Page 36

CHAPTER 36

Senna

“Are you enjoying the fondue?” he asks as I pull my fork with bread on the end out of the cheesy mixture. Scents of rosemary and cheeses I can’t distinguish mix with Connor’s spicy aftershave.

I nod as I blow on the bread that drips over my plate.

“You’re beautiful,” he adds, his blue eyes twinkling from the glow of the fake candles that light our table and the fairy lights dotted around the coffee shop that transforms into a village bistro at night.

I look around at the other tables. This place seems popular with locals, holidaymakers, and walkers returning to the village after their hikes.

“I’m wearing shorts and a hoodie. I hardly look like a model,” I reply with a roll of my eyes.

“You look like everything I’ve ever wanted and needed.”

I rub my furrowed brow. Everything has changed in one day. I can’t?—

“Tell me something about you I don’t know from the last ten years,” he cuts into my overthinking.

“I could tell you how I met Jacs.” He nods as he fills my water glass. I take a quick sip. “I thought I’d discovered a real- life unicorn when I found her. A female best friend who is as passionate about racing as me. Best day ever.” He raises his eyebrows at me. “Okay, today is pretty close.”

He chuckles and winks. I nearly fan myself with my serviette.

“At the end-of-season dinner, I overheard a mechanic from Vessa tell her she’d never amount to anything because there wasn’t space for women like her in Formula One.”

“Dick.”

“Exactly. But then he added that he’d enjoy watching her never climb the ladder over the next few years and walked off. So I “accidentally” pushed my bag out in front of him.”

“That’s my girl,” Connor says and my belly flutters.

I sip my water to stop from squealing.

“His faceplant was perfect. I was apologetic, but I got away with it because of who Dad was. I hate the whole nepo baby thing because I’ve worked for everything I’ve had. But when I needed to bring that arsehole down without consequences, it worked in my favour.”

“You’re no nepo baby. You’re the hardest working person in racing.” I hum my appreciation. “But then what happened? How did you catch your unicorn?”

“For the rest of that evening, I made my way around the room, learning all I needed about Jacs and by the end of the night, I’d petitioned the head of the mechanic's team to sign her to Coulter Racing, hoping she was as good as her reputation. She was better, and within two years, she was one of the head mechanics, and the dickhead from Vessa now asks her for a job. She refuses.”

Connor claps his hands and beams at me. “That’s why you’re the best.”

I scrunch my nose, but he repeats, “You’re the best, baby.”

The wait staff takes our plates, but we only see each other.

“Your turn. I have a specific question for you, but it might be too much,” I say as my lips tip down.

“I won’t hide anything from you anymore. You can ask me anything whenever you want.”

His words calm my pulse. “Your dad. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when he left.”

“Senna, you’ve been thinking about this a lot?” I nod. He holds out his hand, and I take it. “Don’t ever feel guilty for what happened. My dad is the only person who should feel guilt,” he says softly.

“How did you get through it?”

He leans his head back and looks at the ceiling. He lets out a long breath, and I squeeze his hand to remind him that I’m here for him.

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter, Con.”

Connor fixes me with his stare. “It matters to you, and so it matters. I want you to know everything about me; this is part of who I am.” He drags in a breath and lets it out slowly. “For a while, I didn’t get through it. I lost you and your parents and then my dad and mum and Layla in one hit.”

Sadness creeps up my body, and I suck my lower lip into my mouth.

“And it wasn’t your fault, Sen. It was the best and worst time of my life. Signed to a team but at a cost at the age of eighteen. For the first time in my life, I had money and attention, and I didn’t have anyone telling me to behave. I sent money to Dad to keep him from the family and to Mum to start a fund for Layla’s future. But there was so much.”

“And you had Niki, who was signed and eighteen and trouble.”

Connor’s lips quirk. “We thought we were the shit. We swaggered around nightclubs and said the most stupid things in interviews. Groupies laughed at everything we said and entertained us.”

My jaw hardens. The wait staff bring our pasta, and I tuck in like I’m totally fine. Connor never lets go of my hand.

“Senna, I spiralled, baby. I knew I didn’t want to be my dad and cheat like he did all the time, so I avoided relationships. I was always upfront about it, but…”

I look at him when he doesn’t finish his sentence.

“Does my past freak you out?” he says, winding me.

“I know you have a past, and I have no right to have an issue with it.” I run my finger against my gin glass, and condensation wets my skin. “It’s not like I don’t have one.”

“Including with Mr Giant Muscles and Ego Vet,” Connor says. “I’m surprised you didn’t go to him.”

“I wouldn’t, I couldn’t. I considered visiting him just to get away from work?—”

“And me?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, because of the boss thing. But ultimately, I didn’t want him, and I didn’t want him to think I did. I just wanted you.”

He grips my hand and hooks my stare. “Good. Because I’ve never been so fucking jealous in my entire life.” He strokes my skin with his thumb. “And when it comes to those models or exes or anyone else, you have nothing to be jealous of because the day I saw you at Ralf’s wedding, every woman that had been in my life faded away like sunshine when a storm comes.”

“I’m the storm?”

