Page 51 of Semper Fi

Jim breathed deeply. He loved the ripe, heavy smell of the apples after a sunny day near harvest. The air was rich and soothing, and he steadied himself for what was to come.

Eddie leaned against the fence and lit a cigarette. “He’s good with the kids. Your friend Cal.”

Jim bristled already. “He is. We’re lucky he’s here.”

“Looks like he’ll be sticking around, huh?” Eddie motioned to the cider house. “Glad to see you finally decided to expand. I always thought there was an opportunity there.”

Jim shifted uncomfortably. “You did. I should have listened. I was a bit stuck in my ways.”

“I suppose we all are sometimes.” Eddie cleared his throat. “Look, I shouldn’t have left you in the lurch the way I did. I’m sorry. But…”

“But what?” Jim almost held his breath.

Something caught Eddie’s eye, and Jim glanced over his shoulder to find Cal approaching with two glasses and a bottle of beer tucked under his arm.

“The kids are taking a bath.” He passed one glass of whiskey to Eddie and then the beer to Jim.

Jim took a long sip, trying to quell the growing dread. The three men drank in strained silence until Eddie stubbed out his cigarette on the fence. He handed his empty glass to Jim.

“I suppose I should be going.”

Cal laughed bitterly. “That’s it? Nothing else to say?”

Eddie stood up straighter, his jaw tight. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.” Cal balanced his glass on the fence post. “Jim deserves the truth. He beat himself up all through the war for not being here. But Ann was no saint. She was getting on just fine without him. Wasn’t she?”

Jim gripped the glass and bottle in his hands. “What does that mean?”

Eddie’s nostrils flared, and his gaze was intent on Cal. He spoke as if Jim wasn’t even there. “He already has more than he deserves. He has everything .” Eddie flung his arm out. “All of this. The kids. What do I have?”

Cal looked ready to punch Eddie’s lights out, and Jim felt like he was coming late to a conversation. “I don’t understand. Eddie, it was your choice to leave.”

“How could I stay without her?”

As if he was underwater and finally struggling to the surface, the pieces fell into place.

Jim was silent for several heartbeats before finding his voice.

“Ann? You and Ann?” His mind spun, and he felt unbearably foolish.

Had he really paid such little attention?

He dropped the glass and bottle, and they thudded on the grass.

Eddie jabbed a finger at his own chest. “ I loved her. More than anything. More than you ever did. Ever would. But she wouldn’t leave you. No matter what you did to her.”

Jim’s face flamed, and he had to look away.

“Jim would never have hurt her,” Cal gritted out.

Eddie’s laugh was harsh. “That’s what she said. That it was an accident. Always making excuses.”

Jim swallowed thickly. “It was a nightmare. I lashed out. I wasn’t in my right mind.

” He cringed at the memory of waking to Ann trembling beside him, her eyes wide, holding her palm to her tear-streaked face.

The terrible bruise that marred her pale cheek in the morning.

“I never meant to hit her. To hurt her.” He chanced a glance at Cal.

Cal watched him with soft eyes. “Of course you didn’t.”

Eddie snorted. “I see you’re the same. Making excuses. When her mother visited I hoped she’d talk some sense into Ann. But it always came back to the children. She wouldn’t leave them. Knew she’d never be able to take them away from you, even though—” He broke off.

“What?” A terrible thought whipped through Jim’s mind, and his stomach lurched. “You and Ann… Is Adam…? No, Adam is my son.” He w ouldn’t let himself make it a question. “He’s mine.”

Something flickered across Eddie’s face. Regret? “Yes. He’s yours. She ended it with me the minute she got the letter saying you were on your way home. You were here a week later.”

Relief flooded Jim. If Adam hadn’t been his… He couldn’t bear to think of it.

“How noble,” Cal muttered.

Eddie clenched his jaw. “She was a good woman. But she was lonely. We didn’t plan on it, believe me.

” He looked at Jim. “She didn’t betray you easily.

I never thought she’d love me back. I was happy just to be near her.

To help her any way I could. But she needed something more than a friend. She said—”

“What?” Jim’s voice was hoarse. “What did she say?”

“Even before the war, you know it wasn’t right between you.”

Jim swallowed roughly. “I know.” He thought of Ann, good and kind, yearning for something he could never give her. The words scraped out of his throat. “I don’t blame her.”

It was silent but for the crickets and Trixie’s nickering from the paddock. In the distance, Finnigan barked.

Then, Eddie’s anger seemed to drain away.

His shoulders slumped, and he sounded weary.

“I know it was wrong. I should have left when you came back. But even if I couldn’t have her, at least I could be near.

At least I’d have something.” He shook his head.

“But there’s only so long you can go, being close to the person you love without having them. ”

The heat of Cal’s stare flushed Jim’s cheek. He waited for Eddie to go on.

“I begged her to run away with me.” Eddie ran a hand through his hair. “I know it was wrong, but I was desperate. She would never leave her children. She knew there was no way you’d give them up. But it got harder and harder, and that night, I—”

Eddie took a ragged breath. He stared off into the distance as if he was watching it unfold.

“You were asleep, and we argued. I told her I was leaving. For good. Got in my truck and drove away. Didn’t even make it to the end of the lane before I knew I was coming back the next day. I would never have really left her.”

“But she followed you,” Cal said quietly.

Eddie nodded. “If I’d come back right away, she never would have gotten in the car. Or I’d have found her in the ditch. Instead she died out there. Alone. I could have saved her.” Tears glistened in his eyes. “I should have saved her.”

“It was an accident. It wasn’t your fault.” Jim glanced at Cal. “Some things we just can’t prevent, no matter how hard we try.”

“I should go.” Eddie closed his eyes briefly.

“I don’t know why I came here. I don’t know what I expected.

It’s not as if anything will bring her back.

I thought I could outrun it. That if I ran and didn’t stop, it couldn’t catch me.

I went all the way out to California. To the edge of the ocean.

But she was still just as gone there as she is here. ”

Jim ached to hear Eddie talk of it. He’d never loved Ann that way. But he shuddered to think of what he’d do if anything happened to Cal. There would be no place far enough to escape. He wanted to take Cal’s hand right then and there and squeeze tight.

Eddie squared his shoulders. “I guess I needed to come back before I could finally move on. I’m sorry, Jim. I know you must hate me for what I’ve done.”

“I don’t hate you.”

Eddie blinked. “You don’t? How’s that?”

“We can’t change the past. We can only go on and do our best.”

Cal smiled softly. “Sounds like a good plan to me.”

“This was your home, Eddie. You’re always welcome here.” Jim extended his hand.

Eddie swallowed thickly and clasped Jim’s palm. “Thank you.” He glanced at the house. “Can I tell them goodbye this time?”

Jim nodded. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

With a sad lift of his lips, Eddie walked away, and Jim leaned against the fence. He and Cal didn’t say anything as the minutes ticked by. When Eddie left the house, he climbed into his truck with a final wave.

Jim watched the taillights disappear. The rumble of the engine faded away until there was only the crisp breeze rustling the drying leaves, and Cal’s warmth at his side.