Page 21

CHAPTER 21

Senna

Connor didn’t do it to hurt me.

I slide my key in the lock of my parent’s house. I need to confront my dad even though Ralf said I shouldn’t. Or maybe I just don’t want to be alone after speaking to Connor.

“Hello,” I call out. My voice echoes around me as my feet hit the marble floor. I should have called. I never pop by unannounced.

An aerial photo of Silverstone takes pride of place on the wall. Next to it is a photo from Dad’s first team win. It’s all smiles and cheering faces, although the darkness under the eyes of my dad and his team reveals the sacrifices to get there.

“Senna? Is that you?” Mum calls, and a warmth fills my heart.

I make my way to the snug beside the kitchen.

“What are you doing here?” she asks as I walk over and kiss her forehead. “Oh, none of that. I want a proper hug.”

She grabs me tightly like she senses something isn’t right.

Mums always know.

“I wanted to say hello, and I haven’t visited recently.”

She raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say more. “Have you eaten?”

I dismiss the question with a wave of my hand as I stare at the photos lining the fireplace. One of Niki and Uncle Ralf, laughing, sits beside a selfie from my graduation. Mum is beaming as she holds my hand, and I’m waving my certificate. I love that photo of me and Mum, but it reminds me that Dad didn’t attend because he was in Austria watching Niki race.

“Let me get you a tiny bowl of pasta,” she replies with a smile. “And before you say no, I’ve got leftovers because I made enough for two, but I forgot your dad was out tonight. Come with me.”

I follow her into the kitchen and perch on one of the bar seats as she prepares me a dish of ravioli, my second dinner and exactly what I need after Connor’s revelations.

“It’s spinach and feta. I’ve been trying to reduce his meat intake since the heart attack. No doubt he’ll eat steak with Jean tonight, the silly man.”

She pops it in front of me, and my mouth waters instantly. “Jean? Antoine’s dad?”

“Yes, he’s in town. I’m not keen on him, but I can’t control who your dad sees. As long as I don’t have to see him.”

I drop a piece of ravioli into my mouth as she busies herself around the kitchen. The creamy feta bursts on my tongue.

“Why don’t you like him?”

“He always liked to get his own way and didn’t care who he hurt to do so,” she says, making herself a tea. “I remember the dads around the track when you were a teenager. Connor’s dad was just as bad, although he tended to spend his time chatting up the mums.”

I raise my eyebrows.

“Not me. I was always very clear. He didn’t care enough for his son, who deserved more. Jean, on the other hand, was an arrogant arse, and Antoine was just as bad.”

I sit back in my seat. Mum must have been drinking because her tongue is looser than normal.

I think to what Connor said about the boys bullying me before the accident. Antoine was one of those. “Mum, do you remember my accident?”

She looks up from the kettle. “Every day of my life.”

“I heard something about it, and although I believe it, I’m struggling to process it. I’ve spent my life thinking one thing, but what if I was wrong?” I rub my scar until she clocks the action.

She joins me at the counter, sitting at the table with a sigh. “Do you want to tell me what it is?”

“Do you promise not to get angry or take sides?”

Her crow’s feet disappear as her eyes soften. “Senna, the only side I’ll ever take is the one involving this family. You are my girl, and your mind is full. You’ve rubbed your scar too many times since arriving. Tell me what’s happening in that head of yours.”

My dad taught me to be strong and that relying on others shows weakness. I grip my fork tightly instead of taking her hand.

“Connor told me he tried to look after me because boys were bullying me, but then he accidentally hurt me.” I chase the last bit of pasta around my bowl with my fork, but I can’t avoid my mum’s raised eyebrows as she waits for me to say what I’m struggling with. “I’ve hated him for years, and I shouldn’t have. He was doing something good, and I banished him from my life. I don’t know how to be around him or how to apologise for ostracising him from our family.”

She cups my face. “Sweetheart, that wasn’t just you; your dad and I are to blame for that, too. Niki was the only one on his side. Connor was a good kid, albeit headstrong at times, but then you have to be if you want to be a racing winner, especially when you’re not brought up in the industry or with money like you and Niki were. Trusting him in both your heart and your head will take time.”

I sigh and rest my head in her palm. “I don’t know how I do that.”

“My girl doesn’t know how to let her best friend back into her life?”

I shrug. Maybe I don’t know how to do it without falling in love with him again.

“There’s more, isn’t there?” she asks, blowing on her tea.

“There’s lots. But one thing stuck with me as I drove here. What if one of the people Connor was trying to save me from is Antoine? Do you think he would have done that?”

My mum looks to the ceiling. “It’s possible. But he won’t admit it to you. If he’s like his dad, he sees it as a success. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you better when you were racing. Your dad told me that you needed to be tough and face battles alone.” She locks eyes with me. “I should have stepped in before it was too late.”

I rush around the counter and hug her tightly. “It wasn’t your fault, or Connor’s. Let’s not blame the wrong people anymore. I need to work out how to make things better. I love you, Mum.”

“I love you too.” She hugs me so hard I can’t breathe.

“I’m going before Dad comes home. I need to keep processing without his opinion getting in the way.” I extract myself from her mama bear grip. “And I’ve got Silverstone in a couple of weeks and need to make sure we can be contenders at our home Grand Prix.”

As I reach the door, she says, “Don’t work too hard.”

I smile back at her. She knows better than anyone that a team boss will always work too hard.

“And don’t keep thinking you’re alone in this. Drop by anytime for a chat.”

“Okay.”

But I won’t.

I’ve listened to too many people over the last years, and maybe if I hadn’t been so pig-headed and believed the worst about Connor, I wouldn’t have lost his friendship. I need to do this alone. Dad was right about the life of a racing driver facing battles alone. That stretches into the life of a team boss.

No one can bring success to this team but me.