Page 37

Cody

Droplets of sweat traveled from my armpit down my side. Sitting across from Hank and Mom made the hot cabin feel nearly boiling. Rafael sat to my left, and we held hands. Mom looked down at the joined hands, then closed her eyes and swallowed.

We sat silently for a moment, each party assessing how best to begin the conversation. I’d handled many crises for someone so young, but nothing prepared me for this.

Hank cleared his throat and leaned forward. “How long has this been going on?” he asked.

Rafael and I shot each other a glance. Should we be honest? Say that the close quarters of the cabin make us see our affection for one another? It was unclear how they would feel knowing we had been doing this right under their noses for over a month.

“Pretty much since I arrived,” Rafael answered.

Guess we’re taking the high road and being brutally honest.

Mom sat a little straighter in her chair. Her face crumpled into a twisted raisin of confusion and indignation. “Since you arrived? I’m sorry, are you telling me this has been happening the entire time?”

My heart had turned into a marching band and it was on its way to marching right the fuck out of my chest and landing on the floor. If I could melt into the earth and vanish, I would have at that moment.

“W-well, then what was the fighting about?” Hank asked.

Mom rolled her eyes and snarled, “Well, obviously Cody was upset that Rafael was leaving because they’re…they’re…”

“Boyfriends,” I blurted out.

Mom put her finger up to me and said, “No. No, we’re not using that word. You two are stepbrothers. Stepbrothers.” She elongated the syllables the second time she said it, driving home her point. “Stepbrothers cannot be boyfriends,” she added.

“Well, we are,” I said.

“No, you are not.”

“Yes. We. Are.” I replied.

Mom sat there, wide-eyed. Hank patted her wrist and said, “Let’s all calm down.”

“No! No, I will not calm down. Cody, you are not gay,” Mom stated.

I cocked my head to the side. How could she be so sure? What made her believe this with such conviction? Just because I played hockey or whatever didn’t mean my sexuality was set in stone like the Ten Commandments. “I don’t know what I am, but I could be gay,” I replied. “I know I love Rafael, and that’s pretty gay, don’t you think?”

“Maybe he’s bi, Jill,” Hank added.

“Both of you stop!” Mom rose from her chair and paced around the room. “Is this because you didn’t have a father? That son of a bitch. He left us, and you didn’t have a man to help you learn.”

“What?” I asked. “You think I love Rafael because Dad left? What the hell? This isn’t because of some past trauma. Rafael and I developed a relationship, and I fell in love with him. Period. It has nothing to do with you or Dad or anybody.”

“Of course, it has everything to do with me!” Mom stood in the center of the cabin, shaking. “Your life was a mess because of my choices, and now this is happening. I’m just a failure. I can’t do anything –”

“Don’t do that,” I commanded.

Mom’s face looked up at me, shocked by my tone. “What?” she asked.

“Nothing is happening. There’s no reason for you to be falling apart. Pull yourself together and act like an adult.”

“Pull myself together? How do you expect me –”

Hank stood up and said, “Jill, please sit down. The boys are serious, and we need to talk about this. Please sit.”

The temperature in the room dropped, and the atmosphere shifted. It was as if time stopped for a moment, and the world readjusted itself on its axis.

Mom made her way back to her chair. Her face was still agitated, eyes glistening with emotion, but she wasn’t falling to pieces. I had Hank to thank for that.

Once she settled, I continued. “To say that my love for Rafael is because of a troubled past is insulting, Mom. Rafael doesn’t deserve that. I understand this is jolting because we’re stepbrothers, but we’ve only been stepbrothers for like two seconds. You’re acting like we’re blood relatives or grew up together, and that isn’t the case. And as for me being gay, who knows? Maybe? Or bi. Or pan, or whatever. Perhaps I’m just Rafael-sexual because he’s the only person I want.”

I reached over to squeeze Rafael’s hand. When my gaze met his, I saw tears in his eyes. I brought his hand to my heart.

“Rafael, you said you wanted to leave at the end of July,” Hank said. “Is that still the case?”

Rafael looked at me, trying to control the emotion begging to release itself from his eyes. “I’d like to stay if the invitation still stands.” His voice came out raspy and rough. I wanted to kiss his cheek, but thought it might be better not to. Then, I realized I didn’t care and kissed him on the cheek anyway—no more hiding. I loved him, and I wanted him to know it.

“I’d like it if you stayed,” Hank said. “But it’s Jill’s home too.”

Hank looked over to Mom. She closed her eyes and said, “You should stay, Rafael.”

Now, it was my turn to tear up. “Thank you, Mom.”

“I don’t understand what’s happening, and I don’t know how to feel about this,” Mom swallowed and turned to Rafael, “but I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Rafael.”

“Thank you, Jill.”

The phone started ringing, and I knew it was probably Sue. I didn’t want her to think something was wrong at the cabin, so I answered it. “Hi.”

“Cody! It’s Sue. Your Mom and Hank are on their way. They didn’t warn me, she sent a text, and I just saw it—”

“Aunt Sue,” I interrupted. “She’s here. They know.”

“Know…?”

“About Rafael and me,” I replied.

Sue sighed before adding, “Well, sorry, kiddo.”

“Don’t be. It’s for the best.”

My mom called out from the dining room, “Is that Sue?”

“Is that your mother?” Sue asked.

“Yes,” I answered. To both Mom and Sue, I guess.

Mom stood up and rushed to the phone. “Keep her on the line, Cody, I want to talk to her.”

“She wants to talk to you,” I said to Sue.

Sue started coughing, then gasped out, “Gotta go!”

Click.?

Rafael

Cody and I sat in the backseat playing footsies – yes, we were those people now – while Hank drove the car back to the house. Jill was still reeling from the revelation, but looked less frantic now.

Cody actually had the audacity to ask if we could finish the week at the cabin, and it took everything I had not to burst out laughing.

No, babe, they’re not going to just go on their merry way and let us resume our fuck-fest.

Besides, now that everything was out in the open, I had every intention of pounding Cody into the floorboards regardless of Hank and Jill’s presence.

Am I disgusting? Maybe.

But seeing Cody defend me and fight for me multiplied my love for him by ten million. I never had anyone stand up for me. I’d had to stand up for myself my whole life. The result was a prickly personality and a toxic trait of trying to ruin the sweet moments in life. Cody’s love vanquished some of the pain that induced my more destructive tendencies.

I looked over, and Cody was starting to doze. I motioned for him to rest his head on my lap so he could sleep. He still had a gnarly knot from the fall, and he needed to recuperate.

I’d take care of him when we got home.

With a healthy dose of TLC and a sprinkling of BDSM.