Page 43

CHAPTER 43

Connor

Senna lies against my chest, and her orange blossom scent dances in the air between us. Her heart’s rhythm has become my rhythm. Her heat warms my soul. I wind sections of her hair around my finger and ghost her forehead with kisses. Fluffers sits beside us on the sofa, too grumpy to sit on her lap, although he’s warmed to both of us. We’ve become an odd family over these last two weeks of summer break.

“This half-season is going to be the best one yet. Tawny can’t wait to sign the contracts tomorrow.” Jacs’s Scottish brogue surrounds the living space. Even though she’s not on speakerphone, I hear every word. She’s the loudest person I’ve ever met. She probably has the same ear damage lots of us have from too many years near noisy engines.

“It will be amazing. I wish I’d fired Antoine sooner,” Senna replies.

“Me too,” I mumble, and she puts her finger on her mouth.

“Who’s there with you?” Jacs asks. “Is that Connor?”

Senna huffs as she puts the phone on speaker.

“You all right, Jacs?” I holler.

“Not as okay as you two. Are you hanging out as friends or…” She leaves us to fill in the word, but secret exclusive dating has rules, including that you don’t discuss it. “Okay… Either way, I’m glad Senna finally took time off. You needed it, chick. We were worried about you.”

Senna tenses against me. “Is everyone talking about me?”

Oh shit.

This is the last thing she needs to hear. I smooth my fingers down the nape of her neck and swallow the newly formed lump in my throat.

“No, but I was worried you wouldn’t take your summer break, and when I saw Ralf in passing, he mentioned Niki called him suggesting someone should look after you and—” Jacs rambles.

“I don’t need protection or people to worry about me. I bet my dad didn’t have this,” Senna replies.

“He should have,” I grunt, and she tips her head. “Maybe if he’d had people worrying about him, his health would have been better, and he wouldn’t have left the team in a mess for you to deal with.”

I’ve kept quiet about her dad. Senna told me he’s considering selling the team unless she gets us to the top six in the Constructor’s Championship, something he couldn’t do in the last five years.

Her head drops, and she closes her eyes. “I’m not a pathetic woman who can’t run things.” The phone sits next to her. The call with Jacs is still open.

“Your dad made you jump through hoops. We’ve spent nearly two weeks together.” In absolute bliss. “But before that, you were exhausted, working all the hours and only eating because of the meals I sent to your office.”

I want her to understand that she doesn’t have to do this alone and that real relationships are possible. I want to care for her.

“Even Niki, who barely calls you, was worried about you,” I add.

“How do you know Niki was worried about me?”

I can’t tell her he asked me to protect her. She’ll rage. And I haven’t protected her for weeks unless she’s wanted me to. She presses her fists to her forehead.

Jacs jumps in. “Senna, chill. This team matters to all of us. I know it means more to you, but we care about you, okay?”

“Okay,” Senna grunts, but it’s not.

“I’ll bring Tawny to your office tomorrow to sign the contracts, and then we’ll get everything ready for the first race in the Netherlands in a couple of weeks.”

“Sounds great.”

“I’m guessing you don’t want me to mention you two to anyone? Not that I would.” Jacs’s voice quiets as Senna takes her off speakerphone and walks to the bedroom.

Senna looks at me warily as she pauses in the doorway. “We’re not a two. We’re just friends hanging out and…”

The door closes, and the rest of her sentence remains a mystery, but I can’t tell if she’s lying to Jacs or if that’s how she sees us.

I start cooking dinner, although I’m shuffling around the kitchen like a man carrying fifty-kilogram dumbbells. The heavyweight I’m carrying is embedded in my heart. I want to wake up next to her every morning like I have these past weeks. I need to be the first person she thinks about when she allows herself a break and the reason she leaves work on time.

I could call Layla, but I’m not ready for her opinions, and she’s in a significantly different time zone. I owe Ralf a call. He’s left several messages because he knows what returning to racing after the crash will mean to me.

“Connor,” he booms as I continue to make dinner. It’s our special last meal together before we return to our everyday lives. I’ve got candles, and I made a playlist like I’m a lovesick teenager.

“Hey, Ralf.”

“How are you feeling?”

Like my heart is slowly being ripped out, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? Are you worried about the Netherlands?”

“A bit. But over the last ten days, I’ve spoken to the sports psychologist every day. You’d like him. He’s straight to the point and funny with it. We’re working on how to prepare before races.”

“Are you sleeping?”

I glance to the bedroom, where Jacs’s muffled voice tries to seep under the door. “Yeah, really well.”

“That’s good,“ Ralf says, filling the silence. “There were times I worried you wouldn’t get to this place. It will take focus when you’re back, but I have hope for you. Have you got any tactics you can take into the next half of the season with your sleeping?”

“Ric gave me tactics. I’ve struggled with sleeping for years, but these weeks were different.” Because every day, I get to sleep beside the woman who brings me peace like nothing else does. “But enough about me. How are you and Myles? Where are you travelling next?”

“Hawaii! I’ve bought a magnificent new shirt. He hates the swirling green bears on it, but he loves me, and love conquers all.” My imaginary dumbbells get heavier. “But I’m not done with my questions. I’ve got one more, and then I’ll talk your ear off about my travels.”

“Go for it.”

“Have you got back in a car after the crash? Is it why you didn’t return my calls?”

He’s right, although the other reason is once Senna filled my world, aside from messages to my family, I avoided anyone who’d ruin our bubble.

“I’ve driven loads. It took a while and a bit of cajoling from a friend, initially.” I clear my throat. “But I love driving more than I have in years. I raced for fun last week. There was a blue Bugatti you’d have sold your Hawaiian shirts for.”

Ralf chuckles. “Not possible.”

“Not even Myles can make you get rid of the neon things.” I laugh. “But Ralf, I haven’t loved racing or driving for years, and now I can’t get enough of it. I want my name to be up there, but more than that, I want to keep driving.” I grab the empty pasta packet and slam-dunk it in the bin as I babble. “So much has changed. I’m the happiest I’ve been in forever.”

I freeze and sigh. I was until Jacs’s call.

“Now tell me about your travels. What are your plans in Hawaii?”

As he shares his itinerary, Senna wraps her arms around me. I lean my hand back and tuck her close. We stay like that until Ralf and I say goodbye.

“I’m sorry for kicking off earlier. I was scared, and I panicked,” she whispers. “I’m scared about the next half of the season and people thinking I’m not good enough. I need you in my life.”

My heart is a little lighter, and I take deep breaths. I turn and bring her with me. I stare into her red, glassy eyes full of unshed tears.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper back to her. One corner of her lips turns up tentatively. She closes her eyes and sucks in the air. My kisses ghost her eyelashes. A tiny tang of salt covers my lips. “We’ll make it work. We have to.”

I rock her in my arms and hum the song she plays me when we clean our teeth together.

I don’t want a day without her in it—a day without this.