Page 55

CHAPTER 55

Senna

Jacs hugs me so hard it knocks the air but not the everlasting anxiety out of me.

“It’s the last race of the season, Sen. We’ve just got to get through today,” she says.

“Then watch our hopes and dreams die,” I add without emotion.

I close my eyes and squeeze them tightly, smelling the typical garage smells of diesel and rubber. I barely feel anymore, so numb from the last week. I’m praying for the end of the season even as I run away from the prospect of what it means.

“You’re doing well, Senna.” She grips my shaking hand between hers.

I open my eyes and sigh. “For someone about to lose their team because her family didn’t believe in her?”

Jacs laughs half-heartedly before lowering her voice as staff members move around the garage. “No, for someone faking being okay and trying to fix everything alone, even though she has the most supportive team and boyfriend ready to take on the world with her. The same boyfriend who gave her all the orgasms.”

“Oi.” I pull my hand away and shake my head. “You’ve got a point, but what a way to throw it in my face.”

Her mouth tilts in a smile. “What? I know what you did in my garage—my sacred space. I’m half annoyed and half jealous. You put a dent in one of my cars, for fuck’s sake. How hard did he slam you against it?”

I cock my eyebrow. “Who said he did the slamming?”

We burst into laughter, although it dries up quickly.

“Are you excited for Taylor Swift’s concert after the race? You’ve played her songs on repeat a lot recently,” Jacs says, straightening the collar of her overalls.

I wince. “Everyone heard, then?”

“Jimmy hates ‘Love Story’ after the number of times you’ve played it this week. If he could burn all the copies, including digital ones, he’d do it in a heartbeat,” Jacs explains.

My shoulders hunch as I blush. “I won’t be going tonight.”

“But it might lift your mood.”

I raise my eyebrows.

She holds her hands up and adds, “Okay, okay. I knew it was bullshit as soon as I said it. You’re losing your team and everything you’ve worked for. But Connor is waiting for you to say the word, and he’ll be by your side.”

My soul drops into an abyss it will never find its way out of. That happens every time I think about him, so every second of every day. “I’ve thought about what my brother said and he’s right. I know Connor was supporting me and not protecting me, and I’m over the whole talking about me behind my back. But how can I be a team boss and be with him?”

She throws her gloves down and grips my shoulders so tightly I can’t back away. “One of the reasons we’re a family now is because of you two. Yes, you made this happen, but you were extra special together and better as a team than alone. You two have a love for the ages, and do you know what?”

“What?”

Jacs walks away. “Ignore I said anything.”

“Tell me.”

She turns around. “You’ve made some off decisions this week. You were trying to keep him at arm’s length, but he’s not your liability.”

“I know.” I sit in my chair and hold my head in my hands. “He’s my heart and soul—but a driver and the boss? Everyone will lose their respect for me if they learn what I did. It would be cliché if I weren’t the only female boss in this industry. Talk about doing a disservice to the women fighting to be respected and recognised in racing.”

She smacks her palm to my forehead, making me squeal. “You’re the first boss in years to bring a female driver to race in Formula One. You have female engineers and mechanics, not for the sake of it, but because we’re brilliant. You set up a sponsorship for future female drivers so they can join the sport, and you petitioned the FIA regarding the bullying you endured to ensure no one else is pushed out of the sport for that reason.” With each point, Jacs points at me.

“You knew about all that?”

My face heats. I was lucky to have a dad who ran a team. Lots of other women wouldn’t get the same chances as me. He may have been an arse, but he pushed people to let me be part of things others wouldn’t. I love him as much as I want to scream at him.

“You’re not great at keeping secrets.”

I glare at her and pout, but it quickly becomes a smile. “Yeah, whatever.”

She grins back. “And in terms of losing the respect of your team, what makes you think they’d ever stop respecting you? You’re proud of Connor.”

“He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met.”

“Then don’t let your brother’s comments get to you.” I try to quiet her as she raises her voice. The garage is full of pit crew, engineers and the team members who come to races.

I breathe in the scent of my childhood and everything I’ll miss as I scan the faces.

The only person absent is Connor.

His car developed a fault in qualifying yesterday, and he’s starting in twelfth. He doesn’t stand a chance of getting a podium place, and if Tawny does, we need him to be at least fifth for us to come sixth in the Constructors. As he left yesterday, he hung his head, and his face sagged. I tell myself it was because of the race and not me. It’s how I’ll get through these last hours without him.

He didn’t sleep on our video call last night. I didn’t either. I’ve pretended to sleep all week, hoping he might, too. What if he crashes today because I fucked up? I should have been proud of us. I scratch at my tattoo.

“He’s not here yet,” Jacs says, and I glare at her. “And in terms of what I was saying: when it comes to losing the team’s respect because you’re dating your driver, you couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“What do you mean?” I stutter.

