Page 30 of Semper Fi

“Thank you, gentlemen. I’ve decided I’m not going to let a little rain dampen my spirits today. Jim, how is Sophie enjoying her summer vacation so far?”

“She’s visiting her grandparents. I’m sure she and Adam are having a nice time.” With a flare of guilt he realized he’d thought of little else but Cal and himself since he’d driven back from the Catskills.

He hoped they were getting along all right with Lorraine and Ronald, and weren’t missing home too much. He should call to make sure. He should have called first thing in the morning but had been too distracted. A flush traveled up his neck.

“I’m sure. That’ll be nice for them to spend some time where their mother grew up.”

The previous warmth in Jim’s chest now burned hollowly, the thought of Ann increasing his guilt tenfold. He cleared his throat. “Yes.”

“And nice for you two to have some time to yourselves, I’m sure.”

The bottom of Jim’s stomach dropped out, and he forced his lungs to expand. “What do you mean by that?”

Blinking, Rebecca opened and closed her mouth before saying, “Just that I’m sure you could use a break. The children must keep you so busy. I didn’t intend any offense.”

Cal patted her arm. “Of course not. It is good to have a bit of a break, isn’t it, Jim?” Cal glared at him.

Jim’s mind whirled. When he and Cal were alone he’d felt so certain of his feelings, but now he wasn’t so sure.

He’d allowed himself to be swept up into this…

whatever this was with Cal, and he was struck by the notion that Rebecca somehow knew—that her eyes bored straight into him and saw the sickness inside.

Frank Bell and his wife passed by on the sidewalk, and their gaze felt hot on Jim’s face.

They all know.

“Jim?” Cal stepped closer.

His heart pounding, Jim jumped back. “I have to go.” He resisted the urge to run. The shame choked him as he escaped inside the store, not waiting for a response.

He grabbed a basket and tossed in items, reaching blindly for cans on the shelf. Through the window, he could see Rebecca and Cal talking. What had Cal told her when they’d had coffee? Surely he hadn’t said anything about his feelings for Jim? Does she know?

“All right there, Jim?” Mrs. Abbott asked.

He jerked his gaze to the front counter. “What?”

She smiled kindly. “You’re looking a little peaked today, dear.”

She knows. She sees what I really am. His voice was little more than a croak. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

Mrs. Abbott frowned, and the bell dinged as Cal entered the store alone. Jim continued filling up the basket as Cal exchanged pleasantries with Mrs. Abbott. When Cal came over, he pitched his voice low. “Is it any wonder Rebecca thinks you don’t like her? What’s gotten into you?”

Jim could only shake his head in response.

Cal clasped Jim’s arm with a frown. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re shaking. Did something happen…are you thinking about Okinawa?”

Squirming out of Cal’s grasp, Jim jerked his head around. They were alone, Mrs. Abbott having disappeared into the stockroom, where he could hear her humming. “They know,” he whispered.

“Know what?” Realization flickered across Cal’s face. “No. You’re being paranoid.”

“I can tell. They all know. You told her,” he accused.

“Jim, you’re wrong. You said this morning that you trusted me. So trust me now. Everything’s okay.”

At the thought of the morning and what they’d done—Cal moving inside him, stretching him open and filling him—shame and lust battled within.

Lord in heaven, it had been so good, and he wanted to do it again and again.

He wanted to fuck Cal and be fucked by him, and a little voice inside said it didn’t matter who knew. He couldn’t stop.

Cal eased the basket from Jim’s grip. “Let’s finish this and get back home.” He peered inside. “I don’t think we need seven cans of applesauce considering you have a never-ending supply in the icebox.”

As Jim breathed deeply, the panic began to subside. He stood there uselessly while Cal finished the shopping and made small talk with Mrs. Abbott. He let Cal propel him out to the truck, and he climbed into the passenger seat, his eyes unfocused as Cal drove them back toward Clover Grove.

Halfway there, Cal turned onto a side road and pulled off.