“You’re the fucking cyclone that I can’t stop chasing. At Ralf’s wedding, your presence dragged me under your spell, and I never wanted to be anywhere else. You were it for me. I never slept with another woman after that day.”

“Oh.” Cold air crosses my arms, yet his hand burns my skin.

“You’re it for me. You have written over every memory until they’ve become days when I saw you and days when I didn’t. After that wedding, my heart told me I didn’t want any more Senna-free days even though my head said that’s exactly what I’d be having. Then you walked into the board room and changed everything.”

“That day was… memorable.” I smile as I look down at the empty table. I’ve no idea when our plates were taken. I take a breath and utter words that I know will lead to questions, but they slip out of my mouth anyway because I need to let him in. “I wish you’d stayed for the wedding reception.”

My heart swirls with emotions I’m scared to share.

“Did something happen?” I look into his blue eyes, which are infused with concern.

I press my fingers against my mouth, and he squeezes my other hand. “Baby, who hurt you?”

“I’d never felt more alone as I did at the wedding. Niki was distracted by women vying for his attention, and Dad tried to set me up with the son of one of his former business partners. I tried to tell Dad I wasn’t interested in his traditional dreams for me because I wanted to run the team. That night, I overheard him telling Mum that the team would never be mine but that it would be Niki’s one day. I always suspected it, but he talked about me like I was a silly girl.”

“Oh, Coults. I’m sorry about your dad. He doesn’t deserve to have a daughter like you. I’m proud just to be able to call you a friend. You’re incredible.”

I smile because I know to him that’s true. “I realised something else that day. Stood at the side of the marquee, looking at all the people, I realised that if I wanted to be a team boss, then it would be the loneliest thing in the world because I would always have to fight Dad. Niki would support me, but he’s always been about his dreams with his charmed life.” Sadness wells in my heart. “At least he was until the accident.”

“It will be interesting to see who he is when he returns.”

“If he returns.”

“Take my other hand, Sen,” Connor says, gripping both tightly. “I know you think you have to do this alone and that you have no one on your side, but you have Jacs, the whole team and you have me. I will always support you. I’m here for you in whatever capacity you want.”

“Thank you,” I say, and he holds my hands to his mouth and kisses them.

He didn’t push me to talk more or agree that I would always come to him when I felt lonely. He’s planted a seed in my head so I can think about it and ask questions later. Connor Dane is everything, but I don’t know what to say now.

And then he whispers, “And because one of my skills will always be to lighten the mood. I also need you to know that my best friend became my own hands after that wedding.”

“So that’s why you have such impressive forearms,” I reply, leaning back to gaze at them.

“I knew you were staring at them.” He flexes them and winks. “I’ve got the strongest forearms, and it’s all because of you.”

I throw my head back and laugh.

His face softens. “You’re the one woman I desire, and everyone else fades into fiction. You were the first girl I wanted to kiss and the only one I want to kiss. If nothing else happens between us, at least I have the memory of your lips against mine and the touch of your skin.”

He finds it so easy to share what’s in his heart, yet every word is a struggle for me. I focus on the dried splash of pasta sauce on the tablecloth, rubbing my scar.

Out of the corner of my eye, I witness his smile drop.

“Sen, I hate seeing you do that. My heart hurts every time because I caused it. I’m so sorry I caused you pain and destroyed your future. You should be the one on the podiums, not Niki or me. I should have given up racing that day.”

I shake my head as I rush to his side of the table, nearly knocking our glasses. I hold his head between my hands. His closed eyes and trembles stab my chest. “Never think like that.” I sit on his lap. “I wanted to be a driver. I loved it, and although I’ll never be that person, I know I can do other things. I partly raced to impress Dad like Niki did. I loved the adrenaline, too, although being the boss gives me plenty of that. But I wanted to win for him. When they said I should rethink racing, I had the opportunity to think differently. I miss it, but I still have a future and can help women, too.”

“Like funding Margot, the girl who came for the meet and greet several months ago.”

“Yeah, something like that. Although you weren’t meant to hear that.” I poke him in the belly. Fuck, he’s pure muscle.

“And you don’t miss being a racing driver?” His face creases as if he’s hurting, and my chest tightens.

I brush his lips with mine and run my fingers through his hair. “I love driving like a speed demon where it’s safe, and I’ll always miss professionally racing on the track, fighting for a win. But I don’t miss the lectures from my dad or the bullying. Racing will always be my life, but I like running a team and helping others reach their potential.”

“And you’re amazing at that. You’ve revolutionised the team. I wish your dad could see that.” He gifts me forehead kisses. “You’re better than he was.”

I take a slow breath as Connor hands me my drink, giving me a moment. “I love my dad, but his influence is one of the reasons Niki left the country. If he were still here, he’d be racing even if he wasn’t ready for it because Dad would pressure him.”

Connor stares at me. “Your dad’s opinions are hard to get away from. I overheard him tell you he wanted you to start a family and not be the boss.”

“Did you hear my response?” I bite the inside of my mouth.

Connor and I haven’t defined us, but I can’t lose him again. But if he wants kids, I have to stop this.

“Yes.”

“And what does your future look like?”

.