“Hey, everyone, I have a question,” she shouts while climbing on one of the boxes.

The team bustles around, although everyone has the same sad face I’m wearing. In this manufactured but authentic self-made family, these are our last hours together, but hope ebbs. Grumbles fill the room.

“Oi, Jacs is speaking to you,” I shout.

Everyone shuts up quickly.

“The boss has spoken,” she says back to me with a wink. “Right. I want you to raise your hand because our boss needs to know something.”

Slowly, they raise their hands. I point at those with their hands down, and they raise them, too.

“Right,” Jacs continues. “If you didn’t know about Connor and Senna’s not-as-secret-as-they-think relationship, please lower your hand.”

I wait for everyone’s hand to go down. I press my knuckles against my mouth. All their hands are still in the air, although everyone avoids eye contact with me.

“Exactly!” Jacs shouts. “Please lower your hand if you’ve lost respect for the boss because of it?”

Macca slides his hand down before pointing at me with a grin. “Only joking, boss. I’m sorry for all the calls last week. I’m glad you had a night off from us because you needed it. I love that you and Connor are together. You’re good for each other. If it had been Antoine, I’d have walked, but Dane the Pain is the only person worthy of you.”

“You’re an arse, Macca, but I love you,” I reply, my eyes watering.

“I love you, too, boss and I love Connor.”

“I heard my name. What’s going on?” Connor says from the open door of the garage. “Why does everyone look like they got the question right at school?”

Silence descends in the garage as everyone looks between me and Connor.

I stare at him. I’ve tried to avoid eye contact all week. He’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. His big blue eyes resemble an ocean in a storm or at sunset, depending on his mood. His lips are full and never fail to pull me to him, even when he’s back chatting me. He challenged me our entire friendship, and he’s always been there for me. Having him by my side doesn’t lessen me; it makes both of us better.

“You’re thinking a lot, Senna. Use your words,” Jacs whispers.

“I’ll fire you tomorrow,” I cheek, although we both know I won’t be in charge of anything after today.

“Stop being scared and admit you love him in front of us.”

I nearly stamp my foot—because she’s right.

Connor walks through the garage.

Staring at him in front of my team, I’m certain he’s the future I want no matter what happens. Jacs was right. He’s helped me be the boss I am now—all of these people have.

“Fine.” I push Jacs off the box to stand in her place and hover above everyone, including Connor. She huffs as she steps back.

Connor stands before me. His blue eyes are big enough for me to swim in and lose myself forever.

“I’m scared, Connor.” His brow furrows, and he tips his head to the side. “I’m scared of loving a racing driver who could die any race. I’m scared of being in this big public relationship with someone who has the power to hurt me beyond anything I’ve ever known. I’m scared of losing you again after wanting to be with you all these years. But most of all, I’m scared of letting go of control. I’m used to fighting by myself. People always told me what I can’t do, yet you’ve told me what I am capable of and that you will help me do it. What if I fail both of us?”

Tears slide down my cheeks.

“For someone scared of a public relationship, you’re being very public right now,” Connor says, and the team murmurs in agreement.

I glare at all of them. “That’s because we’re Coulter team racing, and we are a family. And they all know, anyway.”

Connor turns to Macca, Jimmy, and Silas. “You all knew?”

As one, the gang nod their heads.

“Shit.”

“And they’re all okay with it,” I add.

“Seriously?” Again, they nod. “Good work, team.”

“I love you, Connor. I’ve always loved you, and I always will. I’m sorry for distancing myself from you when my brother arrived. But it’s you. It’s always been you, and you know what? If you want to protect me sometimes, I’ll let you do it. I’m proud you’re all mine. You’re breathtaking in every way, and I’m lucky you want to be with me. You’re my future, Connor fucking Dane.”

Connor joins me on a box that isn’t big enough for us both. He wraps his arms tightly around me. “And you’re mine. You’ve never needed me to protect you. I’ve always been here on your side and by your side.” He brushes my lip with his thumb. “But, Coults, I’ve always needed your protection. You helped me when I was in the worst place in my life and career. You were there for me, and that meant everything. You are everything. You can’t fail for both of us because, together, we’re stronger. We make mistakes, and we come back fighting. I’ve always loved you. I’m the lucky one. I’ll always be here if you let me. Will you let me?”

Every person in the garage holds their breath as he waits for my answer.

“Yes,” I gasp as his lips crash into mine.

The garage goes wild with shouts and jeers of joy. I bask in it briefly and hold Connor’s hand as I shout, “Right, everyone, back to work. We’ve got a race to prepare for.”

I smile at everyone. I’m drawn to the edge of the garage, where I sense eyes on me.

Niki and my dad stare at me. How long have they been there? My dad’s pinched glare suggests they’ve heard everything.

I lift my chin and scowl right back at him.

They’re in my garage now, and with my team by my side and my boyfriend next to me, I can take anyone on.