He twisted the key and the engine stopped, rattling a few times before going quiet.

The rain had intensified, and even through the trees it beat down on the truck, drumming on the roof as they sat in silence.

For a moment Jim could have closed his eyes and been back in the Pacific.

Finally Cal spoke. “I know you’re ashamed of how you feel. Of what we’re doing together. I understand why, even though it hurts me.”

An iron band circled Jim’s chest. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

“I know. I understand that it’s all new for you. But no one can tell, Jim. Believe me, I know a thing or two about hiding who I am and how I feel.”

Jim took a shaky breath. “I wasn’t thinking straight. All of a sudden the thought was there and growing out of control. I can’t explain it.” Tentatively, he reached for Cal’s hand on the seat between them. “I’m sorry. It’s all so new. I feel so much. It scares me.”

Cal turned his palm up and clasped Jim’s hand. “It’s okay. Jim, I didn’t say a word to Rebecca. I wouldn’t.”

“I know. I don’t understand what happened.” He groaned. “You’re right—she’s really going to think I don’t like her now.”

Cal peered intently. “What is it with her?”

Jim shrugged. “I only really knew her by sight before Stephen asked her out. Then she was everywhere. Stephen always wanted to bring her along, even when we went fishing. She was always there, hanging off him. Stephen and I were never alone anymore.”

“Ah.” Cal smiled softly.

“What? ”

“You were jealous.”

“Jealous?” Jim sputtered and yanked his hand free. “Why in heaven’s name would I be jealous?”

“Until he met her, I bet it was just you and Stephen together most of the time, huh?”

“Well, yes. When you grow up in the country, you spend the most time with your neighbors. We went to the same school. He was a good friend.”

“Then Rebecca came along with her red lips and silky hair and big tits. She was everything you weren’t.”

Jim shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“And Stephen wanted to spend time with her instead of you.”

“Of course. He was completely smitten with her.” A light bulb went off, and Jim sat up straighter. “Wait—if you’re trying to say I had feelings for Stephen , you’re way off base.”

“Mm-hmm.” Cal’s smile had taken on the gleam of a smirk.

“Cal, that’s ridiculous! Stephen was my friend. Nothing more.”

“I was nothing more until recently.”

Jim shook his head. “That’s different.”

“Uh-huh.”

“But…” Jim had to admit he’d resented Rebecca for no good reason when she’d come into Stephen’s life. “I didn’t mind her so much after I met Ann.”

Cal wasn’t teasing now. “Why was that?”

“Because she and Ann would talk each other’s ears off, and…” He swallowed hard, the truth dislodging. “And I had Stephen to myself again.”

“I get it, Jim. Believe me, I get it. But none of it was Rebecca’s fault. So give her a break, okay? She’s a good woman.”

Jim shook his head, amazed by his own obtuseness. “You must think I’m ridiculous.”

“No.” Cal brushed Jim’s hair back from his forehead. “Sometimes we all need a push to see things clearly.”

Stephen had been a good friend, and Jim still mourned his death.

But whatever his buried, confused emotions had been all those years ago, they didn’t hold a candle to what he felt for Cal, which was so deep inside him he knew it would never shake free.

“It was nothing like this. Like you and me. A crush, maybe. With you it’s so much more. ”

Cal’s eyes darkened and he tugged Jim over, kissing him hard. The staccato beat of the rain on the roof matched Jim’s heart as their mouths opened, tongues questing as the spark blazed to life. Jim clutched Cal’s plaid shirt, desperate to feel his strong body.

The drone of an engine and squelch of tires filtered through Jim’s consciousness just as Cal sprang back behind the wheel, breathing hard. Through the pouring rain, Jim couldn’t make out the driver of the other truck as it passed, and was fairly certain the person couldn’t see them clearly either.

As the truck disappeared around a bend, Jim met Cal’s eyes. They burst out laughing, and all the tension and dread Jim had felt dissolved. “Let’s go home.”

With a grin, Cal turned the key and revved the engine.