not the same as talking to someone,” Cody replied. “I mean like a therapist or a support group.”

While emotions were always big in the Sinclair home, discussing them was another story. “Not really. Just med doctors.”

Cody backed away. I looked up to see him staring at me with anger. I thought I’d done it. This was when he would lambast me for not taking care of my shit. I braced myself for the worst.

“You’re telling me you witnessed the loss of your brother in a boating accident, and your parents didn’t take you to a therapist?” he asked.

My gut coiled as Cody shook with fury. I didn’t want to push him away. I was so scared I was going to fuck up again. “I-I’m sorry…”

“What? No, Rafael, you were fourteen. You’re not supposed to figure out that situation. Your parents were. They are your par—”

Cody suddenly stopped talking. His eyes turned outward, staring off into the distance. It freaked me out. “Cody, are you okay?”

He shook his head, snapping himself back to reality. “S-sorry.” He swallowed, and his features softened. “Rafael, I am so sorry your parents didn’t help you more. That wasn’t right. You needed more than what they gave you. A lot more.”

I shrugged because I didn’t know how else to react.

“Have you ever considered talking to someone about it?” he asked.

I gave him my best Bambi eyes as I said, “Well, I’m talking to you about it.”

He huffed a little laugh and tightened his arm around me. “And I will always be here to listen, but I’m also not a professional. There are people out there who know how to help.”

Talking to someone about my emotions made me want to retch. I only became aware I had any the night before for fuck’s sake. “Not sure I want to do that. I-I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You gotta do what feels right for you, and I’m here for you, Rafael. Please believe me when I say that. You don’t have to hide things from me. You need to let me in.”

I held up my pinky. “I pinky promise we’ll let each other in and be all lovey dovey in between me hogtying you and using your ass.”

Cody rolled his eyes but still laughed. “So romantic.” He wrapped his pinky around mine. “Deal.” We shook our pinkies, then Cody asked, “So, hogtied, huh? When might that be happening?”

He waggled his brows, and my heart skipped a beat. Damn, I found a good one.